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143 Comments
- AmyVernon, on 06/03/2009, -0/+38That's only if you subscribe to the old, shuffle-zombie school. But even then, they sometimes have just mass numbers, and if you fall and sprain your ankle, you can be toast.
But if you subscribe to the new-school, "28 Days Later" variety of zombie, you're totally screwed. - BeShirtHappy, on 06/03/2009, -5/+38I love Zombies! "Shaun of the Dead" is one of my favorite movies. But seriously, zombies are soooo slow that I don't see how you could get caught by one.
- pingpants, on 06/03/2009, -3/+25How is Mr. ZombbyMan formed?
- diggan8, on 06/03/2009, -1/+23I'd also add... don't disturb the witch and molotov the tank and run like hell.
- Vostok, on 06/03/2009, -1/+20Do not act like a zombie, zombies can tell the difference and will simply eat you. See Zombie Survival Guide if you really want to know what to do.
- AmyVernon, on 06/03/2009, -1/+19I am pleased to say I've seen pretty much all of the movies referenced here. I do, however, disagree with the Chuck Norris example. Jack Bauer is a MUCH better weapon against anything, even zombies.
- misterwrite, on 06/03/2009, -0/+18My "Zombie Apocalypse Contingency Plan":
1) Panic
2) Scream like a little girl
3) Curl into ball, whimpering loiudly and pissing myself
4) Get eaten by zombies
Let's face facts, that's what 99% of us would REALLY do if faced with a zombie horde. I'm just being honest about it. - Mnementh2230, on 06/03/2009, -1/+18My zombie survival plan:
First order of business is to get a good, reliable vehicle that has thick walls. There's an armored car place not too far from where I live, but failing that, a good ol' USPS delivery truck. Thick walls, diesel engine, heavy doors, and little glass. It is practically ideal. Next, I need guns. I've got a good pistol for starters, but I'll want some other weapons. A good semi-auto hunting rifle would be ideal - I like the idea of a shotgun, but reloading takes too long (excepting, of course, riot-gun style shotguns). A melee weapon like a crowbar will round out my personal arsenal, as I can use the crowbar for more than just bashing heads in. Next up is food. With my trusty weapons at the ready, its time to raid the local camping store for non-perishables and water purifiers. Some cold-weather gear, too, as who knows how long the infestation will last? Next up - the farm store - for plant seed, gardening/landscaping tools (growing food AND making entrenchments) and gas cans. A small pump and hand tools, as well. Then I tank up the truck and gas cans, and head west to my parents' place. Either pick them up and continue on or bunker down, make entrenchments and zombie-traps (dad's got a helluva workshop), and start farming, depending on conditions. - spegman, on 06/03/2009, -5/+22I digg anything with Chuck Norris pictures
- YessicaLynne, on 06/03/2009, -0/+17Oh if you like this you have to read World War Z... remember go for the brain!
- Chompy, on 06/03/2009, -0/+13The good thing about 28DL/L4D/Rage zombies is that they'll dehydrate within a few days; all you have to do is fort up for a month or two. "Magical" zombies obviously require a different strategy. My own zombie plan involves a nearby Sam's Club. Think about it: concrete construction, no windows, a rolling steel shutter front door, and years of supplies!
- the2989, on 06/03/2009, -1/+13Maybe not "undead", but they were certainly zombies.
- roostersheep, on 06/03/2009, -2/+13We need more zombie survival stuff on digg. I'm loving it recently.
- Lucas123, on 06/03/2009, -0/+11Massive stock piles of .50 caliber rounds with exploding tips and an array of shot guns with both 00 buck shells and slugs (for effect).
- sageerrant, on 06/03/2009, -0/+9If you don't already have all the equipment you'll need, it's too late.
Not a bad plan, though. - devonkeale, on 06/03/2009, -2/+11A true zombie-lover would have known about the existence of fast zombies.
- TobiasParker, on 06/03/2009, -0/+8That is a common mistake, the real death sentence is "I'll be *right* back", "I'll be back" merely makes you a governor.
- SpinningHead, on 06/03/2009, -0/+8Bruce Campbell is superior to both.
- misterwrite, on 06/03/2009, -0/+8Much like the classic "Mummy" movies (not the Brendan Frasier ones), it's their tenacity that is the problem. Eventually, you run out of energy. You have to stop and rest, you have to take a dump now and then, you need food, shelter, medicine, sleep. Zombies shuffle, shuffle, shuffle endlessly. They don't eat, sleep, tire or crap.
Also, as AmyVernon stated, in most "Zombie Apocalypse" scenarios, zombies are everywhere, therefore they have mass numbers on their side. It may be easy to outrun a zombie, or even twenty or a hundred, but what about the other thousand slowly flanking you? Speed is little advantage when you're surrounded. - HereisHelen, on 06/03/2009, -2/+10yeah never say "I'll be back" you see what happened to arni ;)
- tmyprod, on 06/03/2009, -0/+7This a great list, if you want to GET EATEN BY THE UNDEAD!!!
1) Always Aim For The Head.
This is true, but I don't know how many of you are expert marksmen. I have a good feeling most of us couldn't hit a zombie anywhere, let alone the head. The sound of the gunfire will attract more zombies to your position. Do not open fire unless you have a great escape plan or are prepared for a long engagement.
2) Stay Away From Windows.
This is actually good advice.
3) Run Like Hell.
Don't. Unless you are a regular marathoner, you will quickly tire out and possibly injure yourself in the process and become either a burden for your group or another one of the horde. Don't just book it, instead just walk briskly or jog lightly, you will be able to travel farther and safer. Note: if you are dealing with the "runner" zombie variety, sit down , put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
4) Hit The Road.
Zack doesn't inherently "like" the city, there were just more people there to begin with and there is little reason to stray far from a food source. However, in the mass panic and subsequent exodus, the roads will become crowded with abandoned cars and the many undead that reanimated in the vehicles. Don't expect to be driving anywhere. Also how many of you are farmers, or even gardeners, or could even survive without your local supermarket?
5) Never say 'I'll be right back'.
This is good advice. Stay in groups and watch each others back's.
6) Act like a Zombie.
Don't. You will get eaten. You will also spread confusion about zed attacking each other, bleeding, and becoming "cured".
"Quisling" refers to a human that had broken down psychologically due to the presence of zombies and thus begun acting like a zombie. These humans attack other humans mindlessly but are still attacked by normal zombies who can tell the difference. Being bitten by a "Q" (Quisling) does not result in zombification of the victim, but nonetheless imposes sincere mental stress on the victim since he/she believes to be ultimately infected - thus, the "Q's" are being described as a danger which must not be underestimated.
7) Decapitate.
See #1. It takes a surprising amount of fore to sever a head from a torso.
8) Get Creative.
Only as a last resort. You are taking chances, you won't just die, you make the problem worse.
9) Don't Be A Hero.
Should read "Don't be Rambo". In these times people will need a leader, someone to follow and make decisions. It might just happen to be you. Know your strengths and your weaknesses. Know when to lead, when to follow, and when to leave.
10) Get Chuck Norris.
Don't. Unless you want your head roundhouse kicked off.
11) If You Get Bitten Keep It A Secret.
If you are bitten inform your group and say your goodbyes, don't be a coward and get everybody else killed.
12) Wait Until The Whole Thing Blows Over.
This is ultimately what you will do if you survive long enough. Be prepared to wait for the long haul. Don't expect bar nuts to sustain you anywhere from a decade to indefinitely. Be prepared. - creepermclurker, on 06/03/2009, -0/+7Chuck Norris has the brain of a zombie.
- TheBigBad, on 06/03/2009, -1/+7A true zombie-lover would know there is no such thing as fast zombies.
- jebaird, on 06/03/2009, -0/+6pills here!
- Mnementh2230, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5Then I'm sure they'd forgive me for taking them out, though I'd only do so if the virus was of the untreatable type... you know, the type that animates a corpse. If it were a regular virus, I'd lock 'em up and hope for a cure.
Still want to use their place, though - easily defensible, isolated, lots of tools/weapons... - Nosyn, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5What if your parents are infected?
- ApokalypseNow, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5Depends on whether we're talking fast zombies or shambling zombies, airborne virus zombies or scratch/bite you zombies, and a number of other factors. Not a bad base plan to start from though.
I've always thought that the goal would be to get to either the extreme north or to a stationary floating platform on a body of water, with the conventional wisdom being that zombies can neither swim nor generate their own body heat. Worst case, the upper floors of a building with the stairs up to you destroyed would be a good place from which to start. - jboitnott, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5I don't know madame. You will find some Norris fans who strongly disagree! ;P
- pezangel, on 06/03/2009, -1/+6Very crazy post
- BaphClass, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5Until you managed to get one of your sharp metal sticks stuck in an abdomen, or chest cavity. What happens when one *actually* manages to get a hold of your forearm? Or you lose grip of a katana, due to all the congealed blood on the grip?
Enjoy getting eaten, because you thought anime and Kill Bill made excellent contingency plans. I'll be sitting on a roof, with a rifle and a great big bag full of cheap, easily found .22 caliber bullets. - SpinningHead, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5Shop smart.
- Krezer, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5I find it funny that people have legitimate plans in case of a Zombie attack but no real plans in case a natural disaster struck like an earthquake, tornado or hurricane. Classic.
- B1665r, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5Hail to the king baby!
- MadHarvey, on 06/03/2009, -0/+5The infected in 28 Days Later are not zombies.
Slow is an inherent character trait of zombies. Just like dying in sunlight is an inherent characteristic of vampires despite what certain sparkle-laden vampire movies would have you believe.
Vampires and zombies might be imaginary, but you can't just ***** with their general mythologies all willy-nilly like some movies are doing nowadays. - D3koy, on 06/03/2009, -0/+4Will Smith sat alone in New York for years and didn't fix *****. Worst plan ever.
- jftitan, on 06/03/2009, -0/+4There is no such thing as a true-zombie lover. because if you loved zombies... your against us humans.... then you are a traitor!! out with the zombie-lover.
"I know my husband is a zombie... but I still love him... see I have the wedding ring still"...
"you sleep with it? still?" - BingoPower, on 06/03/2009, -0/+4When an unwanted step-child is beaten for spilling milk in the reception room.
- kevintootill, on 06/04/2009, -0/+4Shop S-Mart
- KaosX, on 06/03/2009, -0/+4Im guessing you've never been to Zombie Squad. The site is a ruse using zombies as a reason to get people prepared for an emergency situation...because if you're ready for zombies you're ready for anything.
- Mnementh2230, on 06/03/2009, -0/+3There would of course have to be contingencies for fast zombies, smart zombies, airborn virus, etc... that was just the basic plan. The ideal solution would indeed be a free-floating island-fortress with the ability to generate your own tidal/solar power and grow/catch enough food, but realistically speaking you won't find that. I think the upper floors of a sky-scraper would probably be the next best thing - you could grow food on the roof and in the southern-facing rooms, you'd be able to get rid of your waste pretty easily - just chuck it off the top. The only problem with this is getting there in the first place - you'll have to get through the city to get to the skyscraper, and THAT could be a problem. Then there's the setup time involved, and the constant fear that one of those bastards is going to find a way to climb up to get to you. Then there's the sound-factor. Do you really want to listen to the zombies groooooaning all day and night as they try to get at you? Nah, I'd prefer isolation.
- drinkthepill, on 06/03/2009, -1/+4Then the smoker gets you, and there you are, dangling from the air like an *****, screaming for help, but no ones coming. Cuz their all busy trying to sneak up on the witch so they can take her down with one shot to the head.
- the2989, on 06/03/2009, -2/+5How zombie get pragnent?
- Kristijan12, on 06/03/2009, -1/+4Regading weapon of choice i would go with Katana. No ammunition required.
And maybe old AK47 to have on a side. - cheese0089, on 06/03/2009, -2/+5Just sit back and wait for Will Smith to take care of it.
- Cloned, on 06/03/2009, -1/+4That's what they said about dragons...
- TheBigBad, on 06/03/2009, -0/+3The best gun you can use for zombies is the trust old .22 caliber. Ammo is extremely plentiful and you can carry a ***** ton of it.
- jftitan, on 06/03/2009, -0/+3Meanwhile the group of survivors at the SAMs club begin to create a small government... someone has to be on top. And if your not with me... then your with the Zombies... we don't like zombies in our safe location.
"out with the zombie lover!!!!"
someone is gonna ***** it up. so don't let anyone in. no matter what. (ok 5 people are easy to manage) - jordanofthehill, on 06/03/2009, -0/+3Ammo over here!
- BingoPower, on 06/03/2009, -1/+4"So while fighting off that last wave of the undead with your bare hands, you took one for the team. Luckily for you it was somewhere easy to conceal. It's just a scratch anyway, no point making a big deal about it."
That's how to survive? Really?
What a lame article. -
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