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The 10 Wimpiest Team Names in Sports

bleacherreport.com — 9. Cardinals (Arizona, St. Louis —NFL, MLB) No. 9 was formerly the Browns. However, while the name does sound wimpy, the Browns fans did give me some info that made me decide that it doesn't deserve the top ten. So I went with the name Cardinals.

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  • RxEight, on 07/22/2008, -15/+10Dugg for actually knowing about the CFL
  • skewl, on 07/22/2008, -10/+4New Jersey Nets-The New Jersey Nets are a professional basketball team in the National Basketball Association that plays in the Eastern Conference's Atlantic Division. They are currently based in East Rutherford, New Jersey, and play their home games at the Izod Center. The team is scheduled to be relocated to the Brooklyn borough of New York City for the 2010–11 season.
    • Pufflosz, on 07/22/2008, -2/+1it will always be Brendan Byrne Arena to me...
  • u8muhrice, on 07/22/2008, -7/+1Hah, my high school, the Annandale Atoms probably takes the cake... and yes, we actually had an atom as a mascot
    • brjndr, on 07/22/2008, -1/+5Atoms is lame. You should have been the Isotopes!!
      • EtherGnat, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2The minor league baseball team in Albuquerque is the Isotopes.
    • SkippyDoorknob, on 07/22/2008, -1/+11How could you even see him?
      • WriterSD, on 07/22/2008, -0/+1I'm wondering that too. What *does* an atom mascot look like?
    • tacojohn48, on 07/22/2008, -2/+4My high school was the William Blount Governors. Governors just doesn't strike fear in your heart.
      • djholybolt, on 07/22/2008, -0/+3Governer Schwarzenegger will eat your children!

        Don't forget about Gov. Ventura! If you vote nay, he'll put you out with a choke hold!
    • wezman2, on 07/22/2008, -0/+3Rivals of the Springfield Isotopes!
  • mrspurs16, on 07/22/2008, -9/+1Nice spelling of "Whimp"

    Dugg!
  • Linkin4, on 07/22/2008, -5/+32The name Red Sox is NOT hardcore by any means, which officially means this list is worth nothing.
    • vat0r, on 07/22/2008, -7/+14Better than the Yankees.
      • TinternAbbot, on 07/22/2008, -5/+6Yeah, a name referring to a colored article of clothing is way better than one referring to American heritage.
      • vat0r, on 07/22/2008, -0/+1TinternAbbot you should watch the movie Tommy Boy and then you'll see what I meant.
    • ScottoGato, on 07/22/2008, -1/+7"Yes, the Red Sox got their name from the Red Stockings, but the Red Sox don't make my list, because Sox spelled with an "X" is pretty hardcore if you ask me."
      Worst justification possible. Obviously, this person wants to be the good guy and not get all of Massachusetts' panties in a bunch. If you put the Reds up there, this would mean that you should have the Red Sox and the White Sox up there as well.
      • Rudegar, on 07/22/2008, -1/+1i suspect native American slander if you ask me! :P
      • Butros, on 07/22/2008, -0/+3Yup, the Reds and Sox draw their names from the same club founded in 1869. It's just easy to beat up on the Reds these days :( .
      • Xviper78, on 07/23/2008, -0/+2Exactly. At least the Reds came up with, and dropped, the stockings/sox thing. This guy would probably think the Reds would be cooler if they were named The Redz. "A 'z' instead of an 's'? ***** YEAH!"
    • feliks2, on 07/22/2008, -1/+11This list is worth nothing because its written by a sixteen year old who writes like a twelve year old. Honestly, did no one notice this?
    • catwoman2970, on 07/23/2008, -0/+1Yeah, plus dolphins are super smart and scare away sharks. :-)
  • kateyall, on 07/22/2008, -4/+14I think the Nuggets is a sweet team name. C'mon.. who doesn't love nugs?
  • stlredbird, on 07/22/2008, -4/+52So the Cardinals are on there but the Blue Jays aren't?
    This list must have taken about 10 minutes.
    • bluejays47, on 07/22/2008, -0/+4As a Jays fan, I was pleasantly surprised to see that they didn't make the list. Come to think of it, most of baseball's team names could've qualified. I mean... the Rays?
      • dirtyfrog, on 07/22/2008, -0/+5A "Ray" killed the Croc Hunter. Even crocs, gators, and snakes couldn't slow him down.
      • Butros, on 07/22/2008, -0/+3Agreed, they're not even devil rays anymore, and their jersey has a ray of sunshine on it... yeaaah. But they don't suck anymore so hey, go rays?
    • gregmo, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2Yea, and more about the cardinals: the NFL team was the St. Louis Cardinals and they moved to Phoenix and just kept the name. Old team names were birds for the longest time in sports. It was meant to represent the area.
      • EtherGnat, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2If you had enough Cardinals attacking you that could be kind of scary, but what about Stanford's team? It's just the Stanford Cardinal--there's only one of the damn things, that's even lamer.
      • cspark, on 07/23/2008, -0/+0It's because it refers to the color, not the bird.
    • toasterweasel, on 07/23/2008, -0/+3I'm pretty sure this article was written by an eight year old.
    • 8randon, on 07/23/2008, -0/+1yeah.. and this is only men's sports. What about the WNBA? The Dream and the Sky were purposefully wimpy.
    • doubl3d, on 08/28/2008, -0/+1You know blue jays have a reputation for eating nestlings, stealing other birds eggs, chicks and nests.
  • NachoBusiness, on 07/22/2008, -2/+39"The fact that their name comes from a word like stockings get them into the eighth spot on my list. Yes, the Red Sox got their name from the Red Stockings, but the Red Sox don't make my list, because Sox spelled with an "X" is pretty hardcore if you ask me."

    Who wrote this list, a 7th grader? Pretty hardcore...
    • jerrycurley, on 07/22/2008, -0/+0You might be right. I gave him a few more years and put him in high school. But you are probably closer. Either way, it is clear that this kid has never played sports before. His idea of sports is from Sportscenter. And ESPN hasn't been about sports in over a decade.
    • rironin, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2Seconded. I expect even top-10 lists to have more coherent and possibly even clever or funny writing than this.

      Wait. Ha! Okay, honestly, I take it back. The author, Jordan Vertone, is in fact 16 years old, according to his sports writer profile:

      http://bleacherreport.com/users/31231-Jordan-Verto ...

      Kid, you've got some polishing to do in the writing department, but I retract my harshness - keep at it. It's good that you've got such an early start.
  • thunderFoots, on 07/22/2008, -1/+43"When I watch sporting events, I like to imagine the mascots fighting each other. Bears vs. Colts - Sweet, Lions vs. Jaguars - Cool, Wizards vs. Heat - Amazing, Magic vs. Jazz - Ok, this is kind of gay."

    -Demetri Martin
  • Scape89, on 07/22/2008, -1/+1710. Penguins (Pittsburgh—NHL)
    9. Cardinals (Arizona, St. Louis—NFL, MLB)
    8. Reds (Cincinnati—MLB)
    7. Nuggets (Denver—NBA)
    6. Jazz (Utah—NBA)
    5. Ducks (Anaheim—NHL)
    4. Dolphins (Miami—NFL)
    3. Orioles (Baltimore—MLB)
    2. Alouettes (Montreal—CFL)
    1. Angels (Los Angeles of Anaheim—MLB)

    Honorable Mention:
    Browns (Cleveland—NFL)
    North Stars (Minnesota—NHL)
    • SkippyDoorknob, on 07/22/2008, -5/+5In a Bible account, a single angel killed nearly 200,000 soldiers in one night. Seems pretty hardcore to me.
      • feliks2, on 07/22/2008, -1/+4I'm sure any decently skilled wizard could've done the same, so no. Not hardcore.
      • SkippyDoorknob, on 07/22/2008, -0/+3So just because a wizard could do the same, suddenly it's not hardcore for either?
    • liljay2k, on 07/22/2008, -0/+5Knicks aka Knickerbockers
    • hivoltage815, on 07/22/2008, -1/+3I disagree that Jazz is softcore. Firstly, listen to hard bop and free jazz and tell me that some of that isn't intense and secondly, Jazz was a culture of alcohol, weed, and women. In fact, it got its roots in the brothels of Storyville. So if you really think about it, Jazz will kick your ass.
    • junyamint, on 07/22/2008, -0/+4Should have been Number 1:
      The Fighting Violets - New York University
  • kolinkoolface2, on 07/22/2008, -3/+53this is mega lame.
  • theotheragentm, on 07/22/2008, -5/+24Nothing beats Peter Griffin's team, the London Silly Nannies.
  • Trav3133, on 07/22/2008, -3/+4go Bucs!
    • iNoles, on 07/22/2008, -0/+1Dugg for "go Bucs" :)

      I wish A-train is still playing.
  • Flafan, on 07/22/2008, -9/+4The list needs "Buckeyes"
    • gametavern, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2yes, the ass-kicking walnuts (or close to it)
  • aserer511, on 07/22/2008, -7/+2red sox...C'MON!
    • cadmiumpaint, on 07/22/2008, -3/+2at least they have color...white sox are wussier.
  • Eakere, on 07/22/2008, -8/+3Because obviously the word 'sport' only refers to America/Canada..
    • Wakkyweed, on 07/23/2008, -0/+1Good point. Japan has some super-wimpy professional baseball team mascots. Carp? Swallows? Ham Fighters?

      What the hell is a Ham Fighter, anyways?
  • Asianwaste, on 07/22/2008, -5/+2No mention of the "Wizards?
    As much as I like them being a native of Chicago, Cubs isn't the most threatening name out there either.

    Oakland should get the award for the name that went straight to the point: The Athletics.. that or the "Texans"
    I'm also surprised no one down south made "The Confederates"

    Also someone tell me, WTF are Sox?
    If it's the literal meaning then I know of at least 2 teams that should be on that list.
    • profchaos155, on 07/22/2008, -1/+7Wizards? You, sir, have obviously never met Dumbledore.
    • danj321, on 07/22/2008, -1/+4You have obviously never met Gandalff.
  • harronoob, on 07/22/2008, -2/+5I've seen this type of list before, and half of the Big Ten schools make the list :( Go Golden Gophers!
  • rz8472, on 07/22/2008, -3/+9How about college teams like the UC Santa Cruz.... Banana Slugs.
    • feliks2, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2Seriosuly?
    • WriterSD, on 07/22/2008, -0/+1What were they possibly thinking when they picked *that* name?
  • leonardoty, on 07/22/2008, -2/+3In Nebraska, there's a high school team/mascot named "Benson Bunnies".
  • simplicityiskey, on 07/22/2008, -5/+4No Philadelphia Phillies? As Bill Burr once said, "They're a baseball team named after a female horse."
    • graemee, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2I thought a Phillie was a steak meat sandwich. Smothered with cheese, onions & green peppers.
      • WriterSD, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2Yum
      • jankind, on 07/28/2008, -0/+1Yeah man, those things will kill you. Much tougher than the female horse thing...
    • rkiga, on 07/23/2008, -0/+2i'm no phillie fan, but a female horse would still kick the crap out of a bird or a sock
  • TNicholson, on 07/22/2008, -3/+26Stupid, boring, and poorly written.

    We've seen a ton of these lists, but the other ones are actually humorous or at least mildly rousing. Buried.
  • credential101, on 07/22/2008, -5/+3Dugg for all on the same page!
  • p014k, on 07/22/2008, -4/+2How about Sheffield Wednesday Football Club from the England 2nd division. Also known as the Sheffield Wednesday Owls. Wednesday, really? Why not caturday?
    • jarjarwang, on 07/22/2008, -2/+4How about you shut up about British people kicking a ball back and forth.
  • bartofdahammer, on 07/22/2008, -3/+6penguins are in Antarctica
    • lengau, on 07/22/2008, -1/+1Correct (fail 1). And if they think penguins are wimpy, they need to talk to Linus (fail 2).

      Not a very good article.
      And they didn't mention the Proteas (Cricket - South Africa).
      Although maybe they're not so bad, since protea seeds bud during wildfires.
  • homah, on 07/22/2008, -2/+9This list is seriously horrible. Penguins, Cardinals, Reds and Browns are all great names. They all have great uniforms/jerseys and tradition coming out the ass. I question whether this guy is a sports fan. This list needs more teams like the Rays (why'd they have to drop the "Devil") and Wizards (they are the Bullets, damn it) and fewer like the Cards and Browns.

    edit - forgot the Minnesota Wild, that name is also garbage.
  • PolishLogic, on 07/22/2008, -4/+1No mention of the Laramie Limp-wrists?
  • IkeMavent, on 07/22/2008, -3/+15Idiots who think like this guy are the reason we have a team named "Raptors" in major professional sports
    • jrburkh, on 07/22/2008, -0/+1Wasn't that in response to the popularity of Jurassic Park around the time the team joined the NBA? Lame.
  • preban, on 07/22/2008, -2/+14Since when have poorly written articles by ignorant punks that have no idea what they're writing about become insightful prose? I'm seeing more and more of these "hey-gang-what's-up-with-these-things-that-existed-before-i-was-born" *****.

    I know, it's Digg.
  • davidrools, on 07/22/2008, -1/+6I thought the Toronto Maple Leafs should have been on there for sure. That and the LA Dodgers. Yeah they were the Brooklyn trolley dodgers, but that's not much more manly. If anything they're wimps for getting scared away by trollies.
    • Coffeedemon, on 07/23/2008, -0/+2The Leafs are named after a Canadian Regiment from World War 1.
  • boardthis, on 07/22/2008, -3/+3horrible list. mentioning the red sox without mentioning the white sox. the only thing the author got right was he started the countdown at #10 instead of #1. some other team names that are a lot more wHimpier include...

    twins (twinkies), blue jays, clippers, lakers, jazz, blues, maple leafs, dodgers (used to be trolley dodgers), mets (metropolitans), phillies, knickerbockers, magic (wee we're magical), packers (named after the indian packing company who owned the team at conception).
    • scheibs14, on 07/22/2008, -0/+1Twins were named after the Twin Cities area (Minneapolis and St. Paul). That's why they were the first MLB baseball team to use their state in their team name.
  • leerayIG88, on 07/22/2008, -1/+1they need a penguin team. imo
  • cusoman, on 07/22/2008, -1/+4Author seems to forget that the North Stars went to Dallas and became the Stars long long ago. So why didn't the Stars make the list? Don't mess with the N.Stars - it still hurts us Minnesotans, *right here*.

    Also, no Lakers? Maybe it made sense when they were in Minneapolis, but how many lakes does L.A have? One? Either way, naming a team after a pretty docile body of water is pretty damn wimpy.
    • SwedishNinja, on 07/22/2008, -0/+3Being a fellow Minnesotan myself, it does sadden me how our sports teams and good players are always coaxed away at the prospect of more money and championship rings :(
    • CoronaVegas, on 07/22/2008, -1/+1Also a fellow Minnesotan-
      since when does a pair of Twins instill fear? And unless you own a golf course is a Gopher really that frightening?
      I think one of our sports teams should be named the Minnesota Winter Whales, since all we do all winter is sit around and plump up wile we are stuck inside our homes and workplaces. Alright, I am done. (probably a couple sentences too long, but it had to be said).
      • whodi, on 07/22/2008, -3/+1Holy *****!!! Theres at least 2 people who live in Minnesota?
        LoL @ The entire state of Minnesota!
  • ileftfark, on 07/22/2008, -3/+14The New Zealand All Blacks get the award for most misleading team name.
  • cadmiumpaint, on 07/22/2008, -2/+6How bout the new OKC Thunder? Almost as bad as the Minnesota Wild.
  • matero5009, on 07/22/2008, -6/+2they forgot Montreal Canadiens


  • PilotHead, on 07/22/2008, -7/+1The California Fudge Packers
  • FreddieD, on 07/22/2008, -2/+1University of San Francisco Dons? WTF is a Don, other than a mob boss?
  • jarjarwang, on 07/22/2008, -2/+4This article managed to piss me off over and over again.
  • j1a1g1, on 07/22/2008, -1/+5how about the vols from tennessee (volunteers). pretty wimpy.
    • phatboye, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2If we were including non professional sports then yes that would be in the number one spot.
  • jpcola, on 07/22/2008, -3/+3I feel Oklahoma City Thunder (NBA) deserves to be on the list. The owners are lying mega-wimps and are not creative enough to come up with a real name for a basketball team.
  • gradivus, on 07/22/2008, -3/+1***** him. No Rays? This guy doesnt deserve the page hits. He can stick his lame ass list up his ass.
  • wrathoftheafe, on 07/22/2008, -0/+7Montgomery Biscuits - AA affiliate of the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montgomery_Biscuits

    "Their mascot is "Monty", an anthropomorphized buttermilk biscuit."

    "The Biscuits' owners selected the team's nickname from an entry in a "name the team" contest, due in part to the potential marketing and pun possibilities (ex. "Hey, Butter, Butter, Butter" or the team's souvenir store, the "Biscuit Basket"). During games, biscuits are shot from an air cannon, into the stands."
  • citystar05, on 07/22/2008, -2/+2RedSox




    How lame!
  • tomthebitx, on 07/22/2008, -2/+1Montgomery Biscuits - AA Affiliate of the Tampa Bay Rays

    http://www.biscuitsbaseball.com
  • SnuKs, on 07/22/2008, -0/+5Angel's maybe lame, but they have the best record in MLB.
    • blahhhhhh, on 07/22/2008, -5/+1They should be called the "Gay"ngels of Fagaheim
      • speedk0re, on 07/22/2008, -1/+2that is the stupidest thing i've ever read, but i can't stop laughing... kudos to you!
  • BluesFan, on 07/22/2008, -2/+4North Stars (Minnesota—NHL)??????? if your talking about past NHL teams then you might as well add the Hartford Whalers and Quebec Nordiques to that list..
  • drimo, on 07/22/2008, -0/+2Buried. What's with ripping on the hockey teams that have good, respectable names for their regions? And calling out the Reds just because of their name but giving a pass to both the Red Sox and the White Sox for have the same basic name (Cincinnati Red Legs / Stockings) is stupid.
  • chasenyc, on 07/22/2008, -1/+7Cubs isn't so tough either...
    • jankind, on 07/28/2008, -0/+1A baby bear is still a bear. If I'm a penguin, I'm not ***** with it. (Different sports, I know)
  • Jo9100, on 07/22/2008, -3/+2What about the St. Louis Blues from the NHL? The Blueess!! I mean ah come on...
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