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The 10 Worst Products For Men Ever Created

artofmanliness.com — While much as been said about the way advertisers have always hawked their products to women by playing on their insecurities, men have not been immune from similar pitches.

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  • webaddict, on 02/28/2008, -0/+31I've used the spike lined ring for ages and it works wonders. AHHH
  • perkonis, on 02/28/2008, -0/+64What the hell part of sticking a 4.25" probe up your ass and plugging it into a wall sounds like a good idea?
    • slvrbullet87, on 02/28/2008, -2/+42Your right it is way to small
      • aliengoods, on 02/28/2008, -1/+23You caught me off guard and now my monitor is covered in tea. Nicely done.
    • KingGorilla, on 02/28/2008, -0/+3As a part time nudist I appreciate a warm prostate
    • razorsedge555, on 02/29/2008, -0/+2It sounds better than a police night stick with no electricity.
  • BuzzDiggity, on 02/28/2008, -1/+9"Commies Don’t Make Good Villains" ... hah!
    • BuzzDiggity, on 02/28/2008, -0/+4that doesn't make any sense, idiot
  • allaboutdatiki, on 02/28/2008, -0/+15I'm speechless after reading that article ... just freakin' speechless ...
    • frazier428, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1am I the only one who gets harder when it gets cold?
  • aflusche, on 02/28/2008, -0/+11That was some scary stuff! What were they thinking?
  • MODAT, on 02/28/2008, -0/+20seeing the Recto Rotor made me cry
    • diggstown, on 02/28/2008, -0/+10You think you're crying now... wait until you use it.

    • KingGorilla, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1I'll never look at home made orange juice the same way again
    • Mr8lack, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1brings back bad memories does it?
  • JLecker, on 02/28/2008, -0/+4I weep for the men of days past.
  • djdavey, on 02/28/2008, -0/+6OOOWWWW!
  • vsujohn2, on 02/28/2008, -2/+47What the hell did these bastards have against erections? Jesus Christ
    • DreKor, on 02/28/2008, -3/+21I'll guess that's exactly what they had against them.
      • BigSax, on 02/28/2008, -2/+4Partially correct. But on top of that there was the belief that men could only produce a limited number of sperm in their lifetime.
  • siszam, on 02/28/2008, -4/+14They use to put radium in water. Today we put fluoride. In a decade people will think we were crazy too.
    There are a lot of kinky men who would pay good money for those torture devices.
    • Ramble, on 02/28/2008, -0/+9The commies have always been trying to steal our bodily fluids.
      • ZombyWoof78, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1That's why I deny women my essence.
    • tgc1, on 02/28/2008, -0/+5That sort of think always does make me wonder. Looking back 50 years, people did some really dumb *****. In 50 years, I wonder what they will say about us.
    • DiggerUpper, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1Fluoride kills too.
  • andyboyd, on 02/28/2008, -0/+6Argh: spray on hair is a worthy inclusion in that list. Who ever came up with that idea? I mean seriously ... spray on hair?
    • cosinezero, on 02/28/2008, -0/+2No way - spray-on hair is no worse than silly string or other gag items.

      It's the people who use it seriously as a fake tupee that I worry about.
  • Alphateam, on 02/28/2008, -7/+10Man I love religion. They do so many good things for the world.
  • Maksx, on 02/28/2008, -3/+10Stuffing something up your rectum? anti-masturbation devices? Wouldn't these so call products for men make you less of a man in the end?
    • designerutah, on 02/28/2008, -2/+0What I want to know is, how many of these devices were invented by men, at the urging of their no-doubt, prudish wives?
  • kdawg1012, on 02/28/2008, -2/+9Sex is evil and must be avoided at all costs, so sayeth the wizard behind the curtain. LOL.
    • eosp, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1Sex is evil and dirty....so save it for your wife! /sarcasm

      Anyway, the Christians I know believe that bringing pleasure to your spouse is not only encouraged but REQUIRED.
  • ivandir, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1ROFL at prostate warmer.
    • DreKor, on 02/28/2008, -0/+3Before I read the description, I thought the light bulb provided the warmth. That scared me. Light bulbs are big.
  • mathchemist, on 02/28/2008, -2/+22Why is it that humans hate their sexuality so much that they want to make spike contraptions to destroy boners?
  • NeelyE, on 02/28/2008, -1/+2The rectum insert has a lot of phallic imagery...weird
    • thedr96run, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1Yeah, funny... Ever see a piece of *****? It looks kind of like phallic device too... That's the shape of your anal cavity. Maybe they wanted the device to fit.
  • Weezer1223, on 02/28/2008, -0/+4They even wouldn't let these guys have wet dreams. There must have been a lot of sexually frustrated men back in the old days.
    • Antwan718, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1But they would be given "prostate aid tools" to help them with what ailed them.
  • TriZz, on 02/28/2008, -1/+4wall-mounted vaginas?
    • howea, on 02/28/2008, -0/+0Not as painful as a rusty tailpipe (vagina)
  • ryodoan, on 02/28/2008, -2/+2Page is loading slow...Anyone find a working mirror?
  • RuthlessPirate, on 02/28/2008, -0/+6mirror?
  • captinherb, on 02/28/2008, -6/+16Products for Hair Loss

    The telltale signs of shedding hair in the sink can worry even the most self-assured of men. Companies have long recognized this and marketed hundreds of different products to stop, slow, or cover thinning hair. From hair plugs to toupees, none of them truly achieved the desired effect. Here are some of the worst hair loss products ever invented:

    Hair in an Aerosol Can

    The “spray” from this can is actually made of tiny fibers that stick to your head and hair. Just spray it all over and-poof!-thinning hair is thick and full and bald spots are gone.

    The idea behind the spray is to help insecure balding men feel more confident. But can there be anything more confidence-sapping than having to worry that a spontaneous swim, rainstorm, or excessive sweating will melt your hair off?

    Crosely Xervac Head Vacuum

    This large device (which you could rent for home use) operated on the principle that sucking more blood into your scalp area would make hair grow healthy and strong and prevent it from falling out. A hose attached to a skull cap surrounded your head with suction power. This reminds me of Garth using the Suck-Cut on Wayne’s World. “It’s sucking my will to live, man!”

    Chest Hair Toupee

    While some men shave or laser their chest to achieve a smooth, hairless look, other, naturally smooth chested men, pine for a manly carpet of chair. For these men, the chest hair toupee was invented. Available in black, brown, or gray, these chest pieces are made of real human hair. How do you even apply this thing? Glue? Tape? At any rate it is perfect for its target audience: middle-age men who like to wear halfway unbuttoned Hawaiian shirts and yet are lacking the tuft of hair sticking out that is necessary to complement their gold chain necklaces.

    Products for the Prostate

    Another area in which many men feel insecure is their sexual prowess. Some of the wackiest inventions ever made were designed to help the male libido.

    The Prostate Warmer

    Invented in 1918, this device promised to “stimulate the abdominal brain!” (I am not sure what that is, although men have long been accused of thinking with it). The device consisted of a 4.25 inch probe which was plugged into the wall and then inserted into the rectum. When plugged in, a blue light bulb lit up to tell you it was working to restore your manly vitality. Brings new meaning to the phrase “blue light special.”

    Radioactive Jockstrap

    Radioactive materials were once thought to impart healing and vitalizing powers to people. Radium was infused into drinking water, baths, and even suppositories. Perhaps the scariest way it was administered was through a radioactive jockstrap for men. ”Weak Discouraged Men!” one advertisement proclaimed. ”Now Bubble Over with Joyous Vitality Through the Use of Glands and Radium.” Joyous Vitality…..and glow in the dark junk.

    Recto Rotor

    This dilator promised to cure “piles, constipation, and prostrate problems.” It was designed to break up, your, um, “piles” and to lubricate the rectum. The tip had holes in it through which ointment could be released. How it was supposed to cure your prostate problems can only be imagined. But with a motto like “large enough to be efficient, small enough for anyone over 15 years old,” how could you go wrong?

    Heidelberg Electric Belt

    In the early 1900’s many people believed they were suffering from “neurasthenia,” a disease cause by modernization and over-stimulation. This “sickness” produced a wide variety of symptoms from depression to impotency to fatigue. The Heidelberg electric belt, touted as a cure, sent electricity to your genitals and promised to restore your vitality and strength. Ouch.
    Anti-Self Pollution Devices

    During the 1800’s and early 1900’s, extreme measures were recommended to control the sexual libido of young men. Several devices were invented to prevent men from masturbating. Here at the Art of Manliness we support self-discipline and harnessing the male libido, but genital mutilation is definitely not the way to do it.

    Spike lined ring

    This device was aimed not only at preventing masturbation, but nocturnal emissions as well. Young men would tie this ring of death around their member, and whenever they became aroused, the spikes would sink into their flesh, causing excruciating pain.

    Spermatic Truss

    The spermatic truss, patented in 1876, was designed to make erections impossible by binding the genitalia down. 21 years later, the designer changed the truss a bit, making erections possible. The only downside? An erection would now drive the genitalia against painful spikes.

    The Timely Warning

    Invented by Frank Orth in 1893, The Timely Warning was a penis cooling apparatus designed to prevent wet dreams. A man would attach the device to his penis before he went to bed. When an erection occurred during the night, levers opened to allow cold water to flow through tubes around the genitalia. This cooled “the organ of generation, so that the erection subsides and no discharge occurs.” Basically, it was like taking a cold shower, but without the shower.
    • yeti22, on 02/28/2008, -0/+3Definitely worth going to a mirror on this one. The text alone just can't do these contraptions justice.
    • brolicboy609, on 02/28/2008, -0/+0Wife

      Although "wife" seems to be a close term to bride, the latter is the female participant in the wedding ceremony (to her groom), while a wife is the status of a married woman after the wedding, during her marriage. Upon marriage, she or her family may have brought her husband a dowry, or the husband or his family may have needed to pay a bride price to the family of his bride, or both were exchanged between the families; the dowry not only supported the establishment of a household, but also served as a condition that if the husband committed grave offences upon his wife, the dowry had to be returned to the wife or her family; for the time of the marriage, they were made inalienable by the husband
  • graemee, on 02/28/2008, -9/+1duggmirror.com


  • scitz0frenic, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1Been trying to find some of this miraculous stuff on ebay. Anyone see any of it on craigs list somewhere?
  • Lith25, on 02/28/2008, -11/+1Google Cache got it.
    http://209.85.165.104/search?q=cache:VIP5EXZuhn8J: ...
  • theskyisblue, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1mirror? cache doesnt work
  • micahwilli, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1It might have but You didnt
  • SammyJr, on 02/28/2008, -1/+3The Gomco clamp was among the worst products ever made for a man. It goes along with the spiked ring to prevent masurbation and the other puritanical products of that time. Unfortunately, unlike those other products, the Gomco is still in heavy use at your local hospital.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gomco_clamp
    • BigSax, on 02/28/2008, -0/+3Damn you! I did not need the image of the thing actually being used.
      • SammyJr, on 02/28/2008, -0/+3I wish someone hadn't used that damned thing on me!!
    • bCabulon, on 02/28/2008, -1/+1Seems to me that the gomco clamp is a much better idea than a freehand circumcision.
      • SammyJr, on 03/02/2008, -0/+1It seems like cutting off part of a babies junk is a dumb idea, period.
  • pierrecee, on 02/28/2008, -1/+0No wonder so many old men are perverts....they were all kept 'sexually controlled'. Poor bastards.
  • stronglikedan, on 02/28/2008, -0/+2Why?! For the love of God...WHY?!
    • DiggerUpper, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1You just answered your question.
      • stronglikedan, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1Heh...right you are. I didn't even realize that.
  • tahcoboy, on 02/28/2008, -0/+4I wonder what crazy contraptions we have today that 50 years from they will be making fun of us for :)
  • randersontt, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1boy, that really puts life's other little problems into perspective! There but for the grace of God go I. And thank you Digg for creating a place in this crazy world where serious issues like this can get the wider audience they deserve!
  • Unleaded, on 02/28/2008, -7/+0http://duggmirror.com
  • qhor, on 02/28/2008, -1/+5Mirror (Coral got it): http://artofmanliness.com.nyud.net:8080/2008/02/27 ...
  • alex1015, on 02/28/2008, -2/+5Mirror

    http://64.233.169.104/search?hs=sUq&hl=en&lr=&c2co ...
    • SiliconRain, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1Why are you getting buried? Yours is the only link to a mirror that caught all the images...
  • Ryanwb, on 02/28/2008, -5/+2Where's the Fleshlight?
  • Frankisko, on 02/28/2008, -1/+2I could have used an anti-erection device back in 5th grade when puberty went wild... haha.
    Preferably the cold water one, I'd like to add.
  • JesusHatesYou, on 02/28/2008, -1/+0Sat Night Live had a sketch on weinie pads to catch that extra spittle that comes out after urinating and runs down the guy's pant leg. I think it's a great idea, but they made it into a joke. :(
  • deadcrickets, on 02/28/2008, -5/+2Buried
  • dvdchris, on 02/28/2008, -1/+2Victorian era was weird. Women would get masturbated by their doctor as an official treatment; but for men it was a different story.
    The anti-erection devices were more for worrying parents to use on their teen boys rather than a device marketed at men. What man would put on the spike lined ring?? Ridiculous, too, unless you also restrained the boys hands, he would just untie it!
    • CedEx, on 02/28/2008, -0/+2Good reason to go to med school back then.
  • bjs3171, on 02/28/2008, -5/+1and i thought girls that aren't careful with their teeth while blowing you were bad...
  • adooga, on 02/28/2008, -1/+2Lame
  • MaxMWood, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1MEGA CRINGE!
  • V1ncent, on 02/28/2008, -1/+1Don't knock the devices until you tried them!
  • aserer511, on 02/28/2008, -2/+11. The tri-head electric razor. these BLOW
  • wraypa1, on 02/28/2008, -1/+0HAHAHAH the dude in the electric undies looks like a gay joseph stalin
  • splatterboy, on 02/28/2008, -0/+2half the products are to "restore vitality" = erections
    the other half are to prevent erections and "emissions"...
    seems schizophrenic to me
  • designerutah, on 02/28/2008, -1/+2This is what happens when human sexuality is being controlled by religious dogma!
  • kiylyou, on 02/28/2008, -0/+1They forgot Extended Pleasure Condoms.
    (Anyone else go completely numb?)
  • Evilsoup, on 02/29/2008, -0/+0Surprised the Mach3 isn't on the list. Nothing like spending $12 on disposable razor blades. I'm not saying it's stupider than the quatro or quinto or octo, but it definitely got the ball rolling.
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