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234 Comments
- lucasftw, on 11/09/2009, -0/+420The key is reverse virtual economy. trade your fake assets for real perks.
"I have three properties and $200 left. first person to go make me a gin and tonic gets the rest of it." - OfoarHeffinsake, on 11/10/2009, -0/+310Somehow myself, my friends, and my family have all managed to play this board game without resorting to violence or uncontrollable rages. Have the rest of you perhaps thought about anger management or intensive psychotherapy?
On the other hand, I once killed a guy over Connect Four, so maybe it's just a cultural difference. - viv4l4b4m03, on 11/09/2009, -0/+254I've never finished a game without the board being flipped over.
- Jhonka, on 11/10/2009, -0/+179THAT. IS. AWESOME.
Now all I need is a group of hot, willing, undiseased girls. It's always two out of three though.. - letmejustsay, on 11/09/2009, -2/+178THE CAR PIECE IS MINE!!!
- kilsekddd, on 11/10/2009, -4/+173Rules for using Monopoly as a sex game:
Assign sexual favors to each block of properties. Purple: Massage, Light Blue: Kissing, etc.
Choose a duration for the act: 1 min for property, 3 mins for block, 1 additional minute per house, 5 for hotel.
Buy up properties and charge your "rent".
Cash still changes hands along with the favors.
Favors may be traded for cash or goods. - janoo1989, on 11/10/2009, -0/+156Common quotes in a Monopoly game between friends:
"You ***** bastard"
"***** guy has Park place"
"We have to team up to ***** this guy over"
"***** this guy"
Proposal: "I'll trade you Reading Railroad for Pacific. That way you'll have all the railroads and I'll have all the green-"
Reply: "***** you" - OfoarHeffinsake, on 11/10/2009, -0/+152Okay, what am I doing wrong?
First we set up the board. Everyone rolls to see who goes first. The person who gets the highest number picks up the revolver and loads in one bullet. He spins the cylinder and then places the barrel of the gun to his temple. He rolls for his turn and moves forward that number of spaces. If he rolls doubles, he pulls the trigger. If he is still alive, he gets to roll again. If not, the rest of us leave the premises, careful to not leave any fingerprints or identifying marks of any kind. Later, when questioned by the police, we all stick to our cover story of going to see the Jonas Brothers live in concert.
So how do YOU play? Wait, don't tell me, you put money on Free Parking and give it to the player if he survives pulling the trigger?
LAME. - AngryDeuce, on 11/09/2009, -0/+131Games always start off in my family ok until someone starts playing defensively (buying property to prevent a monopoly instead of making one)...
Once my brother realizes that no amount of money is gonna make me part with Park Place because I specifically don't want him building houses and motels on it, then there's usually about an hour until all the pieces end up getting swept off the board in a rage... - copypastry, on 11/10/2009, -9/+128Timeline could also be:
.......................Beginning of game........................................Endgame.........................
_____________________________________|____________________________________
................... Theoretical Capitalism................................Capitalism in Reality............... - JasonAdams13, on 11/10/2009, -0/+109"Favors may be traded for cash or goods"
I hardly think the Parker Brothers would stand for prostitution, good sir. - BREZZZ, on 11/10/2009, -0/+100Obviously you are not playing monopoly correctly.
- JoeNaguib, on 11/09/2009, -1/+82Dugg for the Monopoly Man's rippling pecs.
- Tyrghast, on 11/10/2009, -0/+76The top hat, sir, is the preferred choice of gentlemen everywhere.
*adjusts monocle* - greenlight2001, on 11/10/2009, -0/+72Lucky. I've never finished a game without shots being fired.
- BookaShade, on 11/10/2009, -0/+72They forgot Robbery.
Calvin and Hobbes explain it quite easily
http://www.cooperativeindividualism.org/calvin-pla ... - LordStryker, on 11/10/2009, -4/+68*Booush* "***** THIS GAME! It's 4 in the morning grandma, YOU WIN!
I'm sittin on Baltic with crap! I'm paying luxury tax out the ass! - aderek, on 11/10/2009, -0/+60Never trust the player who is the banker. Most of them cheat and give themselves a little bit extra here and there.
Or wait, trust the banker. I want to keep winning. - Puppytwo, on 11/10/2009, -0/+59Lets just say it involves excrement
- gsfgf, on 11/10/2009, -0/+52Probably the most serious fight I've even been in started over monopoly. And John Christian, if you're reading this, good choke hold, but I know what I saw.
- Super6, on 11/10/2009, -1/+52Offer the most you think it's worth, if they don't take it then offer to sell yours for the same price, if they don't buy then use language that would imply his or her mother is of questionable moral standing.
- HeyBob, on 11/10/2009, -3/+52Those ARE the rules
- greenlight2001, on 11/10/2009, -2/+50I usually troll the nonfamily ladies playing for blow jobs.
- fatalvaux, on 11/10/2009, -1/+47every game of monopoly I've played has ended in either a fight or tears. And without fail, several months after the last game, somebody will say, "Let's play a game of monopoly!" and like alzheimer's patients, everybody begins to happily play, although it will end the same way every time. *sigh*
- juankovo, on 11/10/2009, -2/+45When we play baseball, we have "extra rules" like weird stuff where if you miss the ball 3 times you're 'out', and if you hit the ball backwards we like to call it a 'foul'.
- Shadic, on 11/10/2009, -0/+41***** that, I've got the Battleship.
- JSager, on 11/10/2009, -1/+42I hardly think you understand capitalism, good sir.
- theword12, on 11/10/2009, -0/+40That sounds like a really creepy family game night...
- Balanced, on 11/10/2009, -0/+39He's playing against his brother, so insulting his mother makes things... interesting.
- Maynza, on 11/10/2009, -0/+38I liked Lewis Black's version of that joke better.
Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that’s never been advertised. And there’s a reason. All of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. And so, since nobody eats that stuff, every year there’s a ton of it left over. And the candy corn company sends the guys to the villages and they collect out of the dumpsters all the candy corn we’ve thrown away. They wash it! They wash it! I’ll never forget the first time my mother gave me candy corn. She said, “Here Lewis! This is corn that tastes like candy!” (eats it) “This tastes like crap”’ And every year since then, Halloween is returned and I, like an Alzheimer’s patient, find myself in a room, and the room has a table in it, and on the table, is a bowl of candy corn. And I look at it, as if I’ve never seen it before. “Candy corn,” I think. “Corn that tastes like candy. I can’t wait.” (eats it) “SON OF A BITCH!”
--Lewis Black - akseitz, on 11/10/2009, -0/+37I'm still trying to figure out if this is a sociopolitical reference or just a joke about the board game.
- fightfortruth, on 11/10/2009, -0/+36I appreciate this comment but only in context with the one above it.
- LordStryker, on 11/10/2009, -0/+36You must play against yourself.
- copypastry, on 11/10/2009, -0/+34the crabs scurry out from underneath.
- appleseed1234, on 11/10/2009, -0/+31What does that make Boardwalk with a hotel?
- nomadxx7, on 11/10/2009, -0/+31Especially if said mother is playing.
- myBrownianMoshN, on 11/09/2009, -3/+33As long as I get Boardwalk and Park place, its all good.
- onederboy, on 11/10/2009, -0/+30For Heaven's Sake: You're awesome.
- Coreyc150, on 11/10/2009, -3/+33dont ***** touch me grandpa, NANA's a cheating WHORE
Dane Cooks first CD is actually alright. - anagoge, on 11/10/2009, -0/+29Hot and undiseased. Who needs willing?
- HeyyyJoe, on 11/10/2009, -1/+29what happens if i land on your sister's boardwalk..?
- DOCNM, on 11/10/2009, -2/+27You guys are playing it all wrong. Basically, only the "bank" plays.
Players don't actually buy the properties anymore. The bank buys them and bundles them into "low risk" packages and auction it off. It also sells credit default swaps, and sell those. Buys the utilities, privatizes them and start overcharging for the services, decreasing the quality. Same with the transports. The bank also outsource the commercial banking function to India and concentrate on the private banking market. As a bank you are also issued immunity cards that make sure you never go to prison. After you have made sure that everyone has bought your toxic derivatives, you claim you are too big to fail and in order to continue playing every player has to give you 90% of all their money. - Kosh, on 11/10/2009, -0/+25What? Settlers is awesome!
- michaelrsa, on 11/10/2009, -4/+29Lucky. I've never finished a game without someone being raped. I suppose that's what I get when I play with senators who vote against the 2010 Defense Appropriations Bill.
- zzzpoohzzz, on 11/10/2009, -0/+25meh, we always lost the pieces... i had to use ***** like a lego, a poker chip a quarter and some other *****
- timusca, on 11/10/2009, -1/+25You must play with yourself.
- suprememilo, on 11/10/2009, -1/+25I play as Chewbacca, don't you guys have the Limited Star Wars Edition?
- DivisibleByZero, on 11/10/2009, -0/+21Family monopoly games are a disaster at my house. My dad is a master at tricks early on in the game that benefit him later. I'll give you the 3rd yellow and red places AND permanent free rent on blue or purple, if you give me Boardwalk.
- tgc1, on 11/10/2009, -0/+21I've got the shoe, that means if you kids don't quit it you're all gonna get a kick in the ass!
// Forman. - Shadic, on 11/10/2009, -0/+21Risk is the largest ruiner of friendships.
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