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9 Smart Tips On How To Handle Nasty Neighbors

msnbc.msn.com — Even the most beautiful home, in the most serene town can become a nightmare if you live next door to the wrong kind of people. And dealing with nasty neighbors can be enough to drive even the most peaceable person to distraction. If you find yourself in this situation or would like to do your very best to avoid it.

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NeverOffside, on 02/29/2008, -16/+61Canada should read this.
- apochcrypha, on 02/29/2008, -9/+6Are you kidding? I'm from New York City. When I visit my relatives in Brampton and Markham, Ontario, Canada, their neighborhoods are so quiet and peaceful, .....I always tell them that Americans have so much to learn from Canadians. Rarely do you see any disruptions in a Canadian neighborhood unless you live in a bad area or live downtown.
  - CryRightardCry, on 02/29/2008, -3/+17Sigh.
    He means Canada's neighbors. The USA.
    We are bad neighbors. Get it?
    He was sort of kidding.
- VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -15/+4Most Americans suck as neighbors. They smell bad due to their poor diets which are heavy in fat content and highly processed pseudo food stuff. They are self-centered and inconsiderate due to some mistaken notion that life is "every man for himself". They are hypocritical since many of them profess to being moral or even religious and yet they do the most foul things behind closed doors while denying every action. They are greedy to such an extreme that they rival any stereotype of other cultures and races. They are gullible since they believe in anything that is presented to them via mainstream media and fringe media depending on their socio-economic and political perspectives. They are addicted to consumerism just as big business wants them to be. It's a sick and very co-dependent reaction to the constant message: "Buy stuff or you will be a loser. Buy stuff or you will be a failure at supporting our economy. You are what you own". Americans as neighbors really really suck.
  - NeverOffside, on 02/29/2008, -2/+11Surely you'd have to to have lived next door to 'most' American's to say all that with any credibility? Otherwise it's crass generalisation, no?
- designer, on 02/29/2008, -7/+6You're right. American is terrible.
- Gustomucho, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2So we can remember we live in a great country not full of patridiots? Basketball hoops = bad neighbourg? Go go generalization!
- csw1342, on 02/29/2008, -0/+8basketball hoops = noisy children. While generally annoying not necessarily bad nieghbors.
Mufonix, on 02/29/2008, -6/+57Front page? Really? My 3 year old nephew could have written an article with less ***** than this...
- knupso, on 02/29/2008, -1/+5I think MSNBC must be gaming Digg, a lot of their crappy articles have ended up on the front page.
- apochcrypha, on 02/29/2008, -6/+0The MS in MSNBC stands for Microsoft.........in that case, they are gaming the entire computer industry with Windows also, eh?
- eliot2000, on 02/29/2008, -0/+6...and Microsoft pays the bills at Digg...I'm just saying.
  
  Is it just me, ir does it seem like following these instructions, stalking the property and your neighborhood at night and on foot, sneakily gathering gossip, and watching for reportable infractions, is a much quicker way to make yourself the neighborhood jerk? My neighbor puts his trash out early AND doesn't lock it. Big effing deal.
- AROZ, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Stay away from the following:
  Bus Stops
  
  Because of course, we assume you won't be using the bus.
- madeingermany, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Especially tip "1. Cruise the neighborhood at night." I think the people that do that drive around at night to spy on their neighbors are themselves to be classified as "5. The extreme weirdo"
Sprung, on 02/29/2008, -4/+23Nasty neighbors? Easy, just call Homeland Security and tell them that you find them to be "suspicious", whatever that means.
- skinturtle, on 02/29/2008, -5/+1Perfect!
  
  Or you could just wait til they are gone..and fill up a syringe of stink bomb liquid and squirt it under their door....in the winter.
  
  They will either be stunk out or froze out from having to open the windows
- kLacK, on 02/29/2008, -1/+2Just throw burnt pizza's and left over barbecue foods into their back yard.
- dildoolielly, on 03/01/2008, -0/+2I sent recruiters to my Neocon neighbor's house,
  
  It was hilarious. I walked outside to pick up my paper and watched as they walked up his drive past his display of 50 American flags and his Hummer all covered in little yellow ribbon magnets. As he answered the door his face turned the whitest white I have ever seen, especially with the contrast between his camo pants and shirt. Luckily the recruiters were able to catch him before he fell down his stairs and carry him back into the house. They had to be careful tho to avoid touching the huge wet stain that formed on the front of his pants. Im going over there in a little bit to see how he's doing right after the ambulance leaves.
republicker, on 02/29/2008, -10/+13Show them your gun and you will fix the problem.
- VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -4/+9Show them your gun and they'll know how small your dick is. Bad move.
- jggr, on 02/29/2008, -1/+10But if they show you theirs, well, then you have a standoff which can only go in one direction.
  A show of force (regardless of what you may have been told), is not the best way to resolve problems. Try being an adult sometimes and work a problem through with honest discussion.
  - AROZ, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2I would try that, but my bad neighbour's strategy is to try to intimidate away from dialogue by screaming. Not that I'd take republicker's suggestion. After all, with that attitude, your problems won't be solved because eventually they'll get a gun or call the police. Even if republicker was joking, it has inspired this reflection.
fuhcough, on 02/29/2008, -4/+8I drew a nice little picture in my jerkoff neighbor's yard with weed killer. Two days later every time he looked out his window towards my house he saw a gigantic lawn penis and two grass balls. :)
- warcin, on 02/29/2008, -3/+13Sounds to me like you were the bad neighbor in that one, or at least one of two
  - fuhcough, on 02/29/2008, -1/+8eh you're probably right. :/
- ChzPlz, on 02/29/2008, -0/+8It's better if you do it with powdered fertilizer. The brighter green penis is a bit more subtle, but will last the whole summer.
Mdog011, on 02/29/2008, -2/+15#10. Knock on their door...with a chair
- antdude, on 03/01/2008, -0/+1Is that what Steve Ballmer does?
lukeduke, on 02/29/2008, -4/+12Fences make the best neighbors...the electric ones are even better.
colin8651, on 02/29/2008, -2/+10The things suggested in the article sound complicated and time consuming:
Step 1: Buy Pigs
Step 2: Don't feed pigs
Step 3: Invite said neighbors over for a party.
Step 4: Grab a beer
- ikcilabd, on 02/29/2008, -1/+16You gotta starve the pigs for a few days, then the site of a chopped-up body would look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victems and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sifting through *****, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least 16 pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be warry of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression "as greedy as a pig"."
  - Matt2k, on 02/29/2008, -3/+2Mr. Wu, is that you?
    - munkyxtc, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4c'mon man, it's Brick Top
      - Matt2k, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1Well, I guess I can't win them all
        Snatch is a good movie but I did not catch the reference
        Thanks
- BillMoocho, on 02/29/2008, -1/+0Step 5: ???
  Step 6: PROFIT!!!
mikeopubco, on 02/29/2008, -2/+43People with basketball goals, trampolines and swimming pools are nasty neighbors? So....anybody with kids then? FCOL, what a stupid list.
- lnxfi, on 02/29/2008, -3/+2I don't think that's the point. There's nothing wrong with a basketball court, assuming their kids aren't out there at 3am playing and screaming while their dog barks all night long.
- dood, on 02/29/2008, -4/+3The article indicates that swimming pools are OK, once they're constructed. They're just noisy to install. Basketball hoops and skateboard ramps are only used by racket-makers.
- slvrbullet87, on 02/29/2008, -2/+2Who the hell calls it a basketball goal?
  - VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -0/+9People who don't know much about this thing called "Basketball". Heh... I remember when I was seven I begged and begged my mom to let me play basketball for school. It was all based on watching the Harlem Globetrotters cartoon. That was my ONLY exposure to basketball. So my perception of basketball was that it was this nice game where you did stunts with balls and everyone serially took turns shooting the ball through the hoop. That was what made it appeal to me, I thought it was a fair game that was free of competition. So when I was finally on a team (for a different school, don't ask) I was very confused by the other kids. I thought they were all assholes because they'd take the ball and keep it away from me. My own team mates would yell at me when I passed the ball to the opposing team so they could get their fair share of shots. At that point I decided basketball was for assholes. Conversely the kids on my team probably thought I was a retard. I didn't "get" basketball until I was about ten and we played it in gym. By then, I realized it was like all the other games, where competition was a big part of it. I was disappointed since I could find any games where cooperation and fairness (everyone gets a turn to be the star) were central to the game. All this because my dad didn't like sports so I had no model. Anyway, thank goodness I don't have a son. Otherwise I'd have to pass him off to male friends who do like sports if he had an interest. As it is, if my daughter develops the interest, I'll have to turn her over to my lesbian friend who is great at sports... Hehe... her son doesn't like sports at all. It freaks her out.
- signal15, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4Anyone with kids in my neighborhood. Everyone here has like 1 acre yards.... but the kids don't play in them. They play in the street, and leave their toys littered all over the road. There's a 3 year old kid a couple of houses down that's always riding down the middle of the street on her big wheel.
  
  Then all the 5-6 year olds throw things at cars. I'm sending an anonymous letter to social services. What kind of parent allows their 3 year old to play on a fairly busy street? They know it's happening also, because I've seen them out there sitting in lawn chairs while their kids try to get run over.
- kcmedic, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2I agree this is a stupid list. It sounds like whoever wrote that piece is the pain-in-the-ass neighbor. She forgot the last step: Check to see if neighbor writes annoying blogs.
lnxfi, on 02/29/2008, -4/+9Every home on my parent's block is made of brick. It looks really nice, except for one house. These new people moved in and had their house 'updated' with stucco... in the color of dirty pee yellow. It looks horrible. Then to top that, they built a structure without the proper permits, damaged their shared driveway with the construction equipment that the contractor's used and most unbelievably asked my parents to pay 50% of the cost to repair the driveway. Some people are just too ignorant to realize that they have no class.

As much as my parents went through all the legal hoops to file proper complaints and etc, absolutely nothing was done. This article is great for buying a house, there needs to also be one for when you are the good guy and your neighbor's house goes up for sale.
- sexybobo, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4It would have to suck to live next to you. Who the hell cares what their neighbors house looks like? It is their damned house they can do with it what they like.
  On the other hand if they tore up the drive way they should fix it.
  - jgzman, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3The major concern is that ugly houses reduce the property value of houses near them. While I recognize the issue, I am forced to reply: tough nuggets. My house, my property. As long as I am not posing a hazard to you or your property, you have no authority to give me instructions.
    But if I break the driveway, I should have to fix it.
mattmollysdad, on 02/29/2008, -1/+11had to pull out my best but true line with my new neighbor and the city: "I'm just a retired piano player but come from this really boring family of 15 lawyers"...and... it worked... sad but even reasonable requests made by the entire neighborhood didn't get anything done for 10 years until we moved in and a one pager on lawyer stationary brought a 10 year old nightmare to an end... best to just get a lawyer to write a letter.
- jggr, on 02/29/2008, -0/+7So, what was the nightmare? And why did the other neighbours have such a hard time fixing it?
  /Inquiring minds and all that.
- mattmollysdad, on 02/29/2008, -0/+7a tree with a 20 foot diameter that was probably 200 feet all and 18 feet from our foundation... it actually raised our house off it's foundation... also it destroyed the ocean view of 6 houses across the street. The neighbors had asked for years for the tree to be trimmed, thinned, shaped ... anything but to no avail... the neighbor said the tree belonged to the city as it was within 8 feet of the curb... when the city came out with a copy of the letter they said... the tree had now moved onto the neighbors property and it was their problem... so unfortunately a tree that could have been saved over the years had to be removed... seems to make more sense to try to be reasonable in the beginning of a problem than to think the problem will go away.
ColonelJessup, on 02/29/2008, -10/+16I have loud neighbors. They live downstairs, and they play their rap music too loud all day and night. It is so loud that it shakes stuff off my tables. I hate these people. They are a welfare family. No one down there works, they collect food stamps, welfare, and they get a check from the state to pay for rent. I hate these people so much, I day dream about going downstairs with a basball bat and cracking welfare family heads.

I hate these people. All day and night with that stupid rap music. We called the police, I have filed numerous complaints with the landlord, nothing gets done. We have a lease on the apartment, so we can't move for at least 6 more months.

Not only do they play their rap music, they have parties. They have these loud people over, fighting in the stairwell, smoking drugs, hangin out in the parking lot screaming and acting like monkeys. I am shocked that my car hasnt' been broken into yet.

I can't stand it. No one is doing anything about these horrible people. I think it is because the landlord doens't want to be pegged as a racist, so he lets them do whatever they want. I don't know what to do. I can't go talk to them, I will likely be stabbed, or shot. The police won't do anything, they have came to the apartments once, and even that wasn't enough because as soon as they left, the music and partying started all over again.

I can't take much more. I don't get any sleep. I live in fear of being robbed, or stabbed, or beaten up by some drunk and high gangbanger thugs. This is not how people are supposed to live. I don't know what to do, I feel like I am just going to snap and pop and go crazy and do something that will get me sent away for a long time.

Does anyone have any tips, anything at all that they can suggest?
- sroop, on 02/29/2008, -1/+15Move
  - gooberguy, on 03/01/2008, -1/+0"We have a lease on the apartment, so we can't move for at least 6 more months. "
- genconkeeper, on 02/29/2008, -1/+10Bagpipe music does it everytime, or a Jacob's ladder it will make static on any sound system.
  - doobes, on 02/29/2008, -1/+0This is true. It's amazing stuff. Penetrates enormous distances and sends shivers down the spine of the enemy. As it was intended to do when it was developed.
    
    A co-worker of mine in Houston turned me onto it. A quick blast in the car and thumper beside you will turn it down
    
    good luck thou'
- tymme, on 02/29/2008, -0/+9We had a similar problem with our neighbor (multi-unit house) until we started documenting calls to the police. After the second violation, the landlords start paying part of the ticket as well. It didn't last long after that.
  
  WI has a tenant/landlord rights & responsibilities handbook that can be ordered or checked out at the library. I would imagine most states have the same. At least then you can see what to do.
- skinturtle, on 02/29/2008, -14/+4"hangin out in the parking lot screaming and acting like monkeys"
  
  It's because that's what evolution teaches them that they are.
  - offwithyourtv, on 03/01/2008, -0/+1You can always tell whether or not someone actually understands evolution the moment they attempt to talk about it.
    
    Exhibit A: skinturtle. Either this commenter doesn't understand evolution or forgot the all-too-important /sarcasm tag.
- artificialgrey, on 02/29/2008, -1/+16Kick in their door at 4 in the morning and proceed to execute everyone in the home. Drop the gun there and sprinkle some crack on the bodies before you leave.
- RedReplicant, on 02/29/2008, -0/+7http://xkcd.com/368/
- adrianmonk, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3Two tips:
  
  1. Your apartment management probably hates them too. If they ever do something that actually gives the management sufficient legal reason to evict them, the management probably would do it. But it needs to be something major, like being involved in a felony. If something like that does happen (and it doesn't sound like it's THAT bad yet), make sure it doesn't escape the apartment management office's knowledge.
  
  2. The more practical approach: even though you have a lease, the apartment management will probably let you move to a new unit in the same complex or into an apartment in a different complex as long as it is managed by the same company. You may have to commit to another 12 months (start a new lease) in order to do this, but it might be worth it.
- signal15, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4Cite the numerous police reports and the failure of your landlord to do anything about it. Then break your lease. Or, depending on your state, you may be able to withhold rent until he takes care of the problem. You can't just withhold it though, you need to contact some state agency, and then you will pay them and they hold it in escrow. That will get your landlord off his ass.
  
  As a landlord, if I have a problem tenant and do nothing about it, everyone else can break their lease with no penalty according to MN state law.
- bulkhater, on 02/29/2008, -0/+7If you've been calling the police and have documentation of an ongoing, unresolved noise problem, then you can legally break the lease without paying any penalties. Tell the Landlord that you intend to do this if the issue isn't resolved within two weeks.
  
  If it isn't resolved, then move. The ongoing noise problem means you have the legal right to do so without paying extra for breaking the lease.
  
  Or you COULD continue sitting on your rear, ignorant of your rights while pissing and moaning instead of doing something to leave the situation.
- FLLawLibrarian, on 02/29/2008, -0/+6Honestly all you need to do is call the police and make noise complaint everytime they do it. The police will come, although it may take a little while, depending on how urgent you make it sound. After a while, the police will get tired of being called out to the same location. And will begin fining either the offenders or the apartment management. If you live in a place that has a condo association... write them a letter, letting them know you are filing a complaint.
  Legal action is the last recourse. You have a legal right to feel safe and happy where you live. Most states have these laws on the books, particularly when it comes to noise annoyance statutes. So do some research about what laws your state has in place. You could probably just google something like the following (substituting your states name): "Florida statutes" and find the information you need.
- JesusHatesYou, on 02/29/2008, -2/+5Fortunately, you're a renter. I suggest you just tell the landlord that the situation is intolerable and that you're going to break the lease because I'm sure there has to be something in there that allows for it. You have only one option: MOVE. Whether it's in 6 months or 1 month, set a date and do it. Move to an all-white neighborhood. It may be boring but at least you don't have to live in fear of getting raped, robbed or murdered.
- eliot2000, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4One thing, if they're getting government money to pay for their place, that means the apartment complex is wholly subsidized, which means you're on the dole also. Nothing wrong with that, but maybe it doesn't belong on their list of flaws. Someone can be a jerk without being a stereotypical welfare case. I'll bet you a $5 food stamp that you actually don't have such an intimate knowledge of your estranged neighbors financial details.
  
  They do sound like douchebags, though. Call the cops next time there's a party, if there's drugs and people get busted, their friends will party elsewhere, and your neighbors might get locked up too.
  - tightscrummy, on 02/29/2008, -1/+9"if they're getting government money to pay for their place, that means the apartment complex is wholly subsidized, which means you're on the dole also."
    No it doesn't, go read about Section 8 housing and stop commenting on things that you know nothing about.
  - yehudasf, on 02/29/2008, -1/+6Wow, did you actually think before you posted? In the US there is a programme called Section 8 housing, which provides income proportional subsidy rental assistance to persons ( disabled/elderly/poverty stricken with dependent children) living in PRIVATELY OWNED housing. Not a council estate (housing project). The idea being that it will help to decentralise poverty by having the poor distributed throughout the community, rather than segregated into "government housing". The persons who occupy the other units in the building referrenced in this article are most likely normal, employed persons, that mixture, being the whole point of the section 8 programme.
    - eliot2000, on 02/29/2008, -4/+1Yah thanks. keep reading. If it's a multiple residence complex, they have to go all or none, because they don't want landlords getting people in, and then renting to them at higher prices. I might be wrong, but that's how it is here.
      My main issue with the article was that the commenter spoke about these people's welfare abuses, not because he knew, but as a way to frame them as this offensively-outdated stereotype.
      Let's count the old standbys:
      1. “their rap music”
      2. “They are a welfare family.”
      3. “No one down there works,”
      4. “they collect food stamps, welfare, and they get a check from the state to pay for rent.”
      5. “stupid rap music” (second mention)
      6. “have these loud people over, fighting in the stairwell, smoking drugs, hangin out in the parking lot screaming and acting like monkeys. I am shocked that my car hasnt' been broken into yet.”
      7. “I can't go talk to them, I will likely be stabbed, or shot”
      8. “I live in fear of being robbed, or stabbed, or beaten up by some drunk and high gangbanger thugs. This is not how people are supposed to live. I don't know what to do, I feel like I am just going to snap and pop and go crazy and do something that will get me sent away for a long time.”
      9. "the landlord doens't want to be pegged as a racist"
      10. He forgot fried chicken, superior dancing skills and smoking kools.
      
      These aren't real people- they're composities. Either the Colonel exaggerated in huge ways, or invented this story from whole cloth. I call FAKE.
      FWIW, the colonel joined earlier this month, and has 566 comments, with 3 diggs.
      - tightscrummy, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1"I might be wrong, but that's how it is here."
        Yes, you are wrong and that's how it is here in reality.
    - tymme, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1I get a check to pay for rent... it's called SSDI. That doesn't mean everyone else in this complex does....
- slippiefist, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4If they're blasting rap music you should get a louder stereo and blast some Anal *****. And JesusHatesYou is correct, you have every right to break your lease. And if you do finally snap and cause a bloodbath, post the vid on YouTube pls.
- JohnSteel, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2If you can afford one consult a lawyer that is experenced in landlord - tennant stuff. Go to the bookstore or library and get some good books. Buy a videorecorder and record them. Call the police. If they start back up again call the police again. File complaints with the landlord. If you get good documentation, recordings, police reports, ect. you may be able to break your lease and move or even sue your neighbors or landlord.
- tightscrummy, on 02/29/2008, -0/+5I was in similar situation a long time ago. If the electrical service is accessible to you start flipping the breakers in their apt. In my case I took their main breaker more than once during loud parties that went into the early morning. If your ghetto clan is as stupid as mine was they will have no idea what's going on or even what a circuit breaker is. It didn't get them to move out but it helped in moving the party somewhere else.
- offwithyourtv, on 03/01/2008, -0/+3I had some noise issues with people who lived below me once, too. They would frequently have loud parties during weeknights until early in the morning and many of the partiers would crash at the house. Asking them nicely to turn the music down several times didn't work. So when I would have to wake up to get ready for my 8 or 9 a.m. class, I decided I would have "wake-up music" to get my sleep-deprived self going. I also had a lot more money invested in my sound system than they did. Miserable pissed-off hung over people would start crawling out of the house to their cars. The parties became less frequent quickly.
dood, on 02/29/2008, -0/+22These "spot the problem neighbors" tips all read like they were written in the 50's, with the exception of #7 & #8.
"2. Talk with the local store owners. They’re always the first to tell you who the pains are, who stiffed them, and who’s involved in a lawsuit. (“I’m thinking of buying the Smith house. Do you know it? Know the street? What are the neighbors like?”)"
Who talks like this, seriously? "The Smith house"?
"4. Look for basketball hoops, skateboard ramps, and trampolines, all tell-tale signs of the racket-maker."
Those people with their kids that have outdoor activities are nothin' but trouble! Keep 'em locked up!
- VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -2/+1There are some places where life is still kind of like that, or at least attempts to be. However, the chances of living there on less than $500,000 a year salary are highly unlikely. And considering that people who make $500,000 a year or more are a fairly small segment of the population, that means places like that are far and few between. Myself, I make about $75,000 a year which is extremely common.
  - derek20cali, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Nice subtle attempt at stroking your e-peen there.
    - VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -1/+1What exactly do you mean by that? I'd say that salaries below $90,000 are the majority of Americans. You'll note that the only thing I left out that I should have mentioned in the original post is that as you go lower and lower in the salaries, the population gets larger and larger. There are even more people who make $25,000 a year than people who make $75,000 a year. I'm simply pointing out the fallacy that America is filled with millionaires for what it is: a lie.
- JesusHatesYou, on 02/29/2008, -3/+11You misread the article.
  basketball hoops = *****
  tennis court = white people
  skateboard ramps = emo kids
  trampolines = gays
  - csw1342, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4so wrong but so funny. pools = ??
    - radu79, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3Partying Lesbians?
      Oh, wait, that might not be so bad.
    - FlyingSpaghetti, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4Cocaine snorting porn directors who wear unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts and large sunglasses.
    - jnadke, on 03/01/2008, -0/+1pools = mexicans
      
      Duh.
borez, on 02/29/2008, -3/+3310. Stop being a middle class, paranoid, suburbia dwelling tit and actually get a life, coz if you're the kind of person who actually follows advice like this, then you're more than likely the kind of person who will cause the problems in the first place.
- bulletproofbra, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Dugg'd! For being pretty much the comment I was going to make but worded so much better. And as for the "extreme weirdo" neighbour that never speaks, omg! He absolutely MUST be a terrorist!
  - Coffeedemon, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2"And as for the "extreme weirdo" neighbour that never speaks, omg! He absolutely MUST be a terrorist!"
    thats me. Its not that I don't like my neighbours its that I don't really concern myself with their lives. If they keep the noise down and respect my safety (I'll do the same) I'm quite content to limit my communications to a sincere "how's it going" and "have a nice day". And I sure as hell don't want them coming over all hours because they don't have any of their own friends.
- ElAssoWipo, on 02/29/2008, -2/+1I like how ethics, politeness and being a good samaritan are now frowned upon in America. And then in another thread you blame the government for the crime rate.
- offwithyourtv, on 03/01/2008, -0/+2Exactly. My neighbors are a group of respectful guys who play in a band for a living, but they only practice early in the afternoon to minimize the disturbance. Even when they do play, you can barely hear them even when you're outside. My other neighbors who are retired (and usually home early in the afternoon) have called the cops on them a few times because they were supposedly playing too loud. I don't see how, since I can barely hear the band, and the complaining neighbors are old! I think they just don't like young people. Just today one of the guys said they had decided to move. It's unfortunate.
jjacksonRIAB, on 02/29/2008, -1/+6Know how I fixed this?

I stopped relying on other people to make me happy and instead soundproofed my house.
mceggy, on 02/29/2008, -3/+9What kind of ***** is this? 56 diggs with no comments and it's on the front page. The article is ***** and is clearly for the type of people in the article picture. Grumpy, old, childless couples that bitch and moan if you play kick about in the back garden and keep the ball if it accidentally rolls into theirs. I swear it was an accident, even the smashed greenhouse glass panes later that night after the ***** CAME AROUND TO MY HOUSE, knocked on the door and told my parents that I "was a disruption". It was a SUMMERS DAY in the middle of the afternoon you bitch.
- skinturtle, on 02/29/2008, -10/+1Yup..one of those buttheads we are trying to avoid living next to. Why don't you think about someone else's comfort once in while instead of yourself.
  
  Selfish little brat who thinks the world revolves around you. I know how to deal little gnats like you don't ya worry.
  - VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -0/+6I'm hoping you're a troll. Because if you're not, you must pay for your arrogance.
Buzzbean, on 02/29/2008, -1/+5 I need an article on how to keep the idiots from moving in next door. The guy has been there one year now. Mowed his lawn a total of 4 times last summer. Had a deer head (mounted) sitting in the middle of his back yard for couple of months, dug out his side lawn between our houses to put in a driveway but never filled it and it's washing away more with every rain, has two vehicles, a two car garage and doesn't park either one in it and to top things off, just got a new job driving a semi and parks it in front of my house, idling. It's awesome when he cranks it over at 5-6am and lets it idle and the air brakes release their pressure every few minutes. No ordinances or covenants to rely on. I talked to him about the problems and he said none of it is my problem but he'd park his semi in front of his own house. What a nice guy.
- JohnSteel, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Your town doesn't have ordinances about the upkeep of your property, noise, pets, ect.? Every town in America has them. If he hasn't done anything about that driveway then he probably didn't get the permits required by law. Also it is most likely illegal to leave it like that.
  - Buzzbean, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Unfortunately, I live in greater suburbia which means I'm not inside city limits. I'm in an SID. I called the county and they have no ordinances on any of the problems.
schnikies79, on 02/29/2008, -0/+17Don't live somewhere where you can hear your neighbors? My nearest neighbor on the same side of the road as me is about 1/2mi away. Across they road they live around 250 yards away.

If I can't piss off my back porch at will, it's not worth living there.
- jggr, on 02/29/2008, -1/+3I couldn't agree more.... However, some of us are not as lucky to have the opportunity to live in the boonies. Well, I suppose the opportunity is still there, but unfortunately life often requires sacrifices.
- jawnboy, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2I hear you, I went from what you describe to having neighbours a year ago (75 ft away both sides) and am currently obsessively searching for new accommodations. Either I need my piece and privacy more than others or I am an ***** that cannot get along well with others, or I guess maybe my new neighbours are dicks. Whatever my point is that is the way to live.
fiestycrumbler, on 02/29/2008, -5/+5Spot them out
If you don’t want to end up with one of the above as your new neighbor, here’s what you can do to spot them early:

1. Cruise the neighborhood at night. You’ll see the guy next door while he’s at home (rather than at work). Most people make the mistake of seeing a home during the day and looking again during the same time a few days later.

2. Talk with the local store owners. They’re always the first to tell you who the pains are, who stiffed them, and who’s involved in a lawsuit. (“I’m thinking of buying the Smith house. Do you know it? Know the street? What are the neighbors like?”)

3. Walk the neighborhood during rush hour. Not just block, but the four blocks surrounding yours. Befriend a few neighbors along the way. (“I’m thinking of buying the Smith House at 12 Maple Avenue. Do you know the neighbors? What are they like?”).

4. Look for basketball hoops, skateboard ramps, and trampolines, all tell-tale signs of the racket-maker.

5. Watch and listen for the barking and unleashed neighborhood dogs.

6. Poke around the town clerk’s office to find out which neighbors have filed for what, like permits for building a house extension over the next 12 months, a noisy new tennis court, or a new pool.

7. Take a cyberspace tour on ‘Google Street View’ to check out empty lots and backyards that look like a landfill.

8. Check on-line registries for the location of any local sex offender
- JesusHatesYou, on 02/29/2008, -3/+4Check for white chalk outlines on the pavement. It's a sure sign that you're in a black neighborhood.
  - csw1342, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2David Chappelle: "Hey, I gotta make a stop real quick." At 3 o'clock in the morning, and I didn't know he was taking me to the ghetto at first. I started looking out the window, see gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store, where the ***** you taking me? This don't look good. He didn't say *****. He just pulled up in front of an old rickety building that looked like a project.
SeaMowse, on 02/29/2008, -2/+6If all else fails, go to Rottenneighbor.com, to see if there is a listing for that address.
- borez, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3That site has the most annoying map view I've ever used
- o0joshua0o, on 02/29/2008, -1/+3Site has a great concept, but the map is horrible. You type in an address, and it doesn't even pinpoint it for you. It just gets you to the general area, and then you have to use visual cues to try to find it. You can't even zoom in very far. It's practically impossible to find a specific address, particularly in a duplex or apartment building. Why does the site force you to use a map in the first place? It should just let you type in a specific address of the neighbor in question and let you rate them.
- AROZ, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3Post your house there and won't the property value go down? Then what, you sue the neighbour?
MatthewBright, on 02/29/2008, -0/+5Because when I buy a home, it's all about what my neighbor decides what I should be doing with my free time and property. I'd hate to be this writer's children. "No skateboards or basketball hoops for you dear."
dugmartsch, on 02/29/2008, -1/+9This article is for the person that would actually read a noise ordinance and be very concerned about their enforcement.

I didn't realize that Digg is now run by a cadre of crotchety 50 somethings.
- jawnboy, on 02/29/2008, -1/+2Nothing to do with age, those types are found in all places at any age - it is one of the things that makes me sure that god exists and that he hates the rest of us.
- dlowder, on 02/29/2008, -3/+2Noise ordnances are there for a reason -- someday when you have a real job and have to get up early, and some idiot is running their 2000W stereo at midnight, you will understand :)
KevinRWright, on 02/29/2008, -6/+5One time a new neighbor took down my basketball hoop with an ax. The hoop was attached to a telephone pole, on the street, in between our houses. It was smack dab in the middle of the property dividing line. I had a bit of a dilemma since I couldn't make the argument that it was on my property, as it was equally on his.

One morning I hid behind some shrubs on his front lawn, waiting for him to leave for work. Turned out he worked from home, and it was a Saturday... So 6 hours later, he came out to get his newspaper and I sprayed him with my super soaker. He got mad, but we talked about everything and made nice.

He didn't realize that it was my basketball hoop, he thought it was left by the previous owner. He was even nice enough to offer to buy me a new one, but I had to turn him down. You see, we made nice with each other, but I couldn't accept his kind offer because, unbeknownst to him, my super soaker was not filled with water. I had spent the previous night filling it with piss, and I would have felt way too guilty essentially pissing on the poor bloke and then making him by me a new hoop.
johnnyrotten, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4Checking out the neighborhood at night is a good idea, but you should also check it out on a nice weekend day if possible. I once considered buying a house that was near some apartments. The house was fantastic and reasonably priced, but when I went through the neighborhood on a nice Saturday afternoon, the apartment complex was very noisy and crowded. No wonder the house was so nice - the owners probably never went outside.
- DonCarcharo, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3The problem with investigating neighborhoods is that they're dynamic things so they change, sometimes very quickly. I purchased my home a year ago and back then the neighborhood was great. It was a quiet little dead end street with about a dozen homes.
  
  That was last year. Since then we've had three new families move in the neighborhood and now things have gone downhill. Music all hours of the night, giant burning garbage pits, laundry hanging over fences, babies running around naked, farm animals (well just chickens, actually), beer bottles strewn everywhere, people hanging out in my yard. It's crazy. And because of that more of the decent people are now moving out.
  
  The biggest problem is since none of the new families speak English it really isn't productive sit down and chat with them (though I've tried). So I'm just going to embrace the diversity, I guess...
br1776, on 02/29/2008, -6/+1Found this site to log problem neighbors a few weeks ago. Lots of room for entries.
http://www.rottenneighbor.com/
jfg84, on 02/29/2008, -2/+2Move to the country and leave normal people alone who don't need the world to revolve around them.
br1776, on 02/29/2008, -9/+1Found this site a few weeks ago. Log and check on rotten neighbors. There's a website for everything.
http://www.rottenneighbor.com/
rawsteak, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4am i the only one that read this as "9 Smart Tips On How To Handle TASTY Neighbors" ?

why o why did i skip breakfast? :(
WoollyMittens, on 02/29/2008, -0/+5"Cruise the neighborhood at night. "

In my eye, that makes you the pesky neighbourhood-watch freak.
- jggr, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3I think you might be misunderstanding that quote. I do believe it's a suggestion for when you're buying a house. Take a look at the house at night so you can get a wider perspective on the neighbourhood and home (better than just seeing it during the day time).
  I don't think it was a suggestion to constantly cruise the neighbourhood.
chungulation, on 02/29/2008, -1/+5I didn't think there were any friendly "local neighbourhood stores" left to investigate community gossip. Sounds like these tips might only work in yuppie fantasy land.
- MatthewBright, on 02/29/2008, -2/+1That's not entirely true. I live in a mostly "low income" area of town and our local convenience is ran my some of the nicest people. Always met with gigantic smile. But I'm Canadian, so everyone's always happy and in a good mood, right?
  
  Though, on the other hand, the owners of the store a couple blocks away aren't exactly your cup of tea of personality.
GamingTrend, on 02/29/2008, -0/+11You can't avoid a garbage route - how the hell do you get your garbage picked up?

There are some easy steps that help with your neighbors:
1.) Remove the wooden fence between you and the neighbor. Put up a cement block wall. Good walls make good neighbors. Nobody wants a "Wilson" peeking over their fence.
2.) Keep the area between your two houses clear and free of grass or whatever else. Use rocks.
3.) Know how loud your gear is from the outside of the house.
4.) Talk to your neighbors. "We are having a party on Friday. Would you like to come over for a while? Do you mind if we have cars park in front of your house for a few hours? etc. Communication is key.
5.) Go out of your way. Instead of dragging just your trashcan to the street, why not use your other arm to lug theirs too. They may not thank you, but they will notice.

All of that said, I'm gonna burn my damned neighbors house to the ground if they don't replace that torn and stained flag. I've already given them one and disposed of the previous one. There are limits.
- SpaceMonkeyZero, on 02/29/2008, -2/+2Cement walls do wonders for resale values!
  
  /s
VinceNoir, on 02/29/2008, -2/+13A rewrite:

How to freak out your potential new middle class or wealthy neighbors when you're "moving up":

1. Cruise the neighborhood at night. You’ll scare the guy next door while he’s at home (rather than at work) with your economy class car. Most people make the mistake of seeing a home during the day and looking again during the same time a few days later thereby only frightening the docile and naive wives. Extra points if you're non-white.

2. Talk with the local store owners and make them think you're a stalker. (“I’m thinking of buying the Smith house. Do you know it? Know the street? What are the neighbors like? Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist party?”)

3. Walk the neighborhood during rush hour. Not just block, but the four blocks surrounding yours. Frighten a few neighbors along the way by asking where the nearest bus routes are thereby implying that you don't make the requisite amount of money. (“I just got approved for an awesomely huge loan and I’m thinking of buying the Smith House at 12 Maple Avenue. Do you know the neighbors? What are they like? Are there any terrorists living in the area? Pedophiles?”).

4. Look for basketball hoops, skateboard ramps, and trampolines, all signs that there might be a few people who don't have poles up their assholes and might be fun to hang out with.

5. Take your dog for a walk with no leash so he can find all the best spots to relieve himself in the neighborhood. Ideally the most arrogant and prickish neighbors should be encouraged as targets.

6. Poke around the town clerk’s office to dig into your neighbor's business and then make sure to make as much noise about what you know as possible thereby terrifying your neighbor into thinking you're a stalker.

7. Take a cyberspace tour on ‘Google Street View’ to check out good places in your new potential neighborhood to bury your stash.
chungulation, on 02/29/2008, -0/+7Apparently the "neighbor who never says anything" falls into the Extreme Weirdo category for these people! The more I read this article, the more ridiculous it appears.
- csw1342, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4Really, wouldn't that be the ideal neighbor in this case
Calabahn, on 02/29/2008, -0/+9I don't know, the kind of neighbor that doesn't talk to anyone is the ideal neighbor. Why would they label them the weirdo neighbor?
blueblazer17, on 02/29/2008, -0/+5Buried for being pointless and silly.
DJShadow, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4"How to be a stuck up neighbor." I hope the people who take this article seriously get a brain tumor....assclowns.
csm888, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2Liquidize some fish, place in a washing-up bottle or large nose syringe, and squirt into the air cavitites and inlets around their house, (prefereably into the ventilation bricks if they have cavity walls) Wait a few weeks....mission accomplised :) Never again will the house be fish free....
designerutah, on 02/29/2008, -0/+39 Smart tips on how to Handle Annoying Neighbors (rewritten)
1. Talk to the other neighbors. See if you're the only one who sees a problem. If it's you, get over it.
2. Lighten up. Unless it's affecting something real (property value, sleep) you should grow a thicker skin.
3. It it is bothering all the neighbors, AND it's affecting something real, try having a polite, private chat with the troublesome homeowners. This should alleviate the problem if handled well, and you can point to real problems, not just perceived ones.
4. If the chat doesn't work, check out city regulations, homeowner's agreements, etc. and see if there is anything there that can help.
5. If there's nothing regulatory or contractual, then file a complaint with the city.
6. Send around a petition, get everyone to sign it. Then publish it in the paper at your expense. (Hint, if you're not willing to spend the money, it's not THAT much of a problem.)
7. If you've done everything you can do that is polite, honorable, and with the city/county, now is the time to hire a good lawyer (or at least get a lawyer to write a letter).
8. If the letter doesn't get results, file a suit against them. Get your neighbors to pitch in to meet the costs.
9. If the threat of suit doesn't work, Sue them.
10. If all else fails, offer to buy them out.

And of course, you can all dream up your own retaliation methods if at any point in this list you decide to just "get even" instead of solve the problem.

PS: Original list was stupid. Basketball hoop, half-pipe, and Trampoline don't mean anything other than "kids live here." We've got all three, and four kids. And we have neighbor kids over all the time. But, this all ends at a decent time of night (usually 6-7pm), and all of the kids know that if there's any complaints about noise, or abusive behavior, the toys go away. Just takes parenting. I have one set of bad neighbors that live next door. They leave non-running cars out front, have killed off their lawn and replaced it with a vegetable garden they don't tend, and he leaves the garage open while using very loud wood-working tools, frequently until the early morning hours. We're hovering around step 3. We've had a few talks, they help for a while. Then the problems start again. But, they're nice people. Just clueless when it comes to being good neighbors. Trying to teach them... politely.
z28com, on 02/29/2008, -5/+3How do to get rid of bad neighbors:

-Routinely remove the lug nuts off of their cars
-Routinely have pizza's and cab's sent to their house
-Routinely subscribe hundreds of magazines to their home
-Routinely report gunshots heard at their address (do this from a payphone)
-Routinely pour gasoline in their yard
-Routinely fill a 5 gallon bucket full of cow or dog ***** and spread it all over their front porch
-Routinely have one of your friends who owns a large pickup with knobby tires to drive across their lawn sideways at 5,000 RPM during a rainy night
-Routinely our battery acid on the paint of their car
-Routinely fill their gas tank with pancake syrup
-Routinely cut their phone line
-Routinely call to have their utilities shut off
-Routinely page hundreds or thousands of unknown beepers to call their house or use SMS messaging on the cellphones
-Routinely put strange chemicals on their doorknobs and/or porch
-Routinely caulk their front door shut so they cannot open it from inside.
- nitrojunky24, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3makes you the neighbor from hell!
  funny though
- mike17032, on 02/29/2008, -1/+2I posted this below, but putting a scorpion I bought at the pet store in their window got rid of them in two weeks.
  
  That will teach those ***** to expect to be able to sleep at 2 AM on a tuesday.
- SpaceMonkeyZero, on 02/29/2008, -3/+3Routinely get shot or arrested when routinely caught doing the above routines.
alpinweiss88, on 02/29/2008, -1/+3I had a neighbor who left an inflatable swimming pool sitting for weeks in his back yard during the summer... it was nasty bright green. We have a hotline for West Nile Virus because I live in AZ, and it gets kinda bad here. Standing water breeds mosquitos like nobody's business. I called the hotline on him, and they came by and made him take it down. I would have talked to him myself, but I've tried about other things in the past and he was not friendly at all. This is the same guy who has a huge weed in his front yard that he thinks is a plant, so he trims and shapes it. He even decorated it with lights at Xmas.

And then there is the neighbor behind me that craps on a tree in his yard. His yard is all dirt and weeds, except for one small tree he planted. I've seen him out there several times squatting and crapping on it. He keeps a small pot to throw his TP in. I told some friends about it and they didn't believe me - so I got a video of it. But I respect his privacy enough to not release it on YouTube or anything. He's an elderly Asian man.. I just wonder if he's nuts or extremely frugal. Either way, he's CRAPPING IN HIS YARD!
- dildoolielly, on 03/01/2008, -0/+2Dude, how can you complain when you live in the projects?
nitrojunky24, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4is it just me or is the title of this story inaccurate it should be called how to avoid nasty neighbors not how to deal with nasty neighbors.
- AROZ, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4There are numerous problems with the article.
K7Avenger, on 02/29/2008, -0/+4Look for basketball hoops, skateboard ramps, and trampolines, all tell-tale signs of the racket-maker.

lmao, buried.
n0rm, on 02/29/2008, -0/+3So, according to this, not talking to my neighbors makes me "an extreme weirdo?"
mike17032, on 02/29/2008, -1/+4My ***** pussy neighbors called the cops on me one night, just because my music was shaking the walls at 2 AM after a night of binge drinking. Damn annoying.

So I bought a ***** scorpion at the pet store and put it in an open window. They moved 2 weeks later (were renters). The new occupants like to party too, life is good.
SpaceMonkeyZero, on 02/29/2008, -1/+2Are there really THAT many people building "noisy" tennis courts in the backyard? My guess is that if a neighbor has the acreage to be able to add a tennis court, I'm betting there is more than enough distance between houses to make the noise factor irrelevant.
magician13134, on 02/29/2008, -0/+0Wow, what's their problem? Sounds like the nastiest neighbor in that neighborhood would be the person would read that article.
oceanographer, on 02/29/2008, -0/+1My God. Where do these people live?
AlKo, on 02/29/2008, -2/+1What about ahole neighbors that kidnap your dog because it barks occassionally during the day when they should be at work? My gf's parents are scared to leave their German shepherd at home because one of their neighbors may take it away (again, their first dog was probably kidnapped) How do you take care of those neighbors?
- dildoolielly, on 03/01/2008, -0/+2How do you know your neighbor doesnt work at home during the day or has a night job and is trying to sleep while your annoying ass mutt is barking all afternoon.
  
  Show some respect and keep your dog inside or muzzle it if it likes to bark all day.
  
  If you don;t and the mutt comes up missing, you only have yourself to blame
scogostology, on 02/29/2008, -3/+0Complaints about disagreeable neighbors could be among the top most common ones in big cities in America. I happen to be one of the people who complain most. I have had neighbors who hated me because I did not greet them, did not say hello. I stopped greeting them after having a few conversations with them and discovered that there are millions of miles between me and them. I do not do what they do: I don't do drugs (coke, meth and crack), smoke pot, drink liquor, steal, rip others off, or engage in any evil. Besides I do not sleep with married women or any girl who has a boyfriend or in a relationship. I have had an enmity by a married neighbor who used to be my best friend because I refused to sleep with her! Even while in the University I had the same problems. My room-mate was not just a pot and coke dealer but used to invite all of his student customers into our dorm for coke and pot parties daily!!! So, usually I am the odd guy out wherever I live. In a land of blind people the man who has eyes and who can see is usually considered the crazy one because he talks about stuff that the blind people do not see and cannot understand. Loud, rowdy, dirty, party-maniac, drug-coke, crack, heroin and pot smoking and Ebonics speaking, foul -mouthed and profanity spouting neighbors annoy me to the point that sometimes I fantasized all manners of bad things to do to them to stop them from disturbing me. Usually, I suppress my fantasies and just move out and avoid ending up at Riker's island (prison) because of them, (where there are even more of them!!!.)
I remember many years ago, when I had a particularly nosy alcoholic neighbor who bothered me daily. One day, I decided to teach him a little lesson, so we had to fight. He nearly blinded me on one of my eyes and I knocked out two of his teeth!!!
While I think of some of my neighbors as bad, I must also share part of the problem because I am a very demanding perfectionist who expects order, quietness, good behavior and decorum, competency and cleanliness and high ideals in everything, that 90% of human beings cannot live up to!!! That is actually the problem: my high expectations of others!!! Also, expecting others to be clean-cut and rational like me, which is delusional!!!
After a very careful thinking of this problem, the only solution I came up with is to move to the suburb!! This is where I am now. Looking for a a quiet and clean suburb where I can buy a house and live in peace.
PS:
By the way, calling the police is not always the solution. One day, a neighbor was drunk and high on crack and began throwing stones at my window. So, I called the police. What did they do? They came to my house, raided my fridge without my permission and then tried to arrest me, instead of my neighbor. Finally, they just warned him instead of arresting him for breaking my window. That was the day I gave up on the police. And Besides, you never know when they would come and pump 50 bullets into the wrong guy and claim that they though he had a weapon and threatening them! Better stay away from them. This world has gone very mad! secret33.com
- zeabu, on 03/02/2008, -0/+1You a sick man, dawg!
RhodesSkolar, on 02/29/2008, -0/+0The title was misleading. The "advice" was juvenile. Solution for really bad neighbors? A rocket launcher.
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9 Smart Tips On How To Handle Nasty Neighbors

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