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30 Error Messages You Never Want to See

cracked.com — This is how your computer says, "screw you."

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  • semigloss, on 03/21/2008, -9/+72No. 10 is a classic: "Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"
    • rz8472, on 03/21/2008, -16/+3Dugg for WarGames reference.

      Would you like to play a game?
      • debuggercll, on 03/21/2008, -0/+14A swing and a miss.
      • ArgusDrake, on 03/21/2008, -6/+2You're probably getting dugg down because it's a Red Dwarf reference.
        • Syphon8, on 03/22/2008, -0/+10You're probably getting dugg down because it's a 2001 a Space Odyssey reference.
      • dudeguy1234, on 03/22/2008, -0/+4I THINK he meant dugg the article because of WarGames reference... there was one about Global Thermonuclear War
      • tech42er, on 03/25/2008, -0/+1NOW do you see the problem of replying to the first comment just so people will see your comment?!
    • ligyron, on 03/21/2008, -2/+3No. 30 actually happened to me when I was like 13...bastard
    • adscorp, on 03/22/2008, -1/+1This is the reference btw:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzK9kMxDcG0
  • xdeliriumx, on 03/21/2008, -3/+96Was I the only one who tried to scroll down on #3 to see what, in addition to drinking, my father had done?
    • coppyrightmind, on 03/21/2008, -7/+2WHAT!?
    • kthxbai85, on 03/26/2008, -0/+0I totally tried to do that too. It sucks that you can't scroll...I'm curious!
  • MarkTaiwan, on 03/21/2008, -20/+155I can't believe they didn't put this on the list
    http://i31.tinypic.com/24g9j0y.png
    • EmitStop, on 03/21/2008, -4/+12Yeah that one was my favorite.
    • brianez21, on 03/22/2008, -1/+4I wish I could digg that twice =)
    • xkorbin, on 03/22/2008, -2/+16This was a triumph.
      • specialK16, on 03/22/2008, -2/+13I'm making a note here.
        • Syphon8, on 03/22/2008, -1/+14HUGE SUCCESS!
          • EmitStop, on 03/22/2008, -1/+7It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
          • Syphon8, on 03/22/2008, -1/+6Aperture science
          • lime148, on 03/22/2008, -4/+2We repost old, worn out *****, because it's digg.
          • SupaDawg, on 03/24/2008, -1/+3lime148, you're my hero. Spending every waking moment of your pathetic life on the internet.... so much so that you find simple internet meme's annoying and tired. I hope you enjoy your life.
        • lime148, on 03/22/2008, -11/+1It's hard to overstate how tired and unfunny this meme is by now.
  • jakash, on 03/21/2008, -19/+59Not really relevant but we all love:
    Homer: "'To Start Press Any Key. Where's the ANY key?"
    • dsmx, on 03/21/2008, -2/+9all this computer hacking is making me thirsty I think I'll order a tab.
      No time for that the computer is starting.....
    • kthxbai85, on 03/26/2008, -0/+0LOL! Anyone who doesn't love Homer has issues.
  • jakash, on 03/21/2008, -53/+9Oh yeah and:
    "There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control."
    • tutivlahos, on 03/21/2008, -9/+78***** Chuck Norris.
    • noahgelman, on 03/21/2008, -5/+53Chuck Norris isnt cool anymore
      • drgmdp, on 03/21/2008, -2/+24chuck norris was never cool, it was just a stupid meme
      • theaceoffire, on 03/22/2008, -3/+2I will believe Chuck Norris isn't cool if you can make a video of him dancing to Rick Roll.
    • santaliqueur, on 03/21/2008, -2/+22People still think the Chuck Norris "jokes" are funny? You new to the internet?
      • Nick22, on 03/22/2008, -1/+2it was only a few months ago when people decided to rip on him instead of praise him for awesomness...
    • bludragn0, on 03/22/2008, -5/+3O HAI! You must be new, Welcome to the internet
    • dudeguy1234, on 03/22/2008, -1/+2The whole point of the "Chuck Norris is awesome!" jokes were to be satirical (i.e. everyone thought he was dumb, that's why it was funny). Did some people not get that?!
  • SmooveO, on 03/21/2008, -13/+7"Electro Boner Online" - classic!
    • TecK415, on 03/21/2008, -1/+17I thought that was the worst one...
  • socialdork, on 03/21/2008, -2/+7Mine is a silent communicator. It just gives me a white screen before it goes away.
  • mlwarrior, on 03/21/2008, -2/+20I know this is pointed out at the end of the article, but there are some really funny entries that didn't make the thirty.
    http://www.cracked.com/forums/index.php?topic=3215 ...
    • kthxbai85, on 03/26/2008, -0/+0Thanks for this link! I laughed so hard. No kidding, not all the good ones got used.
  • digitallysick, on 03/21/2008, -15/+56meh
    • ExRe, on 03/21/2008, -1/+8Most sucked...but a few were awesome. Namely 23, 16, and 15.
    • Kzoo, on 03/21/2008, -0/+5I guess my expectation to see real error messages made me feel the same way. Fake messages just aren't as funny :(. I did like #23.
      • digitallysick, on 03/21/2008, -0/+5yeah i was hoping for real messages, this just seems lame
    • thailand1972, on 03/22/2008, -0/+2Agree - not funny at all. Real messages would have been a lot funnier/interesting.
  • fakekevinrose, on 03/21/2008, -8/+48FEED ME A STRAY CAT
    • fakekevinrose, on 03/21/2008, -3/+12cmon diggers, it was the error message on the atm in american psycho
      • ishotthedoor, on 03/21/2008, -0/+17TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU ***** STUPID BASTARD! YOU, ***** BASTARD!
    • padrebuf, on 03/22/2008, -0/+2can i play?
      You're a ***** ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

      • matrixbandit, on 03/23/2008, -1/+1TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORCIAS NOW YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!!!
        • ishotthedoor, on 03/23/2008, -0/+1Fail. Check my comment above. Plus, you spelled Dorsia wrong
  • xsquirrel378x, on 03/21/2008, -29/+2ROTFLMFAO!!!!!111111 so funny! XD
  • hilikus34, on 03/21/2008, -16/+9Lol . People still use Limewire???
    • paperclipsNsoup, on 03/21/2008, -3/+12yes.
      • hilikus34, on 03/21/2008, -2/+3Try BitTorrent. It's way the hell better.
        • AussieFox, on 03/22/2008, -0/+3Not really if all your looking for is one song.
        • hilikus34, on 03/22/2008, -1/+2Might as well download the whole album, as there may be other songs that you end up liking. Or better yet, the whole discography. Plus, you can't get FLAC in limewire, just virii.
    • CATSCEO, on 03/21/2008, -5/+10The retards do.
      • AmazingAndrex, on 03/22/2008, -1/+5Good, it keeps them the hell away from my BT.
    • Jaliyl, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1I still use it for rare stuff I can't get on bittorrent, and apparently has a built in bittorrent client too now.
  • str1fe, on 03/21/2008, -2/+33Dugg for Pulp Fiction.
    • bbardlbradd, on 03/22/2008, -2/+6Choose one:

      A. What?
      B. WHAT!?

      ***** hilarious!
  • chubbymidget, on 03/21/2008, -7/+84Windows Explorer stopped working.
    Why?
    ***** You Thats Why!

    I love this one. Want to make it my email sig.
    • mossblaser, on 03/21/2008, -0/+16Well, get on with it, if it will some how improve your life...
  • gr3yn3t, on 03/21/2008, -35/+28Really?

    Who diggs this *****?
    • Elias1, on 03/21/2008, -2/+60"Who diggs this *****?"

      The internet was MADE on "this *****".
    • SpiraetSpera, on 03/21/2008, -2/+5I do. That's who.
    • Brad324, on 03/22/2008, -1/+5just went out of my way to digg it now.
  • britblogger, on 03/21/2008, -4/+3Dugg for Buck Rogers! biddly biddly biddly!
  • ahmedb07, on 03/21/2008, -12/+4dugg for number 14...............and btw, does anyone ever actually click the button on limewire that says u WILL use it illegally?
  • Switch07, on 03/21/2008, -4/+41Dugg for horrible execution of some of the simplest photoshops out there
    • mossblaser, on 03/21/2008, -1/+15Damn, most of them could be done in paint!
    • 4ndr3wk, on 03/21/2008, -0/+6i think 10 minutes in visual basic could of done all of them
  • suinmind, on 03/21/2008, -4/+2The worst: NO error messages at all, before the thing explodes.
  • nextbigthang, on 03/21/2008, -9/+5ok...is it just me...or do too many stories from cracked.com make it to the digg homepage? either diggers REALLY like cracked (i could go either way)...or they are doing some major social network hacking.
    • kweli, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1cracked is like the new XKCD. even though xkcd is still popular
      • Nick22, on 03/22/2008, -0/+2cracked articles have been showing up just as long, if not longer then XKCD comics
    • BobbyMC, on 07/21/2008, -0/+1Cracked is really good. There are a lot of stupid lists on the net but Cracked ones are top notch.
  • chuckDontSurf, on 03/21/2008, -3/+21Dugg for #9 (Independence Day)
    • esteskid, on 03/21/2008, -0/+7I think I'm going to make that one into a poster
    • BobbyMC, on 07/21/2008, -0/+1Finally someone directly confronts the worst and most unfortunate plot hole in recent memory with a wonderfully funny error message. I do genuinely like that movie despite not watching it much, but I was like 9 when it came out and by the time I turned 11 or 12 I couldn't take the end of the movie seriously. It was a movie that almost came out too late, as if it had come out any deeper into the already in progress internet boom it would have been a lot more widely criticized for a ridiculous ending.
  • borez, on 03/21/2008, -4/+34Contrary to popular belief, if your helicopter went off-line or died on you...It would not drop like a stone. You can still land it quite easily ( if you're a pilot that is ) using autorotation.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autorotation_(helicop ...

    There you go...another bit of useless info you may never need.
    • Scrappy1850, on 03/21/2008, -1/+6ive been a fixed wing pilot for years and i will never get in a crazy contraption like that.
    • borez, on 03/21/2008, -0/+5Better link:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autorotation
    • riskybeats, on 03/22/2008, -0/+2Because knowledge is power!
      • adrianmonk, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1This is possibly a "heard it", but I just saw it for the first time recently: somebody at work has a bumper sticker that says:

        Knowledge is power.
        Power Corrupts.
        Study hard. Be Evil.
    • johnboycanada, on 03/22/2008, -3/+2It's not a helicopter. It's a Cirrus SR-22 single engine plane. I have used these avionics before, they are proprietary, no windows no dos. It's a total fake.
      • specialK16, on 03/22/2008, -0/+4No ***** sherlock. Any more where that came from?
  • KurtangleTN, on 03/21/2008, -15/+7Wow 30 poorly made images on a countdown and digg froths for it.
    • xXMetalJesusXx, on 03/21/2008, -3/+13Comedy > Photoshop skills...so ***** off
      • KurtangleTN, on 03/21/2008, -7/+2Except that they aren't funny either, the fact that they are poorly made, well to quote the AVGN "Is like puking on a pile of *****"
  • blizzok, on 03/21/2008, -18/+7If this gets over 500 diggs i'm done with Digg forever.
    • meruru, on 03/21/2008, -1/+10Nice knowing you
    • jstem1994, on 03/21/2008, -1/+9Yay more bandwidth for us. See ya.
    • santaliqueur, on 03/21/2008, -1/+8You say that like we know you. See ya.
    • seanc6610, on 03/21/2008, -0/+7I call shenanigans, you'll be back tomorrow.
    • manicmailman, on 03/21/2008, -1/+2did you really think people would be like, "NO!! DONT GO!!!"?
    • decadence, on 03/21/2008, -1/+3and nothing of value was lost
    • anononon, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1Can I have your room?
      • kweli, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1you can have his room but i get all the stuff in it
  • Quote737, on 03/21/2008, -0/+7#16 FTW.
  • noahgelman, on 03/21/2008, -11/+3No one cares which specific one you guys Dugg it for, just Digg and it and leave, or say something productive
    • Scrappy1850, on 03/21/2008, -2/+3who are you? the Digg Police? F U and go try to boss your dog around.
    • manicmailman, on 03/21/2008, -0/+1how would one be 'productive' commenting on this article?
    • Vindexus, on 03/21/2008, -0/+2Dugg so I could give a reason.
    • JusticeFriend, on 03/22/2008, -0/+2Constructive, humm?
      Well, ***** YOU.
  • aserer511, on 03/21/2008, -0/+32as opposed to errors you eagerly await?
    • Zarokima, on 03/21/2008, -2/+40Error: Your sister's hot friend has accidentally consumed too much alcohol. Would you you like to take advantage of the situation?
      • BodomX, on 03/22/2008, -8/+3I don't see how this goes under Error Messages You Never Want to See....
    • archlich, on 03/21/2008, -0/+38Bank Error in Your Favor. Collect $200.
  • stevieB, on 03/21/2008, -0/+98Once my old Mac gave me: "Please eject the following disk: Hard Drive"
    • usingpond, on 03/22/2008, -2/+1Why would your computer ask you to eject a drive?
      • darlingt, on 03/22/2008, -1/+3Because it's a Mac. Need I say more?
        • usingpond, on 03/23/2008, -0/+1Uh yeah actually. Just saying "it's dumb" isn't much of an argument.
          • darlingt, on 03/26/2008, -0/+1Maybe not, but it sure can get a fanboy's panties in a bunch. :)
  • analreceiver, on 03/21/2008, -6/+5English *****! do you speak it?!
  • MazeKaz, on 03/21/2008, -9/+5This is lame.
  • voetsjoeba, on 03/21/2008, -11/+11Wow, these take the word "lame" to a whole new level.
    • kweli, on 03/22/2008, -1/+1you take it three levels above this one
  • 83457, on 03/21/2008, -1/+2#20 made me laugh
  • camaroz06, on 03/21/2008, -0/+2I wouldn't worry too much about the helicopter one, if the engines shut down wouldn't the blades rotate on the way down making for a very survivable landing?
    • Frustian, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1No, unpowered blades will have no effect during freefall (apart from the few seconds they still have momentum). The blades will probably start turning in the opposite direction you need them to though.
    • KaJuN4, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1Camaro has it right. If the engine stops a clutch does its thing so the blades can spin freely and allow the helicopter to descend at a survivable speed. Too bad the photo is of an airplane cockpit instead of a rotorcraft.
  • iamjames, on 03/21/2008, -0/+3Shouldn't the title include "Joke" somewhere? I thought these were going to be real error msgs and I thought the photo looked a bit like a PSP when they crash.
  • iamjames, on 03/21/2008, -1/+7where's the "feed me a stray cat" error from American Psycho?

    http://aycu16.webshots.com/image/46975/20036254385 ...
  • mal1964, on 03/21/2008, -0/+20I took their advice and didn't look at them.
  • Derter, on 03/21/2008, -0/+4I dugg this only for Anton Chigurh!
  • jbrown101st, on 03/21/2008, -0/+1Name a few error messages you WOULD want to see...
    • EASwanson, on 03/21/2008, -1/+4ERROR: You win the lottery.
    • Zinite, on 03/21/2008, -1/+2Error: There's more money in your bank account than you thought.
    • barf314, on 03/21/2008, -0/+6Error: Clothing modules not loaded. Continue life anyways?

      - Yes - No -
    • 33PercentGod, on 03/22/2008, -0/+6Error: It's not your child.
    • Frustian, on 03/22/2008, -0/+5ERROR: Internet Explorer has performed an illegal operation and has uninstalled itself.

      ERROR: Virus.exe has failed to execute correctly.
    • Pyroteq, on 03/22/2008, -0/+2Error: Bank of America has performed an error and has transferred $89,042,821.00 into your savings account.
    • adrianmonk, on 03/22/2008, -0/+0How about: "You appear to have gone back in time. Press Ctrl and Enter to go through puberty again."

      This is assuming I can go back through all that but take along the knowledge and experience I have now. I, or anyone who has the benefit of that much hindsight, could really kick some serious ass at life with that kind of huge advantage.
  • SonicEarth, on 03/21/2008, -6/+5This is the dumbest waste of time article I've ever seen. It wasn't even funny.
  • Infowarmachine, on 03/21/2008, -0/+5hrm sure enough alien.mothership doesnt resolve
  • namelessXsilent, on 03/21/2008, -0/+2dugg for the "pump up the volumn" button lol
  • santaliqueur, on 03/21/2008, -0/+4Dugg for Anton Chigurh.
  • meierm01, on 03/21/2008, -4/+6#26 is not a helicopter. It's a Cirrus SR20 or SR22 single engine airplane.
    • KaJuN4, on 03/22/2008, -0/+2I feel geeky for seeing that mistake right away. Glad to see I'm not the only one!
    • CobaltBlue, on 03/22/2008, -0/+1It's an SR22. I have the same model and that primary flight display does freeze up every once in a while. Kind of scary. You have to bend down and pull breakers until you find the right one and it boots back up again.
    • johnboycanada, on 03/22/2008, -0/+0Good call, for the true dorks among us, the screen should have said... You are in a tail spin please pull chute although this plane is not spin certified and the maximum spin velicocity is way out of your chute's capability, reboot and enjoy the afterlife sucker!
    • kthxbai85, on 03/26/2008, -0/+0Why is it that this comment is being Dugg up (which I Dugg it too), but the person who posted the same information in another comment got Dugg down?
  • charlatantric, on 03/21/2008, -0/+2Yay, I made #5. Which makes me the 4th loser at the internets.
  • herbstblatt, on 03/21/2008, -0/+2"That message has already been sent." - *swoon*
  • Laughto, on 03/21/2008, -3/+1Bwahahaha

    confusedmind.doc
  • Kornstalx, on 03/21/2008, -0/+1Dugg for the Yoda popup on page two :)
  • Trollmaster, on 03/21/2008, -6/+3I see cracked.com lists are going down the *****
    • ElBeh, on 03/21/2008, -0/+5Cracked didn't make that. The people on their forums did. :)

      And I rather like it.
  • ECas123, on 03/21/2008, -1/+2I love this artice.
    Why? ***** you. That's why.
  • boot20, on 03/21/2008, -3/+1What, none of my apps made the list? My favorite error that I wrote (about a button that was disabled, but still part of the app...although you could enable it with some fairy pubes and frog farts):

    "You f*cking tool, stop f*cking doing that. It causes errors and you shouldn't f*cking do that."

    Good times.
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