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If Valentine's Day Cards Were Honest ...

cracked.com — Women always say they want a relationship that is built on honesty. This Valentines Day, give her a card that will prove she doesn't really mean it.

Who dugg this? Made popular Feb 12, 2008

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301 Comments

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  • dext3r, on 02/12/2008, -19/+503Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    In Soivet Russia,
    poem writes you.
  • adequateftw, on 02/12/2008, -15/+263I miss this beautiful poem:

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I'm only giving you this Valentine's day card because I hope for some easy sex
    P.s. Wanna try anal?
  • ani625, on 02/12/2008, -11/+247Dugg for - Happy Valentine's day. Now ***** off.
  • azbmr, on 02/12/2008, -9/+211Obligatory:

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    All of my base
    Are belong to you
  • MisterEX, on 02/12/2008, -0/+190Who doesn't?
  • Search153, on 02/12/2008, -3/+192Bloods wear red
    Crips wear blue
    Pimpin' is easy
    With hoes like you!
  • floridiot2, on 02/12/2008, -14/+192Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I'll ***** you with a rake
  • ygrof, on 02/12/2008, -15/+174Red is for roses
    Green for grenades
    I tested positive
    So enjoy your AIDS
  • spidoman, on 02/12/2008, -1/+155No, she doesn't, it's a trap.
  • inactive, on 02/12/2008, -4/+144Roses are #ff0000
    Violets are #0000ff
    All my base
    Are belong to you

    There. Fixed it for you. ;)
  • chrisinsocalif, on 02/12/2008, -6/+145Herpes, my gift to you that keeps on giving.
  • MrTRiX, on 02/12/2008, -1/+114I'd buy you jewelery
    but I think these flowers are good enough for a blowjob.
  • StephanieF, on 02/12/2008, -7/+11622 year-old married female here. I can honestly say that as an avid Valentines Day boycotter, I would not only laugh my ass of if my husband gave me one of these cards but he would probably get what the card asked for. There is nothing cuter/sexier then nerd humor.
  • BedPost, on 02/12/2008, -6/+114Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    This line doesn't rhyme
    Neither does this one
  • hasansexy, on 02/12/2008, -8/+108Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Be my valentine
    I won't daterape you
  • jlungu, on 02/12/2008, -3/+95I'm so glad I found a chick who thinks Vday is as much of a scam as i do.
  • Dernit, on 02/12/2008, -2/+90I don't know about you ladies, but any man that has a Hentai tentacle rape porn collection AND a Valentine's Day card to prove it, is a keeper in my book.
  • honorableSimon, on 02/12/2008, -3/+91Vonnegut fans?

    Roses are red
    And ready for plucking
    You're sixteen
    And ready for high school
  • inactive, on 02/12/2008, -8/+91Violets are blue,
    Roses are red.
    I won't tell your husband
    if you give me head.
  • teh_techie, on 02/12/2008, -0/+75You bet it is! Better figure out what she REALLY wants ASAP!
  • thedigitalkach, on 02/12/2008, -3/+76so glad im single this v-day
  • Diablohuman, on 02/12/2008, -1/+72roses are red
    violets are blue
    your sisters good looking
    what happened to you?
  • diggit83, on 02/12/2008, -5/+72Lol at last card, at first glance its innocent...
    "Anal sex 2nite?" OH HAI

  • yaryarhumphump, on 02/12/2008, -6/+71Nothing says love like the shocker
  • igraham09, on 02/12/2008, -4/+64Roses are red
    Violets are red
    Sugar is red
    Oh wait, I ***** up.
  • gannondork, on 02/12/2008, -14/+72Chicks dig anal.
  • cledford, on 02/12/2008, -7/+64stay classy san diego.
  • ubergeek09, on 02/12/2008, -1/+58That was a bad idea.
  • benbrooks101, on 02/12/2008, -9/+66Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I hope you have lube
    'Cuz i'm ready for you!
  • moonshn, on 02/12/2008, -3/+58My girl only thinks its a scam after i sat her down yesterday and explained our finances to her... now she agrees
  • Judacious, on 02/12/2008, -9/+61ANA
    LSE
    X2N
    ITE

    lol...
  • Grjemo, on 02/12/2008, -1/+49. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _________
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./ It’s a trap!
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,,,--~~~~~~~~--,_ . . . . ._________/
    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ : : : :::: :::: :: : : : : :º ‘-, . . /. . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-‘ :: : : :::: :::: :::: :::: : : :o : ‘-, . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ :: ::: :: : : :: :::: :::: :: : : : : :O ‘-, . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . . .,-‘ : :: :: :: :: :: : : : : : , : : :º :::: :::: ::’; . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . .,-‘ / / : :: :: :: :: : : :::: :::-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ; . . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . . /,-‘,’ :: : : : : : : : : :: :: :: : ‘-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;;| . . . . . . .
    . . . . . . . /,’,-‘ :: :: :: :: :: :: :: : ::_,-~~,_’-, ;; ;; ;; ;; | . . . . . . .
    . . . . . _/ :,’ :/ :: :: :: : : :: :: _,-‘/ : ,-‘;’-‘’’’’~-, ;; ;; ;;,’ . . . . . . . .
    . . . ,-‘ / : : : : : : ,-‘’’ : : :,--‘’ :|| /,-‘-‘--‘’’__,’’’ ;; ;,-‘ . . . . . . . .
    . . . :/,, : : : _,-‘ --,,_ : : : ||/ /,-‘-‘x### :: ;;/ . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . / /---‘’’’ : # : : : : : | | : (O##º : :/ /-‘’ . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . /,’____ : : ‘-# : , : : : : ‘-,___,-‘,-`-,, . . . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . ‘ ) : : : :’’’’--,,--,,,,,,¯ :: ::--,,_’’-,,’’’¯ :’- :’-, . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . .) : : : : : : ,, : ‘’’’~~~~’ :: :: :: :’’’’’¯ :: ,-‘ :,/ . . . . . . . . .
    . . . . .,/ /|| | :/ / : : : : : : : ,’-, :: :: :: :: ::,--‘’ :,-‘ . . . . . . . .
    . . . . .’| |/ ‘/ / :: :_--,, : , | )’; :: :: :: :,-‘’ : ,-‘ : : : , . . . . . . .
    . . . ./¯ :| | : |/ :: ::----, :/ :|/ :: :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : ‘’-,,_ . . . .
    . . ..| : : :/ ‘’-(, :: :: :: ‘’’’’~,,,,,’’ :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : : : :,-‘’’ . . . .
    . ,-‘ : : : | : : ‘’) : : :¯’’’’~-,: : ,--‘’’ : :,-‘’ : : : : : : : : : ,-‘ :¯’’’’’-,_ .
    ./ : : : : :’-, :: | :: :: :: _,,-‘’’’¯ : ,--‘’ : : : : : : : : : : : / : : : : : : :’’-,
    / : : : : : -, :¯’’’’’’’’’’’¯ : : _,,-~’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : :| : : : : : : : : :
    : : : : : : :¯’’~~~~~~’’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : :
  • inactive, on 02/12/2008, -1/+48You may want to consider that you are dating a dude.
  • DjOverEZ, on 02/12/2008, -5/+49Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Some poems rhyme
    This one doesn't
  • Exekutor, on 02/12/2008, -1/+42The third result of the search amazes me:
    http://membres.lycos.fr/olivebooger/hentai.jpg
  • DeadFox1, on 02/12/2008, -2/+43WOAH.. I just google imaged: "hentai tentacle"
  • Filipp0, on 02/12/2008, -2/+42IT'S A TRAP!!!
  • theenginedriver, on 02/12/2008, -4/+44Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I'm schizophrenic
    And so am I
  • aloser, on 02/12/2008, -0/+39Commas, don't need to, be, placed arbitrarily in your messages. They're just, confusing when, you use them incorrectly.
  • Redemption289, on 02/12/2008, -3/+36http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/valentine.jpg
  • lumbergh, on 02/12/2008, -7/+36Sadly, this would be the "honest" version of my card: "Smart blonde honey, you and I both know that I oft compliment that narrow waist and those kickin hips but when you turn around and I see your cellulite thighs and droopy chunky butt with the kind of buttcrack that weirdly doesn't go all the way up to the top, I kinda lose some wood, which is why we always end with doggystyle and the lights off. I'm sorry about this, blame it on men being visual creatures. Despite this, I love your personality, that we can play computer games together... and the fact that you pay for at least half of everything on your 2k-a-year-more-than-me salary, which allows me to fund the expensive toys and games I am addicted to in my hyper-extended commitment-phobic adolescence. Oh, and these semi-expensive earrings here are just to hold off your pestering me for a ring for a few months (weeks?) while I re-weigh my options (and continue to flirt out of view with that very hot but crazy woman that you hate). It's a good thing you pay for so much, or i wouldn't have bothered with this expense. Love you!"
  • MariaEspanol, on 02/12/2008, -2/+29What ever happened to the simple candy heart? You know, the one that says 'Smoke You!' ?

  • inactive, on 02/12/2008, -0/+26say what?
  • mrASSMAN, on 02/12/2008, -0/+25questionmark?
  • TheJas, on 02/12/2008, -1/+25Um, ok now it's back. That was weird. I swear I'm not crazy.
  • dannyboy3020, on 02/12/2008, -1/+24It's only predictable, boring, and fake if YOU make it that way.
  • spineaches, on 02/12/2008, -0/+23you just really needed to get that out, didnt ya?
  • inactive, on 02/12/2008, -0/+23Sorry, no I didn't get the message.
  • Dokument, on 02/12/2008, -0/+23Comma,
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