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The 10 Most Slaughter-Worthy Sacred Cows of Gaming

toplessrobot.com — There are rare cases of games rising in fan esteem without drawing their due backlashes. You might mistake them for truly excellent titles, but the truth is that, most of the time, these purported classics are mediocrities that just haven’t been run through the proper gauntlet of hateful criticism. Good thing we specialize in that.

Who dugg this? Made popular Jul 8, 2008

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  • alexismyhomeboi, on 07/08/2008, -1/+22To be honest. This was a boring list.
  • Hetman, on 07/07/2008, -4/+18WTF. I agree that Ms. Pacman is better than pacman. But that has to do with the AI of the ghosts. What made Ms. Pacman and q bert great was the AI of the enemies. It has nothing to do with varying levels. Another problem is if you cannot fit a top 10 list on one page you are a money sucking whore. Anyways this article seems like it was writen by a 10 year old with ADD. Most of those games on the list are great. They may be to difficult for most gamers but I do not see that as being a problem. They are supposed to be difficult.
  • Synn, on 07/08/2008, -3/+16Castlevania? Kid Icarus? Sounds like this guy doesn't like a challenge.

    Buried. (I know you all care very deeply about my opinion.)
  • Acglaphotis, on 07/08/2008, -0/+11***** him, Castlevania is awesome.
  • Deadpixel1221, on 07/08/2008, -3/+14I don't care what he says, Skies of Arcadia was ***** awesome.

    Buried.
  • DeathJux, on 07/08/2008, -0/+10The joy of pac-man isn't variety, but giggling with glee while you are chased down by, and give chase to, those damn ghosts. That, and drugs.
  • Arramol, on 07/08/2008, -0/+8I think that honor goes to Crysis. Seriously, how in the world did that game get so many ratings in the 9-9.5 range? It's an average shooter with above average graphics.
  • doctechnical, on 07/07/2008, -0/+7Q-Bert wins "Best use of a voice synthesizer in a game, ever".
  • Meekus, on 07/08/2008, -2/+9I absolutely disagree with this author.
  • kingUssop, on 07/08/2008, -0/+6Eh... you can make the argument that 99% of NES era games "sucked" simply because controls were primitive, and playtesting and game balancing an unadvanced art. But there was game genie, codes, and also just a willingness to accept a bit of "suckitude" for atmosphere back then so I disagree with most of what this guy is saying.
  • ciano, on 07/08/2008, -0/+5"In fact, Pac-Man was outdone ... by its 1994 sequel, the completely different and completely underrated Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures."
    That's where I stopped reading. I'm sure I speak for everyone who has played Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures.
  • knifesideleft, on 07/08/2008, -0/+5Like a stubborn old man I pretty much refuse to call the game Dragon Quest. I still have the NES game sitting 10 feet away from me and for damn sure the names Dragon Warrior not DQ. Come on, the word warrior is so much more badass then quest. But yeah I'll have to let go eventually since no one knows what the hell I'm talking about when I say DW anyway.
  • Schmapdi, on 07/08/2008, -1/+6Skies of Arcadia is awesome beyond words - that guy was a dolt.

    Yeah, the plot was sorta generic (like say 99% of games/movies/tv shows/etc) but it was brilliantly executed. The random battles ship-wise were few and far between. Plus he neglects to mention customising your ship for air to air combat, building up your pirate base secret island, finding discoveries, etc.

    Also - unlike most RPGs - Skies is HARD! Try collecting bounties or taking on Piastol or the weapons - they'll kick your ass. And they level up when you do - so you can't just outlevel them to make them easier.

    Pick up the Gamecube version and play it on your Wii, its one of the best RPGs to come along in ages, much better than any of the dumb angsty FF clones.
  • YancyFryJr, on 07/13/2008, -1/+6@!#?@!
  • nwoolls, on 07/08/2008, -1/+5The Dragon Quest series is fantastic. I enjoy the fact that they've preserved the turn based battle system. I actually haven't been too fond of the updates in the Final Fantasy series that introduced new battle systems.
  • AirRaven, on 07/08/2008, -0/+4Seconded.
    Somehow, he managed to completely miss the whole "enjoying the show" part of the game. Hunting for clichés is bound to wreck just about any game you try it on.
  • JanusTheDoorman, on 07/08/2008, -0/+4Dragon Quest isn't everyone's cup of tea, but if you can't see why it deserves to be a "Sacred Cow" of gaming, please remove yourself from the discussion until you're properly educated.

    And... Skies belongs nowhere near this list.
  • wheezy360, on 07/08/2008, -0/+4I was hoping to see things like Diablo 2: Cow Level, Earth Worm Jim: "Cow has been launched" and... dammit I can't think of any other cows in games, but this article is lacking cows. Article does not deliver cows.
  • harvinator24, on 07/08/2008, -0/+4Slaughtered cows requires diablo's cow level.
  • snareguy17, on 07/08/2008, -0/+3Pretty much most Dreamcast games were awesome. Same goes for Sega Saturn...and oh how I miss Dragonforce (the game, not the band). :(
  • SolidBones, on 07/07/2008, -2/+5I actually liked the magic system in Skies of Arcadia because it wasn't monkey-ass hard to get a hold of, and any character could use magic effectively (key word).

    But sweet dribbling ass was the storyline unbearable! I thought you could only put so much over-used colour-coded world regions stereotyping into a game...I was horribly wrong. Random battles were sort-of fixed when it was ported to GC--they went from balls-twisting 3 second intervals to maybe 10 or 12 seconds between encounters.
  • strictnein, on 07/08/2008, -0/+3No *****. Worthless game.
  • inactive, on 07/08/2008, -0/+3Yes
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3n22GQMgcU
  • Kupe, on 07/08/2008, -3/+6Examples of better games please.
  • djruden, on 07/08/2008, -0/+3A tabletop RPG game already had copyright to the name "Dragon Quest". Thus the name change to the early games. The copyright expired, so they changed the name back to the originally intended 'Dragon Quest' for future releases of the video game in the US...
  • Kupe, on 07/08/2008, -0/+3I found the physics additions very interesting and the gameplay extremely fun. You may have a point about the weapons, but it's not something I particularly cared about in that game as the gravity gun was what I primarily used. And the story and experience was what I played for. Of course, I only played HL1 3 years after HL2. I was too busy playing Quake 3 and being a poor kid when around half-Life's time.

    I guess I really can't argue with your points. People just have different tastes.
  • Haoie, on 07/08/2008, -0/+3Also supposedly Ms Pacman had more appeal to women gamers [even back in those days].

    Did those guys ever have a wedding or what?
  • inactive, on 07/08/2008, -1/+4Fu@k, I posted in the wrong forum.
  • smergs, on 07/08/2008, -0/+3I was thinking the same thing. Dragon Warrior is a way cooler sounding game name. They should have stuck with it in the US. The first one is the only one I ever played and when I first saw that there was a game called Dragon Quest I didn't realize it was in the same series. I loved the first game. Not sure why I never went back and played any of the others.
  • Andrwmorph, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2The Dreamcast version had random sky battles every 2-4 seconds. It made it incredibly frustrating to go anywhere.
  • peterredding, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2Reads like it was written by a kid trying to cram big words into every paragraph to look intelligent. Therefore, buried.
  • oMeSSiaHo, on 07/08/2008, -2/+4I love how everyone is taking this personally and insulting the author. He's talking about VIDEO GAMES! Yeah, they hold a special place in our childhood but once you strip away the fond memories some just arent so good. Hell I remember enjoying Back to the Future on the NES and that game is horrible.
  • strictnein, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2Pacman is white?
  • lsatkins, on 07/08/2008, -1/+3Of course if you go back and play some of those games now they don't hold up well and feel very dated. But during their time they were great and people have fond memories of them for a reason. That doesn't make them bad games.
  • Kupe, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2I see your point. It's not like Resident Evil is called Biohazard over here. But really, the change from Dragon Quest to Dragon Warrior seems pretty pointless to me. I guess warrior makes it sound more action oriented, whereas "quest" may have made it sound like it was a text adventure at the time? Who knows. Probably Wikipedia, but I'm not gonna check.
  • Shadic, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2Exactly. I saw "Cows" and "Gaming" in the same sentence, and immediately thought of being chased around with my Amazon by cows with polearms.
  • Ramble, on 07/08/2008, -1/+3***** you, Q Bert was ***** awesome.
  • rkiga, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2translation of the article: I suck at video games and i need an easy, randomly-generated, fast-paced game to hold my hand. Now let me make a list of the games that I sucked at 20 years ago and why they weren't perfect.
  • Jimmerz, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2I agree. Much of what he says, that there were elements taken from other games, was part of it's charm. It was a comfortable update in graphics to an old and beloved formula. Seems he just wasn't a fan of that formula to begin with, and he's entitled to that opinion.
  • MrFisty, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2The writer kind of lost me at "any other game with more than three fans". Coupled with a site called "Topless Robot" and proclaiming "these purported classics are mediocrities that just haven’t been run through the proper gauntlet of hateful criticism. Good thing we specialize in that." just reeked of try hard.
  • Jimmerz, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2I think he was looking for this reaction, which is why he called these games 'sacred cows'. He's being provocative. He can think what he wants, I disagree with most of what he says, but it's his prerogative.
  • RobbleRobble, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2I lost any shred of respect I had left for this guy when he said that Skies of Arcadia is a bad game and that by comparison Threads of Fate is a good game. Ugh. It's been years since I played it but I distinctly recall having no intention of replaying Threads of Fate ever again. On the other hand, I bought Skies of Arcadia Legends day one with a glint in my eye.
  • bungoman, on 07/08/2008, -0/+2Buried for including Ys I&II. What the *****?
  • mweflen, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1"Few RPGs escape stern a stern critical reception."

    Wow. This article's writing and copy-editing deserve to be slaughtered.
  • Kupe, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1I've been hearing how great DQ was since Dragon Warrior on the NES, and most recently when I bought DQ VIII. I just get so bored. I really wanted to like the games too. Really, I think that it's all in the translation. For instance, Lunar is probably a terrible game. However, I would never have known because I was too busy enjoying every bit of text Working Designs put in. Dragon Quest 8 voice acting was pretty good, but I really didn't care about any of the characters and every attempt at humor fell flat. With a truly great localization with personality, I'm sure I would have kept playing.
  • iamanalog, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1I'm still so pissed off at the ending..
  • LightPhoenix, on 07/08/2008, -1/+2I don't think "sacred cow" really means what the author thinks it does.
  • oMeSSiaHo, on 07/08/2008, -1/+2I thought games were supposed to be fun. I guess I'll just never be as hardcore as you...

    Please though, do tell how the writer seems like an ADD afflicted child. What about the article makes you think that? Surely you are not just spewing random insults because the writer disagrees are you? Also, how are the games great. You made these statements but didnt take the time to back them up. Sorta like an ADD afflicted child!
  • blankb, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1
    "Q*Bert (Arcade, etc.) reminds me of that one show of Family Guy when Stewie is trying to go to sleep."
  • Misanthrope, on 07/08/2008, -0/+1You said it man. I've found all the attempts to make RPG battles more engaging just made me want to fight less.

    I don't know exactly what it is about DQ games, but they manage to keep me playing for over 100 hours while I got bored of FFXII after about 20. FFXII wasn't over-complicated...it just didn't grab my interest while, for whatever reason, DQ does. Every time.

    I think it's the smiling enemies...they just make me laugh.
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