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Zero Punctuation: Burnout: Paradise

escapistmagazine.com — This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee takes Burnout: Paradise for a spin.

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  • DeadSkinMask, on 03/12/2008, -29/+9Best review in a few weeks.
  • Darand, on 03/12/2008, -26/+78Generic Yahtzee is awesome comment.
  • wild, on 03/12/2008, -8/+97He hits it spot on. Really dumb design choices by the developer killed this series. I miss the ability to jump in, choose a race, and just concentrate on out driving the other cars. Having choose a path kills a lot of that.

    I also miss playing it against my friends in the same room. That was a ***** decision. (And no retry option at the end of a race.)
    • zengonzo, on 03/12/2008, -3/+19Yeah, the option to retry would've been a vast improvement .. I think they had the right idea - it just requires better implementation.

      If you spent enough time playing the game, eventually you would start to get a hang of the locations and figure out the best shortcuts. I think the problem with that is that the city just wasn't that engaging. It felt a bit dead .. Also, the Burnout series used to make going into burnout a big deal - your focus would narrow, the periphery would blur, the music would pick up .. It felt like you were being pushed back. Lately it just seems like you get a slight boost.

      I also really miss Crash Mode. That bouncy-ball showtime thing they replaced it with is no competition.
      • TheWorm, on 03/13/2008, -0/+2If I'm thinking of buying a game, I rent it or download the dmo, and play a little bit of it. I downloaded the demo of this game, and for me, the annoyances outweighed the pretty graphics, and the fun jumps. For an arcade racer like this, I don't want to have to figure out a whole city. I just want to figure out the cars, and race for a few minutes, put the controller down, check out Digg, and play another race. To conclude Yahtzees thesis, there is a reason GTA is not a racing game.
    • CMiYC, on 03/12/2008, -2/+11No retry really hurts on the burning laps.
      My gripe is that I haven't played for about 2 weeks. I picked it up last night and couldn't finish a race. I have to re-learn the city. The mini-map requires WAY too much attention. It is too small with too much detail. The big map is nice but you have to pause the race which doesn't work in multiplayer.
    • davidrools, on 03/12/2008, -5/+2two xboxes, two tv's and two XBL accounts in the same room is what it takes. too bad the game isn't system link compatible.
      • wild, on 03/12/2008, -1/+9Yes, because when I have a system that supports four controllers, clearly that means I should have to buy two of everything so I can play with a friend in the same room.
    • SpectralSounds, on 03/12/2008, -1/+4I think the worst part of Burnout Paradise is the online challenge problems. If someone leaves the room during a challenge, it cancels it for everybody. I've sat in rooms for hours trying to do challenges and out of 20-25 challenges in a row... only get to actually finish 1 or 2 because people quit out of them so often. Very stupid design decision.
    • GonzoGuy, on 03/13/2008, -2/+0For once I'm disappointed in a ZP review. Of course he's hilarious as always, but did he even mention that you can't play 2p on the same screen? That's a big deal for me. Most of the fun for racing games (burnout especially) is the party element. Burnout used to be a really good party game.

      I think they're going a little too far depending on online play now. Sure FPSs and RTSs (most PC fare really) are much better off with online play but racing games & 2p fighter games are meant to be played with friends on the couch. Not everything needs on line multiplayer.
  • BobiusMaximus, on 03/12/2008, -21/+231*****
    • DeadSkinMask, on 03/12/2008, -6/+26?
    • iNagib, on 03/12/2008, -6/+22Very insightful Sir Bobius... very insightful.
    • socialzero, on 03/12/2008, -8/+94That kind of language is uncalled for.
      • tektalk, on 03/13/2008, -3/+1Yeah, you've really offended me Bobius, how could you say such a thing?
    • postalblowfish7, on 03/12/2008, -13/+9best comment i've seen all day.
    • yohnstoppable, on 03/12/2008, -3/+54I disagree.
    • VcTrMASO, on 03/12/2008, -18/+3This is way better than the usual, "Sorry didn't want to comment! DIgg me DOWN!". Of course that is usually winning formula to get dugg up.
    • Konrad9, on 03/12/2008, -16/+5I SEE WHAT YOU DI.... *****.
    • mGARANDEUR1, on 03/12/2008, -4/+7very good.
    • Loornadune, on 03/12/2008, -7/+3Wait, what?
    • gitboxgreg, on 03/12/2008, -1/+18touché
    • SkippyDoorknob, on 03/12/2008, -3/+4Bees are on the what now?
    • ahoyhoy, on 03/13/2008, -3/+3Your logic is flawed.
    • ch4os1337, on 03/13/2008, -2/+1Welcome to Digg BobiusMaximus.
    • darlyn, on 03/13/2008, -0/+1How did he do that? Digg doesn't let me submit empty comments, even after I edit them? Have I missed out on some new digg hack or something????
  • Pssdoff, on 03/12/2008, -5/+47He's right about playing the game for over an hour... Usually, when it gives me 1/2 a second notice to make the 90º left turn I just went zooming past inevitably dooming me to failure, I end up turning it off in frustration.
    • Mysrt, on 03/12/2008, -22/+11the point of burnout paradise was to make you learn the city, and not just a track. Instead of learning a bunch of tracks/circuits you learn the city and make your own choices. So just because you didn't take the time to learn the city, don't be mad that you keep running into walls. In other words, L2P noob.
      • CMiYC, on 03/12/2008, -5/+22The point of a game is to have fun, not memorize fictional locations.
        • YuriSakazaki, on 03/12/2008, -3/+8Oh come off it, every game makes you memorize fictional locations. When you become good at any racer it's because you know what's coming next and can anticipate it. If you think of Burnout Paradise more along the lines of GTA than a standard course racer, then it makes a hell of a lot more sense.
      • Jaliyl, on 03/12/2008, -2/+3Agreed, in previous burnout games you had to learn each track. In Paradise you learn the whole city like GTA.

        After just driving around getting all the superjumps, smashes and billboards I knew the city pretty well and had only won 3 or 4 events.
    • MikeXpop, on 03/12/2008, -1/+8Did you ever play Stuntman? That was essentially the whole game, except replace "make the 90º left turn" with "do a double barrel roll over that flaming dumpster before the tower falls on your car"
      • jonnyeh, on 03/12/2008, -1/+7At least it gave you the option to retry it.
        • hardD, on 03/12/2008, -0/+3yeah but then you had to stare at a loading screen for 5 minutes
    • VcTrMASO, on 03/12/2008, -2/+3Maybe learning all the back roads and memorizing twisting roads are fun for some people, but I have a tough time navigating around outside of my city without a GPS.
      • Mysrt, on 03/12/2008, -11/+1then you're an idiot, and you should never drive a motor vehicle of any kind.
        • barnett25, on 03/12/2008, -1/+7You tried to be funny, but you failed.
    • brundlefly76, on 03/12/2008, -2/+1that sucks - a bad burnout game - who woulda thunk?
      its kinda like the standard-bearer of solid franchises
  • Mysrt, on 03/12/2008, -3/+17Really surprised he didn't criticize on showtime mode at all.
    • zengonzo, on 03/12/2008, -3/+20Crash mode was perhaps 90% of what I loved about Burnout.

      Unlucky.
      You did not win a medal.
  • TheKarmaPolice, on 03/12/2008, -17/+5*insert obligatory comment about all of the obligatory comments we see every wednesday*
  • aenima987, on 03/12/2008, -11/+62wednesday is the best day of the week- south park, zero punctuation and xkcd
    • driftwood07, on 03/12/2008, -10/+5and wasted wednesday
      • LordVance, on 03/12/2008, -6/+4Yea... because we all know spending 35 minutes (half hour for SP, 4 minutes for ZP, 1 minute for xkcd) is really a waste of your entire day.
      • e36wheelman, on 03/12/2008, -1/+8Actually... he's talking about drinking.

        We call it Whiskey Wednesday here.
        • LordVance, on 03/12/2008, -1/+6You are right, I'm retarded. I read it "a wasted wednesday" , not "and wasted wednesday"
          Bury away folks!
    • dansmeek, on 03/12/2008, -7/+23OMG THX FOR REMINDING ME!
      NEW SOUTH PARK EPISODE TONIGHT.

      BA....... ALLS
      BALLS!
      • yohnstoppable, on 03/12/2008, -3/+2su.... per
        super, super cereal!

        God damnit, now that ***** is stuck in my head again. I hope you get no Christmas presents this year, ***** :(
      • e36wheelman, on 03/12/2008, -5/+5AND LEWIS BLACK!!!!!!!
        • daEvan, on 03/12/2008, -2/+32AND I GET MY CAPS LOCK KEY FIXED TODAY, TOO!
    • macweirdo42, on 03/12/2008, -6/+1OMG! I don't think xkcd has made it to the front page yet! What is the world coming to!?
      • nbcaffeine, on 03/12/2008, -2/+2Because the joke is ***** stupid and done before?
    • MutatedNantuko, on 03/12/2008, -1/+16And Mythbusters.
    • UbIwerks, on 03/12/2008, -2/+21And American Id-....
      Nevermind...
      • almightyzam, on 03/12/2008, -1/+2too late, i already dugg you down
    • avihappy, on 03/12/2008, -2/+6Let's tally up here: XKCD, South Park, Zero Punctuation, Lewis Black's The Root of All Evil, Mythbusters, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report. All have new episodes today.
    • h0ly, on 03/12/2008, -4/+1I wish there was Angry Video Game Nerd every Wednesday as well.
    • hobbitsareneat, on 03/12/2008, -4/+1and America's Next Top Model!
      ....
      • spammishking, on 03/12/2008, -2/+1/sarcasm?!?!?!?!??!?!1/1?!?1/1/1?1!1/!?/!
    • cstaylor89, on 03/13/2008, -2/+6You guys must have awesome lives...
  • karmahasyou, on 03/12/2008, -9/+26Two words: breaks flow!!!
  • Koush, on 03/12/2008, -10/+20Yahtzee your Herculean exemplar, you did it again!
  • pos3000, on 03/12/2008, -3/+21Best explanation for Atomicas existence ever!!! Really after three iterations with that obnoxious voice screaming in my ear about some of the most pointless *****. It would be a blessing if Criterion finally took advice from the the players and reviewers and drop him like a bad habit.
  • Barnum, on 03/12/2008, -7/+11My main complaint, other than those listed by Yahtzee and commenters above is the fact that there's no simple "try this race/event/whatever again" option. You have to drive all the way back to where you started it to give it a shot when you fail and it's really easy to fail.

    They tried to put a new twist on the game to keep it fresh but they failed.
  • KrayzieKyd, on 03/12/2008, -12/+5Was that a baby Sloth (from the Goonies) in the car seat? "Heeey, you guuuys... slow down!"
    • Tyrghast, on 03/12/2008, -11/+1Who the ***** was named Sloth in the goonies?
  • Modiga, on 03/12/2008, -10/+3Dizzy adventure games ftw!
  • BlueSkyfish, on 03/12/2008, -12/+4I hope he does Brawl next week.
    • windandstorm, on 03/12/2008, -7/+3doubt it... as soon as he gets it (In Australia) he'll be too busy playing it to write a review
  • kinseyincanada, on 03/12/2008, -20/+5(insert quote from clip)

    (yahtzee day comment that gets buried)

    (some other internet meme)
    • Maxmojo015, on 03/12/2008, -2/+17That comment has also been posted like a million times
      So just drop the whole snappy comments thing
      • iPood, on 03/12/2008, -1/+1"Meh, little comment..." - Dwight Schrute imitating Jim Halpert
  • CollapseControl, on 03/12/2008, -12/+7B:P is a fun arcade racer with some cool online features with friends. Most of you either read way too much into the game or just love Part 3 or Revenge so much you can't be bothered trying anything new.
  • iNagib, on 03/12/2008, -3/+11No comment about the removal of crash mode? Suprising...
  • BackEnThaWomb, on 03/12/2008, -25/+5Happy Yahtzee Day!
    This one sucked. Not as a good as last weeks.
    He talks too fast.
    He swears too much.
    (Insert funny quote here)
    I agree.
    You know, you can just go to the website and get it there!
    OMG, this is a dupe! Mine was submitted earlier! Buried.

    /obligatory
  • britblogger, on 03/12/2008, -12/+93pink, stink, wildcard. dugg.
    • astx813, on 03/12/2008, -2/+4Came here to say exactly that same thing. And now back to the remaining 3:14
      • nevaseez, on 03/12/2008, -2/+1I even took a screenshot of that, effing hilarious.
  • dansmeek, on 03/12/2008, -14/+2holy crap. i can comment on here, without there being 1000 comments ahead of me. no yahtzee day commments. no mass buried. and a yahtzee article was submitted by mrbabyman..... what is digg coming too.
    anyway, i loved this review of it. i also wish he pointed out that the game *DOES* try to tell you to "turn right" or "turn left" albeit you are speeding across the road at such a fast pace that were one to actually attempt to make this turn, your car would drift into the nearest abortion clinic and take out everyone inside the building.
    • dansmeek, on 03/12/2008, -5/+3oh god damnit, stop burying me. get over yourselves.
  • Insanitation, on 03/12/2008, -12/+1how is this not on the front page yet?
  • neiltc13, on 03/12/2008, -39/+5I am sick of this stuff. All he does is talk fast. It was maybe funny the FIRST time but not the twenty fourth.

    His reviews would have no merit on paper so have no merit spoken at any speed. They rely on the same stupid "in jokes" which webcomics do and we all know how crappy every gaming webcomic is.
    • NathanielJ, on 03/12/2008, -5/+11By "in jokes" do you mean "a vague familiarity with what a video game is"?

      Seriously, I play maybe 2 or 3 new video games a year, so I'm about as far from a "hardcore" gamer as you can get, but I'm quite sure that even I get all of the jokes in his reviews.
    • nbcaffeine, on 03/12/2008, -7/+3We know how crappy every self righteous comment on digg is
    • postalblowfish7, on 03/12/2008, -4/+9then don't watch it, bury the article, and don't comment ^^
    • bjs3171, on 03/12/2008, -5/+6did you just diss penny-arcade? i KNOW you didn't just diss penny-arcade. DID YOU JUST DISS PENNY-ARCADE???
      • neiltc13, on 03/12/2008, -10/+5Penny Arcade is worse than this Zero Punctuation crap. None of their comics are EVER funny.
        • ShinRaTDR, on 03/12/2008, -5/+2Agreed, almost all webcomics, including, nay, primarily xkcd and penny arcade, are awful. except penny arcade has made me laugh a couple times, but they are always so full of those cringe worthy jokes, the ones that make you embarassed to even read the crap. I like Zero Punctuation not because its funny, which is more hit and miss lately, but because he's the only one who gives honest reviews.
    • ophello, on 03/13/2008, -0/+3fail
  • TwoKill, on 03/12/2008, -9/+4You guys take the fun out of commenting when I have to skip the first 20 comments just to read something related to the actual video.
  • Tyrghast, on 03/12/2008, -18/+4stop submitting regular publications (including xkcd) to digg please...
    • insertAliasHere, on 03/12/2008, -1/+7Never gonna happen. I don't know why you would even bother to ask.
  • SarahJaneen, on 03/12/2008, -10/+0He's talking a lot slower, lately.
  • Dr0x, on 03/12/2008, -4/+24God I love this guy. Honest on a level that you know his reviews aren't influenced by game companies forking over cash like the big name reviewers are.
    • neiltc13, on 03/12/2008, -9/+4Yet he sold out to "The Escapist".
      • cthellis, on 03/12/2008, -7/+3Yeah, because "The Escapist" is a real industry-subservient publication.
  • joey368, on 03/12/2008, -4/+46"Boingo boingo whoopsy knickers."
  • batista86, on 03/12/2008, -8/+1This is a game you play for an hour to phys yourself up for an awesome rock guitar solo or to punch out an angry bear......
  • Bravesguy18, on 03/12/2008, -8/+5This makes me want to play Carmageddon II again.
  • MikeXpop, on 03/12/2008, -5/+10Dug for Crash into Me by Dave Matthews as the intro music to a video about Burnout
  • ytsohptwhere, on 03/12/2008, -17/+137***** you MrBabyMan
    • SSCrow, on 03/12/2008, -14/+1Digg trolls submitting every whorish thing they can.
    • almightyzam, on 03/12/2008, -2/+7hey always puts the most random crap in and gets on the front page like 15 times a week, life isn't fair
    • bamapachyderm, on 03/12/2008, -10/+1I just dugg the link because your comment was pathetic.
    • h4mx0r, on 03/13/2008, -0/+6He realized ZP is a quick surefire way to get front page.
    • dontaskagain, on 03/13/2008, -1/+1ZP isn't news Baby man
  • FXPooky, on 03/12/2008, -8/+2Spot-on as usual.
  • robmcm, on 03/12/2008, -10/+6Since watching Zero Punctuation the only game I have brought has been that rather good gun wank (aka COD4) and I don't think that's a bad thing!
  • supremesonic, on 03/12/2008, -7/+5As much as I love Burnout Paradise, he actually gets everything pretty much bang-on the nose. Crashes get really ***** tedious after the first 50 times or so.

    Also, anybody up for the "Homework" at the end? Only one I can think of right now is "Stop" by Jane's Addiction, but I know there's more...
    • callit, on 03/13/2008, -0/+1When friends watch me play the game for the first time, they wonder why I avoid crashing like the plague, and am excited when I get a near miss. They LOVE to watch the crashes... until they get a chance to play for more than 20 minutes.
  • leerayIG88, on 03/12/2008, -20/+8PC > Xbox360, Wii, PS3.
    • atruskot, on 03/12/2008, -7/+1this lame excuse for an arcade racer would suck balls anywhere you played it.

      Track Mania Nations FTW, or LiveforSpeed if you're into racing...
    • Jaliyl, on 03/12/2008, -2/+2I agree with you, but not for racing or fighting games. Playing Super smash bros Melee on a keyboard sucks.
      • leerayIG88, on 03/12/2008, -1/+1you could buy a usb controller....better yet..you could convert your favorite controller to usb.
  • joey368, on 03/12/2008, -8/+2The only inaccurate thing he's said in this review was about DJ Atomika. Atomika is a real DJ who is signed with EA and "plays DJ" in many EA games. Most notably the SSX series.
  • rashly, on 03/12/2008, -11/+11I am hugely disappointed with Paradise. To me, Revenge was the best racing game I have ever played. It had incredibly simple controls (3 buttons) and anyone could just pick it up and play it. I mean no offense to the ladies out there, but even women that I know who never played video games were able to play it and have a lot of fun with it (I attribute that to its simplicity).

    Paradise still has the great controls and feel to it, but I hate having to drive around looking for races. I don't want to explore the city or have to fix my car up in repair shops. I want to select 'race' from a menu and immediately race. I don't want to have to memorize the maps to know where to turn. It is such a pain in the ass having to check the minimap while I'm trying to race, and this was the main thing that put my friends off from the game. I want a giant artificial wall with blinking arrows making a boundary for the race track like in most racing games.

    I loved revenge for its simplicity, but Paradise added so much fluff that it takes away the reason I want to play the game, just to pick it up and race.
    • twishart, on 03/12/2008, -1/+4"women that I know"

      buried for inaccurracy.
    • callit, on 03/13/2008, -0/+1Revenge and Paradise are almost totally different games, and I think putting the burnout name on both has only served to confuse, irritate, or disappoint gamers. You're right, revenge had that "anyone can play, pick up and go" fun feeling about it. Especially when somebody walked into the room while you were in crash mode.

      Paradise did some new, innovative, and interesting things, and I like some of them. But they made some mistakes too, and I think the biggest one might have been putting the Burnout name on it because it's simply not what people were expecting from the Burnout series.
  • TiCL, on 03/12/2008, -7/+5Dugg for "Wild Card"!
  • elhaf, on 03/12/2008, -11/+6For somebody called Zero Punctuation you sure use a lot of colons.
  • smartcause, on 03/12/2008, -3/+13Dugg for Carmageddon reference. Time to dust of my install disks from 1998 and get that back on my computer
    • danqueca, on 03/12/2008, -3/+4Carmageddon 2 is the best car game i have ever played, i mean having the hability to finish a race by 2 ways, racing, or getting rid of the competition, that was great, and the pedestrians were really funny to kill
  • Albear89, on 03/12/2008, -12/+3yawn. who keeps posting this crap? I'm not sure if i'm supposed to laugh at his crap attempt at humor or be angry at the cheezeball animation? would someone please explain to me ( I'm a dumb bear).
    • xaxxon, on 03/12/2008, -4/+1this wasn't a great one. The animation, however, is usually quite funny with lots of subtle jokes if you're paying attention.
    • bonesmile, on 03/12/2008, -4/+2I play Burnout Paradise a crap-load & I didn't get any of this *****, either. I'm tired of seeing it on Digg.
  • DeadSkinMask, on 03/12/2008, -9/+2Tripple ***** Hooker!
  • nathanbutnet, on 03/12/2008, -8/+4Not his best review but does make a great point: why no local multiplayer? Ridiculous. Isn't that a major reason why you would want a driving game like this?
  • TecK415, on 03/12/2008, -7/+1This game is good when you're high and ya want to see some pretty sick crashes. It gets boring really fast. Also there should be people.
  • SpookyApplePie, on 03/12/2008, -7/+2this guy is a genius
  • bigfatpaulie, on 03/12/2008, -3/+33Dugg for calling out fast-&-the-furious-wannabe ricer douchebags.
  • NateTheApe21, on 03/12/2008, -7/+2bloop bloop
  • foolawrence, on 03/12/2008, -8/+1yay a game review
  • imbetterthanu, on 03/12/2008, -0/+2Wow. I was thiknking of picking this game up after I finish the few PS3 games I have now. After reading these comments it's not looking likely. They took out crash and local mutiplayer? I used to bring the burnout games and my PS2 on ski trips with friends and we'd spend every night playing the 'crash party' (or whatever it was called) mode. That was truly one of the best parts of the series. Seems all they did is re-brand Need For Speed Underground.
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