What is Digg?162 Comments
- Kevin108, on 11/12/2008, -0/+401None of this is his best stuff and they spread it across 10 pages to show us their ads 10 times. Here it is on one page. ***** them.
"Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning." (as Al Sleet, the Hippy Dippy Weatherman, 1966)
"You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick." (explaining his "dirty words" list, 1972)
"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies." (On God)
"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up." (after his second heart attack, 1982)
"Have you ever noticed that you never get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed."
"I've been uplinked and downloaded. I've been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing; I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech lowlife. A cutting-edge, state-of-the-art, bicoastal mutlitasker, and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond." (from his "Ode to the Modern Man," 2004)
"If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?"
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?"
"The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"How is it possible to have a civil war?" - Cancerkitty, on 11/11/2008, -2/+150Great quotations from a great comedian, but couldn't this have been on one page?
- simonwright, on 11/12/2008, -0/+137Lame list! How about these?
--------------
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done."
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you ...and he NEEDS MONEY!!!
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
The planet is fine. The people are *****.
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying. - wafflesomd, on 11/12/2008, -0/+80"I hope reincarnation is real so I can come back and ***** teenagers."
- ScottMcIntyre, on 11/11/2008, -3/+59Funny quotes- but why does Time have to spread them over so many pages- with only a one liner on a page of its own?
- inactive, on 11/12/2008, -2/+54Especially in a George Carlin topic..
*****
Piss
*****
*****
*****
*****
***** - J3553, on 11/12/2008, -0/+47how could you possibly choose only ten???
- Locke02, on 11/12/2008, -0/+45"Bout this time someone is telling you to get on the plane. 'Get on the plane, get on the plane'. I say ***** you, I'm getting IN the plane! Let Evil Knievel get ON the plane..."
- josepablos, on 11/12/2008, -0/+45in the ***** department.. religion.. is the winner..
- adamroach, on 11/12/2008, -2/+46could.
- adamroach, on 11/12/2008, -2/+41it
- Zervaman, on 11/12/2008, -1/+39He's in a better place now...
Haha, just kidding. Carlin rocks! - inactive, on 11/12/2008, -7/+45You might as well not post anything if you're going to censor everything.
- adamroach, on 11/12/2008, -2/+40Yes
- GregFD3S, on 11/12/2008, -1/+38Dugg for George Carlin.
- avaugha4, on 11/12/2008, -2/+34Love Carlin, hate sideshows... especially just for quotes...
- Locke02, on 11/12/2008, -0/+31"Religion easily has the greatest ***** story ever told. Think about it... religion has actually CONVINCED people... that there's an invisible man... living in the sky! Who watches everything you do every minute of ever day. And the invisible man has a special list of TEN THINGS HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO DO! And if you do ANY of these ten things he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send YOU to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever, till the end of time!! ..........but he loves you."
- MakanGuru, on 11/12/2008, -1/+32best quote ever from Carlin
***** YOU! - inactive, on 11/12/2008, -0/+29non-prophet*
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/prophet - xGeneric, on 11/12/2008, -0/+26George Carlin, Advertising Lullaby
Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience
Economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality
Low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms
Affordable prices, money-back guarantee.
Free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations,
Free delivery, free estimates, free home
trial, and free parking.
No cash?No problem!No kidding!No fuss, no muss,
No risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment,
No entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary,
No one will call on you, no payments or interest till September.
Limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money,
Offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately,
Batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final,
Allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available,
Some assembly required, some restrictions may apply.
So come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation
with our friendly, professional staff.Our experienced and
knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a
selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget.
And say, don't forget to pick up your free gift: a classic deluxe
custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select
gourmet pocket pencil sharpener.Yours for the asking,
no purchase necessary.It's our way of saying thank you.
And if you act now, we'll include an extra added free complimentary
bonus gift at no cost to you: a classic deluxe custom designer
luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet combination
key ring, magnifying glass, and garden hose, in a genuine
imitation leather-style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim.
Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary.It's our way of
saying thank you.
Actually, it's our way of saying 'Bend over just a little farther
so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit
deeper, a little bit deeper, a little bit DEEPER, you miserable
no-good dumbass ***** consumer!'
Unfortunately, what these quotes cannot convey, is the manner in which they were delivered. George Carlin's voice, style, and stage presence where all part of the greatest comedic package I've seen. That being said:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvhsJyecpLc
Thankfully I was able to see him perform(It's bad for ya) before he died... excuse me, before he "passed away" ;) - krets, on 11/12/2008, -0/+24Rat-*****, bat-*****, dirty old *****! 69 ***** tied in a knot! Hooray lizard-*****! *****!
- gimmini2003, on 11/12/2008, -0/+22And he needs MONEY!
If this article had been about ANY other comedian.. I would have said ***** it.
George Carlin is incredible - diggit83, on 11/12/2008, -0/+22George Carlin is going to haunt you for censoring that.
- grendelboogie, on 11/11/2008, -1/+21Not the best, but still pretty good.
- Mpwns, on 11/12/2008, -0/+19much better job. but just about everything he says ties for #1.
- inactive, on 11/12/2008, -3/+20He's screaming up at us.
- AlaskaLoneWolf, on 11/11/2008, -45/+62Five more top ten George Carlin quotes:
F*** it.
Holy Sh**
God Dam** muthf***
****
**** **** **** you stupid **** - Br3ach, on 11/12/2008, -2/+17A ***** slideshow for this? I could have read them all in the same amount of time it took me to click Next. God damn you to the lowest depths of Hell Time Magazine.
- TheUngod, on 11/12/2008, -1/+15Rat *****, bat *****, old dirty *****. 69 ***** tied in a knot! hooraaaay lizard *****! *****
- killtrocity, on 11/12/2008, -1/+14Quick! Insert an L before your edit time runs out!
- scoottie, on 11/12/2008, -0/+13***** you i aint getting on the plane i'm getting in the plane
- robbob, on 11/12/2008, -0/+13"You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick."
in 1972, this was controversial - Vindexus, on 11/12/2008, -0/+13I want to digg Carlin, but ***** slideshows.
- firo85, on 11/12/2008, -5/+17Atheism is a non-profit organization
- rbfbeerguy, on 11/12/2008, -0/+12Advertising....duh.
- eimersaufen, on 11/12/2008, -0/+11101 Greatest George Carlin Quotes: http://blogzarro.com/?p=226
Posted 1 1/2 years ago at http://digg.com/celebrity/101_Greatest_George_Carl ... - ScottMcIntyre, on 11/11/2008, -0/+11Apparently, it's a gimmick to increase page views. I read it in another submission earlier.
- fuzzy889, on 11/12/2008, -1/+11That was in the ***** article.
- triferlinks, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9Rename to: Top 10 George Carlin Quotes Without Profanity
- LebaneseWarrior, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9The man was a genius.
- inactive, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9*****
Turd
Fart - simonwright, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9And it's bad for ya.
- triferlinks, on 11/12/2008, -0/+9He has 3.
- inactive, on 11/12/2008, -2/+10"***** the Baby Boomers"
- TheBigL481, on 11/12/2008, -1/+9I hate it when people reduce this guy to a comedian, and like his quotes because they are 'funny'.
I think everything he said is important social, political and religious commentary, that people should analyse and learn from. Don't let the word 'comedian' detract from messages he tried to convey. - sydouglas, on 11/12/2008, -1/+9how bout
"Have you ever noticed that most of the people who are against abortion are the ones you wouldnt want to ***** in the first place? " - machocheese34, on 11/12/2008, -0/+7you really have to hear it, you need his delivery
- inactive, on 11/12/2008, -0/+7As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
It's never just a game when you're winning.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Weather forcast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
George Carlin -
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