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- MasterThief117, on 10/10/2007, -11/+289The REAL truth about Santa.
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes that there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. That is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us do at lease once every 31 hours, plus eating etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.
If every one of the 91.8 million homes with good children were to put out a single chocolate chip cookie and an 8 ounce glass of 2% milk, the total calories (needless to say other vitamins and minerals) would be approximately 225 calories (100 for the cookie, give or take, and 125 for the milk, give or take). Multiplying the number of calories per house by the number of homes (225 x 91.8 x 1000000), we get the total number of calories Santa consumes that night, which is 20,655,000,000 calories. To break it down further, 1 pound is equal to 3500 calories. Dividing our total number of calories by the number of calories in a pound (20655000000 / 3500) and we get the number of pounds Santa gains, 5901428.6, which is 2950.7 tons.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) can pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9, reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.
353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 lb. Santa, being very conservative in terms of guessing Santa's weight, would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force. If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. - AllenS, on 10/10/2007, -12/+177Santa looks like he's getting a blow job from that little kid...and now I'm on a government watch list. Great...
- Scienceisfun, on 10/10/2007, -3/+120Unfortunately, your analysis is based on classical mechanics. Since no one's ever actually observed Santa, quantum mechanically, he can be everywhere at once ;)
- Hayaemsay, on 10/10/2007, -12/+117Well what does believing in Santa Claus achieve?
The only reason kids like Christmas is because they get presents, they don't care who gives them as long as they recieve. - Nekoyaki, on 10/10/2007, -28/+132"Stop lying to your children about Santa Claus."
And this accomplishes...what? o.o - mrASSMAN, on 10/10/2007, -4/+82http://www.better-english.com/easier/theyre.htm
- ChristianMagic, on 10/10/2007, -1/+71This is totally relevant to- let's see... OH here! "General Sciences"!
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -2/+72That's because Rich Kids pay more Nice Tax to support the elf work force. Don't get me started on the Illegal elves from the South Pole.
- Rocka89, on 10/10/2007, -17/+68thats how the poor kids earn there gifts
- kevinmotel, on 10/10/2007, -7/+56santa was a firm supporter of Reagan's voodoo economics
- Gir53457, on 10/10/2007, -7/+53Any child who is scarred by Santa Claus being fake is an emotional pussy. It's a fun little myth that you tell your children who believe in it for a while until they figure it out and then they do it to their children too. Children behave and learn morals and get presents. Win win for both of them.
- jggr, on 10/10/2007, -18/+62Well, for one it stops you from lying to your children. I never understood that myself. Never believed in Santa even when I was younger. But if that's what you want to scar your children with, go for it. I know of lots of people who claim to not be bothered by it, but to me... It's just wrong. Parents should never lie to their kids. Not even about the small stuff.
But that's just me. And I'm never having kids, so it's all a moot point for me anyway. - Rodman930, on 10/10/2007, -0/+37Of course he uses those 20,655,000,000 calories to get in and out of the houses in .001 second.
- movieguyjon, on 04/03/2009, -6/+43huh...I think I read that somewhere else online as well.
I guess the real question on my mind at the moment is why is everyone so intent on taking the magic out of childhood? Do children have to grow up so ***** quickly? - getrealnow, on 10/10/2007, -3/+39You must be great at partys
- wireframework, on 10/10/2007, -0/+29Wormholes. He travels through wormholes. Everyone always forgets wormholes.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -3/+31I think everyone is on the goverments watch list
- Azap, on 10/10/2007, -2/+30umm MAGIC ftw
- keviniskool, on 10/10/2007, -3/+31Hi, I'm Chris Hansen from Dateline.
- dasutin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+26Hey Kid just look and see... Its a dick in a box!
- pinsomniac, on 10/10/2007, -2/+24Before anyone else chimes in saying that it's fake:
http://www.allbusiness.com/marketing-advertising/4213160-1.html
http://education.guardian.co.uk/students/news/story/0,12891,1473266,00.html
http://www.mg.co.za/articlepage.aspx?area=/breaking_news/other_news/&articleid=241889
It's real. - diggface5000, on 10/10/2007, -5/+27LOL at darth vader riding by all sly on his bicycle
- Mockylock, on 10/10/2007, -1/+22Why not take all make-believe and fairy tales out of children's lives? Just wipe everything from their minds that is non-scientific? The cause you fight for, being different and having the right to your own beliefs/thoughts, is killing the rights that others have had through tradition for thousands of years.
Whether my children want to believe that there are dragons, leprechauns or santa claus for that matter, doesn't mean that we need to cut it out of their lives because someone that doesn't believe in it says they shouldn't.
I don't know anyone that didn't grow up believing in some type of fantasy to bring them from everyday life. I remember running down a hill with my dad and brother, acting like we were flying... walking through the woods as if it were a jungle... and lord knows what other imaginable scenarios.
If someone wants to buy presents for anyone for any reason whatsoever, leave em' alone. Kids have got to have something to look forward to in life, especially nowadays.
If they don't, they grow with hate and disbelief... no substance and more anger. The next thing you know, they're hating everything around them, bashing other's beliefs and attacking children's narrowing imaginations... and doing it all with digg/internet induced brass balls.
If you think that you're better than those who hold beliefs, and feel they should be taken away because of your own... you're no better than religious extremists and government icons that you fight against yourself. You've become what you hate the most by promoting the hate you believe in.
Until then, my kids will believe in bigfoot, aliens, the boogy man, santa claus, easter bunny, eric cartman, humpty *****' dumpty, yetis and the lochness monster.. and I may make up a few more. You know why? Because when they're young, it doesn't matter.. everyone learns by using their evolved intelligence, what's fact and figment of imagination. To take that away destroys the fiber of a childhood's being. - Accutron, on 10/10/2007, -2/+23I think I hear a violin.
- arkmtech, on 10/10/2007, -1/+21Truly, if there is evil in this world, it lies within the heart of mankind.
- Yurimanna, on 10/10/2007, -7/+27My four-year-olds know all about sex too.
- tehWyman, on 08/19/2009, -3/+23Well.. it's true.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -11/+31You don't have to lie about sex to your kids but you can tell them in simple terms without going into detail and fill in those details as they get older.
Telling your kids about Santa just leads to magical thinking and they'll just resent you when they find out the truth. - TheSmiddy, on 10/10/2007, -7/+26if your child resents you for lying to them about santa then you're doing something else wrong, that would just be the excuse they're hiding behind.
- l33tn00b, on 10/10/2007, -2/+20Santa doesn't care about black people
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -2/+19so Santa isn't real?!
- Zippo, on 10/10/2007, -5/+22I don't care if it's he's a symbol for religion, capitalism, or what-have-you... Let kids believe in something magical. There is no harm.
"the perverse twisted medieval superstitious beliefs that make up religion are all completely counter productive and should have no place in the modern world."
Jesus, I'm atheist and I don't agree with the ***** some are you are coming up with. It's ***** Santa Claus! What the hell?
I think some of you got lumps of coal for Christmas. - inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+15Good point. That explains the detonation over Tunguska, Siberia several decades ago...mystery solved.
- Superflks, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15Please have a seat.
- fety, on 10/10/2007, -24/+37Don't forget about lying to your kids about religion falls in the same category! Gonna go to hell if you don't be good! The truth is, there is no HELL! It's all LIES!!
- sirlancelot88, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13"353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance"
Right and wrong. Drag is in no way caused by the mass of the object moving through fluid. It is only determined by cross sectional area, density of medium, the drag coefficient, and the speed of the object. You did get the speed part right though. - william, on 10/10/2007, -1/+13copy and pasting no digg up for you http://interweavers.com/brett/humor/xmas-jokes.html
- ChromaVita, on 10/10/2007, -2/+14The description ruined the joke...
- LosingTheFight, on 10/10/2007, -4/+16Actually, you would be right. Semitism derives from the ancient tribe of Shem, from which most Arabs can trace their ancestry. So when someone is anti-semitic, that means thay are anti-Arab, not just Jewish. This is why I find Israels claims of anti-semitism against the Palestinians ironic.
But yes, Santa is anti-semitic as Christmas is a Christian holiday...
Oh I'm sorry, were you making a joke? - wyrdness, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11Of course he's real! The ad is just pointing out that he gives better presents to rich kids.
Reality is very subjective, y'know. - pinsomniac, on 10/10/2007, -0/+11Fail:
http://www.allbusiness.com/marketing-advertising/4213160-1.html
http://education.guardian.co.uk/students/news/story/0,12891,1473266,00.html
http://www.mg.co.za/articlepage.aspx?area=/breaking_news/other_news/&articleid=241889
It's real. - Gir53457, on 10/10/2007, -5/+16Oh yeah, this is coming from a guy who missed 3 Christmases when he was a child because his parents divorced and mother could barely afford to feed us while she went to school.
- swrlyhrly, on 10/10/2007, -1/+12That son of a bitch...
- Rodzirra, on 10/10/2007, -2/+13And they show that love through lies. Ahh, the sweet, sweet love of a parent...
- wyrdness, on 10/10/2007, -0/+10You've obviously yet to master reality:
http://www.mg.co.za/articlepage.aspx?area=/breaking_news/other_news/&articleid=241889 - Novagenesis, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8Who wants to take the magic out of childhood?
Just take the lies out.
For anyone with the right outlook, what's really there is magic already. - RamboJesus, on 10/10/2007, -3/+11Any one, Any one? Voodoo Economics.
- KidKenosha, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8You might want to report their uncle to the cops.
- borninda818, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8wow. That was deep. Especially the brass balls part. Touche
- Tabris, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8No, they won't. I believed in Santa and even Leprechauns when I was younger. Christmas and Easter were incredibly-anticipated times of the year, and even though Christmas *IS* an extremely over-commercialized holiday in America, I don't not trust my parents feeling I've been lied to and betrayed by it. It's the same with the Easter Bunny.
The only bad thing that's happened was me showing my brother that picture of the dead hare on the road, with a basket and broken eggs near him, and saying the Easter Bunny wasn't coming this year. I was like 11, he was like 6. I got grounded, then found $5. Great story, eh? -
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