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HOWTO: Actually WIN a Fist Fight

joethepeacock.com — First, you need to know a few things: 1. You are going to get hit. 2. When you get hit, it does not feel good. Knowing and accepting those two things as fact will free your mind up enough to begin thinking about much more important stuff, like strategy and technique...

Who dugg this? Made popular Jan 11, 2008

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  • sobe86, on 01/11/2008, -8/+172One thing I can certainly say, DO NOT punch someone hard in the eye, you can really ***** them up.

    About a year ago I was involved in my one and only fist fight, which ended with me in hospital after being hit in the eye/side of nose. I had a fractured eye socket, and blood started bleeding into my brain. I don't remember any of this, I was half concussed, but I'm told all of a sudden I started acting completely out of character due to this internal bleeding. I attacked a doctor and was trying to escape the hospital, when they finally managed to inject me with morphine, like in the movies or something. My whole frontal lobe was bruised by the pressure of the blood in my skull, and I missed more than a whole term of university. I couldn't really do anything without becoming really, really tired. I was pretty pissed about my nose, it was bust completely out of alignment and had to be fixed by a plastic surgeon, but seriously, my eye could have ***** killed me. So in conclusion:
    A. Don't hit people in the eye, and B. Fist fighting isn't cool, it's ***** stupid, and pretty much wrecked half a year of my life.
  • DeskFlyer, on 01/11/2008, -11/+1731. Get wrist control.
    2. Pull out your gun.
  • artificialgrey, on 01/11/2008, -0/+162#1. Don't take advice from diggers about fighting
  • vidalsasoon, on 01/11/2008, -3/+135Thanks for the tip. Going straight for the eye seems very effective!
  • pnmoore, on 01/11/2008, -10/+121And lastly don't let people knock you the f#(k out by hitting you in the eye.
  • jd33, on 01/11/2008, -2/+106But where do I keep my glasses? My mom will kill me if I break these.
  • Xlr8ed, on 01/11/2008, -1/+103LOL....everyone has a plan until they get hit.
  • numberneal, on 01/11/2008, -6/+77"Kicking Just... Don’t." except when you've got them on the floor; then just stomp the ***** out of him; target the face, head, knees; he'll feel it.
  • Xlr8ed, on 01/11/2008, -4/+72Wrong...

    I'm 31 and married....I don't hang out in college bar or places where you would find a ton of ass hats that need to prove themselves...If I am going to put my fists up, it's because I am protecting myself or someone else, at which point I am going to use ANY means to ***** up your day to the point that you would choose another course of action, or until the police arrive.

    If some one is attacking my wife I am going to do what ever I can to make them stop as quickly as possible...including punching you in the eye
  • JonRohan, on 01/11/2008, -3/+69Finally!, now those guys at the D&D gatherings will stop picking on me.
  • theholotrope, on 01/11/2008, -8/+723. ?????
    4. Profit!!!
  • BoneStamp, on 01/11/2008, -4/+66I like his advice on kicking (don't). The only time I was ever in a fight, the guy tried to kick me and I did the obvious leg pull up... the dude was on his ass instantly. The crowd laughed, and that only made him more angry.
  • viper9864, on 01/11/2008, -2/+59That reminds me: Time to re-watch Fight Club.
  • neio, on 01/11/2008, -3/+58Alway's go for the nuts/eye's/throat.
  • carl25, on 01/11/2008, -0/+55Now just hope your opponent doesn't read this very article
  • blitzer, on 01/11/2008, -2/+56Unprovoked head-but

    33984398439 wins - 0 losses
  • inactive, on 01/11/2008, -1/+503. put on your robe and wizard hat.
  • inactive, on 01/11/2008, -1/+49Rule number one: do not engage in a fist fight if you don't know how to fight.

    Here is my analogy. Think of it as a backflip, sound pretty basic, right? Well, go ahead then, do a backflip. See? You can't. Both of your feet are locked on the ground, due to the psychological fear that you could land head first on the pavement and break your neck. You must practice on a mat or a trampoline first, to feel the gist of it. Then you can do it in real life.

    Same with fighting, you may feel real tough inside after watching an action movie or listening to aggressive music, but when a big guy is on top of you, punching you in the face, it's a very bad time to find out you don't know how to fight. Learn it at slow pace in a martial art class first.
  • timbo458, on 01/11/2008, -0/+45Just turn around and walk away,everybody wins and zip up your jacket you'll catch a cold!...Love MOM.xoxoxo
  • inactive, on 01/11/2008, -5/+46Keep going guys, we only need list items 5. to 10. and we have ourselves a Cracked.com article.
  • neio, on 01/11/2008, -0/+40There's no such thing as a fair fight, I'll do anything to minimize physical damage to myself, eye gouging, nut busting, throat ripping, it's all good.
  • Fedaykin311, on 01/11/2008, -1/+40Correction: Only kick if you are competent at it.
  • neio, on 01/11/2008, -0/+39And that is why he lost.
  • Subversyve, on 01/11/2008, -1/+38If this hasn't already been mentioned, be prepared for a decent length stay in county jail, if not a full blown state prison facility, regardless of the outcome of the fight. Be prepared for a large bill by way of legal fees, and civil judgments as well. If it happens in a bar, rest assured a variant of "Drunk and Disorderly" will be added to the assault charge that will be filed against you by the arresting officers. Simple Assault, Assault causing bodily harm and Aggravated Assault are all very real possibilities. If your forced to defend yourself, this is an excellent article to refer to, but don't go looking for trouble, or you *will* find it.
  • inactive, on 01/11/2008, -2/+37finally, a way to fend off dad when he comes home angry
  • yournightmare, on 01/11/2008, -3/+38I train Muay Thai and BJJ 4 to 6 days a week, 2 hours a day. I'm also 6'2" and 200lbs and in very good shape. I carry a Springfield XD .40 with a 12-round magazine everywhere I go (I have a permit). And I would do anything at all to avoid a fight. If someone talks ***** to me, I keep walking. If someone bumps into me, I keep walking. If someone gets in my face, I keep walking (but don't turn my back).

    And as someone who trains to fight, I'll tell you right now--DO NOT read articles like this and then think it's going to help you in a fight. It's not. You have to practice, practice, practice. Even if you just read an article like this and then practice with a friend, it will help you. But just reading the article won't do *****.
  • lkeg56demn, on 01/11/2008, -2/+351. Bring 299 of you closest friends.
    2. Go to Thermopylae.
  • echo2501, on 01/11/2008, -1/+34Fists are cheaper
  • alexforcefive, on 01/11/2008, -1/+32Go straight for the apostrophe! They'll never see it coming!
  • rawrzzz, on 01/11/2008, -1/+31Challenge her to a fist fight and use the techniques you learned from digg to kick her ass.
  • inactive, on 01/11/2008, -0/+30My feet will be kicking as I run like hell.
  • pintomp3, on 01/11/2008, -1/+29kinda like sex.
  • shors, on 01/11/2008, -1/+29apparently since your goal is to kill someone then why not just get a gun
  • nhd4me, on 01/11/2008, -0/+27Cant really comment here ... little sister totally snotted me on Wii boxing last night
  • cgruber, on 01/11/2008, -0/+27#2. Record fight and upload to YouTube.
    That ***** is gonna be funny.
  • theholotrope, on 01/11/2008, -19/+44"First, you need to know a few things:
    You are going to get hit.
    When you get hit, it does not feel good."

    I pretty much stopped reading after this.
  • pintomp3, on 01/11/2008, -0/+24d:) most people.
  • akkuma, on 01/11/2008, -1/+23This my friends is why you keep up your guard. It is better to have broken arms, fingers, hands that probably won't kill you than taking punches to the head that have the possibility of doing serious damage.
  • Delusionist, on 01/11/2008, -2/+22I got it. It's a damn shame how few people watch Derrick Comedy.
  • ajchavar, on 01/11/2008, -5/+25exactly. i've only been in a couple actual fights because i was trained in martial arts was always taught by my senseis, my parents, etc to avoid fighting.

    however, in the few times i have fought outside of the sparring ring, kicking has been effective for me because i'm competent and have a powerful kick. they can't grab your leg if they've got the wind knocked out of them or can't stand up. i've managed to pull the leg out from someone in a sparring match though, so don't aim high unless your kick is powerful enough to do serious damage and they won't be able to grab it. aiming for the head and chest is for sparring matches and movies.

    don't fight to win the fight, fight to end it so that you can get away. if you need to kick chamber your leg and put your body into it. aim for the crotch, or kneecap, if you're inexperienced aiming for the stomach will only get you ***** up. and seriously, don't give me ***** about being honorable and not going for the groin. your opponent obivously isn't honorable anyway because he started it! why would you give him a fair deal when you just want out?

    end the fight, and leave, don't turn your back on the person or they people with them. walk out with friends if possible. report the incident if you need to (you or your opponent is injured very badly, etc), especially if there are witnesses that saw you act in self defense (assuming you did act in self defense).
  • S1ngular1ty1, on 01/11/2008, -0/+191st Rule.
  • charlie55, on 01/11/2008, -4/+21getting in fights is for white trash morons.
  • andy101, on 01/11/2008, -9/+26Some of the advice in here was pretty bad. First off, your WEAK foot should be in front when you're in stance. This way your strong hand is also farther back, and gives you a much stronger punch than if you simply jabbed with it.

    If you're up against more than one person, getting into a corner is a pretty bad idea. Reason being, in a corner you have no momentum whatsoever when you try to hit back. When fighting multiple opponents, the best thing to do is always move in a way that gets them close together or both in front of you (never let them get on opposite sides of you), and then you should only be quickly coming in, hitting one guy, and then jumping back out.

    Note: The best thing to do when being threatened much more seriously (i.e. someone's holding a knife up to you) is to 1) Move beside their arm to the outside of their body where they cannot stab/shoot you, 2) Quickly grab, as hard as you can, behind their Adam's Apple (you should feel a groove, which is the area between their windpipe and their spine) and quickly squeeze to get a good grip, and then 3) Pull out with as much power as you can. Chances are, this will kill them unless the ambulance shows up fairly quickly, and even then there's a good chance they're a lost cause. Not recommending this for general use, but if you're in a life-or-death situation, take theirs before they take yours.
  • inactive, on 01/11/2008, -15/+32Take up a martial art. Already do karate? Take up a useful martial art.
  • artificialgrey, on 01/11/2008, -1/+18you forgot the other 4 steps...
    5. End credits
    6. Feel like a douche for actually watching Steven Segal film all the way through
    7. Post fake comment on Digg to look like a bad ass and make yourself feel better
    8. Get Dugg down as a result
  • FurtThePirate, on 01/11/2008, -4/+20but the guy above you said not to go for the eyes...
  • cgruber, on 01/11/2008, -0/+15I just kicked your brain in the balls.
  • sst4ab, on 01/11/2008, -1/+16http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2REG3-Wb5gM

    That's what he's talking about.
  • inactive, on 01/11/2008, -2/+17"I strike FIRST and hard." "anything goes and the first strike is the most important."

    "I've never been arrested for defending myself. It's not felonious assault if someone else attacks you first; it's defense."

    lets play spot the contradictions
  • GawtMilk, on 01/11/2008, -6/+20Plus you don't have a girlfriend to get in a fight over.

    BA-ZING! I'll let myself out.
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