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New Weapon 'Ennui Gas' Induces Listlessness, Dissatisfaction
theonion.com — Calling it the most effective tool to date in the War on Terror, the Pentagon announced Monday that it had developed a new chemical weapon called "ennui gas," a nerve agent that overwhelms its victims with sudden philosophical distress over the meaningless tedium of human life and a sinking sense that everything they have ever accomplished ultimate
jaybol- 606 diggs
- digg it
- Angel1379, on 04/22/2008, -8/+5"winning the hearts and mind" or I mean "bumming the hearts and minds".... funny!
- mikesbaker, on 04/22/2008, -3/+1great - Camus - now they have something to wipe their asses with
- OwdenBowden, on 04/22/2008, -0/+1or they can just show reruns of The View
- levitron, on 04/22/2008, -6/+18Wow- on first reading of the headline, I thought it was authentic. Not a bad idea, really...
- Hananda, on 04/22/2008, -6/+2Why not simply use mustard gas?
- antipoet, on 04/22/2008, -4/+2Not a bad idea except that chemical warfare is ILLEGAL!
- MWeather, on 04/22/2008, -1/+6Only in war. On civilian populations, It's perfectly legal. Ever wonder why they don't use tear gas on a military unit shooting and throwing grenades, but they'll use it on college kids shouting and throwing bottles?
- mrwizard14, on 04/22/2008, -2/+2*****, that's terrifying.
- jrbrewin, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2i thought it was because bullets, or explosives were much more effective at making people stop shooting at you. vice versa, in riots you generally don't want to kill protestors, you just want to subdue them, which the weaker chemical agents such as tear / cs gas do.
either that, or because it is thought that tear gas would promote the use of other, stronger, and potentially lethal chemical agents, not because tear gas is itself lethal.
- specialK16, on 04/22/2008, -0/+1The words illegal and war don't really mix up.
- antipoet, on 04/22/2008, -0/+2It is strange that the people who decided that it wasn't moral to kill people in droves with chemicals didn't also decide that killing people in droves was immoral.
- MWeather, on 04/22/2008, -1/+6Only in war. On civilian populations, It's perfectly legal. Ever wonder why they don't use tear gas on a military unit shooting and throwing grenades, but they'll use it on college kids shouting and throwing bottles?
- oxdeltaxo, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2Just smoke em out with pot smoke it'll have a similar effect.
- mrwizard14, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1Haha I did too.
- lamiaconfitor, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2many an incredible idea has been presented in jest.
- DigDugDigger, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2That's probably how the idea of a "Gay bomb" came up at a Pentagon meeting...
"Why don't these terrorists just go ***** themselves..."
"That can be arranged."
- DigDugDigger, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2That's probably how the idea of a "Gay bomb" came up at a Pentagon meeting...
- Buckeye17, on 04/22/2008, -8/+13That's funny, because a month ago or so I realized that life means nothing.. almost like I've been hit by this weapon.
- hirshi, on 04/22/2008, -6/+2SPIRITUAL CRISIS!
- cyberwiz01, on 04/22/2008, -2/+4I think they pump my office full of this stuff!
- lamiaconfitor, on 04/22/2008, -1/+4that is the first step to enlightenment.
- eximious, on 04/22/2008, -2/+2That's certainly one interpretation of the universe, though not the only one.
- The_Dude, on 04/23/2008, -0/+1Let me guess. You're a freshman?
- WiseWeasel, on 04/22/2008, -7/+6I think we have an Ennui gas leak at my workplace... Thankfully, there's Digg to keep me sane. : P
- dilibau, on 04/22/2008, -2/+3erm, no...it's actually digg that has the ennui gas effect on you...get off this site while you still have time!
- gametavern, on 04/22/2008, -11/+24I think this is being used on the US right now.
Honestly, enough with the GD Onion articles.- xaogypsie, on 04/22/2008, -1/+7But humor is essential for a society to function well.
- Kahnza, on 04/22/2008, -3/+2theonion is not funny
- JDRay, on 04/22/2008, -5/+1I think it's being used in my office right now...
- lamiaconfitor, on 04/22/2008, -2/+2do people think if they keep saying that it will become funny?
p.s. your mom thinks its funny.
- lamiaconfitor, on 04/22/2008, -2/+2do people think if they keep saying that it will become funny?
- xaogypsie, on 04/22/2008, -1/+7But humor is essential for a society to function well.
- DeMoNX4187, on 04/22/2008, -9/+1QQ - Emo Gas!
- blinkatron, on 04/22/2008, -10/+3Soo... you're telling me this chemical makes you feel emo?
- slvrbullet87, on 04/22/2008, -5/+4Yes it is called pussyass-itine
- 00monkey, on 04/22/2008, -3/+2first think i though of
- leontes, on 04/22/2008, -6/+10Miranda.
- alexforcefive, on 04/22/2008, -4/+1Yeah man. Not only is this article unfunny, it's also unoriginal. Good job, onion
- ngageguy, on 04/22/2008, -2/+6dugg up for Serenity reference. Shiny!
- Arnos, on 04/22/2008, -2/+3But what about the 3rd of a percent of the population that.....
OH.
- protogenxl, on 04/22/2008, -8/+4What about the Atomic Bong?
- MacEnvy, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1I left it under my couch.
- drewniverse, on 04/22/2008, -8/+2"Pentagon officials still refuse to comment on rumors that they are close to completing an experimental mutagen that would transform its victims' DNA into that of television star Kelsey Grammer."
An army of untalented actors? Nooooooooooo!!!! Back to the theater with you! - WilliamDavis, on 04/22/2008, -7/+3They've been spraying americans with this for years.
- cenellow, on 04/22/2008, -0/+1now I know whats wrong with this country.
- Klainmeister, on 04/22/2008, -8/+3I think a tank of this was released to the kids at the last indie concert I was at...
- Atomic05, on 04/22/2008, -7/+3I liked the graphic.
"Stage 5 - Besides feelings of worthlessness or confusion, also causes internal hemorrhaging." - Brassbud, on 04/22/2008, -7/+2Finally, an alcohol with 0 calories!
- Mathx, on 04/22/2008, -7/+2A suicide bomber needs to feel productive and useful in order to accomplish his goal.
- notahack, on 04/22/2008, -6/+1same here, been snorting that gas too. And I thought my tin foil hat paranoia was unfounded. THANKS ONION.
- Hananda, on 04/22/2008, -8/+2So, we're burying everybody, then?
- antipoet, on 04/22/2008, -3/+1Yep, it's the only thing that helps with the listlessness, dissatisfaction.
- avonwodahs, on 04/22/2008, -8/+4Bury me down.
- dudad, on 04/22/2008, -7/+3I was about to bury this as inaccurate thinking, "Why the hell would the pentagon annouce this if they actually had?" Then I realized it was the onion..
- lunachique, on 04/22/2008, -6/+2According to Edward Gorey, you can die of ennui
http://users.aol.com/emarko/n.html - CombatSteve, on 04/22/2008, -6/+4Come...Break...Me.....Down!...Bury me! Bury me!
- sandbags, on 04/22/2008, -2/+25OMG! EMO-GAS!
This is old news thought. They've digitized it now. Its called "Myspace". - elhaf, on 04/22/2008, -3/+2Dammit! They tested that on me! Ah, who cares.
- 00monkey, on 04/22/2008, -6/+1not to mention that the gov has been unknowingly testing this on high school kids for the last 3-5 years
- bstew22, on 04/22/2008, -4/+2it's like... every WoW player after 2 years.
- Harabeck, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2And then you get to the stage where you just quit and rediscover how wonderful life is.
- Kireblade, on 04/22/2008, -3/+0EMO GAS!
- jknevitt, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1Sounds like someone's been cribbing the Internet again, namely this: http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/exis.htm
- TheZetetic, on 04/22/2008, -3/+1France's General Malaise reported that this was named after the famous Mayor Ennui. Malaise and Ennui are commonly associated with the French Military and now finally being honored.
- kingyubba, on 04/22/2008, -3/+1"Miranda."
- cenellow, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1YESSS... for Serenity jokes
- simplistics06, on 04/22/2008, -3/+3God damnit not again I read half way down before I decided to look at the source.
- kyle90, on 04/22/2008, -2/+0Just give Marvin the point-of-view gun...
- DiggityCarl, on 04/22/2008, -5/+2Please.....the onion? Funny? I don't think so.
- sultanica, on 04/22/2008, -2/+2FFS people, The Onion is a satire site and not REAL news.
- savethemooses, on 04/27/2008, -0/+1Thanks for the heads-up.
- vyasram, on 04/22/2008, -4/+0MJ must have used it
- Elohir, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2...and me, with a brain the size of a planet...
- blakespot, on 04/22/2008, -2/+4I AIN'T GOIN' NEAR NO RUTT'N REAVERS !!!!
- pilobilus, on 04/22/2008, -2/+3Why do people bother posting replies to these stories anyway? I mean, you know.
- DreKor, on 04/22/2008, -2/+4Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to the Emo Bomb.
- classicliving, on 04/22/2008, -6/+0perfect weapon for atheists to shot at those who believe in there is a creator to all life.
- lamiaconfitor, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2dugg down for the following reasons: unclear position on topic, and past tense for shoot.
- TigerBaby27, on 04/22/2008, -1/+2EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- cwizard13, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1I thought this was real for a second.. till i saw the logo of the source publishing the article ;) Great Job Onion!
- ThePharaoh, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1Oh yeah...we'd just make depressed terrorists even more depressed...that would be effective...if only...
- wsuBobby, on 04/22/2008, -2/+2I think we need a new [Onion] tag on these stories to go with the [PIC] [APOD] [NSFW] ones. While these are entertaining, I don't want to waste my time on these stories.
- d3mps3y, on 04/23/2008, -1/+1i completely agree! Something needs to be done! So sick of Onions unfunny and untrue articles.
- Basecamp88, on 04/22/2008, -2/+0Wait, when did I come in contact with this stuff?
- bj1989, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1I was so dull to actually believe this, I only noticed it was the Onion after reading the last sentence, classic!
- jnava121, on 04/22/2008, -1/+0So this article is saying they have captured the democratic debate process and converted into a gas form?
- Blitzenn, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1It must be a bomb filled with IRS tax forms! Run Away!
- novenator, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1Reminds me of the Brown Note, " a frequency that causes humans to lose control of their bowels due to resonance."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_note - xxgigavirusxx, on 04/22/2008, -2/+1I thought this was real and first
DAM YOU ONION!- ABadPerson, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1Yeah, I was thinking, "this got to be from the onion," and I was right.
- savethemooses, on 04/27/2008, -0/+1You're so smart! High five!
- ABadPerson, on 04/22/2008, -1/+1Yeah, I was thinking, "this got to be from the onion," and I was right.
- yosserhughes, on 04/22/2008, -1/+0I thought that's what TV is for.
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Show 51 - 59 of 59 discussions
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