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List: The Rules of Fist Bumping

tastybooze.com — We ’ve all done the fist bump. Maybe your team just scored, maybe you just bowled a strike, maybe you just won a rap battle. These are all acceptable times to bump fists with a friend. The picture on the right, however, illustrates a time where it is definitely NOT okay to bump fists.

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  • charliekelly, on 05/21/2008, -4/+42Love the list! Fist bumping has definitely strayed outside of it's designated zones.
    • oxdeltaxo, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1Whatever happened to it being called giving props?
      • Teh_Shiz, on 05/21/2008, -1/+10***** props. Whatever happened to pounding it?
        • anarchyinthekr, on 05/21/2008, -1/+2pound it
        • PopcornDave, on 05/21/2008, -1/+2That was only in San Francisco and only back in the 80's.
      • willr001, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1What happened to it being the rock? Like "I just got that 17 an hour internship." "Rock!" *fistbump*

        or, if too far apart to physically touch fists, you can call for an LDR or long-distance-rock, and you both fistbump the air.
        • TopherT, on 05/21/2008, -0/+4Thats not the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but its not the smartest either.
        • hfactor, on 05/21/2008, -0/+3Todd?
      • Ayavaron, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1I always thought it was called "respek knuckles."
    • kajoob, on 05/21/2008, -0/+4Designated zones? ***** - I don't care if you're at a funeral, fist bumps are always appropriate.

    • sdcarter, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1Here's how it goes...
      Shake hands when you're being respectful.
      Fist bump when you're acknowledging something is cool and/or when you're saying "Sup" to a friend (in passing).
      Dap when you're acknowledging something is extremely cool (but not high-five worthy).
      Dap when you're simply saying "Sup" to a friend (upon greeting).
      High-five when you're extremely excited about something.
    • YogiWanKenobi, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1As has the apostrophe
  • dickardwa, on 05/21/2008, -6/+28Good post. I love that picture. Such dumbasses.
    • Mootabolife, on 05/21/2008, -0/+4At least they didn't explode it out.
  • OldGrandma, on 05/21/2008, -6/+34Inappropriate fist bumping is like poverty, a queef, or Zima, it just isn't good.
    • iamronburgundy, on 05/21/2008, -2/+19A queef can be okay, given the right circu....actually no, you're right.
  • OlDirtyCurty, on 05/21/2008, -2/+41The bill passed! Give me dap!
    • synthoid, on 05/22/2008, -0/+1Forget the bump. I just want the fisting part!

      I LOVE fisting!
  • nutniqs, on 05/21/2008, -1/+18Respect Knuckles!
  • guillebravo6, on 05/21/2008, -5/+25Original post, I like it!
  • EarlOfLade, on 05/21/2008, -20/+6Do people really fist bump anymore? It's so 90's...
    You know it's overripe when suits do it. Wanna look really un-cool - fist bump!
    • NotedFuturist, on 05/21/2008, -3/+2It is worse than the high-five.
    • sdcarter, on 05/21/2008, -2/+8wanna look really un-cool? be the guy who doesn't fist-bump.
    • dezmo, on 05/21/2008, -2/+2where do you live where people don't fist bump?
  • davecskul, on 05/21/2008, -10/+4Dugg...
  • Cheese6034, on 05/21/2008, -1/+18RE: Rule #2

    I always go with the tie around the forehead Rambo-style before doing any fist bumping in a suit.
  • glinsvad, on 05/21/2008, -4/+6Shoulder punch > fist bump (*)

    (*) According to post 2000-rules, a shoulder punch must be carried out without run-up, while standing firmly with both feet planted parallel roughly in a line with the junction of collarbone and sternum.
  • sethk827, on 05/21/2008, -4/+70girl on girl bump...the forbidden fruit
  • drewdown112, on 05/21/2008, -3/+12Fist bump for fisting? Discuss....
  • staffell, on 05/21/2008, -1/+10dugg for point 10, and point 10 alone
    • emalen, on 05/21/2008, -0/+4Has anyone ever actually violated that rule?
  • retardedmango, on 05/21/2008, -10/+1hahaha~ that's funny~
    great post~
    i enjoyed a lot~
  • liljay2k, on 05/21/2008, -2/+9pound it.
  • muslax27, on 05/21/2008, -1/+47http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/03/07/
    (do not fist pound: Army of Two)
    • redfred18t, on 05/21/2008, -0/+5I've been trying to find that comic for ages

      THANK YOU MUSLAX!
    • Crosshare, on 05/21/2008, -0/+2Penny Arcade: Always Relevant
  • dunezone, on 05/21/2008, -4/+4What about exploding fist bumps? Or even better, the imploding fist bumps?
  • WillBraden, on 05/21/2008, -9/+1might just be the funniest and most well written thing I've ever read...ever...
  • NonLeftistDiggr, on 05/21/2008, -1/+6I was the perfect age for when this became popular, in college, on call to drink, and wondering the proper goodbye to use with the dude I just bought weed from for the third time. But as I get older the bump gets more and more awkward.

    FK it, I'm going back to the around the world Hi Five.
    • estvir, on 05/21/2008, -0/+4You're never to old for high-fives and there are very circumstances where they are not appropriate.
  • danomagnum, on 05/21/2008, -2/+4710. Do not fist bump yourself.
    Is that what they're calling it now?
  • J3EBS, on 05/21/2008, -7/+1131 Diggs, webpage no longer responds.
  • RichardHendrix, on 05/21/2008, -4/+321. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
    2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
    3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
    4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
    5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
    6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
    7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
    8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
    9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
    10. Do not fist bump yourself.

  • NINman, on 05/21/2008, -12/+7The first rule of fist bumping is: Do not talk about fist bumping
    • Croecop, on 05/21/2008, -2/+3The first rule of being funny is not being you
      • NINman, on 05/21/2008, -2/+7Impressive reply... Your internet ***** must be huge.
      • dyckdownunder, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1NINman's reply actually made me laugh out loud...but his first post did not. So, the score's tied at 1, NINman...
  • crazyjake, on 05/21/2008, -4/+3website succumb to the Digg DOS attack!
  • Spirkus, on 05/21/2008, -3/+4I could have sworn it was for FUN. Why do we need rules for having fun now?
    • MikeSD34, on 05/21/2008, -1/+4The same reason we need labels on lawn mowers telling people not to stick their hands under them and lift them while they're on and labels on coffee cups that say "Caution: Hot". Stupid people doing stupid things ruin it for the rest of us.
    • ho0ber, on 05/21/2008, -1/+8Because fist bumping is serious business. That's all there is to it.
    • skankyBacon, on 05/21/2008, -1/+3They're trying to make it like "man laws," which are often amusing. This is just lame though. Like anyone really cares if two colleagues "fist bump" over the closing of a business deal. It's one of the more subtle things you can do. Surely it's better than high-fiving or hip-bumping or something.
    • amoirae, on 05/21/2008, -1/+2Spirkus, it's like bitchslapping your mother. If one or two people do it wrong, she's dead. If we all do it right, we can share the fun and keep getting back in line for another turn... like your high school football team did.
    • beerncheese, on 05/21/2008, -1/+2The fist bump is about expression and communication, not about fun. If the fist bump is to have any meaning at all, then it is our duty to preserve it.

      It is the same reason there are rules for golf clapping, or flipping the bird.
  • manacit2, on 05/21/2008, -10/+18We’ve all done the fist bump. Maybe your team just scored, maybe you just bowled a strike, maybe you just won a rap battle. These are all acceptable times to bump fists with a friend. The picture on the right, however, illustrates a time where it is definitely NOT okay to bump fists.

    In case you’re wondering, these guys were celebrating the completion of a deal that brought a 42-mile rail corridor into public ownership.

    Yeah, I know. That’s ***** boring. Look, if the fist bump is brought into areas where it clearly does not belong, where does it end? Will Obama get a fist bump from Bill Clinton right after he’s sworn in? Will we, someday soon, see a surgeon give a tearful wife a bump after successfully removing her husband’s brain tumor? Are you gonna fist bump your buddy after he sucks the rattlesnake venom out of your inner thigh?

    So in an effort to help you out, we here at TastyBooze have devised a simple set of rules to aid you in appropriate fist bumping.

    1. If sports are involved, fist bumping is always acceptable.
    2. If you are wearing a suit, you may only fist bump if you are drunk. Or if you have just wrapped part of your suit around your forehead.
    3. You may not fist bump under any circumstances, in a hospital. Unless Rule #1 (or Rule #2) applies.
    4. Do not fist bump someone else’s misfortune, even if it helps you. Just look down, furrow your brow, and nod sternly.
    5. No fist bumping between the hours of 7am and 10am. And if you’re watching sports at this time, it’s probably soccer or NASCAR, and then you should really not be fist bumping. High fives will suffice for both.
    6. Do not fist bump in a meeting. Even if you are drunk.
    7. Do not fist bump your children. Unless you’re drunk, then it’s OK.
    8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.
    9. Do not refuse a fist bump. If you, as a bumpee, believe the bumper is violating a rule, speak to him afterwards. Refusing his bump is not going to help anything.
    10. Do not fist bump yourself.

    Happy fist bumping, kids! And if any of you have any photographic examples of bad fist bumps, send them to us, and we will make it known!
  • ivansusanin, on 05/21/2008, -8/+88it's ***** called "props", fist bumping sounds like some gay porn
    • PCloadLetterWTF, on 05/21/2008, -0/+5I've never heard it called fist bumping or props... I've always heard it as "hit the rock"
    • PCloadLetterWTF, on 05/21/2008, -0/+7*edit, apparently 5 minutes still isn't enough time for me*

      props, daps, pounding, hit the rock... really they are all better than fist pounding. Like you, I was expecting something much less work-safe.
    • system5y, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1damn yo' insecurities
  • RyeBrye, on 05/21/2008, -4/+63It's called "pounding" not "bumping"
    • YankeeSR23, on 05/21/2008, -3/+1Well I thought the pound was an up and down motion where as the bump is fist at fist motion.
    • WillBraden, on 05/21/2008, -2/+0true. true. the pound is top to bottom, and vice versa, the bump is straight on. man there are a lot of porn metaphors here...
    • zomgwaffles, on 05/21/2008, -3/+1fist on fist props is called "knucks" or "daps"

      bumping and pounding are sexual acts performed by homosexual guys and gals
    • Teh_Shiz, on 05/21/2008, -0/+5You are correct. Pounding it involves colliding two fists from any direction. I have no idea where this "bumping" nonsense originated from.
    • elpandush, on 05/21/2008, -0/+2Thank you, RyeBrye, thank you. Lock it up and put the chain on
    • fudged71, on 05/21/2008, -2/+2I thought it was the "fistpump"
    • 0Xonox0, on 05/21/2008, -0/+6First Rule of Pounding: Never call it "bumping"
  • fnv2001, on 05/21/2008, -1/+3i bump a fist when i take a huge bong load...and then i exhale
  • mangosinslo, on 05/21/2008, -0/+7respek!
  • BOFH2, on 05/21/2008, -1/+2guess I have to stop teaching my daughter. :(
    • TheXuu, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1> 8. Girls can fist bump anytime they want. And yes, guys think it’s cute.

      dude! they have free reign of doing it any time they want. so teach away!
  • hfxadv, on 05/21/2008, -3/+2I only High Five Top Gun style!
    • ivansusanin, on 05/21/2008, -2/+10buried. tom cruise was in top gun
  • cricketsymphony, on 05/21/2008, -2/+1bump
  • weizilla, on 05/21/2008, -3/+22psh, fist bumping is out. this is the new thing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxC8zycxa4g
    • BerenTW, on 05/21/2008, -0/+8obviously his mistake was he wasn't drunk in that suit.
    • MelroseMan, on 05/21/2008, -0/+2Damn funny, but shoulda had more bride smacking.
  • violentvinyl, on 05/21/2008, -0/+12I think context is extremely important. If that guy just sneezed into his hand or was scratching his balls you'd be thanking him for the fist bump instead of a hand shake.

    Ever shaken the hand of someone with cold clammy hands or really warm ones? Ever wish you didn't?
  • chrgrose, on 05/21/2008, -0/+6Whenever I fist bump my girlfriend I always get awkward comments later about how I suck at fist bumping...

    I've tried everything but I still don't know what I'm doing wrong.
  • jerrycurley, on 05/21/2008, -5/+3So...Digg is officially aimed at 15 year olds now?
  • pat0neill, on 05/21/2008, -0/+3dugg for implementing List: ______ to make me not read this
    • skankyBacon, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1How dare they inform you of the structure of the article beforehand! It should be a surprise!
  • mbrinton, on 05/21/2008, -3/+3But... I love soccer...
  • brownrecluse888, on 05/21/2008, -9/+1This clearly has NOTHING at all to do with Obama so I can't condone this sort of post. Come on Obama fan girlies, lets get back to the biznitch at hand, non stop Obama Spam.

    After all, Obama won Texas...
  • tmalloy, on 05/21/2008, -3/+6Buried for the soccer comment. It's the most popular sport in the world for a reason.
    • WillBraden, on 05/21/2008, -3/+0it doesn't say anything bad about soccer, it just says high fives are more appropriate...
      • bagboyrebel, on 05/21/2008, -0/+3it was implying that soccer is an inferior sport, when in fact it IS the most popular sport worldwide.
    • atruskot, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1I went ahead and buried this for the lame and unnecessary NASCAR rip... I've been a fan of NASCAR for a while now but have yet to see a race start at 7:00am.... or before noon for that matter.
  • Hawtshot, on 05/21/2008, -5/+211. After all is said and done, do not fist bump the other male in a 2 male, 1 female threesome.
    • TheNik, on 05/21/2008, -0/+8That deserves a fist bump more than most anything.
    • jamwil87, on 05/21/2008, -0/+2Yea I really can't think of a better time for a *pound
  • aserer511, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1yeah bro, i digg it
  • sethdesantis, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1"blowing 'it' up" is an essential part of "Fist Bumping", dugg regardless due to lack of documentation in general on this topic.
  • WoollyMittens, on 05/21/2008, -2/+4Here's how Penny Arcade explains when fist pounding is appropriate:
    http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/3/7/
  • DanJohnHarris, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1In bowling, you get a fist bump if you don't pick up your spare. You get an open palm slap if you strike, or pick up your spare.
  • haleym, on 05/21/2008, -1/+3I think that picture's a perfectly fine time for a fist bump. Cultures/customs/traditions change, get over it.
    • WillBraden, on 05/21/2008, -2/+0it's meant to be funny, jeez...lighten up
  • Twenty, on 05/21/2008, -0/+2I feel that the sacred grounds of throwing the horns have been violated way more than fist bumping. There was a news article on The Onion talking about how the Supreme Metal Council was meeting to resolve this issue, but I'm too lazy to look for it.
  • bagboyrebel, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1Buried for the soccer comment and too many restrictions.
    • WillBraden, on 05/21/2008, -0/+0can people even read anymore? all it says is that high fiving is more appropriate for soccer...
      • bagboyrebel, on 05/21/2008, -0/+1no, it was a comment against soccer because according to the article, fist bumping is appropriate for every sport except soccer and nascar. I would consider it a comment against those 2 sports.
  • insanebrain, on 05/21/2008, -1/+1Totally lame.
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