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164 Comments
- Sylocat, on 04/20/2009, -0/+87Another reason they assume you're retarded is because most of the customers who call them actually ARE retarded.
To quote Dogbert's tech support: "I think I see your problem. Take all the parts and arrange them into little piles. Now stand up on your chair so you can see above the cubicle walls. Now shout, 'Does anybody know how to read a manual?'" - Fhwqhgads, on 04/20/2009, -0/+60"you can't wear jeans while talking to customers who may also be in another country, because it's unprofessional and they may have super-sensitive phones that can detect the sound of denim being worn."
That explains it. - rorqualmaru, on 04/20/2009, -0/+47Told in a humorous fashion but dead-on accurate about the horrible work conditions of tech-support/telemarketing.
- pathouston22, on 04/20/2009, -0/+37The worst tech support: Actually being somebody who knows how to fix a computer, and everybody asks you to fix their computer - and you don't work for any tech support company. UGH.
- Cycline3, on 04/20/2009, -7/+43I call up Bill Gates and make him do my tech support. It's all about the Pentiums baby!
- drmangrum, on 04/20/2009, -0/+31Kinda hard to google if your internet or computer stops working.
- ArrangedEntropy, on 04/20/2009, -0/+29Ehh whats a modem? Oh the thingy with the blinking lights? I unplugged that because I needed to plug in an air freshner to get rid of the stank.
- antoniuk, on 04/20/2009, -0/+29Actually we just don't want you calling and wasting 30 minutes of our time when it actually only takes 2 to fix your issue. the other 28 is you trying to tell us your problem is unique
- FrequencyX, on 04/20/2009, -1/+29<Strong Indian Accent> Hello, My name is Patrick how can I help you today?</Strong Indian Accent>
- borez, on 04/20/2009, -3/+30I have a passionate dislike for Indian call centres, and especially Indian call centres who pretend not to be in India.
- ITNick, on 04/20/2009, -0/+26It doesn't help that 90% of users lie to you.
Caller: My phone wont get email
IT: Ok lets see does the internet work on the phone?
Caller: Of course it does!
IT: Did you try it?
Caller: Yes
IT: Well let's go ahead and try it, go to site A. for me.
Caller: It says page cannot be displayed
IT: ..... - Nosferotu, on 04/20/2009, -0/+26This article is SPOT ON. I've worked these jobs. Customer service centers for any large company are, at best, the bare minimum that company can do to keep from having a customer revolt. They're not there to help - they're there out of the lowest, most begrudging sense of obligation that these companies can possibly muster up.
- anstice85, on 04/20/2009, -0/+22Exactly. Tech support was my first job, and a lot of problems were solved by simply restarting the computer. Of course, people would whine about it but shut up pretty quickly when that turned out to be the solution.
Some other typical tech support calls: "How do I cut and paste?" "This window keeps asking if I want to update my virus checker, what do I do?" "The letters on the page are too small!" - ryan83189, on 04/20/2009, -0/+22You can fix computers? I have this problem with mine. I am also going to have a problem with it in a month from my own stupidity, however I will blame it on you, it must have been something /you/ did while fixing it before. My 6 year old nephew is a computer guru who knows how to use IE and facebook, and he can't find the problem and blames it on YOU. Please fix my computer with not only free labor, but free parts in the case that a part needs to be replaced.
- maz2331, on 04/20/2009, -0/+22Often, it's an attempt to do something via the phone that an experienced tech could solve in 30 seconds onsite.
- OptykUnreal, on 04/20/2009, -1/+22Dugg for: "You may be asking why they don't just say "better safe than sorry" and staff the call center with extra support just in case of a problem. It's the same reason your yard is not full of unicorns ***** gold coins; that's just not the world we live in."
- hotdigg, on 04/20/2009, -2/+22I can vouch for Sylocat 1000%. I currently work in tech support and let me tell you.... 95% of people who call tech support are COMPUTER-ILLITERATE RETARDS! I call them "PC-Tards" for short. They are ridiculously dumb when it comes to computer. Often times when I asked them to "power cycle the DSL modem" they respond with "What's that??" Then I have to explain to them how to power cycle and I say "OK, pull out the power cord from the back of the modem". Then they are confused because they have no idea what the power cord looks like, and sometimes the pull out an Ethernet cable thinking its the power cable. The insanity continues... I ask them what version of Windows they have on their computer and they are completely clueless. I then spend 10 minutes just to find out what they have so I can give proper instructions. If they have vista, at various points they get asked if they want to continue, and it stumps them. They say "It asks me if I want to continue, what do I do now?". When I finally get the command prompt open to run the test and I tell them what to type in they ask "Where do I type that?". I say "Do you see the FLASHING CURSOR... that's where you type it!!!" Then I say "OK, type ping SPACE 192.168.1.1". If I don't say "space" very explicitly, they type "ping192.168.1.1" And sometimes after I have told them to hit space what they actually type is "pingspace192.168.1.1". Then I tell them "No don't type the word space, hit the SPACEBAR". And in a few of these cases they ask "What's the spacebar" and I literally say "Do you see that big wide key underneath the letters, THAT IS THE SPACEBAR"
OK you get the idea. When you work in tech support you find out just how shockingly dumb a lot of people out there really are. I mean they are dumber than you can imagine. So when a tech support talks to a caller like they are retarded, in most cases that is actually giving the caller a compliment because they are WORSE than retarded! At least when it comes to technology and computers. - sHockz, on 04/20/2009, -0/+19my best tech support call was from a guy who moved his mouse all the way left on his mousepad until he ran out of room....then he called me because he needed to go further left on the screen and was unable to...because the pad wasnt big enough.....he left that message on my ANSWERING MACHINE.
- toastgodsupreme, on 04/20/2009, -0/+19I was the level two tech support assistant described in the article, lol.
But for the majority of callers, you really do have to dumb everything down to them. And you get so used to doing it that even if you do get someone who has an idea about what they're doing, you still talk that way.
I've got plenty of stories from my time working as tech support. Frequent flyers, insane parents (seriously), the insane blind guy (I'm not being mean, he was an ASS), etc, etc.
And honestly, given the kind of people that frequently contact tech support, it's understandable that if you're an intelligent person, you're going to get talked down to and the person generally won't be happy. You wouldn't be happy either if your job consisted of talking to angry, frustrated, upset idiots all day. :) - Dauntless1, on 04/20/2009, -0/+18I work in IT, and it gets so frustrating when you're working on something important, and you get a call that consists of "Hey, my printer won't print." "Really sir? Did you put paper in it?" "Of course I did! I'm not stupid! There's plenty of pap....ok there's no paper in it. Could you bring me some?"
Sigh..... - Jonjonr6, on 04/20/2009, -0/+18in my 9 years of phone support service, I have experienced someone who did not know they had to plug their computer in. I also had someone think I could see them through their monitor. I had an old lady who thought her mouse was a foot pedal (think sowing machine), and I've had numerous computer technicians demand a hard drive replacement when the reason the computer was saying "non-system disk or disk error" is because there was a floppy disk in the floppy drive.
So yes, it happens. - rhapsodisiac, on 04/20/2009, -0/+18Great article, says me, who is commenting from a tech support cubicle at this moment. It was immensely satisfying to read this while at work - we're allowed to surf, though Cracked is usually blocked because it's in the arbitrarily and rudely-decided "Tasteless" category. Something went right today, and now I'm in a better mood.
Thank you, Cracked, for empathizing, though the one thing you missed is that 90% of customers really do have an IQ below that of an ice cream sandwich. - NinjaBoy, on 04/20/2009, -0/+18"Hello this is boob"
Dude thats not your ***** name and its pronounced "b ah b" - Treshnell, on 04/20/2009, -0/+16Welcome to the club, the Family's (and all your family's friends) "Computer guy."
- lllslinklll, on 04/20/2009, -0/+16This article hits the nail on the head. I recently quit working as a tech support rep for a DVR company (can you guess what one?) because of how you were graded on calls. Instead of being concerned if you fixed the customer's problem in a timely and respectful manner, you were instead graded on if you said certain phrases.
If there was a call that required having the customer access their router, all the tech agents were told to do would be transfer them to their router manufacturer, and as long as they said these certain phrases, they had high marks on the call. However, fully knowing how to fix the problem within the router, I could walk the customer through it and fix the issue, saving the customer time having to call the router manufacture, just to have them turn around and be told they had to call the dvr company, but because I didn't say certain phrases (those same phrases that make you think "yes of course, i'm not an idiot.") I would get low marks on.
This in turn made me stop caring to the point where I stopped attempting to solve the problem, threw blame on something random, and got the customer off the line. So yeah, don't blame the agent (most of the time), blame operations managers. - Asrrin29, on 04/20/2009, -0/+15It also doesn't help that a large majority of people calling into tech support really ARE retards, at least wen it comes to computers. There is a reason, after all, why the level one tech asks the stupid questions. Because they aren't all that stupid when compared to the average level of knowledge people have when calling tech support.
- CrazySpaniard, on 04/20/2009, -1/+15if he had a mac, he wouldn't be calling tech support
he'd be forking over another couple thousand dollars for a new computer - anstice85, on 04/20/2009, -0/+14The part about sick days is especially true. One day I came in and noticed that there were 800+ callers in the queue, all completely pissed off because the system was down. Techs were told almost daily that it'd be fixed "soon enough", but it still wasn't after a month. Being yelled at for 8 hours a day over something that isn't your fault is awful and prompted me to quit.
Some techs popped Xanax like candy just to get through the day. Terrible job. - ITNick, on 04/20/2009, -0/+13Oh the memories. I once had a lady trying to put the USB A side in the wall socket, another one who but the B side into the female socket of the digital camera meant for a tripod, numerous upside down cd calls, one lady who plugged the power strip into itself, I could go on and on..
- DRT23, on 04/20/2009, -3/+16Cause they're distracted by Who Wants to be a Millionaire?...duh
- inactive, on 04/20/2009, -0/+12You have no idea how many callers a day tell me they dont have a modem...
- JesusSaidSo, on 04/20/2009, -0/+12And what do you have? A server? Do you work off a Terminal?
- naugrim, on 04/20/2009, -0/+11Art imitating life = "The IT Crowd" on the subject of tech support: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gt9j80Jkc_A
- inactive, on 04/20/2009, -0/+11i think tech support can be a special circle of hell but it can also be devious fun, i once had a customer who was losing money all through his own stupidity/laziness and there was nothing we could do help, he insisted on calling up and ranting and after 2 days nobody wanted to speak to him so his calls came through to me, i'd listen for 10 minutes (on a premium rate line), wait for him to demand action then rattle off the reasons why we couldn't help, which took 1 minute. the next 10/15 minutes were spent with him making thinly veiled threats of violence or death and me interrupting him asking him to clarify what he meant by 'i'll get you' or 'you're in for it' in the calmest possible manner.
- Jonjonr6, on 04/20/2009, -0/+10Yeah, the reason why tech support guys have chips on their shoulders is, no one calls to say "hay, how can I make YOUR day better". Usually its with a lot of heavy breathing and huffing and puffing and "this is *****" attitude from the end user. They treat support like the whipping post, and wonder why they get attitude back.
- c99koder, on 04/20/2009, -0/+10As a level 3 desktop tech, I've only yelled at an end user out of anger once:
I was deploying a workstation for a new user in an empty office and, while opening the monitor box, slipped and stabbed my knife into my hand and started bleeding. I drive across campus to the security guard station to fill out an accident report / get bandages / etc.
As I'm driving back to finish the install, I get a call on my cell that we have an escalated ticket for a user that's leaving on vacation and is having trouble accessing their Windows profile on their laptop. The call was escalated as she wanted the issue resolved before she left on vacation, and her office is around the corner from where I'm working so I walk over to her office. When the dispatchers call us, they give us a general description of the issue, but I always like to hear the user explain the problem in their own words, as sometimes things get lost while the helpdesk is typing up the ticket. So I ask the user, "Can you show me what the problem is that you're having?"
And her reply was:
I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN? I ALREADY TOLD THE HELPDESK WHAT THE PROBLEM IS! YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW! JUST FIX THE PROBLEM!
Since my hand was still bleeding and I was in a bit of pain and totally caught off guard by her yelling, I snapped back:
YOU PUT IN ESCALATED TICKET TO GET A TECHNICIAN TO YOUR DESK ASAP! I DID NOT HAVE TIME TO STOP AND PRINT OUT YOUR TICKET! I JUST STABBED MYSELF IN THE HAND, AND INSTEAD OF GOING HOME, I'M HERE TO TRY TO SERVICE YOUR LAPTOP, SO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOUR ISSUE IS!
The worst part? She wasn't even bringing the laptop with her, and there was absolutely no reason the issue couldn't have been resolved when she came back after her vacation!
... of course, being the nice person that I am, as soon as I snapped I apologized, explained the amount of pain I was in, had her ticket printed to the nearest network printer, asked her where she was going and told her to enjoy her trip. - childoftheatom, on 04/20/2009, -0/+10I got a call from a lady asking why her hdmi cable didn't fit into a usb port. I told her that hdmi cables go into hdmi ports, and usb cables do in fact go into usb ports..
- Sublex, on 04/20/2009, -5/+14Who else went to DirtySanchez.org?
- rhyinem, on 04/20/2009, -0/+9Its shocking how true this article is.
- ivanmarsh, on 04/20/2009, -0/+9I once had to diagnose a failed CD-ROM drive for a very angry, screaming, near violent client... it was stuffed full of chocolate cake. There's a reason your IT guys seem angry all the time.
- inactive, on 04/20/2009, -0/+9"the other 28 is you trying to tell us your problem is unique"
...while repeating themselves 15 times out of self-inflicted frustration. - Jonjonr6, on 04/20/2009, -0/+9I would digg you up a hundred times if I could.
Yes, people who call treat you like you don't know what you're doing because you're asking them to do something very basic as a test. what they don't understand is you're smarter than they are, and you know better than to assume anything, including that the user actually knows how to troubleshoot. - jdmulloy, on 04/20/2009, -0/+8Similar to this. http://xkcd.com/231/
But with computers instead of cats. - sexyflanders, on 04/20/2009, -0/+8My worst was one of the other IT people moved the printer and had to unplug it well they never bothered plugging it back in.
I get a call "The printer doesn't print" so I ask do they see any lights and is the LCD screen glowing or have any text? they say no so I ask them to check to see if its plugged in.
They say no the plug is on top of the printer! I said well plug it in and it will work.
"That's not my job you have to come do it" so I got up and walked up 4 flights of stairs to plug it in. I go back down where I work and complain to my boss I'm told its a good thing I did it because its our job.
Seriously WTF I'm not talking down to people or anything but c'mon why is it, IT techs have all the common sense like just because you call us means we have to do stupid tiny ***** that you could do?
After that the company was bought and the IT help was outsourced to India going on 7 months of not having a job. - dsmith5237, on 04/20/2009, -0/+7Dugg for the article, but it misses one key thing:
Tier 1 reps ask things like, "is it turned on/plugged in/powered up," because much of the time that's what's wrong. Also, much of the time the problem could be fixed by the person doing some basic troubleshooting on their own, Googling for an answer, etc.
Most of the work is tied up with giving stupid simple solutions or hand-holding people through things they really should do themselves, things like making a payment over the phone, etc. If they can only afford ten reps, for example, and 70% of the calls are going to be simple stuff then they'll hire 7- 8 tier 1 or baseline reps. Then a couple tier 2 reps and a supervisor will take the issues that the customer couldn't really take care of themselves. One can ask why they don't just hire all tier 2 reps... That's more expensive, for 1. You'd be paying more for a person to ask if a monitor is plugged in or take a payment or whatever. It's also mind numbingly boring. If you took a decently qualified worker and subjected them to tier 1 level stuff they would burn out after just a short time, even shorter than it is anyway for that type of work.
I don't work in a call center, but I do work retail doing everything from sales, to billing, to technical support. We also have to contact our call centers on a regular basis for various things. We call straight to tier 2 level people and even then sometimes have to break them out of them reading a script. That's really the trick, for people that need customer service or tech support and have a bit of sense. If you're capable of doing the basic stuff on your own, then look up or ask for a tier 2 number if you ever have to call. Note of warning that if you aren't capable of telling if a monitor is plugged in or not and you call tier 2 then they'll likely bounce you back down. - grey580, on 04/20/2009, -1/+8Most computer problems are PEBKAC issues.
Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair.
RTFM! Bitches! - pudds, on 04/20/2009, -0/+7Sadly, this article is almost spot on accurate.
Long story short, the reason tech support sucks is that they aren't there for tech support; they are there to pacify customers and get them off the phone as quickly as possible. If problems get solved in that quick time period, all the better, but that's not the priority. - EliteEagle, on 04/20/2009, -1/+8Yea but nobody cares if its not what you dugg for
- rhyinem, on 04/20/2009, -0/+7The call center workers don't work for you, they work for the call center, who incidentally couldn't give a ***** about you. The call center works for the client, which also doesn't work for you. The client works for their shareholders, who also, wait for it... don't give a ***** about you.
Demanding pricks like you get hung up on and subsequently laughed at more than anyone else. Its fun to piss people like you off because its so damn easy and you obviously care so much.
Suck it. - bonerfide, on 04/20/2009, -0/+7One day a VP says to me I can't find my cellphone so I asked "Did you try calling it?" He looks at me like I'm a genius and says "No I didn't"
So he dials the # and the garbage can starts ringin
Moral of the story is that he still has a job because he works in sales and I don't because I'm in IT. -
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