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Time Traveler: Everyone In The Future Eats Dippin' Dots

theonion.com — "It seems the legends of 21st-century man's crude ice cream –eating habits are all true," Wolcott said. "I see the way you consume these dripping concoctions with protruding tongues, the way the dark cream dribbles down your chins, the way your workers must dig tirelessly with spherical metal 'scooping' devices to even obtain this product."

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  • stejules, on 03/31/2008, -14/+3Dudes I know this it doesn't taste very well! lol
    Greetinx Ste!
    • AndrewDB, on 03/31/2008, -0/+19Quit signing your posts.

      You do it to every single thing you post. This is not a forum, it's digg. We can read who wrote the ***** post right above your writing.
      • saxreturns, on 03/31/2008, -2/+2While this may be true, I've grown to look forward to being sent his 'greetinx'.
    • skoobisnaxs, on 03/31/2008, -0/+1crazy delicious. Really... better than mr. pibb and red vines

      Maybe not...
    • smacksaw, on 03/31/2008, -2/+1If you're going to blogspam, just ***** say "blogspamx", ok?

      If I were Kevin, I would make it so that every time you type "greetingx" you get a week-long ban.
  • aaaleman, on 03/31/2008, -8/+1I anyone here doesn't think that the cookies n' cream DDots are the ONLY flavor worth considering, then I must let you know that you are dead wrong.
    • kimballj, on 03/31/2008, -0/+1I for you or against you are cookies n' cream?
  • theAlice, on 03/31/2008, -5/+2Damn you, now I want Dippin Dots.
  • david468, on 03/31/2008, -6/+4Not going to happen.
  • hollyminkowski, on 03/31/2008, -12/+8That story is lame.
    Totally not funny.
    • warispeace21, on 03/31/2008, -1/+3The last line was pretty funny.
  • zrthstr, on 03/31/2008, -3/+7Be excellent to each other; consume Dippin' Dots and always party on, dudes.
  • saxreturns, on 03/31/2008, -3/+11Hmmm... this is not The Onion's best work by a long way. I suppose it doesn't help that I'm from the UK and don't know what the hell Dippin' Dots are.
  • skoobisnaxs, on 03/31/2008, -6/+2they are great... if you havent tried them, you need to. Just wish they weren't only at malls and theme parks..
    • JesusHatesYou, on 03/31/2008, -0/+1Wish they had soylent green flavor.
  • smacksaw, on 03/31/2008, -11/+17Tired: The Onion
    Wired: Cracked.com

    Tired: The Onion articles on Digg's front page
    Wired: Burying Onion articles on Digg

    Tired: Wired's Tired/Wired lists
    Wired: Mocking them on Digg while mocking oneself for using them
    • NaziHatinChimp, on 03/31/2008, -0/+8Oh thank you smacksaw. I was wondering what kind of content you wanted me to read and what is funny so now I know. Remember cracked was just a ***** magazine before digg came along to save their ass.
    • DanH, on 03/31/2008, -0/+2Tired: your sense of humor.
  • MasterGracey, on 03/31/2008, -5/+4wtf? lame.
  • Laughto, on 03/31/2008, -0/+3Dugg for last paragraph
  • zardoz73, on 03/31/2008, -7/+1The Onion used to be great, and is now hit-or-miss. This is a miss.
    Dipping Dots is terrible, terrible ice cream.
  • lamiaconfitor, on 03/31/2008, -3/+2ummm.. onion diggers can do better.
  • buzz86us, on 03/31/2008, -2/+0well i like this article the reporter went on everything the actor for said which made this even funnier and over the top than an article that knocks dippin dots. but i ask this will all ice cream taste horrible, cost 9 bucks a cup, and only be sold at theme parks get real dippin dots people.
    street performing is the highest art form
  • Cogboy, on 03/31/2008, -0/+1I was watching xfiles when i saw this story and scully was eating an icecream. Then she said "its not icecream, it's a non-fat tofuti rice dreamcicle."
    Needless to say I was painfully dissapointed.
  • neuro420, on 03/31/2008, -8/+1The onion sucks, its never funny. I don't get why its popular, it always so lame.
    • mrjofo, on 03/31/2008, -2/+2Get your sense of humor checked. I think it's broken.
      • neuro420, on 04/02/2008, -1/+1Your entitled to your wrong opinion, nomatter how wrong it is.
  • seans33, on 03/31/2008, -1/+7I am 16 years old, and living in America. Having served both traditional ice cream and dippin' dots at an amusement park, I was able to fully appreciate this article for what it was.
  • frosted, on 03/31/2008, -3/+0Yuck, children don't eat frozen treats in the future, they eat soylent ice cream. It's just like eating dead people, except good for you and the environment. Recycle now!
  • yabbi, on 03/31/2008, -6/+0Worst April Fools Ever ..... wonder what google r doing
  • TheWriteGuy, on 03/31/2008, -0/+5I'm more disturbed by there being only five stars on the American flag.
  • Xondar, on 03/31/2008, -1/+9"Before he left, Wolcott also mentioned that, in the future, 99 percent of the world's population has AIDS and we are all slaves to the machines."

    Bwahahahahahahaha!!
  • Kevin108, on 03/31/2008, -9/+1Has the Onion ever been funny?
    • mrjofo, on 03/31/2008, -0/+5Pretty much every time I read it. Quite often, they can crack me up with just a headline.
  • rockrodger, on 03/31/2008, -4/+1Now that I have read this the terrorists have won.
  • zantos420, on 03/31/2008, -3/+1FTD: "the way the dark cream dribbles down your chins"

    buried.
    • JesusHatesYou, on 03/31/2008, -2/+0That's a line from Little White Chicks and Big Black Dicks #16!!!
  • NaziHatinChimp, on 03/31/2008, -0/+7Dude! I have been saying this for the past few years. I have been eating Dippin Dots since I was a kid and now I am like "OK, it's the future, it should be just called Ice Cream now." Then just the other day I saw Dipin Dots without that logo.

    Dippin Dots are making moves people. Dippin Dots are making moves.
  • clkleebe, on 03/31/2008, -0/+19To people saying "wtf, this isn't funny": the Dippin' Dots slogan is "Ice Cream of the Future."
  • FloorModel, on 03/31/2008, -1/+0when I was a kid those Astronaut sticks, that tasted like they were made from ground up astronaut, were the food of the future. Look how well that turned out.
  • Enfilade, on 03/31/2008, -2/+3This week on digg... last week's onion articles.
  • lambda, on 03/31/2008, -0/+2I LOL'd
  • smithricher, on 04/01/2008, -0/+1very good!Shch is life,So,hurry to enjoy life in 21th
  • smithricher, on 04/01/2008, -0/+1I transte it to chinese:
    http://haodayin.cn/2008/04/01/%e6%97%b6%e9%97%b4%e ...
  • bringmeupmusic, on 04/01/2008, -0/+1Lol, gotta love the onion
  • 5xSTUN, on 04/01/2008, -0/+2I've been joking about Dippin' Dots for years, asking how much longer until the future comes and ice cream is replaced by Dippin' Dots. Usually I use this schtick to annoy the people with whom I am walking through the local county fair, where Dippin' Dots stands abound, as they have for decades.
    My first reaction was, "Dammit, The Onion stole my joke!" But now I realize that lots of people have been joking about it. It seems pretty obvious.
  • gojavago, on 04/02/2008, -0/+1I haven't seen a dippin' dots in years! I thought they weren't around anymore!
  •  

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