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764 Comments
- strayth, on 06/09/2009, -2/+690Ah yes, I remember this speech.
- gabrlknght, on 06/09/2009, -4/+603Jesus, too close to home. This gave me chills after I LOL'd at it.
- Diata, on 06/09/2009, -8/+549dugg for all you losers out there. my girl best friend and i are getting married as soon as she breaks up with her boyfriend...
- SpectreFire, on 06/10/2009, -6/+474Girl: Why can't I find a nice caring guy to settle down with?
Nice caring guy friend: because you're a crazy bitch. And I hope you burn in hell. - Hirusan, on 06/10/2009, -0/+410Don't consider someone a priority when they only consider you an option.
- inactive, on 06/09/2009, -6/+369http://xkcd.com/513/
- ibenny, on 06/09/2009, -7/+360I probably have 100 female friends and none of them will ***** me.
- gfreeman223, on 06/09/2009, -7/+273Dear dudes: Have the balls to ask a girl out if you want to get with her, and don't engage in the weak sauce way of "getting to know her" as a friend. Sure, it's a lot scarier, but what's the worst that could happen? You'll save everyone a lot of time and grief, and most importantly, you won't be trampled on as a "friend".
That friend approach never ***** works anyway.
PS: Everyone can tell you and your hot female friend aren't actually dating. Stop pretending. - tinkafoo, on 06/10/2009, -0/+251This is The Onion?! sounds more like my inbox..
- bjroberts, on 06/10/2009, -1/+237The first 3 repliers...
whoosh - gfreeman223, on 06/09/2009, -18/+243If your goal was to ***** them, you failed. If you goal was to make friends, you have succeeded.
So what are you, a pussy or a *****? - PixelMagic, on 06/09/2009, -4/+217http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory
- mxxz, on 06/09/2009, -8/+217So true. this is why nice guys finish last.
- SpiritOfRock, on 06/09/2009, -4/+180Well at least she's honest.
- doob10163, on 06/10/2009, -2/+178Story of my life
- libbb, on 06/10/2009, -2/+177The kind of honesty that takes a male to write because a normal girl is too self absorbed to actually realize.
- Nosnam2, on 06/10/2009, -0/+175http://www.bash.org/?414593
- Haoie, on 06/09/2009, -0/+171Not the friend zone!!
Of all the zones, that's about the worst. - flowingsphere, on 06/09/2009, -0/+167To think, you're ONLY 17, ha, just wait.
- gfreeman223, on 06/09/2009, -0/+166You know, you are 17, and in real life terms, that's the same as a 5 year old.
You know nothing.
You can hit the gym, develop and interesting personality, make good friends, and live your life happily. When a girl in your "range of reasonable possibilities", ask her the ***** out. Don't be her friend. There are literally 150 million women in America. Even if this platonic girl was "1 in a million" (which she aint) there are probably hundreds of thousands of girl just like her. And even more who are even better.
Be brave young man. - BossKey, on 06/10/2009, -0/+156I cannot express how much that "humorous" article makes me seethe with bitter recognition.
- MrOminous, on 06/10/2009, -4/+157That comic made me finally ask out the girl I like. And she said yes.
- blackhole37, on 06/09/2009, -0/+152Deja Vu
- KingGorilla, on 06/10/2009, -1/+148woosh!
- BananaGrabber, on 06/10/2009, -0/+137"Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi."
that really got to me. - mrpunman, on 06/10/2009, -1/+128Dugg for accuracy
- 4rp4n3t, on 06/10/2009, -0/+126cool story bro.
- inactive, on 06/10/2009, -0/+125http://www.laddertheory.com/ladderconstruction.htm
Much better explanation. - sdcarter, on 06/10/2009, -1/+125Response: You know, you’re right. It really is better this way. I mean, if we dated, chances are more than likely you wouldn’t live up to the fantasy I’ve built up. We’d date for a while. I’d grow sick of the insecurity stemming from dating a girl I consider “out of my league.” Then, one day, I’d realize that not only do you not respect me, you’ve also been preying on the fact that I’ve forced myself to believe you’re the only one for me. It’ll only get worse from there. I’ll realize that you’re really not that pretty, you’re really not that smart, and you’re really not that interesting. I’ll have no choice but to come to terms with the fact that you’re, at best, a seven. Sevens are good, don’t get me wrong, but a C is still a C… and let’s face it, you’re a real ***** C.
After that I’ll start looking around. Oh sure, I’ll stick around while the sex is still interesting. But it’ll all go back to you not living up to my fantasy version of you. No matter how hard you try, it’ll all come back to me looking down at you and thinking “Is this it?” as I show the same enthusiasm I do when I’m enjoying day-old pizza.
I’ll flirt with other girls; because now they’re interested in a guy they can’t have. My confidence will have increased. I’ll eventually realize that the trick to girls isn’t to date the prettiest or the smartest, just one the other girls are slightly jealous of. Hell, it could be a purse. They’ll see your new bag, find out I gave it to you (in reality long before we ever dated), and want a guy that gives them nice things like me… exactly like me.
Eventually you’ll realize that, now that I’ve got you, I’m losing interest. It wasn’t you I was in love with; it was the idea of you. It was the chase. You’ll become more and more insecure. You’ll complain that I don’t pay enough attention to you. And in the end you’ll realize I’ve become the same jerk I tried so hard to rescue you from. The shame of turning something so good into something so mediocre will gnaw at you until you cheat on me with some new douche. After all, he’s already a jerk and a loser. You didn’t make him that way. He can only get better. At least, that’s what you’ll hope.
The alternative is what? I’ll get angry, a natural reaction to the pain I’m feeling from rejection. My snide remarks will cut away at the eager-to-please impression you have of me. It’ll culminate into one huge fight. You’ll call me an *****; I’ll call you a bitch. You’ll run to one of the other countless drones waiting to replace me and the whole cycle will start all over. The very friendship you were hoping to retain will be the one you’ve dashed. Maybe things would have been different if you hadn’t let me waste my time chasing something you never intended to give me.
Years later we’ll run into each other somehow. If I’m better off you’ll attribute it to my desire to “make you want me.” If I’m worse off you’ll think my life fell apart and it’s all because I didn’t know how to deal with not having you.
In the end it’s all my fault. I took things too slowly. Sure, there was that moment where you considered dating me; but I was looking away or too afraid to do anything about it. Then I hung around too long hoping to catch a second chance; but we both know it’ll never come. I was my own worst enemy. Eventually I’ll learn the lesson; but chances are I’ll be so desperate for affection that I’ll wind up marrying the first thing that doesn’t say no. And you, you’ll always hope the jerk you settled for someday becomes as great a guy as I once was… long before I realized you were full of *****. - brendond, on 06/09/2009, -0/+112It's terrifying because it's true.
- zerostride, on 06/10/2009, -2/+112Pro-tip: If you get the, "Lets be friends speech," look her dead in the eye, and say, "No, we are no longer friends." They will hate you. It is worth it.
- AkashicBadger, on 06/10/2009, -0/+109The proper answer is:
"Sorry to tell you, but it's ruined if we don't start dating."
If the answer is still no, turn... leave... go home and do something else for two weeks, they'll call or you'll heal... either way you're well off, and the pressure is off of you. - B1665r, on 06/10/2009, -0/+108Then the guy who will pretend he is a nice guy while ruthlessly stabbing everyone else in the back will win....
- newl, on 06/10/2009, -0/+102That's the cue to jump on the mother. The daughter may not be keen but the mother is. :)
- kick, on 06/09/2009, -0/+97Have you actually pursued any of them?
- CoreyHalliwell, on 06/10/2009, -2/+97I had a girl do this to me a lot back in high school be all passive/aggressive, now she's back in town from college, she biked by me today and slowed down and i just kept walking.
Bitch.
Take it from a guy who was "that guy". Never let a woman, determine how you feel inside, be happy with yourself as YOU and never play bitch to a girl, never, ever care about her problems, or issues even if you ARE interested. Women like to do things the hard way and if you're too nice, you end up in the friend pile. Always be nonchalant, not too passive and not to willing to help. Find a middle ground. - nertil1, on 06/10/2009, -0/+94Well put sir.
- loginfliggle, on 08/09/2009, -1/+95whooooooooooooooooooooooosh
- Brododium, on 06/10/2009, -0/+93And there you have it, axis, relationship advice from the one and only Gordon Freeman (223).
Cherish this day. - inactive, on 06/10/2009, -0/+93You know the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will ***** everybody. A bitch will ***** everybody but you.
Guess which one of these 2 groups your friends fall in. - axis23, on 06/09/2009, -3/+94I'm currently languishing in the throes of the worst platonic nightmare I've ever had in my fragile 17 year life.
Scary timing. - mass922, on 06/10/2009, -2/+91This is like it was written for everyman. Hahaha...
I guarantee you 91%, or more of men can agree with this exact situation. - doom777, on 06/10/2009, -3/+89Whooooosh
- PixelMagic, on 06/10/2009, -1/+87Rock on, brah.
- KingGorilla, on 06/10/2009, -0/+84But the movies man! They tell me otherwise! They tell me to wait till she gets married and bust through those church doors and gush my heart out!
- johnleemk, on 06/09/2009, -0/+83Eh, a good rule of thumb for these things is that if you need to explicitly tell her how you feel, it probably won't work out. It should usually be fairly implicit but clear that you have the hots for the other person -- it should not come as a complete surprise. Humans developed this signaling ability for a reason.
Implicit doesn't necessarily mean non-verbal. We ask people to coffee or dinner -- we don't say we want to tap that ass, or that we're in love, unless we're looking for rejection right away. Even when people just hook up, they pretend they went home for some inane reason like checking out this dude's sweet CD collection.
This also doesn't necessarily mean not being friends. It does mean avoiding trying too hard to be friends, because that leads right into the girl actually friend-zoning you. The problem with a lot of guys isn't that they try to be friends with girls they like -- it's that they try way too hard to be just friends, without ever daring to suggest they might want more, until they finally can't take it and spill their guts out.
And I speak from experience. Confessions of love to someone who has no idea these feelings were there is a horrible, horrible idea. The only time it's ever worked for me is when I'd already dropped a thousand-and-one hints daily over the previous few months. - sithyiscool, on 06/10/2009, -3/+85I had this situation with a girl I knew in highschool... Then I ignored her for about 2 months, saw her at a party and took her back to my place and sexed her up.
- maz2331, on 06/10/2009, -2/+82As do I.
And it still brings a warm feeling to my heart knowing that she heard her friends' description of what we did in bed. Multiple times in one night. Multiple nights. Multiple "her friends".
Payback is a bitch. Bitch. - overridemymind, on 06/10/2009, -0/+78Ah, yes... the good ol' "Friend Zone" -- I *****' hated that *****. Hell, even my wife friend-zoned me the first time I asked her to be more then friends.
- pkon, on 06/10/2009, -0/+77Yeah the real kicker behind that story is when 5 years down the road she tells you that she regrets not dating you back then, but since you're just such good friends you still could never jeopardize it.
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