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- Sornos, on 08/31/2008, -0/+46If your potential employer has a picture of his wife on his desk, tell him she's "hot" and wink broadly.
Alternatively, if your potential employer is a woman, sweet talk her and ask if she has need of some more "man power". A smack on the ass would seal the deal. - inactive, on 09/01/2008, -1/+41Don't say doin' your wife. Don't say doin' your wife. Don't say doin' your wife.
- Maynza, on 09/01/2008, -0/+40Doin' your son?
- inactive, on 09/01/2008, -0/+26The REAL Way to Get a Job: Be a yes man, be polite, and being a cute girl helps.
- shnurok89, on 09/01/2008, -1/+27never show up on the first day of work, they'll think your needy
- jggube, on 08/31/2008, -0/+23"USE CORPORATESPEAK" - yeah that's truly a bad tip. You can use basic terminology, but in excess - especially when your resume says you have no prior work experience in a corporate environment - it becomes disingenuous and forced.
- WoollyMittens, on 09/01/2008, -1/+18If your CV is "competing" with 150 others you are bound to get exploited mercilessly. They know you are expendable 150 times over.
Why is this a 10 paragraph linked-in advertisement? - zacbro, on 09/01/2008, -1/+16Don't piss on your boss and tell him it's raining.
- fizzberry, on 09/01/2008, -0/+15She really digs LinkedIn.
- TheMidnight, on 09/01/2008, -1/+16What do you see yourself doing in five years?
Don't say doin' your wife, don't say doin' your wife, don't say doin your wife...
Doin your...son? - BradHAWK, on 09/01/2008, -0/+13You should have paid the extra to get the "copy/paste" option on your computer.
- doctordbx, on 09/01/2008, -0/+11On this subject, I am by no means an expert at interviews, I think I've only ever had a dozen in my life where I've been the interviewee, but as someone who regularly hires my advice is as follows:
(1) If I see one more boilerplate MS Word Curriculum Vitae I will spew.
(2) Chunk it - make it easy for me to read and digest. Reasonable headings so I can scan quickly, supported by some blurb.
(3) CV length - 2 pages is too short IMHO, 5 too long - but if you make it interesting like a good book, you could write a novel... as long as it's interesting. If you bore my ***** off, well, that's not going to get you an interview.
(4) Don't use the email address sexyman@hotmail.com or some derivative. Use a non descript hotmail address.
(5) Include a coverpage addressing the points in the description / ad. If no ad (i.e. cold mail) then tell me in 3 paragraphs why you should have a job. Don't be shy, but don't be cocky, just be to the point.
(6) Surfing the internet is not a hobby.
(7) You will have more chance if you put a piece of paper in my hands, not emailing it. If you do email it, make sure I will remember it.
(8) Be creative.
(9) Coloured paper works. Colour paper with Winnie the Pooh doesn't.
(10) Don't take advice from others on the internet. Especially employment consultants.. I've found them to be the worst. I mean, if they could get a real job they wouldn't be in the job they're in. - snareguy17, on 09/01/2008, -2/+13Interviewer: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Mitch: "Celebrating the 5th anniversary of you asking me this question!"
RIP Mitch Hedberg. - CompUComp, on 08/31/2008, -3/+12This is very good information. I recommend this to anyone (especially teenagers) that are looking for a part/full time job. Good find. +dugg.
- BTConan, on 09/01/2008, -0/+9Why can't I ever find a pen when I need to? This stuff is gold.
- doctordbx, on 09/01/2008, -0/+9I'm guessing you don't have a job.
We could both be wrong.
Anyway, I don't use them to weed out applicants, I was simply mentioning what works. It's hard to stand out in a pile of boilerplate MS Word documents. I've actually heard of a guy hiring the wrong man because he picked up the wrong CV after the interview.
Colour works well. The world is not a black and white place, and sometimes people have to pull out little touches (you can call them gimmicks if you like) to get noticed. It works. It doesn't mean other people don't get noticed, but it does mean you do.
As for the email address... anyone who calls themselves sexyman69@hotmail.com or something similar is going to create a negative impression in the mind of the interviewer.
But you know... instead of criticising someone else, why not use your vast and massive experience on the hiring side to help people instead of picking things apart. - inactive, on 09/01/2008, -0/+8Job hunting is the worst, I always feel like a pathetic tool dressing up and going to interviews and developing bad anxiety from waiting around for people to call me. ***** sucks.
- charmaniac, on 09/01/2008, -0/+7Wow, look at the comments. The guy Chris who touts his Stanford education and prestigious consulting firm experience is a total douche bag.
Anyways, here is the real secret to finding a job:
1. Its all about who you know. The ***** they tell you about networking is true to an extent. While you don't have to pass your business card to every schlep you meet, if you have proven yourself as competent and hard working to the list of contacts you develop as a professional, finding a job should be pretty painless.
2. If you are seeking an entry level job out of college, do your best to not come across as a retard in the interview process. You will get the job if you can show a modicum of intelligence. Don't appear desperate, but don't be an egotistical prick. Realize that they need you just like you need them, otherwise there wouldn't be an interview in the first place. - randomstupid, on 09/01/2008, -0/+6Be a yes man cute girl
- complete with great calves & adams apple - KingGorilla, on 09/01/2008, -0/+6That preview pic is kinda scary
- mikelieman, on 09/01/2008, -0/+5For a few dollars more, he could have gotten the 'bookmarks' thingy...
- shnurok89, on 09/01/2008, -1/+5well that was very contradicting of itself
- gravylookout, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3When did people stop caring about grammar? "This person know who s/he is, what s/he's done, and why it matters." "This is good advice is your job-search philosophy emphasizes groveling."
It makes me sick. Ugh! - Jarasmen, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3So piss on him and tell him you're taking a piss?
- bokononrock, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3Sarah Palin?
- catxors, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3FTA: "Whatever you do, don't ever miss a phone screen! Even if you're in the shower..."
For my current job, I was in the shower for the phone screen. It had slipped my mind and I just about ***** my pants when I came out and saw who had called. But the screener called a few minutes later and didn't mind that I didn't pick up the first time.
I don't recommend doing that, but it would seem to indicate that it's perfectly OK to reschedule in advance. And any employer that you would want to work for should be willing to make accommodations like that in general. - WHOOMP, on 09/01/2008, -1/+4HEY WAIT A MINUTE 6 AND 7 ARE BASICALLY THE SAME
- inactive, on 09/01/2008, -0/+3it's Not What You Know, It's Who You Know
- radsprack, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2That's only if she's not giving you the sexy eye.
- inactive, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2You forgot, knowing someone...
- Reziarfg, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2Well...How else am I going to relax before the interview?
- grimward, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2I agree, it comes off as a linkedin ad, some of these are common sense though, always follow up on your job applications. and NAG NAG NAG!
- inactive, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2I also forgot inheritance from older family members, working hard for it, and a host of other ones captain obvious would approve of.
Why don't we create a freakin mind map? - pwr4, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2If you're applying for a job with a company with government contracts, some companies will not consider a paper resume an application for a job. For auditing purposes for equal opportunity, you need to apply online. That being said, some of the techniques they mentioned are still effective to get your name considered for an interview even if you must apply online.
- ronaldinho, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2Not everyone has the connections you do, son. Some are lucky that there are actually interview processes instead of having all the good jobs limited within a network of "elites"
- filmbandit, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2this post is full of bad advice, but this is the one that got me the most:
"Let the would-be phone-screener know that you're tied up at the moment but would be happy to speak at 7 p.m. on Thursday night, or some other convenient time. Lock in the time during that first call, but don't contort your life to fit the screener's schedule."
no one's asking you to kiss their ass, but are you interested in this job or aren't you?
my advice?: lay off the coke when you're writing an article about valuable methods for actually landing the job - elijahalcantara, on 09/01/2008, -0/+2Unless you are a bra salesman?
- kd1s, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1And she's flat out wrong on several points too. Increasingly in the IT world the longer the resume the better the chance it'll get looked at. Mine currently stands at 8 pages with references. And I get LOTS of hits on it.
The one thing she's right on is networking. My most recent gig it turns out the CFO and I worked together at one of the then Big 6 accounting firms. It pays to do a good job, he remembered me from almost fifteen years ago. - nepidae, on 09/02/2008, -0/+1but my iphone doesn't have copy/paste...
- catxors, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1Yup, our recruiters are all over LinkedIn.
- randomstupid, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1- make sure its sharp tho .
- binorgog, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1that's the ticket
- Necrid, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1FW > Dutch works > Subject : "You wear wrong, good day sir!"
1/2 of this was what they indeed did say, like:" Don't bring monny up" - cquinnd, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1You must be referring to an online resume. Depending on your job market a printed resume at 8 pages is more likely to exclude you from getting past HR that one that is more focused on the actually position(s) the company is looking to fill.
- Technopundit, on 09/02/2008, -0/+1Lie like a republican. Don't show any incentive or individuality.
- Icelightning, on 09/02/2008, -0/+1Advice from my Technical Writing professor:
And if you really like a company, send a cover letter and resume even if it doesn't say they're hiring. The worst they can do is ignore it. My technical writing teacher told us about how one student got an internship as an accounting student (for a chicken processing plant, no less) because she was the only one who sent in something to them. (That, and her cover letter was hilarious, starting with the words "I love chicken and so do you." And it ended with "P.S.: I eat it, too." She was given a tour of the plant later and found out everyone knew who she was because her letter was on all the bulletin boards.)
You MUST include a cover letter if at all possible--it allows you to add details that employers wouldn't get from your resume, helps tell them why you want the job (by working in information you learned about the company that made it interesting to you, proving you read their website/did research), and gives you the chance to make yourself memorable. (Writing to the HR department like they're human is also good. It has to be personalized! No form letters.) Make it interesting and they will remember you (even better is if you can give them one unique fact about you as a person, turning yourself into a person instead of a piece of paper). Tailor your resume to each company, if possible--have a default one that you can tweak to appeal to each company.
I've also been told that if you really want the job, you'll include in the cover letter that you'll call by such-and-such date to make sure they received the letter, putting pressure on the HR department to go over your resume/letter in order to avoid embarrassment. And if there's a deadline to when you can apply for a job, send your resume in early (but not too early)--the secretaries will have time to process it before the influx of last-minute applications, leaving them thinking better of you for being considerate. (They hold more power than you think.)
Lastly, always promptly send a thank you note for the interview, same day if possible, and reiterate points mentioned in the interview and why you feel that you would be a good candidate for the position. - Spire3660, on 09/01/2008, -1/+2As does my Corporate Recruiter GF. Linkedin is a nice tool, far more useful then facebook or myspace, in this context especially
- ansatsu29, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1this is really helpful for new graduates out there who are looking for a job as well other applicants / employees who are planning to broaden their horizons in other companies.
- doctordbx, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1Dugg for the reference to creating a Mindmap.
Having said that, I use a lot of Mindmaps in the workplace, and even for self assessment it is a good tool... but when you try explaining your mind to others in a job interview... er... don't. Use it to plan your interview, but not IN the interview. - ansatsu29, on 09/01/2008, -0/+1I totally agree with that....too much corporate speak in your resume even if you have no experience to back it up will definitely mark your application as "not hired"...
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