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How to Destroy the Earth With a Coffee Can

deepastronomy.com — It's not as easy to destroy the Earth as you might think; evil geniuses everywhere have been trying for years. The problem lies with the fact that the Earth is pretty big (at least compared to you and me) and it takes quite a bit of energy to destroy it. There is a way however, to do it with nothing more than a coffee can.

Bury
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  • gwjc, on 10/12/2007, -5/+52Why stop there, If you used an oil drum, and put it next to a video loop of all the best parts from Foxfire, Gia, Pushing Tin and Taking Lives.. you could collapse the universe.
    • techweenie1, on 10/12/2007, -34/+5So is Brad Pitt
    • whiskeymb, on 10/12/2007, -5/+7Original Sin is the best shot you've got... hot hot hot!
    • OBKenobi, on 10/12/2007, -12/+6General Science would be the correct category for this, not Gadgets. Unless you've got a zero point coffee can to show us, Chrisek?
    • championchap, on 10/12/2007, -15/+5so its just me who thinks shes horribly manly looking then?
      i mean, just look at that jaw!
    • Sblader5, on 10/12/2007, -2/+81didn't work
    • blueRAP, on 10/12/2007, -15/+7Pray to the Lord Al-Qaeda doesn't get a hold of this..
    • streetstealth, on 10/12/2007, -1/+34Great, now I won't be able to carry coffee cans OR pictures of Angelina Jolie onboard planes!
    • lordthor, on 10/12/2007, -2/+13"didn't work"

      Best comment ever.
    • andyd273, on 10/12/2007, -6/+9"Didn't work"

      of course! how could he be such a fool!?!?

      If you punch a hole in the side of the coffee can, there wont be a vacuum anymore.

      The solution to this is easy:
      1. Insert the picture of Angelina Jolie inside the coffee can. (for best results also put in a couple tissues.)

      2. Hook the Hoover up to the coffee can to provide a vacuum source. (this strengthens the power of the vacuum energies with the power of the Hoover wind tunnel, for an added boost.)

      3. ??? (???)

      4. Profit! (or blow up the world, whichever)
    • dnthomps, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5Congratulations on adding yourself to the TOP of the terrorist watch-list.
    • ajitv, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0ha ha!
  • dynacrylic, on 10/12/2007, -3/+234"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

    "I think so Brain, but where are we going to find a monkey in a tu-tu at this hour?"
    • rages4calm, on 10/12/2007, -6/+13http://youtube.com/watch?v=GcsE4MQHhok
      Right on!
    • hipstershaun, on 10/12/2007, -5/+35I think so Brain. But what are we going to do with a coffee can and a picture of Angelina Jolie?
    • gremos, on 10/12/2007, -4/+7Is considered ultimate geekiness when one is able to quote 'Pinky and Brain' cartoon?

      I shood get those on DVD they were the best

    • soapboy, on 10/12/2007, -10/+3"Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering?"

      "I think so Brain, but where will we find rubber pants our size?"
    • ChuyMatt, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4"i think so, brain. But where are we going to find a tattoo parlor open at this time of night?"

      That and the rubber pants one made me almost choke. A kid's show?!
    • texpundit, on 10/12/2007, -1/+8NARF!!!
    • rspeed, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4"I think so, Brain... but, me and Pippi Longstocking? I mean, what would the children look like?"

      THAT one always made me wonder.
  • devindotcom, on 10/12/2007, -5/+65I'm digging it for the sheer amount of zeroes involved. Commas, too!
  • lePe, on 10/12/2007, -10/+5Most excellent stuff!
    • NSMike, on 10/30/2007, -3/+61Could someone tell me how this article ends? I tried to finish it, but for some reason I kept getting distracted...
    • Xiol, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2You know what the scary thing is.. It took me literally 1.5 hours to read that article due to distractions as well. :s
  • linksdeity, on 10/12/2007, -24/+7Why not just use a lightbulb?

    http://www.livescience.com/technology/10ways_destroyearth-6.html
    • 5thfreedom, on 10/12/2007, -3/+34FTA: "Since the volume of a light bulb is enough to boil the oceans, I figure you'll need something larger, like a coffee can, if you want to vaporize the planet."
    • linksdeity, on 10/12/2007, -5/+4"It also suggests that the volume of space enclosed by a light bulb contains enough vacuum energy to boil every ocean in the world. Therefore, vacuum energy could prove to be the most abundant energy source of any kind. Which is where you come in. All you need to do is figure out how to extract this energy and harness it in some kind of power plant - this can easily be done without arousing too much suspicion - then surreptitiously allow the reaction to run out of control. The resulting release of energy would easily be enough to annihilate all of planet Earth and probably the Sun too."

      Same source of information, only this method actualey can use a lightbulb to destroy the planet.
  • geneticfreek, on 10/12/2007, -6/+40It's great when science and humour come together!
    • sandrat44, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11Agreed - I find it more effective in teaching to youngsters when you make it entertaining...

      I really enjoyed the humor... too bad I'd read this already using the old stodgy textbooks!
  • modiusx11, on 10/12/2007, -4/+36Ah, the old destroy the world with a coffee tin trick ;)
  • Langford, on 10/12/2007, -2/+66Destroy the Earth? Have to try this at home. I'll let you know how it goes.
    • gonephishin, on 10/12/2007, -11/+52That's ok, save yourself the posting time. My powers of deduction are very astute. I've got a feeling I'll be able to tell whether or not you succeeded. Good luck, though!
    • Jugalator, on 10/12/2007, -6/+10^ way to overexplain a joke -- that was the point...
    • skyshock21, on 10/12/2007, -1/+15How's the old saying go? Explaining humor is like dissecting a frog... it's messy and the frog usually dies.
  • gizmogear, on 10/12/2007, -12/+4That was great.
    • OneStar, on 10/12/2007, -2/+10After, getting one gazillion dollars from the world goverments by threatening to blow up the planet, you blow it up anyway.
    • cualcrees, on 10/12/2007, -4/+18Why ask for a gazillion dollars when we could ask for.... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!
  • negativefx, on 10/12/2007, -6/+35Step 1) Obtain Coffee Can
    Step 2) Insert Black Hole into Coffee Can.
    • shockingbird, on 10/12/2007, -12/+41Step three: profit.
    • DonSchenck, on 10/12/2007, -25/+2ARGH! shockingbird beat me to it by one minute!
    • friedcalamari, on 10/12/2007, -8/+34@shockingbird you got it wrong.
      Step 1) Obtain Coffee Can
      Step 2) Insert Black Hole into Coffee Can.
      Step 3) ???
      Step 4) profit!
    • skankyBacon, on 10/12/2007, -12/+4Is this still funny?
    • zip000, on 10/12/2007, -1/+4Unfortunately, yes - it is hilarious :-|
  • h00paj00, on 10/12/2007, -93/+18I want 10 minutes of my life back reading that lame excuse for humor.
    • Moosebern, on 10/12/2007, -34/+1Triz, triz, triz.
    • imsoclever, on 10/12/2007, -4/+58Ok but only if you give me the 2 seconds of my life back spent reading your lame excuse for trolling
    • jmbillings, on 10/12/2007, -3/+45It took you 10 minutes to read that?
  • skjosh, on 10/12/2007, -7/+31this was a waste of my life. i really thought i could destroy the earth. damnit.
  • Rebulator, on 10/12/2007, -9/+3Clever little distraction.
  • gwey, on 10/12/2007, -3/+35I tried this. It didn't work. I think I need a better picture of Angelina Jolie. Can anyone send me a naked one? :)
  • BionicBeefpile, on 10/12/2007, -5/+59For some reason I thought the funniest part was the "RUN LIKE HELL" at the end. I mean, the earth is about to explode, right?
    • DaffyDuck, on 10/12/2007, -2/+8So you think 107,000,000,000,000 atomic bombs are needed to vaporize all life? Perhaps you need to hone your sense of scale.
    • Murdats, on 10/12/2007, -1/+16well vaporise the earth

      essentially you are seperating all the atoms

      so if you run, make sure you can break escape velocity
    • ZeroLogic, on 10/12/2007, -1/+11Right... that way you can die in space.
    • Ben174, on 10/12/2007, -6/+1Hahahhahahaahahaha ... so true. I didn't realize that subtle humor until you pointed it out. That's genius.
  • zaqintosh, on 10/12/2007, -8/+13I am positive there is a Government Administration *cough*, out there that is pondering this new threat as we speak :)

    Perhaps they'll use it as an excuse to invade the basement of some 38 year old virgin who lives with his parents.
    • nanomaton, on 10/12/2007, -3/+66well then, you better lock your doors!

      *rimshot*

      Sorry, I don't know you, but I couldn't help but get a...

      (wait for it)

      dig in.

      *rimshot*

      I'm here every day folks.
    • markormesher, on 10/12/2007, -1/+40*****!

      I mean... I'm not a virgin... just waiting for the right...

      And I'm moving out soon.
    • DocDEB, on 10/12/2007, -5/+3@nanomaton
      *rimshot*
      Until next Saturday.
    • MaxK, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I don't know whether to mod nanomaton up or down.
    • peon1234, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1what the hell is a rimshot?
    • missflibbles, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1nanomaton, I wish I could digg that up more than once.
    • nanomaton, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1@peon1234

      ba-dum-dum-cshhh
  • phreel0aderr, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7Hmmmm sounds interesting, i will try this one right after i get my cold fusion reactor working.
  • GiJoeBob, on 10/12/2007, -1/+12Disappointed. I was expecting plans to the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
  • Ludwig, on 10/12/2007, -1/+16Should we put paper bags over our heads?
    • markormesher, on 10/12/2007, -0/+11Don't forget to lie down on the floor.
    • DaffyDuck, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7Duck and cover!
    • heffae, on 10/12/2007, -1/+19"Should we put paper bags over our heads?"
      "Yes If you Like"
      "Thats what they told us in the army. Will that help?"
      "No"
    • muaddib420, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2no, try tighty whities, like in wierd science.
    • neoknight, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3no just tin foil on your head, so THEY can't hear you think...or something like that.
  • slimscane, on 10/12/2007, -4/+0Noooo! Now the EVIL GENIUSES know too! Way to go, now we're all going to die >=(
    • MadChicken, on 10/12/2007, -1/+27Simple solution, just implement a form you have to fill out before buying coffee in cans.
  • danc4498, on 10/12/2007, -3/+3They got me all excited with promises of destroying the earth, and the solution turned out to be a picture of Angelina Jolie!!! Argh.
  • Zippo, on 10/12/2007, -3/+2Coffee Can of Mass Destruction?
    *maniacal laughter*
  • batmanjr, on 10/12/2007, -18/+5I'm sorry that was just lame, I don't care how many zeroes or commas are in the article. I agree with one of the above posters that the RUN LIKE HELL part was funny. From my POV it was the only mildly amusing part of the article.
    • ThePharaoh, on 10/12/2007, -3/+19Wow, lucky for us the universe doesn't hinge on your POV...
    • skankyBacon, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4I think you'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own POV.
  • Kbennett, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7There's one major problem with this plan. There's no money in it. Evil genius' don't destroy the world just for kicks, they hold it hostage for massive sums of money. If you don't ask for the leaders of the world to pay you at least one meeeellion dollars, then you're just a fool.
    • MadChicken, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4Or just exceptionally evil
    • ashtonium, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8well, you're obviously not an evil genius are you... OF COURSE WE'D DO IT JUST FOR KICKS! The ransom is just a side perk to see people squirm a bit beforehand.
  • willp2, on 10/12/2007, -2/+28Tried this, didn't work.

    Obviously subatomic matter/anti-matter particles are gay. Really, who didn't already know this?
    • johnhummel, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9Which is why a picture of either Barbara Streisand instead.

      Unless they're lesbian subatomic particles - in which case, the picture of Ms.Jolie *still* should have worked.
    • ChuyMatt, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7Brokeback anti-matter?
  • mrsark, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6wouldnt the easiest way be to figure out the earths resonance frequency and time a series of explosions to make the earth shake itself apart? You probably wouldnt need any real fancy types of explosives. Dynamite would prolly work.
    • DreKor, on 10/12/2007, -4/+2Did you watch The Core too? Well, I guess they actually SAVED the Earth by using the constructive interference produced by coinciding pressure waves produced by timed nuclear detonations inside the mantle, but it's kind of the same thing...
    • ashtonium, on 10/12/2007, -0/+7hmm... lets see... find the resonant freq of the earth and plant intricately timed explosives around the globe... or get a coffee can and some Angelina Jolie pr0n... yeah... your suggestion is definitely easier... uh huh
    • chrischrischris, on 10/12/2007, -0/+3Hey you saw The Core also? That is great. I still (as a previous dugg-down commentor said) want that 6.5 hours of my life back.

      What? It was only how long? Are you sure? Huh felt like 6.5 hours to me.

      I think we just stumbled on another way to destroy the Earth. Run that movie again and put that in front of the coffee can. Those little guys will do anything to incinerate the world. Besides I think I am going to need that photo for a couple of minutes for ...uh .... research. Yeah research to see just how distracting it is.
    • gophertau, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Why is everyone making fun of The Core?

      Where else would I have found out about unobtainium?
      and how to control the entire Internets?
      and that astronauts carry maps of LA in their spacesuits?

      also, even if you pump something at a resonant frequency, you still only get back as much energy as you put in, so you would still need the same amount of energy to destroy earth
  • gr8fuldane, on 10/12/2007, -2/+5Ok, how long is it supposed to take? I set this up hours ago and still no earth shattering kaboom!
    • natterca, on 10/12/2007, -10/+4About as long as it takes to have democracy and peace flourish in Iraq.
    • Murdats, on 10/12/2007, -9/+7which is rougly the same time it will take for america to master the arts of democracy and peace
    • gothamcityprjct, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5I got an earth shattering kaboom and I was still just looking for the right picture...
  • mikesherov, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Legitimate Question: Is it because the time of the reactions are immeasureable that it doesn't impact in our view of the universe, or vice versa? Which is the cause and which is the outcome? Or am I not understanding it properly?
  • HanSolo69, on 10/12/2007, -15/+2wait, what the ***** did i just waste my time reading?
    • corser, on 10/12/2007, -3/+18I don't know but you also wasted it by posting :P
    • hipstershaun, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9I'm guessing any time YOU spend reading is wasted.
  • ralpharama, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Amusing writing. I like mock-evil-genius genre literature.
  • bcaguitar, on 10/12/2007, -1/+28"Destroy the Earth, gasp, but that's where I keep all my stuff!"
    • gr8fuldane, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8Spoon!
    • BrenBeers, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"Destroy the Earth, gasp, but that's where I keep all my stuff!"

      wrapped in a towel of course.
  • jizzatch, on 10/12/2007, -4/+1Is Shiloh Pitt the antichrist? Doesn't prophecy say that the antichrist will be born out of Africa?
  • zaqintosh, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Clearly, we need to engage in a preemptive military strike against Angelina.
  • rafgar, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2LOL I'm gonna digg this just for the laughs. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go distract some subatomic particals with pictures from the set of Tomb Raider.
  • shishira, on 10/12/2007, -3/+4ponder ponder ponder
    vacuum energy, Planck Time, Trans-Planckian Problem,
    ponder ponder ponder
  • acjunglist203, on 10/12/2007, -1/+15Destroy the Earth? What is it, Wednesday already?
    • aranyx, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13Wednesday? Everyone knows that the Earth will end on a Thursday

      "I never could get the hang of Thursdays..."
  • glock22ownr, on 10/12/2007, -0/+9Wait! What just happened? What was I reading? I got distracted by that picture of Angelina Jolie... Where am I ?
  • sanza, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2Well, I am going to destroy the world by harnessing Vacuum Energy with my Dyson Vacuum Cleaner on Friday. It doesn't lose suction and if you are going to TRY to destroy the world I believe your weapon should work properly.
  • P5ycHo, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2any reation to zero point energy?
  • bluenova, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2This could be used for space travel. Angelina Jolie powered shuttles.
  • mikaelc, on 10/12/2007, -5/+1"To completely vaporize the Earth, you'll need to overcome the Gravitational Binding Energy of all of the atoms that hold the planet together."

    Objects are held together by forces that are much stronger than gravity (covalent bonds, Van der Waals, ...). This might explain why his strategy does not work...
    • vuke69, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1But you don't need to break every covalent bond on the planet, you just need to give each "chunk" enough kinetic energy to escape the gravitational forces of the other escaping "chunks". Even if you take the vaporize part literally, you don't need to take everything down to solitary atoms, just individual molecules (or even bigger depending on your definition of vapor).

      Also, the amount of energy that you will need to impart on any given particle should be marginally less than if you were trying to accelerate just that particle to escape velocity.
    • mikaelc, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Bricks, rocks and people are not held together gravitationally (and can hardly count as vapor if taken literally) so some energy would have to be used in order to vaporize them.

      But yes, after having thought a bit about it, the gravitional binding energy is probably bigger than even the chemical energy stored in all covalent bonds on earth: assuming that Earth consists of 1E50 atoms (a number found on the net), its gravitational energy of 2E32 J will translate into 1300 kJ/mol, which is higher than covalent bond energies. (if I'm not to tired to do the math)
  • hobbified, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1@mikaelc: to quote "Things of Interest":

    Feasibility rating: 2/10. As it happens the planet Earth, being neither a solid, rigid nor uniform structure, does not have a simple resonant frequency. It has dozens, and any large movement (such as an earthquake) causes waves of three different types to travel through its structure at varying speeds, all interfering with each other. Simply isolating and focusing on one of these frequencies to work on would be impossible due to interference, not to mention that the energy generated by anything short of a ten point oh would dissipate to immeasurability after a single round trip, and that this would be a singularly inefficient way to transmit kinetic energy into the Earth, and that once the Earth started shaking significantly it would probably break up, do something unpredictable, collapse back to nothing, and force you to start again... No, mechanical resonance with a Tesla machine wouldn't work.
    • mikaelc, on 10/12/2007, -1/+0Well, I'm sure you are right.

      But does this have anything to do with something I said?
  • Gnarx, on 10/12/2007, -5/+0So would a picture of angelina joeli and a coffee can win in a fight against chuck norris?
  • SonicRift, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12I tried this years ago in Tunguska with a picture of John Stamos.
  • tombomb, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2I can think of nothing better to do with my time than to destroy the earth and have a cup of brew!
  • chiptinder, on 10/12/2007, -0/+4That was one of the most genuinely entertaining articles I've read in a while. Cheers!
  • cubiculum, on 10/12/2007, -10/+5This is some of the stupidest ***** I've ever wasted my time reading. I expected something somewhat serious, and found someone failing miserably in their attempt at being funny.
    • hipstershaun, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6You opened a link titled "How to Destroy the Earth With a Coffee Can" and expected to find something serious...

      I kind of feel sorry for you.
  • ASSASSYN, on 10/12/2007, -4/+0I`ll stick to my plan to fly to the center of our galaxy to that super black hole in the middle and capture some of that nice anti-matter spewing out of it. Put it all in a stable gravitational field container fly back to earth utilizing warp of-course and drop it at the earth and run away like the dickins. Should destroy earth and that blasted moon. Or I will implement plan B and build a gigantic "Tractor Beam" and slam the moon into the earth as I escape in my warps ship. Would anyone like to help me fund this project?
  • ChuckCaplan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8If you are wondering how 224,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 is pronounced, it is 224 nonillion. Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orders_of_magnitude_%28numbers%29
  • nnonix, on 10/12/2007, -1/+2I'm waiting for the how-to on just blowing up the pacific coastal states and New York City. Now that'd help us all out.
    • ChuyMatt, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1Would you like to clarify that?

      I am guessing you don't like the cultural effect of the non-central states, right?

      They also are responsable for the vast majority of the GDP.

      It seems to me that you are simply being hateful.
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