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349 Comments
- AngryDeuce, on 10/28/2009, -11/+512I never delivered pizza, but I can vouch for the stoner thing...as I used to be an avid stoner, and ordered pizza pretty frequently, I used to always drop fat tips on my delivery guys. Not because I couldn't count, but because they saved my life with that pizza. Once or twice they even came in and enjoyed a little herbal therapy with us =D
- pathouston22, on 10/28/2009, -9/+325"I'm guessing every pizza place has at least one female employee who is considerably more attractive than all the others. She might not actually be that good looking, but it doesn't matter."
Isn't this true for most jobs? Full of fat ***** sitting at their desk all day...usually there is one somewhere that isn't fat - and she's all you got to oogle at for 8 hours. - Smokeydabear, on 10/28/2009, -2/+269Delivering pizza was a job I had in high school. When I first started I had to deliver a pie to a hotel. That is another thing the guy didn't mention in his story; you usually get big tips when you deliver pizza to hotels. Anyway, I was climbing the stairs to get to the second floor with this warmer full of pizza, and I tripped on the top step, sending the boxes out of the water and into the wall. The pies didn't come out of the boxes, but they got all ***** up in the box. I kinda freaked out and just decided to tell the guy I was delivering to what had happened and offer to get new ones. Well the guy opened his hotel room door and was completely *****. I told him what happened and he said he "didn't ***** give a hoot, I'm starving". He gave me the money and a $5 tip.
- JoeF8577, on 10/28/2009, -5/+248That was really well written.
Entertaining read! - thizzlebot, on 10/28/2009, -6/+216I used to deliver pizzas but i got fired after one week because i smoked weed after work.
I got fired by the manager who spent 5 years in jail for killing someone.
Oh, the irony. - jaybol, on 10/28/2009, -17/+221Things I learned delivering pizza in Arvada, Colorado at age 18:
1) Work goes by faster if your friend flashes his brights from across the parking lot so you can pick him up and smoke a bowl together while you are running a double delivery
2) When driving in the snow, it is plausible to pretend you lose control and intentionally drive through yards
3) To kill time between deliveries, put puppets in the dishwasher
4) To kill time between deliveries, put one arm inside your shirt, and replace your arm with the dough hook and walk out to mingle with the customers
5) Even though that lady comes to the door once wearing lingerie, it doesn't mean she will on your next delivery to her house dammit
6) When they pre-make a lot of buffalo wings, it is incredibly easy to pretend that they are part of your order and drench them in ranch dressing while driving - Zihuatanejo, on 10/28/2009, -1/+188In this article there is a link to another 13 things, wherein that an article linked to another 17 things. I opened up Digg today and ended up with a PhD in pizza delivery. 38 things, nice.
- gvoakes, on 10/28/2009, -2/+173If you can't afford a big tip, at least donate a nugget of green to 'em ;)
- MatthewDuke, on 10/28/2009, -2/+168I delivered in college. Every night was something different. Here are a few more things:
(x) You can ask for the delivery driver to stop and get you other things (cigarettes, etc.). I always did, I'm already driving around all night and not out having fun, why wouldn't I stop and get you [insert item] for an extra big tip?
(x+1) If you are going to order food, please, PLEASE don't pass out before I get there...it's so frustrating to see you asleep on your couch from the front door window....but no matter how hard I knock, you just won't wake up...
(bonus story) I saw a grown man running down the street butt naked, on two separate occasions. Gotta love southern Ohio. Actually, the one was standing on the hood of a car on some back street, and when I drove by he started running after me. I wasn't scared, just really confused. One minute you are driving around at 1am listening to Neil Young and delivering food, and the next you are trying to hit a quick left because a naked hill-billy is running you down. - jjankosky, on 10/28/2009, -3/+165Did it for 5 years, what I learned was that it's easy to manipulate folks for bigger tips. If you know it's going to take 45 min, tell them it's going to take an hour. Show up 45 min later with a pie and look like you're busting your ass always got me a few extra bucks.
- fuzzytank, on 10/28/2009, -3/+141This guy is right on so many levels.
The first night I delivered pizza, one of the other guys warned me about a specific house I had to deliver to. He said the guy lived in an apartment in an alley and would come to the door wearing an open bathrobe and boxers, nothing else. He'd watch me, waiting to make a move while I figured his change. "Never take your eyes off of him, and always keep your hand on your change bag, it's the best weapon you've got."
The guy didn't try to rape me, but he did come to the door every time in that damned robe & boxers combo. Always uncomfortable. You always meet some strange people delivering food. - wigren, on 10/28/2009, -2/+135Almost every one I've met working in food service smokes.
- ancalagon73, on 10/28/2009, -6/+136Make the rest of the day better? I don't really think getting high and then having to drive around good smelling pizzas that you can't eat would qualify as better.
- forcedfx, on 10/28/2009, -0/+125Brilliant. Come to the door huffing and puffing like you ran to their house from the pizza place.
- randall814, on 10/28/2009, -0/+123Dugg for "around the oven." It's like the office water cooler.
- Corinthos, on 10/28/2009, -2/+122Senior Year in high school I did it for 3 months. Poor people did tip better than the rich 90% of the time. Some of the best tips I got were from a church on the section 8 side of town. They would order 8 pizzas every week and give me a flat 20 in tip and let me keep whatever was below a 5 dollar bill in change.
Delivered several pizzas to the mercedes dealership and got a check for the exact amount. Not saying the dealers are able to buy the cars themselves but could have not been such a cheap ass.
Also we did take notes of who tipped horribly or not at all and made sure they were the last stop if possible.
Also many of times porn was on the tv while I was at the door. - fuzzytank, on 10/28/2009, -0/+108I loved delivering to hotels. They were always just happy to finally get some food, tipped well, and hotels were generally a lot more comforting than the local crackhouses doorstep
- gramathy, on 10/28/2009, -1/+100Pedobear's line: Who ordered the sausage?
- h0ser, on 10/28/2009, -0/+95It's our job to come to your door man. You can meet us in the lobby if you like, but you better not take an hour and you better not leave us outside in the freezing cold holding your pies.
- jggr, on 10/28/2009, -0/+94Wait a minute... Wait a dang minute....
You mean delivery people really can tell when I'm stoned??? I thought that was just the paranoia. :( - BoneStamp, on 10/28/2009, -2/+965) "Even though that lady comes to the door once wearing lingerie, it doesn't mean she will on your next delivery to her house dammit"
From the last time, she assumed you're not in to girls. - flapanthers87, on 10/28/2009, -5/+92Dugg for the positive stoner comment
- digitalArtform, on 10/28/2009, -5/+92No matter how many toppings you order the total weight of your pizza will not increase.
- Bilbobaggins, on 10/28/2009, -0/+84I delivered pizza in college, and all of these are mostly true. One thing it doesn't mention though, I had to pay for all of my gas. The business didn't cover any of it. So when a person tipped me 0 dollars, I would remember that house. What I did with that memory, well you can guess. However, the tips more than paid for my gas. And I was making a lot more than minimum wage on average, I'd say least 6 dollars above minimum wage.
It all applies, except for one thing, the store I worked at had more women employees than men. Which was beneficial to say the least. Another thing worth noting, working at a chain is lame. Always try to get a job at a local place. Local pizza places are typically mom and pop affairs where as an employee you're treated much better. - HurricaneDC, on 10/28/2009, -1/+78the ***** is that
- thefarouk, on 10/29/2009, -1/+77They had to make more room in the prisons for the stoners, so somebody had to be let go...
- mintedmeadow, on 10/28/2009, -0/+73Am I missing something in this story where a guy wearing sloppy attire = potential pizza delivery boy rapist?
- krellor, on 10/28/2009, -0/+71Tip well and they won't care.
- AngryDeuce, on 10/28/2009, -1/+67Or at the very least let them hit the ***** a few times to make the rest of their day better...
- AngryDeuce, on 10/28/2009, -1/+64I don't know what pizza places you're thinking about, but I know that the couple of friends I had that delivered pizza always got free food (Papa Johns and Pizza Extreme I know for sure). They would go in and make themselves a pie between deliveries and ride around with it in their front seat all night eating as they could.
They gained like 30 pounds doing the job, but that's a different story LOL - Lunarparcel, on 10/28/2009, -0/+63An excellent read. And it made me hungry for a pizza.
Guess I better go put on some pants. - lnxfi, on 10/28/2009, -1/+62I used to deliver pizzas when I was in college. This list is completely accurate (except I never delivered to a trailer park thank god...).
I eventually had to quit for my safety. I delivered in an upper-middle class town. I had one guy try to drag me out of my car, multiple people threaten to kick my ass because I was five minutes late and I would have been mugged one night after midnight if I ran away any slower.
Although,... there was the one time this hot girl came to the door in her underwear... =) - fuzzytank, on 10/28/2009, -0/+58Just one of the jokes shared around the oven later. The guy really was creepy, and delivering in a back alley out of sight can make your mind think strange things. I want to know what the delivery girls thought of him (not all male pizzeria).
- Charlie1er, on 10/28/2009, -2/+60I'm currently doing that kind of job (delivering viet food) and this is what I have to say :
1- About the tip : Student are the best clients.
2- Yes, some customers aren't shy about their nudity, but some hot girls aren't too (especially in their hot appartment)
3- It is one of my best student job I ever had! It's fun, I can listen to music all night, there is no boss when I'm in my car, and it's very lucrative (15-20$ an hour) - quirkopatra, on 10/28/2009, -0/+58I don't understand how people can decide to not tip. You are going to be remembered.
- Entroper, on 10/28/2009, -0/+57It's delivery. If they stop in the lobby, they haven't delivered it to your apartment. Just be sure you buzz them in promptly (especially in bad weather).
- lnxfi, on 10/28/2009, -0/+53Yeah. White people are crazy!
- Grahamcracker, on 10/28/2009, -0/+53One, make friends with the guys that make the food. At my store, if you weren't running deliveries, you were running the register. I made a point of giving any tips I got from there to the guys making the pizza. I made fast friends, and they make stuff for my deliveries fast, so I was out the door before my fellow drivers, which brings me to...
Two, keep you eye on the other drivers. You can't help it, sooner or later you will piss another driver off. You may, or more likely may not have done something to deserve it. Tensions run high when potential tip money is on the line, and drama is going to happen. Don't be surprised when your order from your favorite regular customer ends up in their bag.
Three, don't be a pushover. Customers or coworkers, dosen't matter. I started out all helpful and nice and understanding, but it didn't last. One driver in particular thought she could manipulate the order of deliveries to screw me into doing orders for bad customers, places really far away, etc. I looked up her job application in the filing cabinet (they really should have locked that up), found her SSN, and said it outloud to her later. I then told her I was a driver by day and a hacker by night and I could make her life hell if she wanted to play that game. Never had another problem with her.
***** customers aren't worth your time to please either. They aren't gonna tip, your manager hates them as much as you do, so why play into their hands? One night someone accidentally took an order for an addresss 10 miles outside our delivery area. I was the only driver still at the store and had to take it. I get there, and this lady has the gall to call me an idiot with the first words out of her mouth, and that the store owner called to say her order would be free. I knew she was lying as our manager was a cheapskate and would never do that for her. I called into the store, sure enough the lady was lying, and I just walked back to my car while she threattened to call the cops on me for not giving her the food she never paid for. Fun times.
Four, your mileage may vary with that "default hot" thing. Most of the time I worked there, I was the only male driver. And I wouldn't ***** any of them, even with your borrowed dick. A full 4 out of 5 of them got knocked up in the year I was there, had abortions, and would tell you this personal ***** without being asked. Classy.
Five, I never found a pattern in rich or poor and their tips. I just had to learn who was a good tipper and who wasn't and always stuck to that. If you tipped like an *****, that guy in the article is right on, you would be the last of my three deleveries in that particular run. Tip well, and I would even make your pizzas to order, just the way you like them.
Six, don't get lazy. There were two lifers and three other kids during my year run as a driver. And all of them were obscenely lazy. They would wonder why I would walk away with twice what they made in a night. It's easy: be proactive. They would never answer the phones to take orders. That made it easy for me to keep the good orders off the books until I was ready to deliver, so they didn't have a chance. They would bail before their shift was up sticking me with folding boxes or dishes. I got raises and they got repremands. I picked up shifts wherever I could, and they had a hard time paying bills. - Zaxcomp, on 10/28/2009, -1/+52Yeah, you called delivery. You are stoned like all the rest of our customers. If you only realized how many of your neighbors were got stoned, you'd be shocked to hear it is illegal.
- sloppychris, on 10/28/2009, -0/+50How did he only get 5 years for killing someone?
- techlinks, on 10/28/2009, -2/+51So you're saying we should lie to make more money...hmm.
- psolms, on 10/28/2009, -0/+48the guy he killed? his previous delivery driver.
- inactive, on 10/28/2009, -0/+47I did do the delivery thing - and the stoner thing is SO true.
They are generally much more generous - purple, on 10/29/2009, -0/+47It's called being work hot.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wor ... - jggr, on 10/28/2009, -4/+50I decide not to tip if the pie is more than 40 min late (taking weather/time-of-day into consideration).
A tip is a way to show appreciation for good service. I do not reward bad service.
Tips are NOT mandatory. I don't care what you say.
I do tip (and tip well) when service is good. - chrrie, on 10/28/2009, -2/+47Can someone help me out with this question? If you live in a high rise apartment building, should you go down to the lobby to meet the pizza guy or is it a big deal to make them take the elevator up to your door?
- Insightful, on 10/28/2009, -2/+46"the number of kids who had been left with nothing but a pre-signed check from their parents is absolutely appalling. I'm all for giving your kids a nice long leash and teaching them to be responsible, but leaving them home alone and then telling them to call a stranger to come stop by seems like some pretty sketchy parenting."
Great. I can hear a pizza-delivering pedobear ASCII being created as we speak. - inactive, on 10/28/2009, -0/+427) You can take calamari from the order
8) You are invincible to tickets due to the crazy cheap food police are given
9) Blasting music is a priority
10) Yelling at me for being late will result in me not caring anyway
11) You mastered the art of pizza box making - thebreach, on 10/28/2009, -0/+42Delivering pizza is a definite adventure.
I think my favorite part was delivering to stoners, you really are their personal Jesus in that moment for bringing them food. I remember one guy, smoke practically billowed out when he opened the door, gave me that stereotypical "Duuuude awesome", and tipped me with a $20.
Id imagine food delivery would explode if they ever legalized Mary J - lnxfi, on 10/29/2009, -0/+42i gave her a pizza. she gave me money, then I went back to the pizza shop and lied about how she showed me her boobie.
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