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296 Comments
- inactive, on 01/02/2009, -5/+371"First of all, Belle was a prisoner in the Beast's ***** castle. Nothing says "I love you" like house arrest. Secondly, he wasn't exactly whispering sweet nothings in her ear. The Beast hurled insults at Belle at every chance, and came close to pimp slapping the ***** out of her on more than one occasion."
Win. I should re-watch some of these Disney movies now that I'm a bitter adult - Lasereth, on 01/02/2009, -3/+339I was thinking this past Christmas how ***** up Rudolph was. The other reindeer never played with him and he was all alone. Then Santa bailed him out one year ONLY because it was foggy. He used him like a $2 slut. Now that Santa approves of this little bitch, the other reindeer will invite him to their frat parties and let him participate. They're not real friends. Neither is Santa. They all used Rudolph and it makes me sick.
- ani625, on 01/02/2009, -9/+237http://i39.tinypic.com/mtwac0.jpg
- dagnabbit, on 01/02/2009, -3/+226How could they miss Pinocchio?
"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you"
Oh ***** rly? - cubicledrone, on 01/02/2009, -0/+202Disney fired all of their animators because they were "too expensive" (which is corporate-speak for 'not in foreclosure'). These are people who were personally responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars in top-line revenue (Lilo and Stitch, Tarzan, Mulan) year after year. They were fired by the thousands and an 80-year tradition of animated entertainment was destroyed along with their careers.
So worried over costs was Disney that they turned around and wrote a seven billion dollar (that's $7,000,000,000.00) check to buy Pixar because they were no longer able to produce animated films without their animation division.
Now Disney spends millions producing their own 3D animated films (Bolt) to compete directly with their own division (Pixar) that they spent seven billion dollars and destroyed the careers of thousands of irreplaceable people to acquire.
Meanwhile, in Japan, there are 400 animation studios that seem to have no trouble at all making money with 2D animation.
What Disney has taught us here is that it doesn't matter how valuable you are. You are still going to be fired and have your career destroyed for no reason.
- kingmanic, on 01/02/2009, -3/+166With a few exceptions:
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=185 - NuclearPyro, on 01/02/2009, -5/+113The spelling throughout this article is atrocious!
"Later, all grown up, he reclaims his thrown"
"he got to be king for a descent amount of time." - inactive, on 01/02/2009, -2/+106Only since 1984. Walt didn't try to turn young girls into sluts. That began when Eisner and gang took over.
- petebot, on 01/02/2009, -1/+99Watched Peter Pan a few months ago with my friend and his kid. Tinkerbell tries to kill Wendy. She also stares in a mirror, upset about her big ass. Weird. there'sa also a whole song about how the Indians became red.
- Sublex, on 01/02/2009, -18/+111The Fox and the Hound: Awful.
- Dronez, on 01/02/2009, -7/+94They may be terrible lessons but they all have truth to them.
- clairevo, on 01/02/2009, -2/+88I thought the lesson of the Little Mermaid was if you wanted a man, shut your trap.
- kingmanic, on 01/02/2009, -12/+97Disney sure likes to twist the stories they steal. As Lessig said, "No one can do to the Disney Corporation what Walt Disney did to the Brothers Grimm." They took a multitude of Public domain IP and made them private. Disney also bestows extremely poor morality into it's stories. Turning stories with complex messages into shallow empty merchandising vehicles.
- robertbaker13, on 01/02/2009, -1/+80reclaims his thrown? his thrown what?
- KibblesnBitts, on 01/02/2009, -1/+74I purchased it off amazon and watched it in my dorm...needless to say I began to cry. as i was walking to the bathroom to wash my face, i bumped into about 10 people on my floor asking me why i cried.....as soon as i said "Fox and the Hound" they understood
- johnleemk, on 01/02/2009, -3/+76I always thought that was a horribly depressing story, even as a child.
- po43292, on 01/02/2009, -1/+70Yeah, great lesson learned. :/
You also spelled "Aladdin" and "taught" wrong, and you forgot a period to end your ignorant sentence.
Suck a bag of dicks. - JellyFish62, on 01/02/2009, -5/+66Please, don't kill my childhood.
- MidnightRIder77, on 01/02/2009, -2/+62At least those movies are (for the most part) good. The ***** they throw out now isn't even worth the film used to record it (since Disney rarely animates now).
- Th3Wh1teRabb1t, on 01/02/2009, -3/+53It's a shame Disney doesn't make cartoons like these anymore... Sure, the 3d animation ones are pretty good, but I think they are losing a lot by not still making cartoons like these ones.
- inactive, on 01/02/2009, -1/+49The Lion King: Proving how easy it is to rip off Shakespeare...and profit.
- a1cd, on 01/02/2009, -9/+56How about the lesson that every ***** animals can talk and sing, or the lesson that lions are so friendly that you could go up to them and have a conversation?
I tell you folks, Disneys mission statement is to have all children eaten alive. - tostrye, on 01/02/2009, -4/+50Why not branch int TV shows, like Reading Rainbow. "But don't take my word for it." Lesson: Don't trust black men.
- absurdist, on 01/02/2009, -0/+45No, the lesson it taught is that you can ***** someone over completely, and when you need their help they'll come running for acceptance instead of telling you to go piss up a rope.
- Diggnabbit, on 01/02/2009, -0/+43... and spread your legs.
Seriously, it's got to be the worst set of messages for young girls ever. - kingmanic, on 01/02/2009, -1/+44Their 3d cartoons are Pixar. Disney proper hasn't released anything that has been a significant commercial success. Right now they are riding on the coat tails of Pixar.
- theutopian, on 01/02/2009, -0/+42Disney can never completely own the stories that are in the public domain. Just the trademarks of their unique products of the derivative works.
You can write a whole series on Cinderella being a cum hungry bitch and Disney can't do a damn thing. But if you use the Cinderella likeness or other characters from Disney's creations, they'll sue you to oblivion. - Zyvo, on 01/02/2009, -0/+40Just thinking about The Fox and the Hound is almost enough to make me cry.
- Asrrin29, on 01/02/2009, -0/+36To be fair, Treasure Planet (one of their relatively new movies) has the handsome hero at the end by himself (or at best with his mom) while the nerdy astrophysicist gets the hot captain. Probably why I like it so much :)
- inactive, on 01/03/2009, -0/+35...and you can never get rid of crabs
- maxwashere, on 01/02/2009, -1/+34The fox and the hound was my favorite disney movie as a kid. The characters were so loveable, and then it was so heartbreaking.
- asunesara, on 01/02/2009, -1/+34For some reason, I read your comment in the voice of Willy the Groundskeeper...It was awesome.
- WhoDoneIt, on 01/02/2009, -0/+31I can do anything... take a look, it's in a book...the reading rainbow.
- Sylocat, on 01/02/2009, -2/+33#7, the one about people dying for you to be successful? Royalty has been teaching us that one since forever, why does Disney get the blame?
As for Beauty and the Beast, the Disney version is actually much BETTER about that issue than most other versions that have been around a lot longer (one of the few cases... in fact, pretty much the only case... in which I actually prefer the Disney version to the others), so here again, while it is kind of a terrible lesson if you think about it long enough, Disney doesn't exactly deserve the blame. - thbigtiket21, on 01/02/2009, -1/+31Not to mention all of the little sexual easter eggs in a bunch of their movies.
- SurrealDream, on 01/02/2009, -0/+30I'm certain there's a difference between having an anthropomorphic cast play out skewed ideologies, and having to hold back poetic licence for fear of having your audience converse with predatory animals.
I could be wrong though. - TheMidnight, on 01/02/2009, -2/+31Peter Pan teaches you what made the red man red.
- tmyprod, on 01/02/2009, -1/+30Stay away from 4chan then. far, far away.
... poor wall-e - inactive, on 01/02/2009, -0/+28... and get some legs to spread.
- spiderbaby138, on 01/02/2009, -0/+27
Aladdin: You have to lie to make it in life. Dress for the job you want. - gojcaj, on 01/02/2009, -1/+27Through all the sarcasm and humor Cracked actually has a point.
- kingmanic, on 01/02/2009, -1/+27This is true, if it's distinctive from the Disney version, Disney would have a hard time suing. If it shares themes or plot points Disney will sue you into oblivion. The idea however is that Disney made it's fortunes on derivative works on other peoples IP and currently has reformed the law to prevent the same from happening to it's derivative IP.
- briankoenig03, on 01/02/2009, -1/+26Mostly accurate.
"Chicken Little", "Meet the Robinsons", and "Bolt" are all 3D computer rendered cartoons created by Disney, not Pixar. - DaftMonk, on 01/02/2009, -0/+24Pretty much every Disney movie is sort of like "The Secret".
- lucidapathy, on 01/02/2009, -0/+24There's other spelling/grammar mistakes. Like this:
"he got to be king for a descent amount of time. "
Huh? So his time descended?
Proof reading for the win! - Invadercon, on 01/02/2009, -3/+26"You want to be a star don't you? Well take it off!"
-Walt Disney - Locke23, on 01/02/2009, -0/+22This movie was terribly heart-breaking, I think I can safely say that part of my cynicism and complete lack of faith in humanity was instilled after watching this movie so many times as a child.
- 1807, on 01/02/2009, -4/+25You think that's bad? Wait till you hear that the stores will do ANYTHING to get you to buy presents from them, including starting the holiday over a month early.
- HereticKings, on 01/02/2009, -0/+20Ah, the central terrible lesson Disney has taught us: Buy their stuff.
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