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6 Insane Cults (That Actually Sound Like a Lot of Fun)
cracked.com — The Pope offers people holiday blessings and waves from behind bullet proof glass. One of our cult leaders bangs sex robots from another galaxy. Take your pick.
IndianaJonz- 1409 diggs
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- buttterss, on 04/08/2008, -17/+7Most of these still make more sense than a lot of other religions and cults.
- npg6913, on 04/08/2008, -2/+1what?!?!?! scientology makes no sense?
you need to attend to a scientology open house one day, they are a load of fun.- JoshuaH, on 04/08/2008, -2/+1lol
- lifegamer, on 04/08/2008, -1/+3LOL TO THAT LOL. LOL
- JoshuaH, on 04/08/2008, -2/+1lol
- lickmylovepump, on 04/09/2008, -1/+5somebody's a bitter little person who needs a hug.
- npg6913, on 04/08/2008, -2/+1what?!?!?! scientology makes no sense?
- dinkydarko, on 04/08/2008, -2/+19i can see why the sex ones could be fun. but snakes?!
very funny tho. worth the read.- dunnylovehun, on 04/08/2008, -1/+6The snakes wouldn't be fun for the handler, but assuming that you're rational you'd just sit your ass in the pews at every Sunday service and watch people taunt cobras and sometimes pay the price. That's a little more exciting than my memories of church. Hell, I'd tune into that if it were a reality TV show.
- dinkydarko, on 04/08/2008, -1/+3ah, now i see the draw.
never been to church except when dragged by school. But if when a child i'd been told there would be CRAZY SNAKES there they'd have to drag me away from church..
its a cunning plan.
- dinkydarko, on 04/08/2008, -1/+3ah, now i see the draw.
- dunnylovehun, on 04/08/2008, -1/+6The snakes wouldn't be fun for the handler, but assuming that you're rational you'd just sit your ass in the pews at every Sunday service and watch people taunt cobras and sometimes pay the price. That's a little more exciting than my memories of church. Hell, I'd tune into that if it were a reality TV show.
- ani625, on 04/08/2008, -17/+72List is incomplete without scientology.
- Doctoxicated, on 04/08/2008, -4/+51I think he left them off because it's not a cult most people would actually "want to join" especially since the benefit of it is hanging out with Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and the guy from the band Mr. Big.
They'll just have to work harder if they want to make the "desirable cults" list. Right now they're just below Jonestown.- fkr3, on 04/08/2008, -0/+4I'd hang out with John Travolta.....
- KidVicious, on 04/08/2008, -0/+4Wow, I never knew that Billy Sheehan, one of my favorite bassists, was a Scientologist.
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/scientology-bill ...
- MarkTaiwan, on 04/08/2008, -2/+33I doubt Scientology would be fun, but it sure is insane enough.
- wjuk, on 04/08/2008, -6/+1ZING!
- Pillage, on 04/08/2008, -5/+1All those celebrities? Hangin out with Tom Cruise and Katie Homes on John Travolta's private jet, reading each other's E-meters, planning on how to defend against Lord Xenu. Try and tell me that wouldn't be awesome.
- Niightwitch, on 04/08/2008, -0/+10That wouldn't be awesome.
- Pillage, on 04/09/2008, -2/+1come on, really, that was sarcasm people, I lose faith in humanity.
- Niightwitch, on 04/08/2008, -0/+10That wouldn't be awesome.
- TonyKay, on 04/08/2008, -2/+17Yeah, because $cientology seems to be a barrel of laughs.
- SolidSnake24, on 04/08/2008, -3/+3Thank God scientology is not on that list! It IS an insane cult, but being part of it would be horrifying!
- woojoo, on 04/09/2008, -1/+6Oh! The irony!
http://img504.imageshack.us/img504/8939/picture1qq ... - Ortheos, on 04/09/2008, -0/+2List is incomplete without Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, et cetera.
- binky79, on 04/09/2008, -0/+1I could get behind Scientology if it wasn't for the whole uber-secrecy (we'll sue and/or intimidate you if you even think about our org.) and the whole pyramid-scheme-to-enlightenment thing.
- Doctoxicated, on 04/08/2008, -4/+51I think he left them off because it's not a cult most people would actually "want to join" especially since the benefit of it is hanging out with Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and the guy from the band Mr. Big.
- Trax91, on 04/08/2008, -0/+28Hobos are considered a religion? Who knew?!
- magicaltrevor, on 04/09/2008, -0/+7Hobos, I guess.
- oxdeltaxo, on 04/09/2008, -0/+1The brethren prefers not to refer to its members as "hobos." The homeless world is an equal opportunity employer to all crazies.
- wynja, on 04/08/2008, -0/+7Mmmm, Children of God.
- ElBeh, on 04/08/2008, -2/+4Deliciou- oh wait, I'm Jewish...
- wtfunkymonkey, on 04/08/2008, -0/+2Wait... people aren't Kosher? Even if you spit?
- ElBeh, on 04/09/2008, -0/+1Nope. By modern Orthodox standards, anyway, spitting something isn't an excuse for having non-Kosher food.
- wtfunkymonkey, on 04/08/2008, -0/+2Wait... people aren't Kosher? Even if you spit?
- spritom, on 04/08/2008, -1/+3Indeed, Apophis is a false god.
oh wait..that's Children of the Gods.- Yuska, on 04/12/2008, -0/+1Stargate SG1 = Godly
Atlantis isn't near as kickass without Richard Dean Anderson.
- Yuska, on 04/12/2008, -0/+1Stargate SG1 = Godly
- ElBeh, on 04/08/2008, -2/+4Deliciou- oh wait, I'm Jewish...
- yongke, on 04/08/2008, -4/+4This list is imcomplete without Fa Lun Gong.
- LoJack, on 04/09/2008, -1/+1And the Dala Lama too!
- ElBeh, on 04/08/2008, -5/+10Coming up next on Cracked: More immature sex jokes!
- Zarokima, on 04/08/2008, -1/+18PENIS!
- wtfunkymonkey, on 04/08/2008, -1/+3HA!
- Zarokima, on 04/08/2008, -1/+18PENIS!
- mooseontheloose, on 04/08/2008, -12/+7Where's the Bamabot cult? It seems like it'd be fun to be that crazy and deluded to practically worship Obama. You know, the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing.
- romistrub, on 04/08/2008, -4/+4I think you should look to Hillary supporters moreso for the "ignorance is bliss" thing.
That being said, every candidate has their unquestioning supporters, and Obama is no exception. In fact, it looks to me as though supporters of the other candidates are less critical of their stances than supporters of Obama.- mooseontheloose, on 04/08/2008, -3/+3Yeah, I can see that... you know, the way any post that doesn't say "OBAMA: COULD HE BE BLACK JESUS?" gets buried into oblivion
Bamabots just can't accept that Obama has significant failings in his policies regarding civil rights, the war in Iraq, and science, among other things.- lickmylovepump, on 04/09/2008, -2/+1how about, "OBAMA: THE SECOND COMING OF CHRIST!"
- mooseontheloose, on 04/08/2008, -3/+3Yeah, I can see that... you know, the way any post that doesn't say "OBAMA: COULD HE BE BLACK JESUS?" gets buried into oblivion
- romistrub, on 04/08/2008, -4/+4I think you should look to Hillary supporters moreso for the "ignorance is bliss" thing.
- NaziHatinChimp, on 04/08/2008, -0/+10Digg is going to need a cracked section.
- harvinator24, on 04/08/2008, -2/+226 Insane Cults (That Would Probably Be a Lot of Fun)
scientology is insane, but it doesn't sound very fun. - DarkSamus, on 04/08/2008, -0/+3The Cosmic People of Light Powers was founded by andy bogard
- twtmc, on 04/08/2008, -1/+2http://www.duggmirror.com
sorry, cracked is blocked by websense- franklymister, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1Yeah, that's a new one for me too. Never had it blocked until today.
- logicalnoise, on 04/08/2008, -3/+3http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/wong/cult ...
anyone else read that "children of cod"?- olenick, on 04/08/2008, -0/+3Children of cod? You've confused this thread with the one about Knut, the polar bear that (* shock! *) killed the cod fish his keepers put in the moat around him. Of course, we can combine the threads so Knut the Polar Bear pulls cult members out of his moat and eats them instead.
- quomen, on 04/08/2008, -4/+20Why the ***** can't cracked keep their lists on ONE PAGE.
Argggg.- FeartheKnighted, on 04/08/2008, -0/+16$
- mentallyinhell, on 04/08/2008, -1/+5Still makes more sense than scientology.
- openj, on 04/08/2008, -8/+10I wish people would give up the modern cult of friendly, accepting, nice little equality-based Christianity and go back to living like God intended. Modern Christianity is nothing more than a cult unless it addresses the core tenets of the allowance of slavery, keeping women silent and subservient, and murdering your own children if they give you backtalk.
What part of eternal, non-changing, everlasting God don't you people get? You might as well follow David Koresh.- Hetman, on 04/08/2008, -2/+6I agree. The christians these days have totally missinterpertated the bible.
- malex, on 04/08/2008, -3/+3In all fairness, I don't think you understand the term "core tenets".
Here's a hint, though:
“Do not do to another what would be hateful if done to you. This is the whole of the law, all else is commentary." - Hillel the Elder - Hetman, on 04/08/2008, -3/+6And what about the sabbath. People are not supposed do do anything on the sabbath. No stores should be open, no business should be taken place. Im sorry do you know how many christians I see watching football on sunday at a bar. Litterally millions. damn blashpemours they will face Gods Judgment in hell.
- openj, on 04/08/2008, -2/+6Yes, but Sunday is not the Sabbath. God rested on the 7th day. Sunday is the 1st day. Saturday is the actual Sabbath, if the Bible is to be taken literally (and if I'm not mistaken it is).
- Hetman, on 04/08/2008, -2/+6I agree with you. But it was not until the 1800s that people stopped taking the sabbath literally. I would just like to know why christians picks and chose thier beliefs from the bible, but then say you must take the bible literally.
- openj, on 04/08/2008, -2/+4Because Modern Christianity is not the actual belief in a set of values and rites, but rather a tool by which people abrogate their actual responsibilities to themselves and to others. Those who choose not to be intellectually or morally vested in society can hide behind the church, a cultish collection of ancient rituals of pagan origin and make-believe stories about iconic figures with very little foundation from even their own sacred text.
Some Christians follow the entirety of the Bible, but they are labeled fundamentalists and cast out from the popular and socially-tyrannical new church. This new church can pick and choose its beliefs, often using shoddy and simplistic justifications found deep within single Biblical passages. Fundamentalist Christians at least accept their sacred text as entirely sacred. If anyone deserves Heaven it's most likely someone like Fred Phelps. If nothing else, he's not intellectually perjuring himself with every breath.
And as for the greatest absurdity now associated with Christianity? The elimination of "Thou Shalt Not Kill." At what point did it become fashionable enough to condone murder that even the popular social religion absorbed such an inhuman concept as preemptive war? Why aren't all of them out there protesting funerals to put a stop to it? I'd have to think that Jesus would be at least taking some sort of step to that end...
- openj, on 04/08/2008, -2/+4Because Modern Christianity is not the actual belief in a set of values and rites, but rather a tool by which people abrogate their actual responsibilities to themselves and to others. Those who choose not to be intellectually or morally vested in society can hide behind the church, a cultish collection of ancient rituals of pagan origin and make-believe stories about iconic figures with very little foundation from even their own sacred text.
- Kondakarian, on 04/09/2008, -0/+1isn't that Judaism?
- mnemy, on 04/08/2008, -0/+15Hmm, must've slept through the nuklear holocosts. bummer.
- BlueSkyfish, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1Don't forget the Happy Happy cult. Blue is happy. We must paint the world blue.
- daxsymbiont, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1and those guys that worship Zeus and the 12 gods. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hellenic_Neopaganism
- DavidTTT, on 04/08/2008, -2/+1Take me with you Tom Cruise!!
- teejaay, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1Cult leaders have fantastic fashion sense!
- jaromir68, on 04/08/2008, -0/+19We should start a "Digg" Cult / Religion. I need a tax break!
- OrangeTide, on 04/08/2008, -1/+2they could worship Obama.
- justinx0r, on 04/09/2008, -0/+1And praise His prophet Steve Jobs (PBUH).
- SkinnyPuppy, on 04/09/2008, -1/+1You mean... worship Kevin Rose...err I mean, worship Linux, Apple, err... Ron Paul...err...I mean...
We could call it "Digg a God a Day or Die". The DAGADOR Death Cult. - Veni_Vidi_Vici, on 04/09/2008, -1/+2You mean ron paul.
No, seriously, he really does want to abolish the federal income tax.
- OrangeTide, on 04/08/2008, -1/+2they could worship Obama.
- imitationflavor, on 04/08/2008, -0/+3Hendrixism forever.
- Mills, on 04/08/2008, -2/+17http://web.ukonline.co.uk/home52365/pi/pi_e6.htm
If they can fit 1 million digits of Pi on one page, why the ***** can they not fit 6 cults on one page. Blow me Cracked.- staffa, on 04/08/2008, -0/+2Ya, but it took 30 seconds to load, during 28 of those seconds I could have been enjoying the first 1000 digits!
- Kondakarian, on 04/09/2008, -0/+4they could fit six cults on one page, but where would the ads go? I say that we need to stand up for content/ad equality. After all, its not like they have a lobby in washington. .. no ... wait ...
- HeavySausage, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1I love cults like this. Great find!
- mptsxtps, on 04/08/2008, -0/+5Where's the cults of xkcd & cracked?
- funkytaco, on 04/08/2008, -0/+2How can you forget Church of the SubGenius?!¿
Become an Ordained Minister NOW...
http://www.subgenius.com/- zeebo, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1Its a lot of fun, but its not really a cult.
- flashingcurser, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1My wife and I were going to get married from an ordained minister from the church of the subgenius, it turned out that she was too much of a slacker to get all of the paper work done.
- wonkavsn, on 04/08/2008, -0/+7We have a branch of the Rael "church" here in Montreal. The head-crazy-guy drives around in a purple Cadillac with a big UFO stuck to the top.
- kablammoxerxis, on 04/08/2008, -7/+2buried for being from cracked.com
- DeathJux, on 04/08/2008, -0/+6"The faithful defend their extreme and sometimes deadly beliefs by saying everything they do comes directly from the Bible, specifically Mark 16:17-18, which if you add some words to it, says to bring a bunch of snakes into church."
lol, I love the last line. Cracked's writers can occasionally write gems. - scrag10, on 04/08/2008, -13/+5List is incomplete without Christianity
don't hate don't hate- zeebo, on 04/08/2008, -1/+12Presumably they don't qualify because of the 'sound like a lot of fun' part.
- lickmylovepump, on 04/09/2008, -2/+1don't hate? practice what you preach.
- funkytaco, on 04/08/2008, -3/+2http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/Art_Mines_23/Tunn ...
http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/Art_Mines_23/Tunn ... - Arcae, on 04/08/2008, -3/+2Rael has got life dialed in. He is truly a God among men. No pun intended.
- mlvassallo, on 04/08/2008, -0/+5I lived in Abilene, Texas for a few years and there were always "black helicopters" flying over the House of Yahweh's compound. I drove past it on the way to work and one of the only frisbee golf courses was right across the street. It is a popular attraction for most of the college kids in that city. Just don't think it is a good idea to trick or treat there... because it isn't.
- ncapone, on 04/08/2008, -0/+3Rael kind of looks like Peter Gabriel
- OpNash, on 04/08/2008, -0/+3Quote from article: "which realistically is slightly cooler than being a carpenter like Jesus or jolly fat man like Buddha."
Buddha was never fat.- JointVenture, on 04/08/2008, -0/+1Siddhartha (the skinny one) wasn't Buddha, and some of the Buddhas were fat. There is no ONE Buddha, one who has achieved a state of perfect enlightenment.
- PaganHeathen, on 04/08/2008, -1/+1Hmm it seems that most cults and all religions require believing in an imaginary friend.
- flashingcurser, on 04/08/2008, -1/+1The JZ Knight people didn't make the list? The ancient warrior Ramtha wouldn't approve!
Some amusing links:
http://www.travisjumps.com/?p=45
http://www.rickross.com/groups/ramtha.html - rodelero2, on 04/08/2008, -1/+1mmmm im joining children of god just for the sex :)
- DannySpace, on 04/08/2008, -3/+3How the hell did Scientology not make the list?
- NightVortez, on 04/08/2008, -1/+1Rastafari ftw?
- Freedom74, on 04/08/2008, -6/+1how about Christianity?
- lickmylovepump, on 04/09/2008, -1/+1so, tell us all, what is the difference in a religion and a cult? and the religion of self is included.
- stinkingfish, on 04/08/2008, -3/+0wheres the santaism pride?
- Ridikul, on 04/08/2008, -1/+2Why is it that only assholes comment to Cracked articles?
- Goombellaofgoom, on 04/08/2008, -2/+2What about the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?
- DarkSamus, on 04/09/2008, -1/+1not insane
- Carnage6669, on 04/09/2008, -0/+2sept 12th 2006.... damn i missed it... does anyone have some pics of the nuclear war that happened then?
- Kondakarian, on 04/09/2008, -0/+2Fox news was too busy covering Bush's prayer for the 5th anniv. of sept. 11 to get any good coverage of the nuclear holocaust.
- Havoc737903, on 04/09/2008, -4/+2Buried because all religions are cults. No cult is fun.
- lickmylovepump, on 04/09/2008, -2/+2worshiping yourself makes you a cult leader, and by your definition, you are no fun.
- Havoc737903, on 04/09/2008, -0/+1Being a douche makes you a dick sucker, and by your gay comment you suck a lot of penis.
- lickmylovepump, on 04/09/2008, -2/+2worshiping yourself makes you a cult leader, and by your definition, you are no fun.
- mlfoley, on 04/09/2008, -2/+1Yay Hookers for Jesus!
- etx313, on 04/09/2008, -3/+1Pastafarianism is my true faith. But I want a freaking alien sex robot right now damnit!!
- sinema, on 04/09/2008, -1/+0Cult leaders have fantastic clothes.. :p
sinema;
http://fikrifiil.com/ -
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