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whowillsurvive2012.com - The Mayan Calendar predicts the end of time: 2012. See the trailer for 2012, opening November 13.
274 Comments
- ilukedukei, on 10/10/2007, -4/+165I fell out of my chair laughing when i read this!
- badassninja, on 10/10/2007, -2/+131Yeah, if you see two med kits on the ground, you know your about to be *****.
- Cyberbladewolf, on 10/10/2007, -3/+128I Dugg this purely for that last sentence.
- KnockoutNerd, on 10/10/2007, -4/+123FPS Doug the first victim.
- Kenelm, on 10/10/2007, -1/+101I bashed myself in the head, and lost 13 HP.
- kamikazecow, on 10/10/2007, -6/+80In case the website goes down
"In the virtual gaming world, a plague has ravaged the population, and this time, head crabs and flaming skulls that turn you into Zombies are not the problem. The new illness is a psycological one. It is called 'FPSS' or 'First Person Shooter Syndrome.'
"We're seeing FPSS cases popping up everywhere," said Dr. Duke Freeman, head of psychology at John Hopkins University. "I mean, it has been around since the early 90s, but it has gotten significantly worse since the improvement of graphics, the invention of better physics engines and more immersive environments."
According to Dr.Freeman, FPSS is a psychological condition that causes games to feel like they are in a first person shooter, when they are really walking around in the real world.FPSS can apparently lead to paranoia and aversion to certain surroundings such as railroads and industrial wearhouses.
Jacob McEwen knows first hand the trouble FPSS poses to gamers. He has had it since playing the popular game Half-Life 2 for 35 hours straight.
"It is weird, i know it's completly irrational, but I'm totally averse to big, industrial settngs now. Anything that looks rusted out or rickety, it freaks me out. Whenever I walk into dark rooms, I instinctivly reach for my flashlight and my gun, then I realize I don't actually carry either," said McEwen. "I was walking through a supermarket a few days after my HL2 marathon and I saw a bunch of first-aid kits on the floor. Someone had knocked them over by accident I guess. My first reaction though was 'oh *****! A bunch of medikits. Something ***** tough must be coming up soon!'It really scared me."
McEwen has also had several problems with simply getting into his own home.
"I remember I came home after going to a party or something, and I had locked my front door before leaving. I was so pissed when I tried the handle and found it locked. I thought "*****! Now I have to go all over the ***** place looking for another entrance!" It didn't even occur to me that I could use my keys."
He has had similar trouble when trying to get over the waist high wall in the back yard when he or his roommate throws their frisbee too far. McEwen spends hours looking for ramps or short ladders before he realizes he can climb.
According to McEwen, he often finds himself reaching for a non-existant gravity gun to get things from accross the room when he feels too lazy to get up off the couch.
"I don't believe that FPSS makes a person more violent or physically agressive," said Dr.Freeman. "I think it just increases your fear of abandoned buildings, sewers, and explosive barrels."
However, vocal anti-videogame activist and "lawyer" Jack Thompson disagrees. After reading the public report on FPSS, Thompson spoke out.
"FPSS proves that video games are responsible for all murders ever. In history."
When informed that First Person Shooters have only existed for the last 15-20 years, Thompson screamed that we were lying homosexuals, then sued us for criminal harrasment." - TheNik, on 10/24/2007, -1/+66Yeah, I don't enter a room in Las Vegas without clearing it with a smoke grenade and my MP5 first. ***** Rainbow Six.
- stou, on 10/10/2007, -1/+63I don't know about FPSS, but a few years ago when splinter cell came out... I played it for 3-4 days straight (weekend + some work day(s))... and when I got to work next I kept accidentally scanning for shadows in the cubicles, and plotting routes for attacking my various co-workers.
- AlfaSub, on 10/10/2007, -0/+57I honestly thought this was another crackpot study until I saw that Dr. Freeman was the one who performed it.
Then I fell out of my chair laughing. - inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+53Actually this happened to me last year. I used to play Quake 3 online from midnight to 3-4 in the morning. It was at night because thats when the lag drops from about 1.5s during the day to 100-200ms at night. Yet next morning, when I would go to work, I had difficulties crossing the road from the fear of cars being nearer than they looked because of the "lag". I knew it was completely unreasonable but it was a reflex I could not beat with logic.
- cerealjynx, on 10/10/2007, -1/+46Personally, I love it when this ***** happens after a bout of intense gaming.
Playing GTA all night then going out for a drive is not recommended.
"But officer, I only had two stars! I didn't even blow up a tank!" - norman619, on 10/10/2007, -0/+37Don't let this guy play Bioshock. I would fear for little sisters everywhere.....
- Brianguy2000, on 10/10/2007, -1/+36I'm disgusted with the lack of crates to take cover behind IRL :(
- jeremymccurdy, on 10/10/2007, -1/+36I'm throwing the moron flag on this one.
- SolipsismX, on 10/10/2007, -0/+29You know, even though this is satire, I've experienced something similar with almost any game I've played for a long period of time. Sometimes, it was as simple as seeing tetris blocks in my head when I was trying to sleep, and other times, it was seeing any kind of ramp and having the instinct to "jump it" ala tony hawk. When I used to play No Mercy for the N64, I'd see people in certain positions and instinctively look for moves I could do on them. The worst was when I was a kid and I played Mario Paint... if I made a mistake in real life (let's say a written typo), I'd think, "I'll just use the dog icon" and realize I couldn't.
- zombiedepot, on 10/10/2007, -0/+29Don't go near the windows, the snipers can see you.
- clark24, on 10/10/2007, -0/+28Gotta love the people who comment and don't realize this is satire.
- TheChihuahua, on 10/10/2007, -1/+29Laughed so much I sprayed milk outta my nose, even though I wasn't drinking milk at the time. Awesome.
- WoollyMittens, on 10/10/2007, -0/+28I try to cut down on circle strafing around corners. It freaks people out.
- TheBritishGuy1, on 10/10/2007, -2/+24I hope you're joking...
- tehpwnrate, on 10/10/2007, -1/+21I knew someone wouldn't get it. Or that someone would not imply their sarcasm strongly enough.
- danomagnum, on 10/10/2007, -0/+19It reads like a sim city 2000 newspaper
- Bertu, on 10/10/2007, -0/+17only if you lean forward to get them
- Tenetri, on 10/10/2007, -0/+17Minor lacerations detected beep
- Tyr86, on 10/24/2007, -2/+17Holy Hell! Duke Nukem and Gordon Freeman had a child! -explodes-
- BrewBeau, on 10/10/2007, -0/+15It sucks. This is the third time my arm has been broken trying to punch open barrels and crates to find random loot.
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+15Dugg down for not knowing the past tense of spell.
- svenathon, on 10/10/2007, -0/+15The number of people who took that seriously makes me have real doubts about the ability of the digg community to tie its own shoelaces
- BlackOp, on 10/10/2007, -0/+14Spelt is a real word.
- nullx42, on 10/10/2007, -0/+14thats why when i pick stuff up, I just walk over it.
- EmperorAwesome, on 10/10/2007, -1/+14I smiled and chuckled a little. God help you should you ever meander into a comedy club.
- realclark, on 10/10/2007, -1/+14When I was playing Command and Conquer alot I had RTSS. Whenever I would see army vehicles I would think that reinforcements had arrived, and that I could send them to the Nod base. I once told a group of army guys on the street that they should stay away from Nod flame tanks, because flame tanks are specifically designed to kill infantry.
- diggface5000, on 10/10/2007, -0/+13or in case you can't get past the awful font
- TheChihuahua, on 10/10/2007, -1/+13How can I put this...
Yes. Yes it is a joke. You ***** retard. - fyrehart, on 10/10/2007, -1/+13FYI, you're being dugg down because there's a way to reply to people directly.
- mangusp57, on 10/10/2007, -2/+13Hey, this is real! No *****. I have an old detached garage. One evening after playing Doom 3 all afternoon my wife sent me to get something for her from the garage. I had been to busy Dooming all afternoon to change the burned out light bulbs in the garage, so I took my big (4 D cell) Mag-lite with me. I slowly pushed the garage door open and crouched down expecting imps to jump out at me. As I entered the garage I stood straight and laughed at myself.... but I kept sweeping the garage with the flashlight beam, paying special attention to corners and covered places.
- quadvods, on 10/10/2007, -1/+12Every time I walk around a shopping mall I feel like im in Dead Rising... for real
- themastersb, on 10/10/2007, -0/+10You play first person shooter syndromes all the time?
- UrinalPooper, on 10/10/2007, -0/+10They use velcro.
- AttackingHobo, on 10/10/2007, -1/+10Your comment buried for lack of intelligence.
This is a joke article. - inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9He didn't steal it, you dumbass. He quoted it, and gave us the source.
- kamikazecow, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9Old, but to get the point across... 09-f9-11-02-9d-74-e3-5b-d8-41-56-c5-63-56-88-c0 :P
- canthraxp, on 10/10/2007, -3/+12*HEV Suit:* Falling damage.. Detected.
- AK10, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9WIN!
- SOS84, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8Was I the only one who was reading this "article" out loud while attempting to mimic the G-Man.....Dr. Freeman.....
- Scaryclouds, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8TIVO also has this effect on me, you want to rewind actual events that happen, but then you realize you can't and are pissed :(
- inactive, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8One time I was in Wal-mart, way in the back looking for boxes to pack away things for college, and the power went out. My first thought was this: "if this is the first sign of a zombie invasion, I am so lucky. I'm right next to the hardware department. Sedge hammer and chain saw FTW." Then reality snapped back and I thought, "aww, this is probably just a regular power outage... lame."
- TrevorBelmont, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7I hope 1985 wasn't the year you were born. I fear the future.
- oflaherty, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7i get the sudden urge to roll forward every once in awhile
- MagicCake, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7Stuff like that has happened to me a few times... I remember walking outside one time and admiring the sharp textures on the sidewalk. It just makes me laugh, and it always goes away after some time away from what ever game I've been playing.
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Show 51 - 100 of 275 discussions
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