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See the original image at foxnews.com —

Mummified 5,000-Year-Old Iceman Gets a Job

foxnews.com — The 45-year-old man apparently trekked up the Schnalstal glacier in the Italian Alps before dying, and a new study reveals more about how he lived.

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  • ironeus, on 08/23/2008, -11/+3That's good because I'm sure his social security has long dried up: way to go Frozen Fritz.
  • simplistics06, on 08/24/2008, -10/+1Note to self don't freeze to death.
    • jtbell04, on 08/24/2008, -3/+2"5,000-Year-Old Internet User Unearthed, Scientists Determine Was Frequent Masturbater"
  • damian7, on 08/24/2008, -18/+9I'd hit it
    • P1um, on 08/24/2008, -3/+6um, gross
    • DeathGod321, on 08/24/2008, -2/+9Mummified 5,000-Year-Old Iceman Gets a Blow Job?
    • eggballs, on 08/24/2008, -0/+1Mummy, not Mommy.
    • PhailQuail, on 08/24/2008, -0/+1Only Americans spell it with an o, the rest of the English-speaking world spell it with an u.
  • JoeF8577, on 08/24/2008, -9/+1OGC
  • cstyles1200, on 08/24/2008, -10/+3Did Mikey from the Goonies and Pauly Shore discover this guy?
    • mCanada, on 08/24/2008, -0/+2[Chunk glued the statue's penis on upside-down ]
      Chunk : How's this?
      Mikey : Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside-down!
      Brandon Walsh : If God made it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!
      Chunk : Looks fine to me.
    • ZER0JACK, on 08/24/2008, -1/+2HEYY YOUUU GUYYYYSS!!
  • P1um, on 08/24/2008, -2/+39Correct Title: Mummified 5,000-Year-Old Iceman HAD a Job
    • gplpark92, on 08/24/2008, -6/+15,000-Year-Old Job Iceman HAD a Mummified.
  • TheMachine1, on 08/24/2008, -7/+2Pimp?
  • fatlucy101, on 08/24/2008, -1/+30Well good for him for finding a job. I've heard the job market for mummified 5,000-year-old icemen is pretty tough.
  • WhatPeriod, on 08/24/2008, -5/+11This article wasn't interesting at all, but at least it's pretty representative of the "reporting" that FOX News is great at.
    • OstrakonX, on 08/24/2008, -1/+1It's just more McCain propaganda.

      They're attempting to show how great foreign relations with Swiss will be, letting them study him like that.
  • megaton, on 08/24/2008, -0/+19What happens when they find the remains of a Californian 5,000 years from now? "Ancient Humans Deliver Pizza, Get High"
  • str3ama, on 08/24/2008, -5/+10lol at the fact that anyone actually goes to Fox for news.
  • Regulator980, on 08/24/2008, -7/+19If you feel the need not to digg FoxNews.com, here's the brief article so as to avoid giving them any ad revenue:

    Mummified 5,000-Year-Old Iceman Gets a Job

    Friday, August 22, 2008

    By Jeanna Bryner

    Caption: Frank Rühli of the University of Zurich in Switzerland scanned the Iceman's body, finding a wound near the shoulder caused by an arrowhead.

    Before his body froze and mummified, a now-famous Neolithic guy dubbed the Iceman took his last steps while donned in a coat and leggings made of sheep's fur and moccasins made of cattle leather. That was more than 5,000 years ago.

    The 45-year-old man apparently trekked up the Schnalstal glacier in the Italian Alps before dying, and a new study reveals more about how he lived.

    The body of the Iceman (also called Ötzi, Frozen Fritz and Similaun Man) was discovered in 1991 by accident by German tourists and made headlines around the world.

    At first he was thought to have died recently. Since then, the ancient mummy has undergone a slew of examinations from which scientists have gleaned bits of information about the man’s last steps on Earth, ranging from his last meal (unleavened bread and meat) to the cause of death.

    "There is a long lasting debate about the socio-cultural state of Iceman's society," lead researcher Klaus Hollemeyer of Saarland University in Germany told LiveScience. "One fraction says he belongs to the gatherer-hunter society, which is more primitive than the more progressive pastoral-agricultural society which followed after."

    While clothing made from domesticated animals would support him being a herdsman (pastoral-agricultural society), attire made from wild animals could suggest a hunter-gatherer, the researchers say.

    Although his clothes were known already to be made of animal skins, their exact origin was uncertain, with previous studies revealing conflicting results.

    The new clothing discovery, detailed today in the journal Rapid Communications in Mass Spectrometry, supports the idea that the Iceman herded sheep, cattle and perhaps goat.

    The researchers used a mass spectrometer, which measures the heft and concentrations of atoms and molecules, to look for various proteins in hair samples taken from the Iceman's clothing, comparing the results with proteins from the hairs of modern-day animals, including goat, sheep, elk, wild boar and caribou.

    "We found that the hairs came from sheep and cattle, just the types of animals that herdsmen care for during their seasonal migrations," Hollemeyer said.

    Next, Hollemeyer hopes to use the same technique to analyze the fur from the Iceman's cap and soles of his shoes.
    • Lloydinator, on 08/24/2008, -1/+1I thought I was the only one who couldn't trust that news company. And to think that they are the most popular in America...
      • raybury, on 08/24/2008, -2/+1What would make you think you were the only one? The fact that Keith Olbermann addresses his audience as Lloyd, because he knows it's only you watching (and not, sadly, his mom as well)?
      • Lloydinator, on 08/26/2008, -0/+1For your info, I don't watch MSNBC either. Only CNN.
  • haikuFU, on 08/24/2008, -3/+1Sweet, and then he went to school with his friends Dave and Stoney. Everyone loved the caveman, humorously named Link. In the process, Dave and Stoney who were previously outcasts, became popular and everyone loved them. Then this bad guy named Matt Wilson who used to be popular found out teh Secret of the Ice Man, and threatened to tell everyone. He was just mad because Dave and Stoney gave his girl the high hard one.

    Also, weezin' the joo-oooooose...
  • pugano, on 08/24/2008, -2/+12o wow something else that makes creationists look like idiots sweet.
    • gnomead, on 08/24/2008, -1/+4Yeah, according to them this guy hung out with dinosaurs.
  • TremorX, on 08/24/2008, -2/+7And it's a good thing he got a job, because he's going to need insurance. Luckily for him, GEICO.com is so easy, even an 5,000-year-old Iceman can do it.
  • effinboy, on 08/24/2008, -3/+3Does he like playing Rad Mobile?
  • Chronoped, on 08/24/2008, -2/+3Now if only that goddamned Lebowski fellow would get a job, too.
  • fenderdude3, on 08/24/2008, -6/+15Good God! It's McCain!
    • digitallysick, on 08/24/2008, -3/+1haha thats what i thought to
    • P1um, on 08/24/2008, -6/+3McCain is 71 and this mummy is more that 5000 years old. There is no way that McCain could be this mummy. How could you even think that?
  • iMiXiMi, on 08/24/2008, -2/+2I thought it was a dirty word there for a second.
  • gavinhudson, on 08/24/2008, -0/+2I went to see this guy when I was living in Trento. One of the coolest things, I thought, was the well preserved clothing. I was also amazed by the leaves and such used to carry hot coals.
  • BluFire, on 08/24/2008, -1/+4The mummy returns
  • ul590j, on 08/24/2008, -1/+6unfrozen caveman lawyer?
    • raybury, on 08/24/2008, -0/+4No, insurance flack. Still want to see the cavemen and the gecko together, but they'd probably just eat him.
  • sockpuppets, on 08/24/2008, -1/+3Is his name Steve?
  • Toshibi, on 08/24/2008, -0/+14He took our jerbs!
  • suwoo244, on 08/24/2008, -8/+2Buried for Fox News.
  • logload, on 08/24/2008, -1/+1Wow, thought this was going to be from The Onion based on the title, but... well this is pretty awesome too. :)
  • pintomp3, on 08/24/2008, -3/+3as what? john mccain's running mate?
  • fLUx1337, on 08/24/2008, -3/+1Does anyone else wonder what his 5,000 year old preserved penis looks like? Just me?

    I just thought it would be a good scientific test to show....umm....how much of a man he was and.....stuff.....
    • raybury, on 08/24/2008, -0/+3No pun intended, but soft tissue doesn't preserve well, especially if it is not around bone. I said no pun intended, stop laughing!
  • sock2828, on 08/24/2008, -0/+2"The researchers used a mass spectrometer"

    Uh oh they better be careful they might cause a resonance cascade!
  • Smeed, on 08/24/2008, -6/+1I thought fox news was all about making it look like "these people" werent getting jobs and were abusing the system?
  • biznatch11, on 08/24/2008, -5/+1Republican party presidential candidate?
  • Krumm, on 08/24/2008, -1/+1Buried as inaccurate...
    This guy and lots like him have been working in the Post Office for years.
    Look at the picture, then think back to the last time you sent a parcel;
    Same speed of movement?
    Same amount of help received?
    Exactly...
  • calebian, on 08/24/2008, -3/+1Cool story BAD NETWORK
  • spkrcity, on 08/24/2008, -1/+2Moon Pie... what a time to be alive
  • DeuceDiggalow, on 08/24/2008, -1/+2Wow... maybe back then they really did have to walk uphill in the snow to get to school
  • eggballs, on 08/24/2008, -2/+1Mexicans, mummies... what is this country coming to?
  • rukeypoo, on 08/24/2008, -2/+2LINK!
  • colourclassic, on 08/24/2008, -1/+2That dude is ***** old school.
  • sc0rpi0n, on 08/24/2008, -0/+1Just in! Mummified 5000-Year-Old Iceman Gets a Job as an Autopsy Subject. In another news, 5000-Year-Old Iceman Demands His Paycheck, 20% Increase in Pay Rise, And Better Air-conditioned Room.
  • graemee, on 08/24/2008, -0/+1His UI finally ran out, huh.
  • 223Sniper, on 08/24/2008, -0/+1well if a 5k year old mummy can get a job, why cant the blacks?
  •  

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