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whowillsurvive2012.com - The Mayan Calendar predicts the end of time: 2012. See the trailer for 2012, opening November 13.
67 Comments
- inactive, on 01/29/2009, -4/+46It's the Onion, folks. Don't freak out.
omg. - inactive, on 01/30/2009, -0/+39GOD DAMN ONION ALWAYS GETS ME. I need to stop getting high.
- insertAliasHere, on 01/29/2009, -2/+32Unfamiliar with The Onion, I see.
- KissMyDaddio, on 01/29/2009, -2/+29I dunno. This doesn't pass the sniff test, Onion...
- handheldchimp, on 01/30/2009, -3/+29Digg this if you were totally, shamefully fooled into believing this before looking at what website this came from.
- maxtrix, on 01/29/2009, -2/+26Did you guys even read the article??
"In light of the new football size, coaches for both the Steelers and Cardinals are advising their players to wear gloves, carry the ball with both arms at all times, and lift with their legs and not their backs when recovering fumbles."
Sounds legit to me... - belyle, on 01/29/2009, -2/+24More like bury your comment.
- haydesigner, on 01/30/2009, -1/+17And I heard their footballs are larger, too.
- swgc5, on 01/29/2009, -3/+17The CFL actually has bigger balls. Anyway, pretty funny article.
- abstracthuman, on 01/30/2009, -3/+16Even though you're totally correct, you're still an idiot.
- Gosunkugi, on 01/30/2009, -2/+14Thank you, Dwight Schrute.
- inactive, on 01/30/2009, -2/+11Pot + Internet = Onion.
- 13373h4X0r, on 01/30/2009, -2/+10I think the writers for the Onion are awesome. Way more hits than misses.
Just as certain science fiction stories can be intriguing because of their descriptions of scenarios that might actually come true (or might have been had other past events happened differently), I think the Onion is fascinating because of its proximity to truth or because the scenarios described in the articles might (if things continue down an insane path) eventually happen.
I loved how the Onion, in their video news series, branded the long campaign season to select our next president as the "War for the White House", with each such news clip beginning with a dramatic animation of fighter planes, huge explosions, etc, around the White House. Like the opening sequence for the "Colbert Report", the Onion's satire on ridiculous, sensational imagery used to introduce news segments gets a lot of laughs because we all know that their hyperbole is not too far beyond the truth.
Anyhow, although the writers for the Onion probably hope that we will laugh at their stories, I often get just as much enjoyment from considering how somewhat less incredible versions of their stories might eventually come true.
So, for the "Super Bowl Football To Be Slightly Bigger" story, I was imagining how, say, making the football an inch greater in diameter than normal might affect game play. I bet a graph of "Fumble Rate vs. Football Diameter" would form a nice, smooth curve if hundreds of games were included in a data set. Other game stats, like touchdown rate, pass completion rate, etc, could also be correlated to football diameter. I think it would be very interesting to see the results of such studies. So, the only reason *I* thought the story might be bogus -- upon seeing only the headline -- was the implausibility of any such change to football diameter being made at the last minute before a game with huge stakes. But, I have to say, that although the teams would be horrified by such a change, this kind of gimmick would be a dream for the television networks and the NFL. There would ABSOLUTELY be a big boost in interest and viewership. Almost nobody would know what to expect. Vegas would hate it, I think. But TV and advertisers? They'd be all for it. I bet marketing guys LOVE a lot of the ideas proposed by the Onion... It's where they would go if they could, but the world isn't ready. LOL! It's like the Onion's 5-blade razor joke -- as ridiculous as it is inevitable; only time will enable us to finally pass judgment. - poopdigger, on 01/30/2009, -1/+6I think this is a sign that it's time for me to go to bed (when I believe the Onion)
- tramblings, on 01/30/2009, -1/+6Reminds me of when the NBA introduced a new basketball.
http://www.nba.com/news/blackbox_060628.html
We all remember how that worked out.
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/basketball/nba/2006 ... - maxtrix, on 01/30/2009, -0/+5I didn't forget it... it was implied
- badenglishihave, on 01/30/2009, -1/+4I was gonna read a story on digg... but then I got high.
- alconebay, on 01/30/2009, -0/+3Verses using using an onion?
- Gosunkugi, on 01/30/2009, -0/+3So, if this were true and not an Onion post, would this mean that the Super Bowl has the biggest balls of them all?
- zjbird, on 01/30/2009, -1/+3That's slightly boring.
- yurimxpxman, on 01/31/2009, -0/+2It had me until I saw the article.
- doctordbx, on 01/30/2009, -1/+3So many = 4?
- bxzcd, on 01/30/2009, -1/+3It had me till I saw onions all over the place.
- JesusFreack, on 01/30/2009, -0/+2It is possible to know what satire is without knowing that the onion is satire. Half of the time the onion's articles are believable until halfway through them. But that being said, he should have probably read the whole thing, and if he still didn't know it was satire... well then.
- convergent, on 01/30/2009, -0/+2Technically I'd think they'd know about the Onion if they stayed home smoking pot and surfing the internet.
- hawksfan03, on 01/30/2009, -0/+2you like it in the pooper?
- Dycacian, on 01/30/2009, -0/+2You walked into that one with your eyes shut, and a big target on your back.
- Democrat69, on 02/01/2009, -0/+1Your gut will get bigger w/ super bowl foods http://digg.com/football/5_Worst_Super_Bowl_Foods_ ...
- yurimxpxman, on 01/31/2009, -0/+1You, sir, lose an internet.
- yurimxpxman, on 01/31/2009, -0/+1So, in short, "The Onion is funny for its satirical view on a situation that could come true."
DAMN.. one sentence would've done nicely. - nils, on 01/30/2009, -1/+2The Onion ftw.
- wTheOnew, on 02/01/2009, -0/+1You would like that, wouldn't you?
- handheldchimp, on 01/30/2009, -0/+1Engrish?
- drewfusb, on 01/30/2009, -0/+1nah, they need to fill them with flubber
- convergent, on 01/30/2009, -0/+1Not reading that, but I'm really not sure if i should digg you up or down for writing an essay about the onion.
- gizram84, on 05/30/2009, -0/+1dugg for AD
- jimic79, on 01/30/2009, -0/+1Wow, i really need to check the page header before reading an article. I had no idea that was the Onion until i went back and said "that can't be real..."
Good Show, The Onion... Good Show.. - estrategy, on 01/30/2009, -0/+1Good interview with Al Michaels about to call his 7th Super Bowl.
http://digg.com/football/An_Interview_With_Al_Mich ... - misreto, on 01/30/2009, -0/+1Ahhh ***** damn you Onion. I just woke up and didnt realize it was you until I noticed the article was kinda short and the layout was green. You got me.
- mahmudjtb, on 02/16/2009, -0/+0Super Bowl Football To Be Slightly Bigger , I also support that's Post.
You can Follow Live Sports also in this link.- http://live-football-2010.blogspot.com - kramnai, on 01/30/2009, -0/+0Or it could be they use Australian Rules sized footballs which are larger and no problem for Ben Graham the Auusie Kicker.
- EvoIII8, on 01/30/2009, -1/+1The Onion is the biggest piece of *****...
- GordonClass, on 01/30/2009, -0/+0They forgot the part where the balls will be filled with Helium.
- KayIslandDrunk, on 01/30/2009, -2/+2It doesn't take an internet elitist to know about the onion. Hell, almost every store within walking distance of my apartment seems to have the print copy.
- yurimxpxman, on 01/31/2009, -1/+1linagee..
That's what she said! - dannymb877, on 01/30/2009, -4/+4It's 2:51am and I'm reading that? Come on!!
- belandrew, on 01/30/2009, -1/+1***** theonion
- hadi2f, on 02/03/2009, -0/+0Awesome stuff going on over here http://www.ishoutloud.com
It's cool, I even posted my own article in a snap, no need for registration crap - inactive, on 01/31/2009, -0/+0Yumm, onions.
- gizram84, on 05/30/2009, -1/+1that was his point
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