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The 5 Best Foods That Will Kill You

doubleviking.com — To honor the surplus of soon to be vanquished New Year ’s resolutions, I cheerfully present the top 5 delicious meals that will ensure you die a slow and painful death.

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  • josefresco, on 01/07/2008, -2/+11this article is making me hungry, getting close to lunch it seems
    • cowsgonemadd3, on 01/07/2008, -2/+5onwards to the slow painful but yet tasty death?
    • Samosama, on 01/07/2008, -1/+1"If you conform to the notion that pizza is like sex (never bad, just varying degrees of good), than this pizza would be a harem of sex-starved 19 year-old swimsuit models stricken with syphilis." Sounds good enough to me!
    • allywilson, on 01/07/2008, -0/+5Having grown up in the 2nd fattest country in the world (Scotland) - I suggest you try Deep Fried Mars Bars.
  • CaptainNoPants, on 01/07/2008, -6/+77I love wings. I would gladly die by their saucy goodness than by any other means. Except maybe drowning in a sea of naked Jessica Biels.
    • glory, on 01/07/2008, -1/+8Chicken wings really aren't that bad for you. It's good protein.
      • dorkino, on 01/07/2008, -2/+5Chicken wings are horrible for you. They're loaded with fat and calories. Take, for example, Hooter's wing sauce. The primary ingredient is sweet cream butter.
        • meatmcguffin, on 01/07/2008, -1/+2Oh Lisa, that's a load of rich creamery butter.
      • axel2k1, on 01/08/2008, -5/+1Fat isn't necessarily bad for you. Before you downvote me, please read.

        Back in the 1950s and 60s, the newest instruments to detect heart disease became widely used. Suddenly, largely because of confirmation bias, doctors everywhere "found" heart disease in a larger and larger number of patients. It appeared to be reaching "epidemic" proportions, simply due to this bias and the new instruments to measure heart disease.

        Ancel Keys, one of the men instrumental in developing the whole idea that high fat and cholesterol intake leads to clogged arteries and heart disease, came up with this hypothesis with little evidence to back him up. He sought to prove this theory by looking at historical studies to prove that high fat intake is associated with heart disease while ignoring the studies that refuted this theory. As any good scientist will tell you, seeking out evidence to prove your point like this is "confirmation bias," and completely invalidates and conclusions you may draw from said evidence.

        Ancel Keys then went on to do various population studies to see what type of diet was best. There really was no correlation between fat intake and heart disease, but, not to be discouraged, he picked through various population studies to find those few that did confirm his original theory, and national policy was changed to reflect his original, flawed hypothesis.

        The whole "low fat" mantra that spawned in the 1970s was a way to recommend that people lower their total calorie consumption. The idea was that fat has around 9 calories per gram, whereas carbohydrate and protein have approximately 4 calories per gram. You could eat the same amount of food and lower your calorie intake if you simply refrained from eating fat as much as possible.

        These dietary recommendations spawned a "revolution" of new historical studies that found that high intake of fat resulted in higher incidence of heart disease and cancer. Unfortunately, most of those performing the studies, themselves, suffered from confirmation bias in attempting to confirm the already-established "fact" that low fat is good. I've read studies from around the era that showed that low fat diets themselves are detrimental to health where the researched then state that, because they didn't find that low fat diets were good, their studies must have been flawed.

        The movement to "unsaturated" fats also followed a greatly misled mantra that fat coming from animals must be bad. There were massive recommendations that people eat polyunsaturated fats, especially replacing butter with margarine (which is high in partially hydrogenated oils, substances that should really be considered toxic). Heart disease risk was lowered, but the incidence of cancer skyrocketed. They didn't look at the overall risk of morality in the studies that "confirmed" their beliefs.

        It's not until very recently that researchers have begun to take a serious look at whether the original hypothesis that fat intake causes heart disease is correct or not. There are numerous studies that show that saturated fat intake is associated with an overall lower risk of mortality. There are also numerous studies that show that saturated fat can have a "mixed" effect (good AND bad) on blood lipid levels, but only when intake is in combination with fast-acting (read: refined) sources of carbohydrates.

        As an aside, I think the "hippy" movement of the 1960s is largely responsible for the original assumptions that fueled the confirmation bias that eating animals is bad, and this has translated, today, into the animal rights movement, with PETA and others sponsoring studies to "confirm" that animal fat intake is detrimental to health.
    • schnikies79, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2I'm sure it is related to how they are fixed.

      Buffalo Wild Wings bakes their wings instead of frying them. My friend and I used to go there every Tuesday. It was great, eat a bunch of wings and get demolished on the beer specials.
      • cdahlkvist, on 01/10/2008, -0/+1Except for the fact that Buffalo Wild Wings deep fries their wings....
    • kushed, on 01/07/2008, -1/+1hmmmmmm.. Jessica Biel http://bp1.blogger.com/_ZxOJaYus_vU/RbSKpcEaGHI/AA ...
    • Peko, on 01/07/2008, -1/+3Sir, I humbly propose a sea of jessica -and- wings. Hot and spicy! and er, the wings with the hot and spicy too.
    • L0g1X, on 01/08/2008, -1/+0The only thing bad about chicken wings is the sauce and sometimes the deep frying oil (if they deep fry it). The chicken itself is healthy. It's okay to eat a lot if you're a girl, but if you're a guy you'll be taking in too much iron.

      It's okay to go to a wings night several times a month as long as your everyday meal is normal food. Possibly the worst sauce to get is the teriyaki sauce because it is loaded with salt; more than salt & pepper flavored wings.
  • Trustthedust, on 01/07/2008, -1/+28Poutine AND Wings. might as well die now.
    • cameronnat, on 01/14/2008, -0/+0GOO that looks like death alright :S
  • Member148, on 01/07/2008, -11/+3And they say you need a gun, knife, pills, etc., to commit suicide. So much for that. Keep the mouth shut and live. :-)
  • pedrovoltaire, on 01/07/2008, -1/+5those eggs look so good...
  • jupaneanu, on 01/07/2008, -1/+6Man, at least I can die happy!!!
  • diggstown, on 01/07/2008, -1/+44Only 5? Where's the Loaded Cheese-Fries? How about the Deep fried Twinkie? Kitchen-sink Sundaes? Mmmmmmm.
    • EXreaction, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2What about pancake battered and deep fried double chocolate brownies?
    • KeepSwinging, on 01/07/2008, -0/+3Moonwaffle?
    • izlander, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2What about hand-grenade pie?
    • joshuaer, on 01/07/2008, -0/+3thats why doubleviking sucks!
    • SteelFrog, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2...you guys have deep fried Twinkies!?
    • jizzlies, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1loaded cheese fries...mmmm
    • aduzik, on 01/09/2008, -0/+1At the Iowa State Fair, we have all that and more. If you can put it on a stick and/or deep fry it, there's about a 100% chance someone is selling it at the Fair.
  • meandnips, on 01/07/2008, -3/+9Everything fun is bad for you, or so "they" say. I say, be damned with it and have fun once in awhile! Cuban sandwiches are amazing, heart attack on a plate or not.
  • WilD9, on 01/07/2008, -1/+5I love all of that. In other news I'm going to die soon of heart complications.
  • techweenie1, on 01/07/2008, -21/+4I've never heard Poutine or a Cuban Burger... (puts on my list of things never to try).
  • omgdspmpg, on 01/07/2008, -28/+6repulsive, bury this crap. create higher standards.
    • chrillen, on 01/07/2008, -2/+8WHAT? All of it looks delicious!
    • Neuticals, on 01/07/2008, -1/+7Higher standards than a list of incredibly tasty foods that hasten death?

      I should think not, sir!
    • arbulus, on 01/07/2008, -2/+2Oh, come on:

      "If you conform to the notion that pizza is like sex (never bad, just varying degrees of good), than[sic] this pizza would be a harem of sex-starved 19 year-old swimsuit models stricken with syphilis."

      Dugg just for that.
  • Roblodocus, on 01/07/2008, -2/+8Got to admit, death sure is tastey.
  • topace3000, on 01/07/2008, -1/+2Wow, good tasting foods are fatty. Thanks.
  • darny, on 01/07/2008, -2/+17instantly dugg for "ham-wallet"
    • BbIT, on 01/07/2008, -1/+1i second that motion. Bloodhound Gang FTW!
  • iamh2, on 01/07/2008, -1/+3that makes me want a Cuban burger soooo bad
  • Trance750, on 01/07/2008, -2/+8Well now-a-days, even breathing will kill you.
    • joot2112, on 01/08/2008, -0/+1That's true. If you are taking off in an airplane on a clear day, look at the horizon and see why.
  • xdvx, on 01/07/2008, -0/+6I will kill you!
  • testastretta, on 01/07/2008, -0/+39Poutine is not French, it's Canadian. I'm a Murrikun living in Paris and while there are many, many items here which are worthy of CHF, a dramatic MI, or Zocor for life, you can blame the Canucks for poutine.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine
    • backgen, on 01/07/2008, -0/+6Blame? In fact if i may correct you even more, it is not all canadians that deserve the credit for creating the wondrous beauty that is Poutine...Good poutine may only be found in Quebec and i stand by that generalization.
      • bobartig, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2That may be true, but I will assert that even bad poutine is pretty good. We had some fast food Poutine while I was up in Alberta near the US boarder. Not only was I like 45 minutes from the US, and almost as far from Quebec as you can get, but in a very un-french part of Canada. And, the poutine was still awesome.
    • bobartig, on 01/07/2008, -2/+2And Chicken wings aren't breaded. His article had quite a few mistakes. For instance, how is a cuban burger supposed to be worse for you than a bacon burger? Ham is downright healthy compared to bacon.
      • thecrazyd, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1Hot wings are indeed usually breaded, fried, then covered in sauce. I don't know if I have ever seen hot wings that were not breaded.
    • blitzer, on 01/07/2008, -1/+2Ah Quebec... Celine Dion and Poutine.

      Pretty short list.
    • generalzod1, on 01/08/2008, -1/+1Poutine was actually created by the Japanese when they fought the Mexicans over the Holy War in which they conquered the great wall in China!
    • ChzPlz, on 01/08/2008, -0/+2sweet cholesterol Jesus do I love poutine.

      And I'm from Quebec, but I have had very good poutine now that I live in Ottawa. Elgin Street Diner hangover breakfast (poutine instead of home fries) FTW!
  • Jo9100, on 01/07/2008, -0/+19Poutine: Quebec's finest meal :D . If you haven't tasted this yet, this is a benediction. Deadly one, but sooo goood
    • Triachus, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1Nothing like Montreal's own poutine smashed together with smoked meat. The American equivalent would be like stuffing a big mac with a three musketeers.
      Ciel de la bouche.
    • melonhedd, on 01/08/2008, -0/+0That's not what it means.
  • ricky125, on 01/07/2008, -5/+4What woman wrote this article?
  • emalen, on 01/07/2008, -0/+6What about the Killer Tomatoes???
  • spect3r, on 01/07/2008, -0/+12Puffer Fish?
    • wrathchilde, on 01/07/2008, -0/+0blow fish, similar... but not
    • varble, on 01/08/2008, -0/+0You mean fugu. I've eaten it many times, and I'm still here. Its pretty rare that some one dies from eating it.
  • Schmegzulestien, on 01/07/2008, -1/+2these foods won't kill me.... hunger will
    • axel2k1, on 01/08/2008, -2/+0Exactly.
      Fat isn't necessarily bad for you. Before you downvote me, please read.
      Back in the 1950s and 60s, the newest instruments to detect heart disease became widely used. Suddenly, largely because of confirmation bias, doctors everywhere "found" heart disease in a larger and larger number of patients. It appeared to be reaching "epidemic" proportions, simply due to this bias and the new instruments to measure heart disease.
      Ancel Keys, one of the men instrumental in developing the whole idea that high fat and cholesterol intake leads to clogged arteries and heart disease, came up with this hypothesis with little evidence to back him up. He sought to prove this theory by looking at historical studies to prove that high fat intake is associated with heart disease while ignoring the studies that refuted this theory. As any good scientist will tell you, seeking out evidence to prove your point like this is "confirmation bias," and completely invalidates and conclusions you may draw from said evidence.
      Ancel Keys then went on to do various population studies to see what type of diet was best. There really was no correlation between fat intake and heart disease, but, not to be discouraged, he picked through various population studies to find those few that did confirm his original theory, and national policy was changed to reflect his original, flawed hypothesis.
      The whole "low fat" mantra that spawned in the 1970s was a way to recommend that people lower their total calorie consumption. The idea was that fat has around 9 calories per gram, whereas carbohydrate and protein have approximately 4 calories per gram. You could eat the same amount of food and lower your calorie intake if you simply refrained from eating fat as much as possible.
      These dietary recommendations spawned a "revolution" of new historical studies that found that high intake of fat resulted in higher incidence of heart disease and cancer. Unfortunately, most of those performing the studies, themselves, suffered from confirmation bias in attempting to confirm the already-established "fact" that low fat is good. I've read studies from around the era that showed that low fat diets themselves are detrimental to health where the researched then state that, because they didn't find that low fat diets were good, their studies must have been flawed.
      The movement to "unsaturated" fats also followed a greatly misled mantra that fat coming from animals must be bad. There were massive recommendations that people eat polyunsaturated fats, especially replacing butter with margarine (which is high in partially hydrogenated oils, substances that should really be considered toxic). Heart disease risk was lowered, but the incidence of cancer skyrocketed. They didn't look at the overall risk of morality in the studies that "confirmed" their beliefs.
      It's not until very recently that researchers have begun to take a serious look at whether the original hypothesis that fat intake causes heart disease is correct or not. There are numerous studies that show that saturated fat intake is associated with an overall lower risk of mortality. There are also numerous studies that show that saturated fat can have a "mixed" effect (good AND bad) on blood lipid levels, but only when intake is in combination with fast-acting (read: refined) sources of carbohydrates.
      As an aside, I think the "hippy" movement of the 1960s is largely responsible for the original assumptions that fueled the confirmation bias that eating animals is bad, and this has translated, today, into the animal rights movement, with PETA and others sponsoring studies to "confirm" that animal fat intake is detrimental to health.
  • shadowmoose, on 01/07/2008, -0/+8That Cuban burger looks gooooooooooood.
  • soulpunisher, on 01/07/2008, -7/+1No I think this will kill you more It's a crispy cream double bacon burger!!! http://journals.aol.com/dcsportsguy/mrirrelevant/e ...

    Also there is some guy who also deep fires it too the whole burger
  • bingobongony, on 01/07/2008, -5/+6There is honestly noting at all good about anything doubleviking has ever done.
    • chris9902, on 01/07/2008, -1/+1what?
      • bingobongony, on 01/07/2008, -2/+4What I was saying is that unless you are 10 years old or younger (and even 10 is pushing it), double viking is the biggest waste of bandwidth on the planet.
    • absurdist, on 01/08/2008, -0/+1Hmmm... kind of like your comment history?
  • FatherDEath, on 01/07/2008, -1/+3oh god it all looks so good id gladly sell my soul to the devil to eat all that...only thing holding me back is that next morning marine pt would kill
  • atomic811, on 01/07/2008, -13/+2Those food are bad but not for the reasons the government claims they are. You want to be healthy eat meat, eggs, fruits and vegs. If you can't find a loaf of bread or an apple pie hanging from a tree then you shouldn't be eating it. Grains are the most dangerous foods introduced to mans diet. Also why are you drinking milk out of a cow tit??
    • betterth, on 01/07/2008, -1/+7That's not true. Processed, simple grains (white rice, white bread, white pasta) are the the most dangerous foods introduced to mans diet. A good whole wheat loaf of bread requires little more preparation than a stew, and is something our ancestors enjoyed thousands of years ago.

      The benefits to consuming whole grain bread, pasta and rice are numerous.
      • atomic811, on 01/07/2008, -3/+2Humans have only been eating grains for 10,000 years. We have been here for 2 million years. Grains are not part of what we ever ate. They are finding now just how bad gulten can be for many people from celeac disease to autism and other mental disorders. I see how fast I was dug down on my last comment and it just goes to show the lack of understand about human evolution. It takes longer than 10,000 years for our digestive system (for starters) to adapt to that. We live longer now but that is not because we have grains, hot pockets and fruit roll ups. It is because we have a wide variety of fruit and vegs year round and because we have medication and safe shelter. The more a county consumes grains minus rice the higher their mental illness level. Rice has its own problems.
        • betterth, on 01/08/2008, -0/+1I've never seen any evidence to in any way link grain consumption, white or whole, to mental disease. There are so many correlating factors that could also cause mental disease (that have been scientifically proven to cause mental disease) that I simply fail to see how you could believe bread causes autism.

          Please, if you're going to insult this biology major on my knowledge of human evolution, provide me with some peer reviewed articles on a link between grain consumption and mental disease, and how it's apparently "unnatural" to consume whole grains, but great to consume vegetables and fruits.
    • Tweekster, on 01/08/2008, -1/+0milk is one of the best things you can possibly ingest. protiens, fats etc. get the good stuff, raw milk not that crap at the grocery store.
    • andycr512, on 01/08/2008, -0/+2"You want to be healthy eat (...) eggs,"
      "Also why are you drinking milk out of a cow tit??"

      You find that odd, but think nothing of eating heated chicken ovulation? Please enlighten me in your thought process.
  • soulpunisher, on 01/07/2008, -1/+2And these will kill you too....deep fried snickers and twinkies,oreo

    http://candyaddict.com/blog/2005/10/26/deep-fried- ...


    http://www.wchstv.com/gmarecipes/deepfriedtwinkies ... http://fairy.mahdzan.com/story/189.asp Deep fried coke a cola http://www.wftv.com/foodnews/9789814/detail.html
    • Tweekster, on 01/08/2008, -0/+0The steady diet of heroin that makes you want to eat that crap in the first place will probably kill you first
  • Lou3000, on 01/07/2008, -1/+7A trip to Quebec City isn't complete without Poutine. Almost all fast food restaurants serve it. McDonald's is actually pretty good.
    • backgen, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2Blasphemy!! If you are going to eat Poutine eat it in a proper french fry place. I'd recommend LaFleur or "La Belle Province" which is much more common.
      • Lou3000, on 01/09/2008, -0/+1Isn't LaFleur a Montreal thing? I used to live in Quebec City and don't remember ever seeing on.
    • devilwarriors, on 01/08/2008, -0/+0McDonald poutine suck hard, never beat "La Belle Province" or an ordinary "casse-croûte" poutine
  • sindex, on 01/07/2008, -0/+8I'm a simple man. I'll be happy eating bacon until it kills me. The greatest edible animal? That'll do, Pig.
  • Loornadune, on 01/07/2008, -0/+5Buried for making me hungry.
  • jedi0utkast, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1Duh!
  • DaClamp, on 01/07/2008, -0/+15How awesome are your 90's going to be anyway? I'd rather die of eggs Benedict and hot wings than spend x amount of years crapping myself. Blue cheese with that, no celery.
    • bobartig, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1I like Bintliff Cafe's "bistro benedict", which replaces the bacon with small beef filets, and has a pesto hollandaise.
  • Abominous, on 01/07/2008, -0/+3Left out Alfredo Sauce.

    Trans fats and 1000+ calories = NOOOOOOO!
    • Tweekster, on 01/08/2008, -0/+2that must be an extremely crappy brand
  • sevenslashfour, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2"...and it comes out a few minutes later dripping with cheese, grease, mayo and tastes so heavenly you’d swear Chris Farley made it."

    Oh so very, very dugg.
  • Moskie, on 01/07/2008, -3/+4Salt. Salt Salt Salt Salt Salt. *That's* the silent killer everyone needs to worry about. It's a bitch to curb in your diet, since everywhere you're going to get any sort of prepared food, you'll be served a metric ass-ton of it. I'm trying my best to show my support by buying low sodium versions of products, and asking about salt content at restaurants... hopefully it'll catch on at some point.
  • chris9902, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1I just ate some pizza. Now I feel sick.
  • borez, on 01/07/2008, -0/+4What about Black pudding and deep fried mars bars

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_pudding
  • tattertech, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1I don't need all this stuff to do it. I eat a good amount of bacon at least once a day...
    mmm bacon...
  • deezp1, on 01/07/2008, -1/+1how about the bacon-ator! That is an instant heart attack!
  • sonofman1984, on 03/03/2008, -0/+3Like Grandpa always said: "If it's good for you.....it tastes like a piece of drywall painted periwinkle blue"
  • lex0nyc, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1What about chili cheese fries with bacon and sour cream?
  • Totallypsyched, on 01/07/2008, -2/+0Surprised black people don't have a lower CDR...
  • RedWire75, on 01/07/2008, -2/+0I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and not. Boy, I just scream "Typical American".
  • chadu, on 01/07/2008, -0/+4What about a Monte Cristo?
    • luckyink, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1Ahh yes. The club sandwich's deed fried cousin. Such tasty goodness may only be consumed by those who know no bounds.... Or those who know no family physician, take your pick.
    • absurdist, on 01/08/2008, -0/+1They don't Count.

      *groan*
  • Berkana, on 01/07/2008, -2/+1They forgot fugu.

    FYI for all you non-sushi fans: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fugu
  • psychotron, on 01/07/2008, -0/+3Don't forget the monte cristo sandwich. Bunch of ham, turkey, mayo and swiss cheese...and then put that sumbitch between two french toast slices, sprinkle powder sugar and serve with something called clotted cream...yum.
  • tofuMYtofu, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1They forgot Paula's fried butter. When I saw her eat one of those on the air, I gagged a little.

    http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,, ...
    • EarlOfLade, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2Poor mans candy:
      - Put lots of butter in a saucepan and melt it at medium heat.
      - Pour sugar into the melted butter and stir until smooth and thick.
      - Pour on a piece of baking paper and let it cool, crack into pieces and enjoy!
  • xsquirrel378x, on 01/07/2008, -3/+1apparantly no one else finds pretty much the entire list filthy and gross, im hardly a healthfag but i prefer my food with substance and not covered with disgusting sauces all over it
    • cdahlkvist, on 01/10/2008, -0/+1Obviously you are a health"fag".

      Learn to live a little.
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