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How to Survive a Zombie Attack (in Plain English) watch!

commoncraft.com — Just in time for Halloween, it's three minutes of paper-based comedy gold. Learn where to aim, where to hide and when to run when the zombie invasion begins. And for the love of God, protect your brain!

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  • lunchbox20, on 10/29/2007, -0/+3Another great CC papershow, too funny!
  • gamer31, on 10/29/2007, -2/+10sorry if i sound stupid but zombies confuse me.

    If zombies are the result of a zombie eating a living persons brain, then where does the second 'zombie' brain come from that must be destroy in order to take down the zombie?
    • SlappyMc, on 10/29/2007, -0/+44If a zombie succeeds in eating a living persons brain, that person will not turn into a zombie; they will be dead.. more zombies are created through contamination of the blood.
      ex. A zombie attacks you, you phail at fending it off, it eats your brain. You're dead.. (1) Zombie walks away in search for more brains,
      ex 2. A zombie attacks you, you fend it off but get bit in the attempt.. You will become a zombie, and the chain grows..
      • norman619, on 10/29/2007, -2/+6In other words death in which the brain is not destroyed results in good chance of zombification if you were bit by a zombie or sucked in the magic fumes.
        • 1337pino, on 10/29/2007, -0/+9"Sucked in the magic fumes"? Woah there, we aren't talking about attacking homeless crack addicts.

          If you want to add in the whole "airborne virus" issue, than that completely changes this whole risk analysis thing.
        • dotlizard, on 10/29/2007, -1/+2I think he means the fumes from the metiorite, or whatever it was that got the whole zombie thing started in the first place.
        • vornan19, on 10/29/2007, -0/+1http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie
        • tektalk, on 10/25/2007, -0/+1Actually, people turn into zombies when solanum gets into their bloodstream, the virus will kill the person, and then re-animate the corpse so that it can infect more humans and feed. If you can sever the connection between the brain and the rest of the body ( destroy spinal cord ) then the zombie will stop moving, it may not necessarily be completely de-animated, but it will become less of a threat since it can't move any more muscles in it's body. But destroying the brain is much less of a hassle since you don't have to dispose of the zombie once it can't move, but I prefer to cleave the head in two ( top to bottom ) with a sword or long sharp object when I can get it.
      • UNL1M1T3D, on 10/29/2007, -6/+3Dugg for spelling it Phail.
      • gamer31, on 10/25/2007, -0/+1So couldn't Zombies just eat each others brains?
    • Homoomo, on 10/29/2007, -0/+3Yea it's basically like AIDS, if a zombies blood gets into one of your open wounds or even a drop in one of your eyes and you are infected with the virus. I usually say zombies are hungry for flesh, not brains, because the traditional zombie will be happy with a chunk out of your arm or neck. You can check out a bunch of "true" zombie encounters around the web (I'm a huge zombie fan and I've never found one that I've believed) but they are pretty interesting tales.
      • daEvan, on 10/29/2007, -0/+0I never liked the 28 Days Later rules. Those zombies can actually starve to death. I prefer Dawn of the Dead or Resident Evil rules where they never starve.
    • RobotBuddha, on 10/29/2007, -0/+3The whole brain thing was invented in return of the living dead, and it's really only in that series where it exists as a zombie game plan. In the vast majority of zombie movies, they'll go for anything, usually guts. The skull's a lot more difficult to get into compared to the abdomen.
    • mashw, on 10/29/2007, -0/+1This flaw has puzzled me and a couple of friends many a time over pub conversations. This and the best evasion techniques if there were ever a raptor invasion.
      • BenKenobi88, on 10/29/2007, -0/+1We're screwed if there's a raptor invasion. Might as well accept them as our new leaders.
  • meleemaster500, on 10/25/2007, -8/+1^ That's vampires not zombies
  • austenw, on 10/25/2007, -9/+1Random zombie butt sechs at the end? Scary!
  • sexybobo, on 10/26/2007, -0/+16Danger 50000 volts had another good guide for surviving zombie attacks made by the same people who did Shaun of the dead
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnNIs4YKtZM
  • HappyDonut, on 10/26/2007, -0/+2It's okay. I've been prepared thanks to this video.
    The three things I need...
    Food
    Water
    My porn.
  • cr4wl3r, on 10/25/2007, -5/+129 Diggs to front page. That's fast.
  • chris9902, on 10/28/2007, -0/+35I'm a zombie and I find this video offensive to me and offensive to my people.
  • sparkysko, on 10/25/2007, -1/+7One of the best places for a zombie attack is a prison. If it can handle riots, it can handle zombies.

    Also, two story houses or second floor apartments are good if you destroy the stairwell.
    • moskaudancer, on 10/25/2007, -0/+7Don't forget the prisoners and the guards. They won't just let you crash there, and the prisoners will partially consist of murderers, rapists, and the like. So, if you find an abandoned prison, have at it.
    • UNL1M1T3D, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1That and if one of the prisoners/guards gets bitten by a zombie your in very close quarters.
    • Sornos, on 10/25/2007, -0/+3Costco. Costcos have no windows and limited entrances. The boarding docks have locks, and there are lots of junk to bar the remaining doors with. And lots of food.
  • igetnospamatall, on 10/25/2007, -1/+8now that i know how to survive a zombie attack chicks will dig me.
    • WhatKindaBat, on 10/25/2007, -0/+2digg* you.
    • tektalk, on 10/25/2007, -0/+2Yes! I have a samurai sword at home, when I save a chick from a zombie, she will surely be my girlfriend.
  • joefreeza, on 10/28/2007, -0/+7The end was very awkward sounding...Sounded like something else entirely
    • Sornos, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1He should really get that ugh red "blood" checked out.
  • peeinian, on 10/25/2007, -0/+7Just go and read The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks if you really want to be prepared.
    • Clumber, on 10/25/2007, -0/+4And if you don't want to be prepared, read "World War Z" by Max Brooks and then stay hidden, crying, whimpering in your basement wishing that you had the Survival Guide. HooRAH!

      +100 for the reference, peeinian. Good books.
      • peeinian, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1Yes! Please by all means if you don't want to be prepared take Clumber's advice and read "WWZ". You will certainly be crying while backed into a corner. Kudos to you as well Clumber!
    • spidoman, on 10/25/2007, -0/+1Agreed, the video just seemed like a rip off of the book, without any funny or...anything.
  • cleric85, on 10/25/2007, -0/+4I have my zombie drill right next to my tornado drill...I have been desperately waiting to use it.
    • UNL1M1T3D, on 10/25/2007, -0/+2Are you going to drill a hole in the zombies head?
  • bigbill780, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1How to survive a zombie attack... in broken spanish.
  • woods620, on 10/30/2007, -1/+25When I see a zombie I give them turtles, they seem to like them
  • mortigon, on 10/28/2007, -1/+7HA! you losers need a guide.

    I'm not letting any of you into my house once the zombies come. Plywood the doors and windows to hold them of for a while, but they will break through eventually. Most likely when I get into a shouting match with someone else who I let in the house, but I don't like at all.

    I will then escape to my truck with my girlfriend... my driveway is right next to the house, but for some reason the truck will be parked 500 feet away from the house, and my keys will be hard to find. Once we get there my truck won't start right away, but eventually it will and we will get away safely.

    The last time you see us, you will see some sort of figure pop its head up in my back seat, then my truck will swirve and hit a tree.
    • RobotBuddha, on 10/28/2007, -0/+4Be careful not to drop those keys once you find them! Car keys become 100x more awkward to use when zombies around, and are sure to fall out of your fingers when attempting to open the car door.
    • UNL1M1T3D, on 10/28/2007, -0/+7A digger with a girlfriend, now there is a good fiction tale!
  • ahintoflime, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1I'm a bit of a zombie expert, and you should make sure you have, if possible, at least 5 weeks worth of food with you, wherever you shelter yourself. Board up all windows and doors, constantly re-inforcing them. Try to not be loud, as zombies are attracted by noise. Zombies die of starvation after just a few weeks.
  • SilverBack101, on 10/24/2007, -0/+2Huh. That wasn't as informative or as funny as I thought it would have been.
  • zachshmack, on 10/26/2007, -0/+92 things he left out:
    1) While zombies cannot swim, they CAN walk on the land underwater, so they will eventually reach your little island.
    2) Always remember earplugs. Their constant moaning will drive you mad.
  • ChromaVita, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1Buy a Chainsaw.
    • zachshmack, on 10/25/2007, -0/+3Wrong. The noise will attract zombies from miles around, you're just as likely to cut yourself if you aren't careful, and you'll run out of fuel before you run out of zombies.
  • chrisinsocalif, on 10/25/2007, -0/+6I killed a zombie once, but realize it wasn't a zombie just a real ugly person. So be careful.
    • Vachon, on 10/25/2007, -1/+0Yeah I did the same thing 'sept it was a whole bunch of em under a bridge. I realized later... during my trial, that they were just homeless people.
  • fivestarsoul, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1If you live in a two story house, take shelter in the top floor and destroy the staircase.
  • s0medantastic, on 10/25/2007, -0/+4"A flaming zombie can be even more dangerous than a normal one"

    LMAO.
  • UNL1M1T3D, on 10/25/2007, -0/+3This makes me want to go play Resident Evil 4.
  • KniteWulf, on 10/25/2007, -0/+6Step one: Barricade all entrances possible with heavy, non-destroyable objects, such as couches, chairs, and vending machines.

    Step two: Keep one person focused on your barricade, while you yourself focus upon any other possible entrance, such as a window. If at all possible, find a safe place with only one entrance, and a fair amount of conveniently placed furniture.

    CSS Zombie Mod has taught me well.
    • mortigon, on 10/25/2007, -0/+3as long as you have unlimited ammo and no douchebags around messing up your barricade
    • WhatKindaBat, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1SO true.
    • zachshmack, on 10/25/2007, -0/+2and STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOW
  • Ben174, on 10/24/2007, -0/+2I could have done without the last 15 seconds. Funny up until then.
  • DjOverEZ, on 10/25/2007, -0/+5You put "zombie" and "attack" in the title and I don't wanna do it!!
  • johnkyoungoh, on 10/24/2007, -1/+1A book has already been written about this topic.
    http://www.randomhouse.com/crown/zombiesurvivalgui ...
    It is simply fantastic.
  • spiffyfitz, on 10/24/2007, -0/+1See you all at the It's Alive! Zombiefest 2007 in Pittsburgh!
  • robalesi, on 10/25/2007, -0/+4A few things that this either misses or gets wrong:
    #1 - Sure you can decapitate the thing. But unless the brain is destroyed, the head will still "live" and bite and infect. Go for a direct brain hit.
    #2 - Grenades and napalm or other flame accelerants are not advised as they do more harm than good. You must successfully destroy the brain which far to exact a science for grenades or napalm.
    #3 - Chainsaw - C'mon, get out of the movies. This is real zombies we're talking about. This would only be good if you are very strong and are only facing one or two zombies. Also, consider the noise problem that has already been mentioned.

    All in all, your best bet is light, accurate firearms, A hunting crossbow would be optimal because of it's accuracy and stealth. In close hand combat, a machete is great, but as Max Brooks says, a shaolin spade is the best for quick, easy decapitations at a relatively safe distance. In a pinch, you could sharpen a metal shovel and aim at the bridge of the nose.
    • adminmatt, on 10/25/2007, -2/+1"But unless the brain is destroyed, the head will still "live" and bite and infect."

      uhhh.....no
      • Puppetfunk, on 10/25/2007, -0/+2Yes. The head will stay alive if the brain is intact.
  • hendrixlives64, on 10/25/2007, -3/+1that was borderline retarded. plus that man's voice was annoying. buried.
  • Turop, on 10/25/2007, -0/+0Some zombies walk as if they have no knees.
    • zachshmack, on 10/25/2007, -0/+2I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.
  • ItsMyWii, on 10/25/2007, -1/+1O_O
  • mattes5, on 10/25/2007, -0/+2This video makes Max Brooks cry
  • waluum, on 10/25/2007, -0/+1I like the part about the zombies!
  • metalwolf, on 10/26/2007, -0/+0Some people dont have to worry about protecting their brain, they dont have one to begin with.
  • ZombieNinja, on 10/26/2007, -0/+1Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains

    Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains

    Aaaaaaaaargh Mufffffffffffffff hassssssssss Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains
  • SuperSexySadie, on 10/27/2007, -0/+0wow is this good
  • HqaMan, on 10/30/2007, -0/+0Zombie File Grievance!
  •  

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