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My Failed Attempts to Write a Goosebumps Novel

cracked.com — Featuring: 'The Mask Next Door' and 'The Living Mask or Whatever'

Who dugg this? Made popular 21 days ago

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45 Comments

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  • ileftfark, on 11/07/2009, -1/+31What. The. *****.
  • GhettoHmbrglr, on 11/07/2009, -0/+25Soo many nightmares as a child from reading Goosebumps... R.L. Stine was the *****.
  • spookyttws, on 11/07/2009, -0/+20I grew up loving Goosbumps, I would even try to be the first person to get the new one every month (yes, they were pumping them out almost every month, like comic books). Although I don't understand the weird use of the (object? race of people?) "Mask", these three stories more or less summed up the entire series.
  • goomba323, on 11/07/2009, -0/+18I especially enjoyed when he ended his chapters with "There was a creek behind the door....so I approached it....turned the knob....opened the door....and couldn't believe what I saw....!!!!!"

    *end of chapter*

    *next chapter*

    "....MY BROTHER!!! asleep!!! He has school!! "get up bobby!!"
  • bubbachuck, on 11/07/2009, -0/+16this reads pretty similar to goosebumps. except put it into 10 or so chapters and have a cliffhanger at the end of each one. cliffhangers will be resolved by (1) it was a practical joke or (2) it was a dream.

    i used to burn through these in an hour when i was a kid. i'd say Goosebumps jumped the shark when titles such as "The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena" started coming out.
  • duncanspumpkin, on 11/07/2009, -0/+11What the hell did i just read.
  • lolwatermelon, on 11/07/2009, -2/+13I laughed my dick off.
  • brainboy7777, on 11/07/2009, -2/+11This is written by Cody, the new guy at Cracked who can't write for *****. If you want something funny, go read Gladstone's latest post or DOB's.
  • ryrocker, on 11/07/2009, -0/+9... and then it went to urban outfitters and bought purple skinny jeans

    "bitches love purple!", thought the Abominable Snowman of Pasadena
  • lolwatermelon, on 11/07/2009, -0/+8You read "Scholassdick" said to yourself "This is going to be awful" still read it, and now are bitching?

    Learn from your mistakes.
  • Frixionburne, on 11/07/2009, -0/+6Read "The Halloween that was actually Arbor Day"

    Seriously.
  • elbarto89, on 11/07/2009, -0/+5“WHO THE ***** IS TED, YOU LITTLE SNOT!?!?
  • ajaxmil, on 11/07/2009, -0/+4I follow cracked pretty regularly. The author of this one, Cody, is the "new guy" amongst the article writers. So far, I haven't found any of his articles funny.

    Edit: apologies to brainboy77777, I didn't see your post.
  • nadiaknow, on 11/08/2009, -0/+4I loved Goosebumps as a kid. My mom came home after church one day and said that some visiting/guest pastor told the congregation that Goosebumps was evil, although the books had big vocabulary words for kids. I laughed.
  • mbonzo531, on 11/07/2009, -0/+4I guess I was the only one that found it funny.
  • irreverend, on 11/08/2009, -0/+4Oh god, you actually read it? I couldn't make it past the first paragraph.
  • spencer8ab, on 11/07/2009, -2/+6Buried. Worst. Cracked. Article. Ever.
  • lolwatermelon, on 11/07/2009, -0/+3Tell the cracked editors and get me a job.
  • redbarchettayyz, on 11/08/2009, -0/+3I laughed lolwatermelon's dick off
  • Chebsi, on 11/07/2009, -1/+4Your comment is funnier than the article.
  • redcard, on 11/07/2009, -0/+2You have a very good point. But I didn't get down to Scholassdick until after a few minutes of reading. I kinda glanced over the pictures first. I should have looked at them before reading the article.

    But good point :)
  • soulonfire928, on 11/07/2009, -0/+2Videos suck too. I saw they disabled comments on the website for this article...must've had something to do with all the comments on his submissions being about how much he sucked.


    Edit-Cracked enabled comments now, making me look like a dumbass. Thanks Cracked!
  • lolwatermelon, on 11/08/2009, -0/+2re: laughyourdickoff.com

    Awesome, now I have to stop saying something I've said for years because some ***** decided to register a domain and make a ***** unfunny website. Goddamnit.
  • PartyCat, on 11/08/2009, -0/+2laughyourdickoff.com
  • aprycot, on 11/08/2009, -1/+3tl;dr
  • lolwatermelon, on 11/07/2009, -1/+3https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/186 ...
  • FolkSong, on 11/08/2009, -0/+2Be quiet garren elbarto89.
  • alliallialli, on 11/08/2009, -0/+2Keep it down garren folksong.
  • FolkSong, on 11/08/2009, -0/+2I thought it was hilarious.

    “The end,” the narrator thought about writing. He reread the story and shook his head.

    Obviously quite a few people are digging it, I don't know why the comments here are so negative.
  • StenL, on 11/07/2009, -1/+2Yes it does.
  • pjsk8, on 11/09/2009, -0/+1It's Braaaandy!!
  • dpknc84, on 11/07/2009, -0/+1I was one of the kids that HAD TO have the latest book when it came out. I still think I have books 1 through 46 up in the attic somewhere. I can't throw them away. Figure I'll pass them on to my kids one day and share their awesomeness.
  • thehuntofdear, on 11/08/2009, -0/+1They probably read your post and enabled them.
  • bubbachuck, on 11/09/2009, -0/+1i was just about to say, it's always the kid sibling, usually brother.
  • lolwatermelon, on 11/07/2009, -1/+1"doesn't block it."

    Weird, because I haven't seen an ad on the entire internet since I installed it. And even before that, when I learned what a hosts file was.

    http://someonewhocares.org/hosts/
  • ScorpioPT, on 11/07/2009, -1/+1doesn't block it.
  • ryrocker, on 11/07/2009, -2/+1goosebumps was a horrible series, especially the mask one.

    i think most of the goosebump stories ended up like

    "omgawd! cody, i had the worst dream! i dreamt that X was Ying our Z's!"
    and cody would be like, "thats because they do!"

  • inactive, on 11/07/2009, -4/+2when was that?
  • Asym79, on 11/07/2009, -10/+6Oh well, Cracked articles can't all be winners I guess. Makes me wonder how this got so many diggs.
  • redcard, on 11/07/2009, -6/+2i liked the word "Scholassdick"

    That showed me that this was going to be an insightful, funny, and poignant brand of humor.

    Can I have my five minutes back?
  • inactive, on 11/07/2009, -6/+1***** gay.
  • zackjtaylor, on 11/08/2009, -5/+0www.thenaughtysanta.com.. = cool
  • inactive, on 11/07/2009, -8/+2"failed attempt at writing" and cracked.com goews together PERFECTLY.
  • searcade, on 11/07/2009, -10/+2WTF happened to digg? http://cotnet.diggstatic.com/img/skins/dragon_age_ ... common less t-shirt adverts and more of this?

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