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If Gods Were Drafted Like Fantasy Football [PIC]

holytaco.com — With fantasy football right around the corner, we wondered what it would be like if you had to draft your Lord and Savior the same way you drafted your fantasy football team. Can Buddha lead your soul to victory, or is he better suited as your flex player? Our in-depth analysis provides you with all the answers you need.

Who dugg this? Made popular Aug 27, 2008

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  • deysman, on 08/27/2008, -4/+75Buried for no FSM
  • philadelphia, on 08/27/2008, -2/+53Funny...but where's the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
  • Hetman, on 08/26/2008, -3/+51Screw those Gods. I am going to pick up Dionysus. The God of wine and fertility. He is usually pictured with a giant dong. He is way cooler than any of the other mentioned.
  • truebeliever83, on 08/26/2008, -4/+48Dugg for Dark Void of Nothingness and it's big follower, Bill Maher.
  • inactive, on 08/27/2008, -3/+41I'm here now! Let's get this party started right!
  • inactive, on 08/27/2008, -0/+31Plus he could turn into a dolphin. A ***** dolphin, they're the party animals of the sea.
  • yorkhock, on 08/27/2008, -0/+29I still think Zeus is due for a bounceback year.
  • snotrokit, on 08/27/2008, -0/+27ramen brother. ramen.
  • inactive, on 08/27/2008, -1/+27Three quarterbacks, Peyton Manning, Brett Favre, and Tom Brady, go to
    heaven to visit God and watch the Celtics play a game. God decides who will
    sit next to him by asking the boys a question...

    God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?" Peyton thinks long
    and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and
    in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky,
    but I always tried to do right by my fans." God can't help but see the
    essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

    Then God turns to Brett Favre and says, "What do you believe?" Brett
    says,
    "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals
    of life.
    I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true
    sportsman, both on and off the playing fields." God is greatly moved by
    Favre's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

    Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"
    Tom
    replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
  • Sabretou, on 08/27/2008, -1/+23But you're no Monster!
  • Hetman, on 08/27/2008, -3/+24I think you are mistaken. Wars are usually faught over resources and territory. Religion is just used to justify wars. It is way easier to tell someone they are fighting in the name of God, than to say we are fighting to regain property and or secure resources. Religion does breed bigotry which helps people fight wars, but I would not say it is the soul cause of wars. If you look at people like hitler and napolean they did not fight for holy causes, they faught for power, territory, and resources. But I agree that religion is more harmfull than usefull.
  • thebrinkman, on 08/27/2008, -2/+21"fantasy god" = redundant.
  • MOJIRA, on 08/27/2008, -0/+19As a Pastafarian I'm terribly offended at the exclusion of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. My religion is always being persecuted and excluded...
  • crushallcakes, on 08/27/2008, -0/+17I forgot about the draft and wasn't near my computer so I ended up with Scientology. I don't think I can afford it.
  • EddyG12, on 08/27/2008, -1/+15and where the hell is Steve Jobs on this list? he should be right there, next to satan
  • bman85, on 08/27/2008, -0/+14Totally, all they do is eat, swim around, and ***** all day long.
  • bigcynic, on 08/27/2008, -0/+13And don't forget Zeus and the rest of the Greek pantheon, the worship of Whom was recently (re)legalized in Greece.
  • inactive, on 08/27/2008, -1/+13my dad can beat up your dad
  • inactive, on 08/27/2008, -0/+10And keg stands, I heard dolphins do keg stands
  • XxpokemasterxX, on 08/27/2008, -4/+13tom brady is not a god
  • drachemorder, on 08/27/2008, -5/+14That's not it at all. In Christianity salvation is based entirely on the grace of God and the atonement of Jesus Christ. Jesus did all the work; our part is just to accept it. Thus doing "good" (and refraining from sin) is based more on a desire to serve God than a fear of going to Hell (see Romans 12:1).
  • PabloIV, on 08/27/2008, -0/+8I got Quetzacoatl The Plumed Serpent

    Sure I might have to sacrifice the odd virgin once or twice a year.
    But he makes up for it by looking like Falcor the luck dragon's Badass cousin
  • BoneheadFarker, on 08/27/2008, -1/+8Actually, those who never hear the word of Jesus are condemned to eternity in limbo. Those who have heard the word of Jesus and follow it have a pretty good shot at heaven, but it's not guarenteed. Those who have heard the word of Jesus and ignore it are destined for hell. So your best chance is to just ignore all Christians trying to tell you about Jesus.
  • Metadrew, on 08/27/2008, -0/+7I like how for Islam they made the picture say "photo not available"
  • kidfinesse, on 08/26/2008, -1/+8well done. kind of tough to read
  • 1badarsemuther, on 08/27/2008, -1/+8What No Jedi???
  • Wakkyweed, on 08/27/2008, -0/+7Brilliant. My favorite part was the Buddhism: Famous Adherents: Richard Gere, illustrated with a hamster.
  • Neiliosullivan, on 08/27/2008, -2/+9I'm a Druid and I worship trees.
  • ulmedas, on 08/27/2008, -2/+8Does one of them have to be true? I don't think that is the case. If all possible religions were put onto a wall and you threw a dart at them, you would never hit one that has ever been practiced. There are an uncountably infinite number of possibilities, and only a finite number have been put into practice. I am assuming that the non-existences of religion as one possible religion.
  • Damionlecroix, on 08/27/2008, -2/+8If Gods where drafted like Fantasy Football.. I would get the devil and his minions for my Offensive line, who's gona mess with a line of hell spawn. Zeus for the QB, if you can hurl lightening you can hurl a ball. Jesus for the water boy, he's a hippie what else is he good for in football. Hermes for running back, all I got to say is wings on shoes.. The endless black void as my defensive line.. what are they going to do against a big nothing that stretches across the entire field and consumes everything that runs into it. yeah I think I would own the super god bowl
  • Wakkyweed, on 08/27/2008, -2/+8You shouldn't lump Atheism in with the religions. Saying Atheism is a religion is like saying baldness is a hair color.
  • polarbobbear, on 08/27/2008, -0/+6I love the "photo not available" for where Muhammad would go.
  • shutaro, on 08/27/2008, -0/+6They also left out Odin and Ra... The Norse and Egyptian gods deserve representation!
  • ZeeZee2k, on 08/27/2008, -0/+5I got the last pick, but I somehow ended up with Atheisim, not bad.
  • digitalpencil, on 08/27/2008, -5/+10Where's the FSM?!?
  • inactive, on 08/27/2008, -7/+12downside to being brady is getting pwnd by manning
  • AboveandBeyond, on 08/27/2008, -0/+5biggest downside: apple fans.
  • shutaro, on 08/27/2008, -1/+6Fact is, bears eat beets.
  • BetterOffEd, on 08/27/2008, -0/+5DAMN...

    ...Anybody have a mirror or alternate link? My work *blocks* Holy Taco for some ungodly reason. (no pun intended)
  • Guinnessdsu, on 08/27/2008, -2/+7Yeah, it sucks
  • Hetman, on 08/27/2008, -0/+5Most diggers live in American or Europe. Guess what the main religion is their? Christianity. And that is the reason they talk more about christianity than any other religion. Because directly influences their lifes more than other religions.
  • skyshock1, on 08/27/2008, -2/+6Gods, Fantasy... yep sounds about right.
  • Sabretou, on 08/27/2008, -0/+4Dugg for Gorgoroth and Norwegian Black Metal bands!
  • Hetman, on 08/27/2008, -0/+4Yea but the thing with Dionysus he was always potrayed with women following him. So basically if you stayed around him enough you would probably get some run off tang.
  • TehInternetz, on 08/27/2008, -1/+5This is freakin awesome!, "Dark Void of Nothingness" .... ROFLMAO!!!
  • rycanto, on 08/27/2008, -2/+6This should be front page. Hilarious.
  • inactive, on 08/27/2008, -1/+5She probably deserved it
  • savethejets, on 08/27/2008, -1/+5A dolphin once bit my sister
  • jonthefisherman, on 08/27/2008, -6/+10I'm pretty sure if Tom Brady was a god he wouldn't have to cheat
  • Coffeedemon, on 08/27/2008, -0/+4* potential for ANOTHER religious flame war? Check
    Front page here we go.
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