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304 Comments
- trs21219, on 11/12/2009, -0/+319dug for "If you really want your children to learn from an early age, you need to read to them and supply the buggers with as much human-on-human interaction as possible, not park their adorable little butts in front of the ***** television. "
- xtc46, on 11/12/2009, -4/+221My dad paid zero attention to anything I did growing up unless it was something he really wanted me to do, and even then, once I did it, her really didnt care unless I stopped do it (like taking up a partiular sport, then not coming to a single game, then complaining when I quit). I spent most of my life pushing to try and get some kind of reaction out of my parents and make them proud. I got good grades, went to college and and now somewhat successful considering my age.
So I conclude that ignoring your kids is the best approach. - furatail, on 11/12/2009, -1/+211Many parents are too protective of their children. Acting as if the world will end if their kid so much as scrapes a knee. Let the kid get hurt, teaches them how to better avoid getting hurt when their old enough and bit enough to actually cause real damage. You can tell which kids were allowed to play and which were sheltered because the the sheltered kids always seem so scared of new things and end up crying if a ball hits them in the shins.
- TheHungerArtist, on 11/12/2009, -0/+145Come clean. Where did you hide the body Alec? We know it was you.
- DCJoeDogv2, on 11/12/2009, -0/+117Dugg for roving child molestation gang, that ***** made me actually LOL
- Samueul, on 11/12/2009, -0/+110I didn't/don't do any of those things.. My five year old should turn out fine... I wonder where she is right now........
- stripesonfire, on 11/12/2009, -5/+104and yet...you need a license for pretty much everything except parenting.
- end3rthe3rd, on 11/12/2009, -2/+861 and 3 are definitely true. Number 1 is really really important.
Until they are 2 they should have no tv habits whatsoever. In-fact giving them as much attention as humanly possible during that time is the best. However after 2 start to wain them off of too much attention or they will become dependent children.
3 is also factually correct as most kids that are abused and or kidnapped a person the family knows already such as a neighbor, uncle or aunt, family friend, or estranged parent.
The other numbers I do not know enough to comment on but they seem to make sense. - snafflepaffle, on 11/12/2009, -1/+77THIS!!
Kids are incredibly tough and adaptable. As long as you're not actively trying to harm them or engaging in outrageous neglect they're going to be ok. Protecting kids from difficulty doesn't teach them to live in the world, it just teaches them to be whiney bitches.
A while back I was dating a girl who knew a couple with two kids a 6 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. These were the toughest most rough and tumble kids I've ever met. There we no gates on the stairs (and never had been) no safely stuff on the cabinets, no "protect the kids" stuff in their house at all. The two of them would have competitions that involved jumping full force on each other. Never once did one cry, they just laughed and laughed. Playing with them I figured out that they had learned how to jump on you but spread the impact out over a large area so that it didn't hurt much. - 10lbhammer, on 11/12/2009, -5/+76wait, what's wrong with locking your door when a mexican walks by?
- gotbannedagain, on 11/12/2009, -1/+71#8 - Trying to be their friend
I can't tell you how many times I see parents that are unwilling to put the almighty foot of discipline down in lieu of trying to befriend their own ***** kid. It's annoying because that child then sees everyone as a friend or foe - and don't often respect the lines of authority when it comes to social interaction.
My father treated me like a child until it was time for me to grow up and accept responsibility for my own life. Once that happened, he respected me, and only then can we have a real friendship. - CraigHwk, on 11/12/2009, -0/+67My friend named her new son "Justus". I wanted to slap her.
- Samueul, on 11/12/2009, -0/+63So true. My five year old daughter gets very little TV (she loves survivor man) and we read constantly to her. She is five and can read.. I don't mean that "see jane run" ***** either, she can read, pronounce, enunciate.....
"If your child can't read, that's mommy's fault!"
"If your child can't read because there are no lights, that's daddy's fault!" - Gravey9, on 11/13/2009, -0/+62Judge Justus Law now that would be epic.
- serif69, on 11/12/2009, -0/+59If you're anything like the parents I know, you'll call her cell phone to find out where she is.
- GregLoire, on 11/13/2009, -0/+56I hope he becomes a judge.
- defendliberty, on 11/12/2009, -2/+54I have a 4yr old girl. Will letting her watch Yo Gabba Gabba cost her brain cells? SpongeBob has paid off. She busts out some killer one liners.
- Charlotte_Web, on 11/12/2009, -2/+53Parental advice from Cracked?
- snafflepaffle, on 11/12/2009, -0/+48My dad used the "benign neglect" technique too... Worked for me and somewhat for my brother too.
- Tarhish, on 11/12/2009, -2/+48I'm an Alec and I always really enjoyed my name :(
- Malhavoc, on 11/13/2009, -0/+44Or a lobster
- Fhwqhgads, on 11/12/2009, -5/+49Does anyone these days name a kid Walter? That's an old man's name!
See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo8CrY_ZfFk for more on stupid names. - atroxodisse, on 11/12/2009, -1/+43His middle name is Reynolds so I figure he'll be a space cowboy who disobeys the Alliance.
- decyx, on 11/13/2009, -0/+42Just park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised and I turned out TV.
- frequentFlyer, on 11/12/2009, -1/+43The End.
- Polycarp87, on 11/13/2009, -0/+40For a murderer.
- tgc1, on 11/12/2009, -0/+40Yeah... about college.
- EnderWiggin, on 11/12/2009, -0/+38I knew a kid named "TAD" which his hippie parents told him stood for "Totally Awesome Dude".
They were educated and had money and even gave him one of the branches of a local chain they owned to run. Long story short -- he got into a lot of trouble with drugs and after he got his young employee pregnant while cheating on his long time girlfriend he decided the best way to deal with was to go out in the woods with his gun and put a bullet in his head. - xtc46, on 11/12/2009, -0/+36The lack of structure in your sentence makes me wish your parents had pushed you harder...
- bringitontimx, on 11/12/2009, -3/+38#5 is a no-brainer. Most athletes in my HS are what you'd call "jocks", complete and utter jackasses with no respect for anyone else or anything but their sport, who manage to get by because they're good as catching a ball.
They form a big group too. They don't associate with anyone who isn't a jock. Their prostitute girlfriends are the same way. - paperclips4u, on 11/12/2009, -0/+32I see what you did there and I'm not impressed.
- Yomoska, on 11/12/2009, -1/+31#6 speaks to me. During grade 6 having long hair for boys was becoming popular and since I already had long hair I left grade 6 with many friends and tons of girl's e-mail addresses (the new phone number). In the summer before middle school my mom wanted me to cut my hair so I looked smart when school came around, I refused and she cut off my bangs (giving me a mullet) during my sleep forcing me to get a haircut, then told me I'll be fine since I'm being myself. When school started I barely had any friend and the fat kid who grew his hair over the summer who everyone hated before suddenly had tons of friends. Now it doesn't really bother me but it really affected me during the 1st year.
Also, isn't kindergarten at 5 the start of schooling? How come we don't start at 6 if it's better for us? - drunkCatholic, on 11/12/2009, -0/+30if television has taught me anything he'll either be a genius or a villain. either way you did good.
- Sepiid, on 11/12/2009, -10/+39There is a HUGE difference between beating a kid and corpral punishment.
getting my hide tanned has made me change my ways more than once. it is NOT ABUSE to spank your kid, it is abuse to BEAT your kid. - zip000, on 11/12/2009, -1/+29I actually like the name Walter. That way, whenever I need him to come inside, I can yell "WAAAALLLTTT!!" a la Michael from Lost.
- DevilToo, on 11/12/2009, -2/+30I'm guilty of many of these with my own son but none of them to the extreme.
- DCJoeDogv2, on 11/12/2009, -0/+27***** hell, a little warning next time. Jesus!
- revenz, on 11/12/2009, -0/+27my sister in law named her kid sebastian, i guess he's *****
but i already knew that.... - Vintersemestre, on 11/12/2009, -7/+33good point, but, they're*
- joenuck89, on 11/12/2009, -1/+27http://cdn-www.cracked.com/phpimages/article/3/7/2 ...
Buhhh - zip000, on 11/12/2009, -1/+26It really is a problem, some of the most successful people got that way because they had to fight so hard when they were young, and they continue to fight hard as an adult.
...but then they are successful, so their kids are pampered, so they don't have to fight hard, so they piss away all of Dad's hard earned money. So their kids have to fight hard.
Of course that is a truism, most people fight hard and still only make it to the middle. - joshmoney, on 11/13/2009, -0/+25Sad tad is a tad sad.
- DCJoeDogv2, on 11/12/2009, -3/+27Do yo need a hug?
(Opens arms) - sageerrant, on 11/12/2009, -0/+24I broke mine three times and only learned not to break a fall with my arms.
And then I broke my collarbone, so now I've just learned not to fall so much. - aenemacanal, on 11/12/2009, -1/+24i know wtf, it's like they want their kids to grow up to be well-rounded people or something.
- arbysrocks, on 11/12/2009, -2/+24Whenever I had a great result on a test or just had success in anything as a kid, the #1 thing I hated was being praised by my parents. You can give me a tiny good job here and there but don't start celebrating because I don't give a crap.
- bdbr, on 11/12/2009, -0/+21Most parents in the neighborhood where we raised my daughters were too terrified to let them go outside without parental supervision. Basically these girls lived their entire childhoods locked up in the house, bored and obese. I refused to give in to that fear, and encouraged my daughter to go outside and play with the few other girls who were allowed. It was a little scary, but I had to remind myself that it was irrational fear. She grew up healthy and happy, did well in school, and is doing well in college.
- skinny01, on 11/12/2009, -1/+20Be careful, that works both ways. Either you do what you did becoming more successful for the attention, or you end up seeking out that missing daddy comfort by "other means".
- Samueul, on 11/12/2009, -2/+20My five year old has better grammar than you.. I think I'll continue to push her...
- noumuon, on 11/12/2009, -0/+18it's cracked. if you think they're passing anything off as sound science, you're an idiot.
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