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Report: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Rectangles

theonion.com — A new report published this week by researchers at Stanford University suggests that Americans spend the vast majority of each day staring at, interacting with, and deriving satisfaction from glowing rectangles.

Who dugg this? Made popular Jun 17, 2009

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  • iEATcatFOOD, on 06/15/2009, -11/+34285% of those rectangles are displaying porn
  • JDBagley, on 06/15/2009, -1/+295I'm so glad I have a rectangle in front of me to let me know how important rectangles are.
  • Tanktunker, on 06/17/2009, -0/+137If you watch circles inside rectangles, it still counts as rectangles.
  • OfNumbers, on 06/17/2009, -1/+133Though this may be from the Onion, I find it to be a good estimate.
  • ASfinkterSezWut, on 06/17/2009, -1/+122Ah, but those would be waNking hours...
  • MyNameIsJoe, on 06/17/2009, -1/+67Wait, I thought the Onion was a parody site. This article is actually true.
  • chopeh, on 06/17/2009, -0/+64Get a bigger rectangle.
  • DarthPickle, on 06/17/2009, -0/+64SpongeBob
  • BewareTheLamps, on 06/17/2009, -5/+62but boobies are round..... did they poll men on this one?
  • MarkOfTheDead, on 06/17/2009, -0/+50That's nothing, I just realized in order to go outside I must pass through rectangles.

    ***** is getting weird.
  • iEATcatFOOD, on 06/15/2009, -0/+42Microwaves, cell phones, TV screens, computer moniters, cell phones Ipods advertisements alarm clocks, gameboys, movie theatres.... any more?
  • ibenny, on 06/17/2009, -0/+41I wish this was a joke, but It's more like 99% for me.

  • cheerfulcynic, on 06/15/2009, -0/+40not to mention the rectangle of windshield glass while driving.
    and the text-filled - but not necessarily electronic - rectangle that books make.
  • inactive, on 06/17/2009, -0/+34The whole time we were afraid of robots taking over when we should have been watching out for the rectangles.
  • FaithclubDotNet, on 06/17/2009, -1/+35Yo dawg, I heard you liked quadrilaterals.
  • groumpf, on 06/17/2009, -0/+33Because a sideway rectangle is not a rectangle? Man, Digg is so awesome it changes mathemtics.
  • ripple123, on 06/17/2009, -1/+34for a moment there, i thought it said "90% of waking hours spent staring at retard articles". it almost blew my fourth wall away.
  • IgnatiusJReily, on 06/17/2009, -1/+29Ellen DeGeneres
  • uknowwhoibe, on 06/17/2009, -0/+26Digg buttons.
  • nedev, on 06/17/2009, -0/+25It's like brave new world, except there's more ads.
  • mr0nine2five, on 06/17/2009, -0/+25You're a proctologist?
  • maduin, on 06/17/2009, -0/+24When I'm wearing my glasses (which is anytime I'm not sleeping), everything I see is framed within a rectangle, except all the blurry stuff outside of the rectangle.
  • Shreder1, on 06/17/2009, -2/+26A square is a type of rectangle.
  • CaptainPanda, on 06/17/2009, -0/+24Books
  • Bloyru, on 06/17/2009, -5/+26Diggers don't play sports.
  • TheDeuce53, on 06/17/2009, -1/+22Chalk/White board in school.

    They don't glow, but they are rectangles...
  • dtele, on 06/17/2009, -0/+21the Cult of the Glowing Rectangle!
  • KJ83, on 06/17/2009, -0/+20Car windshields.
  • DiggMasterJ, on 06/17/2009, -0/+19Mirror



    What? you know you do it too.
  • Xaevier, on 06/17/2009, -1/+18Are you suggesting that the Onion is not 100% accurate? HERESY!
  • NotReally91, on 06/17/2009, -0/+17"nope"
  • Jough, on 06/17/2009, -1/+17No. 15% are loading porn.
  • davidmess, on 06/17/2009, -0/+16you do realize this "study" was done by the onion right?
  • dtfinch, on 06/17/2009, -0/+16So The Onion is reporting real news now.
  • 47f0, on 06/17/2009, -0/+15Nah - the math doesn't change it - my astigmatism does.
  • jwkpiano1, on 06/17/2009, -4/+19I, for one, welcome our new Rectangle overlords.
  • piieerrrree, on 06/17/2009, -0/+15Buildings.
  • chadsmith729, on 06/17/2009, -0/+14This is why I don't go outside. I'm not going to let those terrorists win.
  • boomqweeshaa, on 06/17/2009, -0/+1415% are lying.
  • skipvt, on 06/17/2009, -0/+13At work I spend 90% of my time staring at *****...
  • Neonic7, on 06/17/2009, -0/+12Whoa, let's just calm down and take a breather.
  • Shreder1, on 06/17/2009, -0/+12A square is a type of rectangle.
  • NathanielJ, on 06/17/2009, -0/+12Not only that, but non-widescreen monitors usually have aspect ratio 4:3, meaning they're not squares in the first place.
  • gcnaddict, on 06/17/2009, -0/+12ZOMG KINDLE DOESN'T GLOW LOL
  • dlan4327, on 06/17/2009, -1/+12At first I chuckled... Then it dawned on me that it's true. I use computers at college.

    A computer at home & television occasionally. Dear god that's depressing.
  • ruforealz, on 06/17/2009, -0/+11Damn, Hentailover420... you sound dedicated.

    +1
  • ShogunWarPig, on 06/17/2009, -0/+10Unless you live in the Shire...
  • powatom, on 06/17/2009, -0/+10Technically they are cuboids.
  • kilwaz, on 06/17/2009, -0/+10I don't know many glowing books and windshields.
  • BrianOl, on 06/17/2009, -0/+9Nice try.
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