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67 Comments
- unknamed, on 11/07/2009, -1/+71I knew it was a Cracked article just by the title..... I was not disappointed. They make learning FUN!!
- hawkdude56, on 11/07/2009, -1/+53One of the best Cracked articles I've read. Mind you, it was by someone who isn't actually a Cracked writer, but it was well-researched and hilarious. Awesome.
- Rainemaker, on 11/07/2009, -0/+49Dying sucks. Dying like those guys did, sucks less.
- cowie, on 11/07/2009, -1/+38"Figuring it was a good time to ***** some ***** up, A3 as he was known in the underground hip-hop scene" ah ***** I love you Cracked have my babies please
- kss42, on 11/07/2009, -3/+33This is madness
- Apocalyptk, on 11/07/2009, -3/+31Madness?
THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - unknamed, on 11/07/2009, -2/+29I uhhh.... what?
- robwhite1979, on 11/07/2009, -1/+26How to know if it's from Cracked:
1. Is it a list?
2. Does it contain at least one profanity?
3. Is it regarding an obscure topic?
If yes, proceed. - sageerrant, on 11/07/2009, -0/+24Though it probably hurts a hell of a lot more.
- manova, on 11/07/2009, -0/+24While a bad ass, no last stand.
- Zegarek, on 11/07/2009, -1/+21Really? Because my roommates are always arguing over who gets to play Coach. We all think he's a bamf. No one picks Rochelle because she's a girl. See we're not racist. Just sexist.
- BroderickG, on 11/07/2009, -2/+21Sparta?
THIS IS DIGG!!! - MuffinPatrol, on 11/07/2009, -0/+19People choose characters with whom they can identify with. Now that that is explained, how is this relevant?
- EmperorOfCheese, on 11/07/2009, -4/+22The article was in chronological order...
- velveetaavenger, on 11/07/2009, -1/+17http://www.badassoftheweek.com/
- nmoulana, on 11/07/2009, -0/+11***** i always drop nades when I'm about to die.
- ban1d0, on 11/07/2009, -0/+11Rochelle and Coach valiantly defended the tunnel against hundreds of zombies, while Nick and Ellis ran to the safe room.
Their bodies were later found with 50 hitpoints in the next stage. - rsilva, on 11/07/2009, -2/+13It was in Mexico on 30 April 1863 that the Legion earned its legendary status. A company led by Capitaine Danjou, numbering 62 soldiers and 3 officers, was escorting a convoy to the besieged city of Puebla when it was attacked and besieged by two thousand revolutionaries,[4] organised in three battalions of infantry and cavalry, numbering 1,200 and 800 respectively. The patrol was forced to make a defence in Hacienda Camarón, and despite the hopelessness of the situation, fought nearly to the last man. When only six survivors remained, out of ammunition, a bayonet charge was conducted in which three of the six were killed. The remaining three were brought before the Mexican general, who allowed them to return to France as an honour guard for the body of Capitaine Danjou. The captain had a wooden hand which was stolen during the battle; it was later returned to the Legion and is now kept in a case in the Foreign Legion museum at Aubagne, and paraded annually on Camerone Day. It is the Legion's most precious relic.
- angusm, on 11/07/2009, -0/+10Mention of the unnamed berserker at Stamford Bridge makes me think that King Harald Hardrada, who led the Viking army there, deserves at least a footnote. While his death wasn't particularly spectacular, he deserves some kind of Lifetime Bad-Ass Achievement Award for having been everywhere and done everything and kicked everyone's asses while he was at it. In an era when straying more than a couple of miles from home was slightly riskier than playing blindfold chicken on the interstate, Hardrada had wandered all over present-day Russia, Poland, Sicily, and Bulgaria (the latter two in the service of the Emperor of Byzantium, where he headed up a unit of the Imperial Guard), before returning home to Norway to help himself to the throne. Despite the fact that he probably ate his meals with a broadsword instead of a knife and fork, and cracked men's skulls like candy just because he liked the sound, he was also remembered as a man of wisdom and some culture.
He was also a big *****. During the final parley before Stamford Bridge, Harold Godwinson (king of England) offered his brother Tostig of Mercia (joint leader of the invaders) a few counties to settle the matter peacefully. When Tostig asked what Harold was prepared to offer his ally Hardrada, the king reportedly replied "Six feet of English ground or as much more as he needs, as he is taller than most men." - Jordan117, on 11/07/2009, -0/+10Horatius at the ***** Bridge:
"Horatius was in command of the Pons Sublicius on that fateful day when the Etruscans through sheer numbers broke the Roman will to resist in the meadow near the bridge on the right bank of the Tiber River in the fourth year of the Republic. Horatius must have watched with dismay at the end of the bridge as the Etruscans effected a massacre of Roman troops milling about waiting to get across. When the Etruscans began to cross with the fleeing Romans Horatius and two front-line general officers, Spurius Larcius and Titus Herminius, stood guard to sift friend from foe and kill the foe.
Horatius' status as commander of the bridge probably gave him the authority to countermand the retreat ordered by the two senior officers when the friendlies were all across. Ordering them to have the bridge torn up he stationed himself behind a pile of corpses and held off the attackers, returning their missiles and preventing them from approaching. In astonishment they stood at a distance and hurled more missiles. Just as the bridge became useless he received a spear in the buttocks and leaping into the water in full armor swam to safety though given a crippling wound. Subsequently he became a retired disabled veteran held in high public honor and set at ease financially from the public treasury."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horatius_Cocles#Horat ... - peteyb1313, on 11/07/2009, -0/+9I wonder if cracked will ever run out of things to do top # lists on.
- TobiasParker, on 11/07/2009, -0/+9He was on their badder than rambo list.
- Jaime2000, on 11/08/2009, -0/+9I usually know it's from Cracked because it follows the format "the [number] most [adjective] [plural noun] (that [something else])".
- DDRRE, on 11/07/2009, -0/+9The eight rounds they'd left him with meanwhile, were now in the eight dead Japanese soldiers scattered before him.
Niiiiice. - homer00, on 11/07/2009, -0/+8Mitchell Paige is the most badass man ever.
- chunkybeefstu, on 11/07/2009, -0/+8I knew that perk was overpowered.
- TobiasParker, on 11/07/2009, -1/+8You must be a scientologist.
- headradio, on 11/08/2009, -0/+7footnotes = legit = more cred
- sentinel106, on 11/07/2009, -3/+10No, this is Patrick!
- ace429k, on 11/07/2009, -0/+6its cracked. The history channel would prolly be better for you
- fritzmusic, on 11/08/2009, -0/+6I don't know if this is sad but I've actually learned more real obscure history from Cracked in a more entertaining fashion than from any other history class or book EVER. We should put Cracked in charge of our nations' school textbooks and perhaps people could understand a Cracked perspective on calculus.
- FrankFutter, on 11/07/2009, -0/+5If only I had the money to be a scientologist. Alas, no. Far from. I still liked that movie though for the supporting cast
- robwhite1979, on 11/08/2009, -0/+5@Jamie2000: That's exactly what I was trying to say, but I'm not eloquent enough to phrase it as such. Thank you :)
- yankeedollar, on 11/07/2009, -3/+8Better: Simo Hayha
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simo_H%C3%A4yh%C3%A4
Killed 705 Russians in less than 100 days. - sageerrant, on 11/07/2009, -0/+4Though a very near miss.
- m1dn1ght, on 11/07/2009, -0/+4Battle of Rorke's Drift deserves a place
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Rorke%27s_D ... - ihatediggcom, on 11/07/2009, -0/+4dugg the article right after reading the first line.
i love you cracked - sageerrant, on 11/08/2009, -0/+4A badass dude like Hayha considers that a miss. Shoot him in the face again and hit the first bullet, and then we'll talk.
- purplesawdust, on 11/07/2009, -0/+4Digg?
THIS IS THE REAL LIFE!!! - 0260, on 11/07/2009, -1/+5I killed fitty men!
- sabach, on 11/08/2009, -0/+3Agreed, the first in a long time that I enjoyed and learned something from. The Unknown Berserker and Sgt Baker, BAMFs.
- techdever, on 11/07/2009, -0/+3these spam link lists are getting longer and longer...
- k1n6, on 11/07/2009, -0/+3awesome read.
- TourtEroglik, on 11/08/2009, -2/+54. IS IT ON TWO ***** PAGES?
- killkv, on 11/08/2009, -1/+3Anyone else think like they know more about China's history just because they played Dynasty Warriors?
P.S. no one ever plays Dian Wei :) - ace429k, on 11/07/2009, -0/+2This doesn't actually work does it?
- flashingcurser, on 11/07/2009, -0/+2Wow thanks for the link, that's badassed.
- lamiaconfitor, on 11/08/2009, -0/+2I dont know about learning... Mesopotamians were more then notorious for over-exaggerating the feats of warriors, generals and kings. Though the legends are fun.
- CptBuck, on 11/07/2009, -2/+4I know it's not one guy, but I've always been partial to the Chosin Reservoir campaign of the Korean war. In the coldest winter in Korean history (consistently 20 below,) and outfitted only in rain jackets, the Marine Corps first division was advancing to the Chinese border as quickly as possible. Unknown to the Americans, the entire Chinese 9th army (led by Long March veterans no less) had crossed the Yalu in October. U.S. army resistance dissolved under attack and the marines were surrounded and outnumbered about at roughly 10-1. Despite that, they managed to fight their way out and through the casualties they inflicted managed to keep the 9th army from dramatically altering the outcome of the war.
- V2Blast, on 11/09/2009, -0/+1When you've got that much adrenaline pumping through you, you say "***** the pain, time to kick some ass."
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