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T.H.U.M.P. - 5 Ways to Deal with Irresponsible People
lifehack.org — Yep, we ’ve all been there. Whether it’s a co-worker, a family member, or even a close friend, we’ve all had to deal with people whose stark irresponsibility causes anger, annoyance, and even chaos everywhere they go.
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- jasonrobert, on 02/12/2008, -2/+2I know what you are talking about. You offer those people you helping hand, ... then they don't do their 'homework', ... and it's of course your fault. Being able to say 'NO' is my strongest weapon.
- TheCasablancan, on 02/12/2008, -1/+5Being able to say "Ni!" is mine.
- leedman, on 02/12/2008, -2/+5I'm not so sure I would agree with your entire strategy and assessment Aaron. There is a bit of an edge here it feels to me, as though you've got a personal story that grates upon you. And yet, I "get it" and at the same can't agree fully with how it has been stated. To simply dismiss this person as irresponsible is disrespectful in kind. People are who they are. The question remains, "why they are what they are." I'd like to see more attempt at trying to understand that, how to deal with that, and how we all grow with that. Not labelling the irresponsible and engaging in more social tactics that create a lot of the games that mess up people's esteem. If I'm wrong, check out the newspapers and observe all the mental chaff affecting students, workers, and such all over the world today. Where does this behaviour come from? Socialization. That's what you're teaching here.
- johndi, on 02/12/2008, -1/+2You don't have to be disrespectful to protect yourself. You just have to politely say no and don't give in when the histrionics start. In my experience when people learn they can't take advantage of you they stop trying.
Where does the behavior come from? That is well beyond my level of expertize. Playing amateur psychologist can cause someone to fixate on you as their lifeline. That is a dangerous situation to put yourself in. My personal opinion is that too much focus on building self-esteem without a solid foundation has caused a lot of people to grow up with thin skin and no ability to cope with disappointment. - aboyd, on 02/12/2008, -0/+2Hey leedman, you got a thumb's up from me... although I disagree on one small point -- I don't mind messing up people's esteem if it is truly warranted. For example, if I am an ***** to someone, I fully expect my wife to tell me, "you handled that like an *****." Does it make me depressed when she evaluates me in a negative way? A little. But I kinda expect my life partner to set me straight so that I can correct my actions.
As another point, I wanted to build upon the skepticism you voiced. I've seen this "you're irresponsible list" from both sides. In fact, anyone who has seen the chick-flick "The Nanny Diaries" has seen it from both perspectives, too. In that movie, a mother employs a nanny and eventually fires her for being just crazy irresponsible. Or at least, irresponsible from the mother's perspective. But as the people watching, we can see that the mother is actually insanely self-absorbed, drives the nanny to tears with ridiculous requests and overlong work hours, etc. So to sum up: sometimes, if you think other people are being irresponsible, maaaayyybe take a look at yourself. How did you come to have your expectations? Did the other person agree to it? Even if that other person did, were they expecting help or information from you? Were they asking for changes or sending up warning signals that you didn't want to hear? And is it just one person who stands out badly among a sea of competent people (it happens), or do you find you are regularly disappointed with the people around you? Because if you think many people are irresponsible, guess what? You're the common link.
(Of course, when I say "you" I don't mean you personally leedman -- they're just questions for anyone who might point fingers.)
- johndi, on 02/12/2008, -1/+2You don't have to be disrespectful to protect yourself. You just have to politely say no and don't give in when the histrionics start. In my experience when people learn they can't take advantage of you they stop trying.
- aaronmp2003, on 02/12/2008, -2/+4Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Leedman! No, I don't believe in labels, either, and no, there is no personal story that powered this post. :) However, there ARE people who are consistently irresponsible, and the point of this post is not to label them or "fix" them, but rather to help more responsible people to not have such a negative experience when dealing with those type of people.
- pizzler, on 02/12/2008, -4/+4If it is a co-worker, I say deal with it, that's what you are getting paid to do. If you are talking about a[n adult] child, then honestly this is your fault and you need to use tough love like you should have done a long time ago. If it is a friend that acts like this then I think it is time to evaluate your friendship or yourself, they do say, your friends are a reflection of you!! :) [coming from someone who is currently having to deal with an immature 22yr brother. You can only "prepare yourself mentally" so much before it really gets to you and you become resentful]
- swatward, on 02/12/2008, -3/+7Bribing, undermining, and trickery aren't great ways to deal with people like this, as the author suggests.
Unless they are physically doing something to you, what is the problem.
Learn how to cope with it.- swatward, on 02/12/2008, -0/+2I am fine being buried, but at least let me know why you disagree.
- ndnspongebob, on 02/12/2008, -2/+3how dare you try to deal with me!!?
^ (close friend that causes chaos wherever he goes)
leave me alone, im drunk *thump* - schmitey, on 02/12/2008, -2/+11What a worthless article. I'm going to be responsible and tell you all not to read it!
- vikki77, on 02/12/2008, -0/+5This article could also be titled "5 Ways to Deal with People Under the age of 18." I work with children, and it's all perfectly applicable.
And some days, yes, you want to thump them. - phybere, on 02/12/2008, -0/+4Irresponsible people? Don't they just go in that roll of carpet in the trunk of your car?
- jim1977, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1If they were responsible, they'd have known better than to get in your car, so yes.
- signal15, on 02/12/2008, -0/+4I think a girl I used to date must have written this.
- Lunarparcel, on 02/12/2008, -1/+5No offense, but this article basically doesn't seem to offer much other than an acronym, and should more appropriately be titled "5 great ways to keep doing what you are already doing to cope with irresponsible people who make your life chaotic." or perhaps even "5 ways to remember that it's all on you, dude....like always", because that's exactly what each of the points affirm.
- NuchDog, on 02/12/2008, -0/+8My favorite is to toss a penny in the air... Then when they look up, slap 'em across the face and tell them to act like an adult!
- jcaino, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1yea...these people exist. screw 'em...i do my job as best i can and they only serve to make me look better and give me a good chance at a significant raise.
- metamorfoza, on 02/12/2008, -0/+2I found out that this article is speaking against me! So, as one who is once tagged as "irresponsible person" I'll bury this article as that is my duty... so that my friends and future girlfriend (if i ever meet one), never sees it. he-he.
- digidevil, on 02/12/2008, -0/+2that's a terrible article. calling social shunning "undermining their involvement" is just weird, some kind of sinister clinical double-speak. calling it a positive way to deal with a problem is worse. terrible terrible article.
- mOdQuArK, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1There's nothing sinister about it. If someone keeps ***** up an activity, even after you've tried to get them to fix up their act, then what's the point of trying to keep them involved with that activity? You don't have to shun them, but you don't have to keep putting up with them either.
- digidevil, on 02/12/2008, -0/+0I spose but the writer says to "make plans without telling them," etc-- sounds like frigging highschool.. i dont act like that at work, i look the screwups in the eye, call them screwups, and then blatantly try to get them fired, no secrecy or shunning practices necessary :)
- danlowlite, on 02/12/2008, -0/+0What if they are a superior or somewhere higher up in the food-chain at your company?
- mOdQuArK, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1There's nothing sinister about it. If someone keeps ***** up an activity, even after you've tried to get them to fix up their act, then what's the point of trying to keep them involved with that activity? You don't have to shun them, but you don't have to keep putting up with them either.
- ph33rpwn, on 02/12/2008, -1/+4i like peepee
- JAG731, on 02/12/2008, -0/+5Next to "after the jump", the overuse of the "hack" buzzword is getting old - quick.
- Agret, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1lifehack has been around for awhile now though.
- burdalane, on 02/12/2008, -1/+2Sometimes I'm one of those irresponsible people. I'm usually late to appointments because I can't bring myself to get ready and walk out the door. If you tell me to do something, I might do it promptly, or I might let it sit and forget about it for a long time. I care about the loss of money for me and the loss of product for me to show off my skills, but I just don't like the process of doing things, following orders, showing respect, keeping appointments, or being a responsible member of an organization. It goes against my ideals and my sense of dignity. So, how should you deal with me? Of course, I suggest you give me lots of money and fame to get rid of me. I can't say how other irresponsible people should be handled, or tell you their motivations.
- Vellvoot, on 02/12/2008, -1/+0This might be the worst advice ever...
- jim1977, on 02/12/2008, -0/+3Hm. I feel that the people who need these instructions will just end up carrying them out in a passive aggressive manner.
Not to be too harsh, but if you know somebody who is 'irresponsible' (lets read that as 'a douche') and they won't or can't accept their part in it, you should stop relying on them, full stop.
Yes. I know that's similar to one of the points. - doctorwhen, on 02/12/2008, -0/+0Oh, you mean 5 ways to deal with the typical pimply faced, porno loving, beer guzzling, 20 somethings that live on Digg???
- lnf69, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1it takes one to know one
he who smelt it dealt it
i'm rubber you're glue.....
sticks and stones
nah nah na-nah nahhhhhh
- lnf69, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1it takes one to know one
- fuzzynyanko, on 02/12/2008, -0/+16. If you are his/her boss, be prepared to fire that person. Be aware of any alliances that person has formed at the office.
- leazarus, on 02/12/2008, -0/+0What do we do about "irresponsibly" misdirecting people from lifehacker.com to lifehack.org?
- dkern, on 02/12/2008, -0/+1Try these out on any politician- if it works I will actually read the article.
- Ladycomet, on 02/13/2008, -0/+0If you want something done right, do it yourself.
Booo group projects! - richmcl, on 02/18/2008, -0/+0good - but it should be THUMPS - Slap the ***** out of them
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