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Hot Geeks. Why Women Prefer the Onion Personals

divinecaroline.com — "Mr. Regular Guy=match.com, Mr. Square Guy=eHarmony, Mr. Slightly Edgy/Quirky Guy=The Onion"

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KatherineC 1 year 58 days ago, made popular 1 year 57 days ago

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118 Comments
Who Dugg It?

MTessa, on 11/05/2007, -10/+69Hot Geeks? I'll add that to my list of oxymorons. Other favorites are head butts, healthy tan, tax return and Microsoft Works :)
- JulieBrownfield, on 10/10/2007, -1/+24Also worthy are work party, Dodge Ram, alone together, and silent scream
- swanny89, on 10/10/2007, -1/+21Government Organization, jumbo shrimp...
- unearth, on 10/10/2007, -1/+25Online dating?
- ZenMojo, on 10/10/2007, -10/+5Hard water, black ice, white gold, make haste slowly, cruel to be kind, idiot savant, pure filth...?
  - twrife, on 10/10/2007, -2/+7ur doin it wrong
- FTLJohnson, on 10/10/2007, -10/+7No one mentions OkCupid... poor okcupid.... anyway... OXYMORONS!
  
  State worker
  Legally drunk
  Exact estimate
  Act naturally
  Found missing
  Resident alien
  Genuine imitation
  Airline Food
  Good grief
  Sanitary landfill
  Alone together
  Small crowd
  Business ethics
  Soft rock
  Butt Head
  Military Intelligence
  Sweet sorrow
  Rural Metro (ambulance service)
  "Now, then ..."
  Passive aggression
  Clearly misunderstood
  Peace force
  Extinct Life
  Plastic glasses
  Terribly pleased
  Computer security
  Political science
  Tight slacks
  Definite maybe
  Pretty ugly
  Rap music, techno music, country music... (whatever your lame choice)
  Working vacation
  Religious tolerance
- BIGmog, on 10/10/2007, -2/+16Military Intelligence
  - GuitarWizard, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Is this a Megadeth reference from Hangar 18?
    "Military Intelligence, two words combined that can't make sense"
  - PaulOwen, on 10/10/2007, -3/+1Spatsworth: "Now remember there's no 'I' in 'Team America'"
    I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: "Yes, thur izzz"
- oo7akbnd, on 10/10/2007, -8/+8Great Britain
- xstarsprinklesx, on 10/10/2007, -3/+4No way. Geekiness is the #1 requirement for attractiveness.
stignordas, on 10/10/2007, -2/+32Wait... The Onion has personals? Is that some kind of joke?
- SaintDogbert, on 10/10/2007, -6/+1The Onion personals are the best place to meet an Area Woman or Area Man depending on your preference.
  
  http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_womans_e ...
  http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28844
  http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_like ...
  http://www.theonion.com/content/node/52069
- PsychePsyche, on 10/10/2007, -1/+23I honestly thought the Onion personals were a joke until I read this article. I mean have you seen some of the blabs for it on the main page?
  
  Ex:
  "In my bedroom, you'll find: "A duck and a dragon."
- mrboratsagdiev, on 10/10/2007, -4/+2It's the exact same platform Nerve.com came out with many years ago. No kidding. Exact. Same. System. Down to every question. It's just got a different (i.e. not as overtly horny) clientele.
  - timdorr, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1That's because they're just branded versions of the same site. fastcupid.com is the actual site they are running off of. Check the ToS on Nerve.com or the HTML code on personals.theonion.com. You'll find the same people on both sites, and also on fastcupid.com.
    
    And fastcupid.com is run by the same people that do AdultFriendFinder. So, you might want to take that into account, too...
- BearinG, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1I'm afraid it is...
lailalu, on 10/10/2007, -8/+15as far as im concerned if your not a geek your not hot. The onion makes me laugh, i wonder if any of its men would....hmmmmmm
- sashapave, on 10/10/2007, -1/+16you know they're probably kinky bastards deep down inside
  - Hettie2007, on 10/10/2007, -3/+7yeah, they are. Trust me.
- SRSco, on 10/10/2007, -5/+7you're*
- HerrEisenheim, on 10/10/2007, -1/+10I'll make you laugh alright, with my penis! ZING!
  Wait...
cunorskbear, on 10/10/2007, -1/+42is there anything the onion can't do?
favorite onion headline has to be "aspirin taken daily with bottle of bourbon reduces awareness of heart attacks"
lailalu, on 10/10/2007, -1/+54my favorite onion headline is "Radio Shack CEO wonders why they are still in business"
- funktimus, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2ha that was an amazing one.
- Schmapdi, on 10/10/2007, -2/+2lol - I sent that one to my dad when it ran; and he couldn't tell if it was fake or not. It really is a wonderment of the modern world. I guess people need a lot of generic batteries, cheap RC cars and 1970's era vaccum tubes.
- pauliewoll, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6I like the one, "Starbucks to open new branch in restroom of existing Starbucks".
- tical2756, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy: 'We'll Go Through Iran'
sashapave, on 10/10/2007, -1/+13I prefer women who prefer the onion... Preferably...
Hettie2007, on 10/10/2007, -1/+18eharmony is ass, i did that one too and got a bunch of boring, conservative dudes.
- Dregga, on 10/10/2007, -0/+8Bahaha!
- mandarin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1with a name like eHarmony what do you expect? Go for the adult personals if you're looking for sex starved men...
waste49, on 10/10/2007, -3/+6But where are all the hot chicks?
- acoate, on 10/10/2007, -3/+14We're right here, and we're smart, the problem lies in that hot geeks never look up from their phones and crackberrys. Favorite Onion headline: 15,000 Brown People Dead Somewhere
  - Rivetgeek, on 10/10/2007, -1/+3Pics or it didnt happen?
- xstarsprinklesx, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4Busy playing Xbox and reloading Digg.
- BostonMa, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Not spending $ to meet people.
ritita, on 10/10/2007, -4/+21Ill take a geek over a prick in a suit any day, if he can make my computer better, he can make my kitty feel better. Computers are complicated. Here is to geeks and the onion.
- ChromaVita, on 10/10/2007, -2/+18Wait, was kitty an innuendo in that sentence? If it was, hi I'm James. Come here often?
  - waste49, on 10/10/2007, -2/+10She's with me... You want to take this outside? ;)
    - n3demonic, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3What's outside?
    - demiurgency, on 10/21/2007, -1/+1Funniest Digg thread ever. :-D
RBrownSF, on 10/10/2007, -5/+1I love vegetables, especially hot ones.
- nitrousconsumed, on 10/10/2007, -2/+9Terri Schiavo?
jessicageorge, on 10/10/2007, -1/+33Match.com=Perfect Guy on Paper not so perfect in person, eHarmony=scary guy who is sure you are meant to be together because the profile said so, and The Onion=a 12 year old with a fake ID
cunorskbear, on 10/10/2007, -2/+11the onion should have a cougar section. we love the cougars but then again it might just be easier to meet them out while they are on the prowl than do the awkward 'dating' thing.
socialdork, on 10/10/2007, -5/+1Diggers=playboys..... or playgirls
- Bajayjay, on 10/10/2007, -1/+9Who are you kidding. Diggers play with themselves
- bubba9999, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Compared to what? ShackNews?
homedaddy, on 10/10/2007, -1/+26I cannot believe that onion has personals.
PS. I'm getting pretty good at masturbating....
- kutateli, on 10/10/2007, -0/+5Remember what I told you Johnny: "Practice, practice, practice!!"
- bubba9999, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2How do you type with all that hair on your palms?
katelewiscarter, on 10/10/2007, -3/+24I bet the onion's personals has lots of layers!
- 1longtime, on 10/10/2007, -1/+6That works on several levels...
- Urusai, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7It'll make you cry, too.
kelseyisfine, on 10/10/2007, -1/+16meeting a guy that doesn't require a log-in....now that's hot.
- acoate, on 10/10/2007, -2/+3amen...does everything have to default to technology? i still use my finger.
  - lailalu, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1to dial?
meandnips, on 10/10/2007, -1/+10Those eharmony ads creep me out. Shiny happy faces and all that, eewww. Up with the onion!
tambird, on 10/10/2007, -1/+13The writer neglected to mention one eHarmony requirement. From their TV ads, it would appear that the male contenders absolutely must possess at last one super frumpy sweater.
- cunorskbear, on 10/10/2007, -2/+6eharmony is a tool for scientology. BEWARE. dianetics book club anyone?
anarchytv, on 10/10/2007, -1/+14All the lesbians are on mate1. Its where I use to hang out once upon a long, long while ago, under a pseudo penname, of course. Found out I had an incredible knack for writing erotica for lesbians, and became quite popular. Never had a clue I was actually a poet guy. Wouldn't of given me the time of day if they had known, otherwise they thought I was simply the dreamiest. So much fun, breaking hearts. Erica Jong had nothing on me...
- stignordas, on 10/10/2007, -2/+16Few places in this world to let your inner-lesbian shine...
bwayne1, on 10/10/2007, -1/+15Match.com is the Wal-Mart of online dating.

eHarmony is the Sam's Club of online dating. Same selection of cheap crap, but you have to fill out an application to get in.
firedrillduckie, on 10/10/2007, -3/+4Man, I wish this article was written by The Onion.
ladyarcher85, on 10/10/2007, -1/+8the onion is now a dating website? lol
- BIGmog, on 10/10/2007, -1/+5Every web site is a also dating web site. Myspace, Facebook, Craiglist. Heck with the new profiles, even Digg is just a step away from a dating section.
taylorkt, on 10/10/2007, -2/+5Since the Onion is a bit, lets say sensationalized. How does one deal with the Personals? "Couch potatoe looking for bionic woman"
- MTessa, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2I happen to see the bionic woman tonight, I can explain that later. Our guy Diggers are officially hot surgeons. New title "Hot bio physicist surgeon gets bionic woman." Go boys, Ahem men.
tunapez, on 10/10/2007, -6/+1Interesting recent influx of ladies here at Digg lately. Noticed it 1st about a week ago, now here it is again.
Don't get me wrong I love the ladies and welcome "real" ones(even met one or two before in real life), but still an interesting trend(?).
- waste49, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3seeing there are more women than men online these days, it was bound to happen. i bet they're real.
onestrawplz, on 10/10/2007, -2/+7eharmony is apparently anti-homosexual, so i hear. don't support them and their shenanigans.
DjLoTi, on 10/10/2007, -4/+3I like chicks.
- freeplatypus, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Chiken Lover?
javier182gt, on 10/10/2007, -1/+6We don't need this on the front page, this is Digg, where every male has at least 2 girlfriends: Halo 3 and PC.

Seriously though, a lot of women from Match.com are mothers and kind of there for a reason. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
- waste49, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7Um, Halo 3 and a PC are EXACTLY why you ned a female touch around here. Hopefully soon that'll switch to a bottle of vodka and a jumbo pack of magnums.
  - javier182gt, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Hahaha. Most Def. but until an equation yields those results I will be playing my Halo.
- bubba9999, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1If only Halo 3 were available for PC...
- bubba9999, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1If only Halo 3 were available for PC...
ZenMojo, on 10/10/2007, -5/+3As a geek, I have to say that I just don't like the Onion. It's not that I don't get it, it's just a little...obvious. Kind of like The Daily Show if written and edited by a bunch of theatre majors....
zaii7, on 10/10/2007, -1/+4ill join the onion if i get to deliver more pickles
allisdivine, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1meeting a guy on the Onion can only be for pretend....hmm, which makes me wonder, can a satirical boyfriend be better than the real thing? God knows my imaginary ones never fuc%ed me over.
Puppetfunk, on 10/10/2007, -1/+19I put on my robe and wizard hat.
- Rivetgeek, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1ARRRRRRRRR
- MTessa, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3Harry Potter is that you?
ChromaVita, on 10/10/2007, -1/+5So wait, am I supposed to write the description of myself as satire or not?
Schmapdi, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1I can't believe so many of you people have never noticed the Onion Personal of the day or whatever on the main page of the Onion. It's been there for ages. Also - I think they use the same personals site as Fark (or that Fark used to use, I don't think they bother anymore.
kat81, on 10/10/2007, -6/+1Now, I see that this is not written by the same person, but I refuse to take any advice from this website anymore - http://digg.com/celebrity/Catching_your_boyfriend_ ...
That was the WORST ARTICLE EVER, written by a snobby bitch who is insecure as all hell.

You know how geeks find people to date? Online, outside of a dating site. A true geek doesn't have the balls to troll dating sites. A true geek will use the internet as he usual does, and one day find a fellow geek that he tries to argue with (perhaps he thinks the ascii version of 'Star Wars' is actually worth watching more than once, while she says it is a special experience - one time only). They argue, then soon direct IMs or emails start, and soon the geek love comes out when they realize they found someone they can argue about geeky things with.
Then they get married, and argue over the geekiest name for their baby until they settle on some name from Star Trek :P
- With, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0Anyone who posts a personal ad or turns to personal ads to find a significant other is a douchebag, regardless of the domain name.
  
  I dugg you up.
chompers66, on 10/10/2007, -0/+4My favorite on-screen sex scene? The Accused.
richIsBored, on 10/10/2007, -0/+7This whole time I thought the personals section was just a joke I didn't get.
santogold, on 10/10/2007, -6/+1Who paid for this link?

I am sure this is an ad.
EviLiu, on 10/10/2007, -0/+9okcupid.com is better than them all.
stignordas, on 10/10/2007, -0/+6I sense a sudden rush of digg users to the onion personals...
cl0n3x, on 10/10/2007, -1/+2Screw all those dating sites. The only girlfriend I need is my left hand.
DaveTehWave, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2It's not The Onion that's does Dating, it's a network of sites that are part of the overall site: fastcupid (formerly street networks).
It's also on The Nerve & one of the 'dude' websites that lends itself to gaming/movies/music.

I met my last Gf through it, and that turned out well :rollseyes:
digtbk, on 10/10/2007, -0/+2Funny how these geeks still have to be over 6'1. Now matter how you dress it up, all women really want is a guy who is tall, dark and handsome.
- xstarsprinklesx, on 10/10/2007, -1/+1I don't know how tall my boyfriend is, but he's not 6'1". And he's blond.
- laurarstevens, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Tall, dark and handsome are great perks--but trust me, if they are borring, stupid and narcissistic, they won't get past the 2nd date.
  - sanotaan, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1that is, if the tall, dark, and handsome haven't gotten what they wanted after the first date. otherwise, the second date is academic
- ZenMojo, on 10/10/2007, -0/+3This is why you should meet women in person. On paper, people make really stupid choices in relationships. It's eerie that so many people turn dating into a series of resume weeds and job interviews.
- mandarin, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1So far you just described every reality show contestant... Do all women like guys who talk about themselves all day?
wassim2k, on 10/10/2007, -2/+1One idiot's opinion. Moving on.
mahdaeng, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1Oh, I get it. "Funny and edgy" are descriptions of a good, life-long spouse.
mulberryx, on 10/10/2007, -0/+1my favorite headline "Elusive Male Orgasm Caught on Film!"
Louie99, on 10/10/2007, -0/+0The Onion is hilarious, though I'm not sure i'd want to find uh, men there...they might be 20-something boy hipsters, which I'm not into.
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Hot Geeks. Why Women Prefer the Onion Personals

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