What is Digg?91 Comments
- ResonantToe, on 12/12/2007, -3/+96For being annoying and ***** for not compressing 7 PAGES into ONE!.
America’s Army: True Soldiers (360)
To their credit, lumps of coal aren’t part of a marketing campaign run by the US government to promote army recruitment with a crappy game franchise. Unfortunately, the same thing can’t be said about America’s Army: True Soldiers. In this horrible excuse for a shooter, squad mates float along without moving their feet, the cover system is broken, and the AI will torture you with cheap headshots.
The worst part is that the game sells at full retail price, meaning you could have easily gotten a copy of Call of Duty 4 instead. The PC version of this piece of the army’s propaganda machine is free to download, making the sting of knowing that someone shelled out real money for this interactive army advertisement that much worse.
My Spanish Coach (DS)
We know what the person who got you this was thinking. They were looking at the line in the product description that says “Playing My Spanish Coach for 15 to 20 minutes a day is all you need to become fluent in Spanish.” Unlike marketers, lumps of coal don’t exaggerate and pretend to deliver anything they can’t.
We don’t doubt that playing My Spanish Coach in conjunction with serious study and a healthy diet of Almodóvar films will help your Spanish, but c’mon. There’s no way you can become fluent in any language by playing edu-tainment software for 20 minutes a day.
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? (DS, PC)
Sometimes silence is golden. Unlike Jeff Foxworthy and the worthless guests on the game show, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, coal will never torture you with a joke about how you might be a redneck or let it slip that it doesn’t know how many feet are in yard.
Winning doesn’t say much about your intelligence, as it only proves that you’re smarter than a fifth grader, but getting an answer wrong only leads to shame by demonstrating how utterly stupid you are. The person who got you this either finds Jeff Foxworthy entertaining or thinks that you do. In either case, you should do everything in your power to sever all relations with this gift giver as soon as possible.
Carol Vorderman’s Sudoku (PC, DS, PS2, PSP)
A lump of coal will look just as good a million years from now. The same can’t be said for Carol Vorderman in Carol Vorderman’s Sudoku. The UK television personality and columnist may have a somewhat MILF-ish appeal on her good days, but we’re going to have to agree with fashion critics Susannah Constantine and Trinny Woodall who described Vorderman as “an overdone eighties nightmare.”
Even if you do like Sudoku, you’ll be better off picking up an overpriced book of puzzles at the airport just like everyone else instead of trying to improve your game with the help of a middle-aged wrinkly woman in low cut outfits and jazzercise jumpsuits that looks like something your mom would wear.
Vampire Rain (360) & Anubis II (Wii)
Why get one game, when you could get two for the price of one? That’s the kind of gift-buying logic that winds up with you feigning enthusiasm for a bungled bundle of terrible games whose price has been slashed because the only people that are gullible enough to buy them are non-gamers.
Good luck with selling or trading in these horrible excuses for entertainment. If you do manage to find a sucker to take them off your hands, you’ll get you so little money that it’s hardly worth the effort. At least you can start a nice fire with a bunch of coal pieces and cook up some steaks on the old hibachi. Think we’re being too harsh? Check out our scathing reviews of Vampire Rain and Anubis II for yourself.
Blacksite: Area 51 (PS3, 360, PC)
There were a lot of excellent shooters that released this year but Blacksite: Area 51 wasn’t one of them. You know a game’s screwed up when the game’s creative director, Harvey Smith describes the development process for his game as “so f*cked up” and “disastrously off rails.”
What would’ve been a better surprise to find under the tree than Blacksite? How about BioShock, Halo 3, Call of Duty 4, Enemy Territory: Quake Wars, or The Orange Box?
Halo 2 (PC)
Bungie wowed Xbox owners with Halo 2 in 2004 by developing a decent multiplayer first-person shooter that actually worked. But to PC gamers (who’ve been playing deathmatch rounds online for years), Halo 2’s popularity was a bit of a joke. Three years later, Microsoft Game Studios showed off their sense of humor by releasing this late and shoddy port of the console-centric shooter to promote Windows Vista and their Games for Windows - Live service.
Even if you upgraded to Vista this year, use Games for Windows Live (or have an Xbox LIVE account), have a gig of RAM, a P4 processor and a pretty decent graphics card, Halo 2 isn’t worth it. The laughably long laundry list of requirements to play a three year old game makes this the worst holiday gift of the year. - hardcorerikki, on 12/12/2007, -7/+71They forgot "Kane & Lynch: Dead Men" for some reason, under "Corrupt" so that would've made it 8 to avoid ;) LOL at the sudoku and 5th grader games ;)
- NaziHatinChimp, on 12/12/2007, -3/+30Isn't it funny how some of your tax dollars go to creating game number 7, America's Army? The game company that makes it doesn't even give any revenue back.
- str3ama, on 12/12/2007, -0/+20Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge...ftw ..ok so it's not a real game, but still..
- Billistic, on 12/12/2007, -0/+19What's with these ***** top 7 and 8 lists? Are these guys so lazy they can't write up 3 more ***** games?
- happyfundave, on 12/12/2007, -1/+19sucks for all those folks that cant read
- rootnik, on 12/12/2007, -1/+13wtf...
- joegibes, on 12/12/2007, -1/+13Maybe Eidos advertised on their site...
- Urusai, on 12/12/2007, -3/+13I'd bang Carol Vorderman.
- strictnein, on 12/12/2007, -0/+9or Unreal Tournament 3
- MutatedNantuko, on 12/12/2007, -0/+9Ball is in... Parking Lot. Do you wish to play again? You have selected 'No'
- MagikOvenMit, on 12/12/2007, -4/+13Halo 2 for the PC is number one? Sure, some aspects of it make you wonder what they were thinking, but there are so many more bad games out there that deserve to be on the list than this.
- nerdherder, on 12/12/2007, -0/+9Who would buy that ***** anyway? I dont really need anybody to tell me that Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader" is a ***** game.
- inactive, on 12/12/2007, -0/+8buried for not putting cruis'n up there.
- fredkreuger, on 12/12/2007, -0/+8Reading is fun...damental.
- mrfreeziexp, on 12/12/2007, -0/+8that kind of spam just makes me NOT want to vote for the guy.
- Natetendo83, on 12/12/2007, -0/+8Can they for just once put everything on one page?
- Swarms, on 12/12/2007, -0/+7I counted 5.
- tech42er, on 12/12/2007, -1/+8Isn't AA free?
- Mrstupid7, on 12/12/2007, -0/+7A top less section would be even better.
- Fizban140, on 12/12/2007, -0/+7Thank god for this, some stranger on the internet with no proof told me to goto Russia for school. Future, here I come!
- joegibes, on 12/12/2007, -2/+9Buy Gears of War for PC instead, or, preferably, Orange Box.
- Mrstupid7, on 12/12/2007, -0/+6If they can't read then how would they read the headline?
- tamurlane6, on 12/12/2007, -0/+5I think they figure that if they have to span an article over 7 pages that it may be too much. They must figure that hitting the next button 6 or 7 times is all that the internet going public can handle.
- razmig, on 12/12/2007, -0/+5they aren't actually, I had fun playing My French Coach, I have yet to complete it and I am far from fluent but it doesn't change the fact that I I learned a ton of vocab I would never have known. It also has the pre-recorded pronunciation and allows you to record your own voice to play them simultaneously and improve. In all honesty...I learned more from a week with this game than I did those 6 years I spent in my spanish classes.
- ShosuroYuu, on 12/12/2007, -0/+5I don't know where you are from so I'll put this as simply as possible.
Santa Clause gives coal to bad kids. - dn11, on 12/12/2007, -0/+5This lists are getting increasingly retarded. I say boycott them diggers. I know it's hard, but just don't digg the "Top X of X" stories anymore... really - these things are so phoned in for page views and usually contain nothing of interest. I never digg them, but I admit I'm guilty of looking at them sometimes, no more my friends, no more.
- bjornski, on 12/12/2007, -1/+5It wasn't developed for free.
And the console version is NOT free. - cambrown99, on 12/12/2007, -0/+4My Spanish Coach is actually pretty cool for an education game. Not great for learning how to conjugate verbs, but for basic vocabulary building, it doesn't get much better than this.
- happyfundave, on 12/12/2007, -0/+4If you are buying someone a video game as present and you aren't a gamer get a gift receipt. You can go on believing you gave a good gift and the recipient can return it and get the game they actually wanted.
- JonnyTrombone, on 12/12/2007, -1/+5"Hellgate: London". For the love of Gd and all that is holy, do not buy this game.
- Dizaster, on 12/12/2007, -0/+4Can anyone confirm if the My Spanish Coach and My French Coach games are really that bad?
- strictnein, on 12/12/2007, -0/+4Do you get upset that the people who produce commercials for the military are also paid for their services? That's all AA is, a big commercial.
- gmprunner, on 12/12/2007, -1/+5I also think it's stupid that they say that the boxes for CoD4 and AA look similar, when I don't think they look similar at all; they actually look very different.
- tamurlane6, on 12/12/2007, -0/+4No, you paid for it. So you might as well download it for the pc instead of paying for it again for the console.
- def1234, on 12/12/2007, -0/+3may I suggest gentle touch? you have selected... POWERDRIVE
- bagboyrebel, on 12/12/2007, -0/+3"Plus you will learn 40 to 60 percent more"
Well how can I say no? - toshipaine, on 12/12/2007, -0/+3I'm a sucker for these TOP-these-TOP-that lists! Why?!
- Sirlolalot, on 12/12/2007, -0/+3the youtube clip of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" was comical.
- homerowedasdf, on 12/12/2007, -1/+4Santa is real?
- angrynorwegian, on 12/12/2007, -0/+3awesome, the same exact article i saw on digg this morning..
- bagboyrebel, on 12/12/2007, -0/+2Well obviously someone read the headline to them and then mysteriously vanished.
- deceth, on 12/12/2007, -1/+3How about the do want list? =p
- xenuxenuts, on 12/12/2007, -0/+2I think the point is that it's a popular game on the xbox, but there are better games out there for the pc. For example, UT3 is the the fps that's replacing quake 3 for me. Its the first one in quite a while that just "feels right". It's probably the last fps that I'll buy for a few years. COD4 is also very nice if you're looking for a story driven fps.
- Laxaloot, on 12/12/2007, -0/+2Okay so we got the [PICS] section.... shall we begin to ask for a "TOP ___" list section?
- mrallen86, on 12/12/2007, -0/+2"A lump of coal will look just as good a million years from now. The same can’t be said for Carol Vorderman in Carol Vorderman’s Sudoku"
Not necessarily, the lump of coal could become a diamond under the right circumstances, any game that is easier to play on paper than it could ever be on a console yet still costs 30 bucks will remain a steaming pile of crap. - turrican, on 12/12/2007, -0/+2But if they can't read English, then they *also* don't know that this is a list of games you should NOT buy...
- tektalk, on 12/12/2007, -0/+2Haven't you seen the plethora of do want lists on digg this year? Where have you been these few months?
- Dustmuffins, on 12/12/2007, -0/+2Several negative diggs...
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