digg

Join DiggAbout

Introducing Digg Dialogg!
Check out the first Digg Dialogg with Nancy Pelosi. More guests to be announced soon!

See the original image at cracked.com

10 Reasons Your Grandpa Could Drink You Under the Table

cracked.com — Think you drank a lot last night? In the olden days, you'd have a shot of whiskey at lunch, finish out your day at the office, come home and have a martini or two, then drive to a cocktail party, down a couple of highballs with a bourbon chaser, and get behind the wheel to race erratically home to your eager, negligee-clad wife.

Bury
show profanity settings
expand all
  • Vimmy, on 01/02/2008, -28/+11The Cracked article always becomes the most dugg of the day. Why not just cut out the middleman and go straight to Cracked?
    • luskin, on 01/02/2008, -1/+5And Neatorama? And Rawstory?
      • infinitus64, on 01/02/2008, -6/+0and torrentfreak, boing boing , joystiq. people need to stop submitting from them i have seen them already on my Google homepage rss feeds
        • MacEnvy, on 01/02/2008, -0/+5We'll make sure to contact you next time something is submitted to make sure you haven't already read it.

          WTF?
          • nospinhere, on 01/02/2008, -2/+1ahh, the good ole' days before organizations like MADD and DDAM and AADD and SADD too the fun out of drunk driving :(
    • Mononuclear, on 01/02/2008, -1/+20I made the same comment about xkcd since a digg submission makes front page every time there is a new one. I guess it's because people use digg to discuss it as well which I can understand. A central place for commenting on the comics or articles.
    • Trav3133, on 01/02/2008, -0/+32all digg is, is a middle man.
      • atheinostic, on 01/02/2008, -2/+6I thought digg was an official part of the Ron Paul 2008 campaign...
        • Trav3133, on 01/02/2008, -0/+5im sure the RP campaign sees it that way.
  • Nosnevets02, on 01/02/2008, -1/+4That first bartender toy was extremely disturbing, like Chucky style.
    • SpongeBad, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1My grandfather gave me that toy when I was a kid. My mother sold it in a garage sale...sigh...and you can't tell from the video, but the smoke that came out of that sucker's ears was fierce!
      • AnotherBrother, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2Coincidentally, I bought that toy at a garage sale and gave it to my grandfather...
  • ps2pers0n, on 01/02/2008, -2/+8And she'll look that much hotter.
  • jayyyyyyyyyyyyy, on 01/02/2008, -23/+6My grandpa is in the grave. =( Thanks assholes.
    • SiNN4R, on 01/02/2008, -17/+4He deserved it.
    • absurdist, on 01/02/2008, -1/+7Overreact much?

      BTW... he can probably STILL drink you under the table, candy-ass.
  • gonegoogling, on 01/02/2008, -1/+54my grandpa (and dad) drank me under the table last night
  • naonao, on 01/02/2008, -1/+20You're probably right, my grandfather was a raging alcoholic, I'm sure he could drink me under the table any day.
    • pegisys, on 01/02/2008, -0/+7so was mine and my great grand father. My grandfather would tell me stories about how him and my great grandfather would come home from work and get two 5ths of whiskey, one for each of them, then hang out in the garage and work on cars.

      I drank a pint of the kind of whiskey they use to drink once, and let's just say I was in no condition to be working on any cars.
    • edwartica, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1Mine was more of a closet alcoholic. So yeah, he probably could of drank me under the table as well.
    • cptl, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1So were both of my grandfathers, which is why they both died before I was born.

      When my grandmother died a few years ago, we were cleaning out the attic and found my grandfathers wallet. (He died of liver problems at 43 years old.) Still inside the wallet was a business card for a bail bondsman. Not a nice way to live your life.
    • thecatcantalk, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1So was mine; he'd been an artillery officer against the Germans in France during WW I (Ardennes, Verdun, *shudder*). Came home and stayed buzzed for the rest of his life...like most every other American veteran of that war, and then WW II. Alcoholism is an all-American, hobby, buddy!
  • krusader3z, on 01/02/2008, -2/+6I beg to differ
    • macbookpromat, on 01/02/2008, -8/+2Considering my grandfathers are both dead, I doubt that. My adoptive grandfather wouldn't be able to do much more than four shots straight of vodka. So all in all, I can outdrink pretty much any man in my family.
  • warrenterr, on 01/02/2008, -1/+6one thing is to drink, wait a couple hours, drink again than to drink and drink again for several hours.
  • whyteeford, on 01/02/2008, -0/+46Wait...you mean to tell me people don't normally drink like this any more? I must be some sort of alcoholic or something...
    • tyywebb, on 01/02/2008, -0/+12My god it must have been nice to come home to a warm fire, sit back, smoke your pipe, and have the wife bring a few cocktails at the end of the day.
    • niveous, on 01/02/2008, -0/+11I concur. Working in IT I thought this was a requirement.
      • SzaszMan, on 01/02/2008, -1/+1Actually, I heard you guys smoke a lot of pot. It's the attorneys that are supposed to booze it up.
        • slvrbullet87, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1Part of being a good worker is the ability to multi-task... and the ability to make it look like your multi-tasking while actualy doing nothing.
  • wilson316, on 01/02/2008, -3/+9I wonder why no one has come up with the top 10 ways to drive pagehits onto cracked....
  • cheeseysynapse, on 01/02/2008, -1/+5I remember reading an interview with Ahmet Ertegun shortly after Ray came out. He was at the doctor's office about 15 years earlier when his dr. asked him how much he drank. He replied "about a bottle of vodka everyday"...........knowing that his patient was a chronic alcoholic for at least the past 30 years, the doc said "try wine instead". Ahmet went on to say that in those days, everybody drank liquor, all the time. And when I think about Dean, Frank and rat pack........i wonder how many liver transplants they must have had.
  • mal1964, on 01/02/2008, -1/+8My grandpa pa was 100% Irish and owned a several bars over the years. but I could still take him.
    • s0nicfreak, on 01/02/2008, -1/+1I never understood the stereotype of Irish guys drinking a lot. All the Irish guys I've ever met get drunk from much less than I do. The being drunk a lot stereotype I understand...
    • mal1964, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and a Irish wake?,,,
      One less drunk,
  • SRSco, on 01/02/2008, -12/+12Cracked isn't funny.
  • r0b1, on 01/02/2008, -1/+2Ah, the good old days.
  • sledhead45, on 01/02/2008, -0/+43Ahh yes, Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems
    --homer simpson
    • sarthorn, on 01/02/2008, -1/+4Interestingly enough, the (drinking) song "Finnegan's Wake" is precisely about this. We "analyzed" it once in English 101. Basically Finnegan (the main character) "dies" because of too much to drink, then at his wake a fight breaks out (because of too much to drink) and he is revived when a bucket of whiskey gets splashed on him. So, whiskey is what killed him but is also what brought him back to life... A little deeper than what Homer is saying but still the same thought.
  • Cynic66, on 01/02/2008, -1/+4My Grampa is an old Scott, and he drinks me under every Friday when we go to the Royal Canadian Legion for a pint.
    • dandonia, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1your so lucky to be able to drink with your grandad - mine died when i was too young and iuts always been something i wanted to do
  • mal1964, on 01/02/2008, -2/+2I'm a purebred alcoholic that's a fourth Irish, Norwegian, German,and French Canadian,
  • Flyan, on 01/02/2008, -9/+1One word: Moonshine
  • Flyan, on 01/02/2008, -2/+6One word: Moonshine

    Grandpa 1
    Us 0
  • bingobongony, on 01/02/2008, -11/+6Cracked knows it has s many paid diggers to reach the front page that they don't even TRY to be factual or humorous anymore/ Soon they will literally be postng pictures of a post Taco Bell crap and submitting it. And it will be the 2nd most dugg story for that day.
    • megaloid, on 01/02/2008, -0/+3Mmmm, Taco Bell.
    • itsthebrod, on 01/02/2008, -0/+3Or people just really enjoy the articles. I know I do.
      • bingobongony, on 01/02/2008, -2/+1WEll, then you are 12 years old. Or at least that is when you stopped maturing. (And it has already been PROVEN that cracked does this, by the way. Time to give up the denial.
        • slvrbullet87, on 01/02/2008, -0/+0Proven? So your telling me they pay 600 people to come to digg and digg the story. That would cost alot more that the add money they recieved.
  • Comatose51, on 01/02/2008, -2/+29No he can't. My grandpa's dead from cirrhosis of the liver.
    • itsthebrod, on 01/02/2008, -2/+4Bwahahahahha! Hilarious!!!!! You sir are a goldmine.
  • Animik, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2its also probably cause you could drink n drive in those days, have fun now
  • sark666, on 01/02/2008, -0/+8Dean Martin didn't drink on the job, it was all an act. I only know of two old school actors/entertainers who really did drink on the job and one openly.

    One was Graham Chapman of Monty Python fame, he had huge issues with alcoholism. Supposedly he used it to calm his nerves as he was nervous doing the skits in Python.

    The other is Dave Allen (from dave allen at large fame). He would drink during his show and you'd see one of the crew filling his drink up as it emptied throughout the show. He even made a gag about it saying 'notice how my glass is never empty'. He was very open about his excessive drinking and smoking. A great Irish comedian who sadly just left us two years ago.

    But none of you youngins know what I'm talking about.

    Here's a skit of him about NOT being reliant on alcohol and the 2nd on him quiting smoking

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBXSn7R091Y&feature ...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cT-BQLX6nU
    • mictester, on 01/02/2008, -0/+4Dean Martin saw an advertisement to "Drink Canada Dry" - so he went there, and did!
    • absurdist, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1If you think Dino Vino didn't drink on the job, you really need to read Modern Drunkard Magazine's article on him from a few months back.

      And RIP Dave Allen. The man was a comic genius.
  • areyouserious, on 01/02/2008, -0/+16Ya but who has to pee first?
  • meamog, on 01/02/2008, -0/+4dugg, because I actually own "Music for Lovers Only", the Jackie Gleason album. And you know what? It's pretty great.
  • esurient1, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2The only thing I learned from that article is that Denzel Washington started his career doubling as "Arthur Ashe" in an ad campaign for "Champale".
  • sarthorn, on 01/02/2008, -1/+1"Beer - Cooled Correctly!"
    (below)
    "Don't drink water! Drink beer!"
    Best sign ever?
  • gridbread, on 01/02/2008, -1/+3Might add the life expectancy was also a lot shorter.
    • dealseeker, on 01/02/2008, -1/+3It would be a dubious assertion to say that any man wants to live long enough to return to diapers. If you live to eighty, the last thirsty years of your life will be spent dying.
  • Chiefster, on 01/02/2008, -0/+4My grandpa gave me the toy in #10
    Doesn't work anymore but I remember it poured drinks and produced smoke... on purpose
  • splorpdotorg, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1My parents had "Pass-Out" in the mid-70s. Groovy.
  • cowsgonemadd3, on 01/02/2008, -2/+2Yep and the average lifespan was 50 too. There were few on the road. Cars didnt go faster than 35. Racing home meant you on your 3 speed bike. "The old days"
    • thecatcantalk, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1The average lifespan was 50 because so many kids died in childhood (of measles, whooping cough, Spanish flu, tuberculosis, polio, you name it). The survivors commonly lived into their 70s and 80s (sometimes 90s), just like us. It's all those early death that brought the average down. Dying at 50 wasn't all so common, actually, no more than it is now.
  • CptBuck, on 01/02/2008, -1/+1About half of these are reasons why my parents could drink me under the table. And that's demonstrably false.
  • killq, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1It is really difficult to say. My grandfather made his own moonshine and worked (and drank) as a miner but the most calories he ever ate in a day was probably 1000. On a good day and if I am planning on drinking I could easily consume 3000 calories to soak up large amouts of liquor.
  • TheOther1, on 01/02/2008, -0/+3Dean Martin was the man!
  • MaximusPryme, on 01/02/2008, -1/+8Has digg been taken over by frat boys? There are at least 1 billion stories dedicated to drinking in the top 10 alone.
  • Brassbud, on 01/02/2008, -0/+0Hey, my Grandpa had a Man-in-a-barrel. I should ask my aunt if it's still in the basement.
  • dandonia, on 01/02/2008, -3/+1booze is of higher % these days, take your average alchipop like WKD its around the 5% mark where the average beer is at the 3% mark. Drinking hours are much longer now aswell and shots are indeed a good part of the evening - also most people nowerdays mix their drinks which increases the effects of booze - something my grandad would not have done. drinks like a snakebyte with blackcurrent - this drink is actually illegal because it mixes componants that are not meant to mix.

    then take into account that like most people - i am a good 6" taller and weigh a lot more than my grandad - i guess my point is - no i dont think my grandad would have drunk me under the table
    • TheOther1, on 01/02/2008, -1/+2Booze is of higher % these days? The single malts I drink have been made the same exact way for hundreds of years. The sixteen men of Tain will disagree with you on that one. Jack Daniels Old No. 7 has been made the same way since 1866.
      How the hell is a snakebite with black currant illegal? Is it unstable, or just makes you unstable? Does it blow up if you drop it? Does it molest small children in nearby parks if left unattended? Is it actually an Al Queda explosive? WTF? If you pay for the components, I see no reason for them to be illegal in any configuration unless the end product is a danger to public safety.
      • holzp, on 01/02/2008, -1/+2I know a stealth Ron Paul post when I see it!
      • dandonia, on 01/04/2008, -0/+1The most popular drinks in todays society (at least here in britain) are alchipops, VK, WKD, Smirnoff Ice, etc they are far more popular in the largest drinking demograhics(18 - 30). Comparing them to beer which my grandad and his pals would have drunk on a regular basis (John Smiths, Tetleys, etc) when he was my age and you will find that the average drinker today consumes more alchol. Sure JD and other spirits are the same but they are still getting drunk on a regular basis along with the alchipops. More so in the case of vodka which is now mixed with Red Bull as one of the leading drinks through out the nation.

        As for snakebite been illegal - i have been mislead by a lot of bartenders and my own mother as to the legalities of selling Diesle (snakebite with blackcurrent). The reason a lot of bars wont sell this is because there is an undesired effect of a person getting too drunk too quick which results in unsociable behaviour (makes no sense to me either). Most bars that refuse to sell the product say that it is illegal and in the past i just accepted that. Having just done a quick google I now relise that Diesle is illegal simply because it is illegal to sell larger and cider in weird quantites - so a bar can sell half a cider, half a larger and a dash of black current and let you poor it but they cant sell a pint of diesle because to make room for the blackcurrent you would have to sell the larger or the cider in an illegal proportion unless you had random glasses that we bigger than a pint of course.

        The end product to most booze is a danger to public safety idiot. Not just from the fights it causes but from the damage the public do to their brain and body when drinking.
        • thecatcantalk, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1Sounds like the same bar/restaurant managers who tell male job applicants "you have to cut off the beard, it's illegal, cut the hair short, there's a law" (disregarding the female employees with waist-length hair, and bearded chefs who prove this to be a big, fat lie. There never was any such health law, lol).
    • thomashauk, on 01/02/2008, -0/+23%? Oh, wait, American beer...
  • t4ll3y, on 01/02/2008, -2/+1One reason I could drink my Grandfather under the table.

    1. He's dead.
    • itsthebrod, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2Jesus tap dancing Christ this joke has been played out! I think your comment is roughly the 6,000th retelling of it throughout this story's comments as it is!
  • ArthurSucks, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2My grandfather drank all day and never seemed drunk???
  • pinchduck, on 01/02/2008, -0/+3The WWII and Korean War vets would drink oceans of booze and not think twice about it. "One for the road" is something you don't hear anymore, but back in the 50's, 60's, and 70's it was an honest to god meme. And that would be actually on the road, sipping your highball while driving home in car with no seatbelts. Amazingly stupid by today's standards, but that was SOP back then.
    • thecatcantalk, on 01/07/2008, -0/+1I took a 'history of medicine' class a couple semesters ago in college, and was surprised to learn that, if you go back and look at source texts (receipts, bills, medical records, ledgers) it turns out that Colonial era Americans drank ALL of us since under the table. Part of it was (supposedly) because there was no such thing as aqueducts/city water supplies, but I'm guessing a lot of it (drinking corn liquor at breakfast was normal) came about just because life was so damn hard, back in the 1700s. Despite what you hear, modern Americans barely drink, compared to their colonial ancestors.
  • SzaszMan, on 01/02/2008, -1/+1Old people can't hold their liquor. Muscle-to-fat ratio too low.
  • ryancleary, on 01/02/2008, -11/+0My grandfather drank my cum last night. I ***** him hard till he wept.
  • limpl0uie, on 01/02/2008, -2/+1Cracked is great. If you don't think so then do something about it. A large portion of their articles are submitted by regular people like you and I and they aren't on any official Cracked payroll, it's more like free lance, yet you get a lot of help from Cracked users and editors. It's like a worldwide writers room.

    I just had an article accepted by them recently and I'm overjoyed. I cant wait till it posts. It's a terrific opportunity for people like me who want to write (personally, I want to eventually enter the realm of T.V. and film comedy writing) and it lets us share our sense of humor with more then friends and family.

    So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you don't think the articles are good then try writing one yourself. Who knows? Maybe we'll find the link over on the front page.
  • Gullop, on 01/02/2008, -0/+1My grandad gets really drunk of 2 pints, so no.
  • DrMonkeyLove, on 01/02/2008, -0/+3My grandfather was a Baptist minister who thought alcohol was the devil. So yeah, I could take him.
  • digg6554321, on 01/02/2008, -1/+1Cracked == buried
  • The_Dude, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2I'm a professional drinker now. Looking for a hip flask to pour my delicious bourbon in. I snuck at 5th of Beam into the hockey game and probably saved myself 50 bucks right there. And so delicious.
    • gak001, on 01/03/2008, -0/+1Is that what you kids call alcoholics these days?
      • thecatcantalk, on 01/07/2008, -0/+2Nah, alcoholics go to meetings. He's a booze hound :)
  • PinkFloydFan, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2One time in college we played "Pass Out". I figured it would be like any other drinking game, but boy was I wrong! After about 30 minutes of playing the game, everybody was so drunk that they were either puking or passed out. I cannot reccomend playing that game.
  • jdack, on 01/02/2008, -0/+2Considering that between 2pm and 9pm yesterday, I had 1/2 a 5th of 100 proof vodka, an entire bottle of champagne, and 4 or 5 beers (can't recall too well at that point) grandad has a challenge in front of him.
  • mister711, on 01/03/2008, -0/+1My grandma can drink you and your grandpa under the table any night
  • Fetching more discussions...
    Show 51 - 54 of 54 discussions
  •  

    Login or register to add a comment

    Create a new account or login to join in the conversation on Digg. You'll also be able to Digg stories to help promote things you like.


© Digg Inc. 2008 — Content posted by Digg users is dedicated to the public domain.
DIGG, DIGG IT, DUGG, DIGG THIS, Digg graphics, logos, designs, page headers, button icons, scripts, and other service names are the trademarks of Digg Inc.