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The Top 7 Secrets to Writing a Cracked.com Top 7 List

cracked.com — A former Cracked.com writer reveals all of their link-whoring secrets in 8 hilarious, easy-to-digest nuggets (with boobs!).

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  • jggube, on 05/18/2008, -7/+224I think the success of Cracked.com is the humor that they put in their "top #" list posts. I think the writer underplays the fact that even though they use this template for writing a list post, the quality of the writing is superb and certainly makes readers want to read them the next time. They may write "non-serious" comedic posts, but they're actually very funny, creative, and tightly-written. One particular that comes to mind was the "The 11 Most Unintentionally Gay Rap Lyrics Ever"... sure it's seems very easy to write, but to find and research these lyrics snipplets, verify the accuracy of these lyrics, and then come up with a witty way of presenting it in a humorous and not-to-offensive way is truly a talent... not to mention coming up with the idea for the article itself.
    • ZenMojo, on 05/18/2008, -0/+39Dugg for making us sound ***** awesome.
    • isntreal, on 05/18/2008, -1/+4The new feature that allows you to see how many people bury a comment makes me really wish the few that did bury it at least left a comment stating their gripe.
    • Shots, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1How to appeal to the typical ADD geek/nerd.
    • tomjm5000, on 05/18/2008, -0/+2Humorous writing is incredibly difficult, especially when appealing to a younger generation weaned on fast-paced ADD sight-gags and outrageous CGI-fueled movies.
    • Hoogs, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1Their funniest article by far: http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_5-most-horrif ...
      • rpgmaker, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1That was funny but it wasn't the funniest, and certainly is almost impossible to say which of the cracked's article is the most funny.
    • rpgmaker, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1The article is on Cracked so you must know that he wasn't exactly telling you where is the Cracked's Holy Grial but thanks captain Obvious.
  • AmbroseKali, on 05/18/2008, -14/+40I don't even know what this list is about. I just Digg anything at Cracked with a number in it's title.

    COMEDY GOLD!!
  • nonks, on 05/18/2008, -3/+23i dont know how Cracked.com does it but they've always managed to make me laugh with their top 10 posts....everything else is ok 2
  • techresearcher, on 05/18/2008, -7/+132Digg + Cracked > Homework
  • LewP, on 05/18/2008, -12/+1Dugg and submitted to today's DDD.
  • SarahSue, on 05/18/2008, -3/+66I appreciate that Cracked's humor is well-researched, smart and very funny. You'll read a bunch of other "Top 7" this and "Top 10" that on Digg and across the net, but none of the others seem to match the thoroughness and hilarity of a Cracked article.
  • iqbal55, on 05/18/2008, -2/+23I fully agree with jggube. My first time reading CRACKED was that article about cringy james bond lines and then i came back and i never stopped coming back. CRACKED articles are genius, well-written, creative, comical, satirical, unique, unusual, unexpected, and (most importantly and oddly) EDUCATIVE (of course the list should go on but I'm running out). Everytime I read CRACKED articles, I'm blown away by the writers' creativity and their ability to do thorough research to support their articles. Not to mention almost all their articles are Dugg at least around 200 times. 5 x infinity stars rating for CRACKED.com and their writers.
    • nickj6282, on 05/18/2008, -4/+2Ok, did anyone else LOL at the irony of the word "Educative?"
      • MadOtaku, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1How is the fairly-uncommon adjectival form of 'educate' ironic?
  • LanceWindu, on 05/18/2008, -12/+101They forgot #8:

    Make sure you break the article up in multiple pages to increase ad revenue.

    (Oddly this article is on just one page, compared to every other article on Cracked.)
    • SarahSue, on 05/18/2008, -11/+4Right, I'm sure it has everything to do with ad revenue and nothing to do with the fact that one extra-long page of text is pretty annoying.
      • LanceWindu, on 05/18/2008, -4/+5You would rather click multiple links, wait for the pages to load, and read the same amount of text on different pages that you could read all on one page?

        How is one page of text annoying when you're reading the same exact article that you would otherwise be reading on 2-3 pages?

        Is your attention span very small or just non-existent?
    • magixx2, on 05/18/2008, -0/+52At least they only usually do it in 2 pages, unlike other sites which make a top 100 lists with a different page for every item.
    • BodomX, on 05/18/2008, -2/+11And usually each page is filled with enough content to justify more than one page.
    • jpjandrade, on 05/18/2008, -3/+10I like not accidentally scrolling and spoiling which one is the next one. This is 21st century, a web page takes about a second to load.
      Also, I didn't pay to read the article, so it's ***** fair that there are ads. And if they annoy you so much, use AdBlock. It's that ***** simple.
    • Soave, on 05/18/2008, -0/+13I'm happy clicking once or twice if it means helping the people that wrote the articles and making sure we see more articles in the future.
    • Jibberwalk, on 05/18/2008, -0/+5When Cracked.com first started hitting Digg... the lists had one number per-page. Most of the comments on Digg about the article complained about the number of pages.

      As time went on, it seemed Cracked listened to Digg... and started to put the articles on one-page, or multiple pages only if the content was long and warranted it. For that, they deserve credit. A lot of sites would just say "***** it, we'll do it on five."
  • DeskFlyer, on 05/18/2008, -16/+3While some Cracked articles are indeed amusing, I find that most of them are about as witty as a high school football player.
  • dawnraid101, on 05/18/2008, -26/+2***** THING SUCKS
    • oxygen911, on 05/18/2008, -2/+8how much longer on this one, guys?
      • amanilaenvelope, on 05/18/2008, -6/+1don't worry about this my digga. its all gonna all over very soon. just like the whole "im not your friendy, pal" thing.
        • dawnraid101, on 05/18/2008, -3/+2It's Im not your buddy, guy. Im not your guy, friend. Im Not your friend, buddy.......
    • ZiggyPlayedG, on 05/18/2008, -2/+2Wow, I wish I could make witty, and original comments that are completely related to the topic, like you just did!
    • netneutrality, on 05/18/2008, -0/+4I wish I knew what that meant. I keep seeing it. Looks like the sort of thing that was funny once. Then funny twice because it was out of context, but by now is overdue to be consigned to the over-used internet meme dustbin of history.
  • Scramblor, on 05/18/2008, -1/+48I wasn't going to read this... but then I saw it had boobs.
  • fudged71, on 05/18/2008, -2/+7"But Cracked! Wilson the volleyball isn't an actor! You so crazy!"
    Cracked, you kill me :)
  • antiorblkflag9, on 05/18/2008, -3/+91A cracked list about cracked lists? AWESOME
    • tawnykw, on 05/18/2008, -0/+11It's a meta Cracked list!
    • Trax91, on 05/18/2008, -0/+9The universe will asplode!
    • SpookyPig, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1Awesome? Do you not realize that doing so will cause the universe to explode. It's like dividing by zero, but the zeros are awesomeness.
    • grimward, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1Yes, you've gotta hand it to the cracked staff, self humor is the most important thing ever :D
  • diggit08, on 05/18/2008, -0/+5A lists about lists on a site that LISTS the top news stories... Into the hole alice.
  • mediaspree, on 05/18/2008, -2/+4Is their still a cracked magazine? I mean it was cheap rip off of MAD. But I don't see MAD.com posts on digg every week. Touche.
  • rrbest, on 05/18/2008, -1/+7Shouldn't the title be "The 7 Most Guarded Secrets to writing a Cracked.com article Ever revealed" ?
  • akermani, on 05/18/2008, -2/+5***** cracked, wilson was the best part of Cast Away
  • KillPenguin, on 05/18/2008, -10/+3I'm sure nobody here will agree with me, but I think Cracked is the poor man's Something Awful.
    • ZenMojo, on 05/18/2008, -3/+2What happened, buddy? Did a man do something awful to your poor crack?

      (I'm just playin', you're cool.)
  • peregrine, on 05/18/2008, -0/+2This whole article is a rip on the website, but the formula they talk about is used in the very article they write. Its a satire of the entire website.
  • looke, on 05/18/2008, -3/+3I see what they did there
  • ElBeh, on 05/18/2008, -0/+2"But while these posts might seem like Digg-baiting link lay-ups[...]"

    Hell yeah.
  • ithejosh, on 05/18/2008, -3/+9A cracked article about cracked... Did someone just divide by zero?
  • jasonnavarrette, on 05/18/2008, -7/+2You guys forgot part of the magic formula: have an army of people at standby waiting to Digg it
  • krazykor, on 05/18/2008, -1/+7It's true, but Cracked is still probably the only source of writing I can think of where i'll actually laugh out loud at the articles.

    And who is that girl at the end?
  • OutThisLife, on 05/18/2008, -0/+16Haha, I remember when nobody liked Cracked.
  • ctabone, on 05/18/2008, -0/+6They forgot to mention that you never have to cite any sources, ever. Who needs sources when you have witty writing?
  • MadHarvey, on 05/18/2008, -2/+1I remember M.U.S.C.L.E toys! Dugg for warm and fuzzy, happy childhood nostalgia!
  • MJDub, on 05/18/2008, -0/+3HOLY ***** GUMMI BEARS!
  • ciano, on 05/18/2008, -0/+3The perfect headline would be "The 10 Most Insanely Ridiculous Awesome '80s Cartoon Robot Movie Villains of All Time." Amazingly true.
  • glowfood, on 05/18/2008, -0/+4Boobs? Where do I sign up?
  • abran1984, on 05/18/2008, -3/+2We're digging articles about Digg (pics of Digg comment boards for *****'s sake!) and now we're all reading Cracked articles about Cracked stories. What the hell happened to all of us, are our standards for original content that far gone?

    *digg*
  • ShinyDemon, on 05/18/2008, -3/+17 tips... to writing 7-item articles... Crap! Recursive cracked article! *universe implodes*
    in b4 divide by zero
  • CaviMike, on 05/18/2008, -0/+16#8 Submit to digg
    • MagMan68Classic, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1#7.5 Fit onto one page
      Nobody likes the next button
  • Maver1c, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1Looks like Digg users are starting to like websites like Cracked that I used to like an no one else on here did...so when are you guys gonna start to like collegehumor and funnyordie? =)
  • luckizt, on 05/18/2008, -3/+1If another cracked.com list makes it to the front page I'm going to shoot myself in the face. Seriously, I feel like I'm reading a Maxim magazine when I read the lists. lame.
  • TSCheredar, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1This is so honest, I'm questioning whether or not to favorite it.
  • Enlyth, on 05/18/2008, -2/+1For anyone vaguely disappointed with the picture in the end, check out http://www.maximonline.com/girls_of_maxim/girl_tem ...
  • verifex, on 05/18/2008, -0/+3This story is a paradox.
  • nobodynoes, on 05/18/2008, -4/+0I bury every cracked.com top ten list I see on digg, but this one is kind of funny becauses it exposes how mediocre and worthless they are.
    • invisiblehat, on 05/19/2008, -0/+1Mediocre and worthless compared to your amazing articles?
  • ehsteve23, on 05/18/2008, -0/+2I wonder how long it will be before "The 10 Most Insanely Ridiculous Awesome '80s Cartoon Robot Movie Villains of All Time" hits the Digg front page.
  • abbelito, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1Am I the only one who Immediatly started looking for this after having read the first few sentences?
    http://www.cracked.com/article_16236_6-most-gratui ...
  • Timmmm, on 05/18/2008, -0/+2Hmmm they called the Daily Mail a "real newspaper"... Boo..
  • sfury, on 05/18/2008, -0/+3When is "Who ARE the Top 10 Greatest Character Actors Who Ever Played Ninjas?" coming out???
  • fcrow, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1Interesting read, thanks for sharing this big secret, lol.
  • aidwiz, on 05/18/2008, -0/+1thus this post. :D
  •  

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