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If corporate taglines were honest...

guardedlyoptimistic.com — // iPod: It ’ll break in a year, but by then you’ll want the new one // Taco Bell: You’re drunk and we’re still open // PopTarts: Until you realize how disgusting they are, we’ll keep making them //

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  • redsfaithful, on 12/10/2007, -3/+54"UHaul: We don’t guarantee availability because we can get away with it."

    So true. I am not sure I've ever met anyone who has a good thing to say about that company.
    • MacSuxWindozSux, on 12/10/2007, -19/+1At least they're not Ryder.
      (Oklahoma City Bombing)
    • AROZ, on 12/10/2007, -1/+6I took out the dolly, only to realize the little sticker that reads it's a $5 extra. Damn them. Here in Canada, many of their trucks failed safety inspections. Just a company to avoid...

      I don't agree with the IKEA one, but they do carry a lot that of stuff that's embarrassingly cheap. Some of the sofas, for example.
      • ThyLabyrinth, on 12/10/2007, -2/+7Ikea make like 99% of all their stuff in China so I expect them to change the name to Chinea in a while.
        OTOH, some of their kitchen utensils I've bought have yet to disappoint after 10 years of abuse.
        • ryanisnotsuper, on 12/10/2007, -1/+16Everybody makes 99% of their stuff in China.
        • TexMexMatt, on 12/10/2007, -1/+5After 10 years its time to get new ones anyway. That is the best thing with IKEA. It doesnt cost you a fortune to redecorate your home after a few years.
          • artofwar420, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1True dat. It doesn't look bad either.
    • bxblox, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3They dont care because the know people need them... like an HMO
    • ahvi, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1I've never had a problem with them.
  • gbarberi, on 12/10/2007, -8/+169Those are hilarious!
    But I think Taco Bell should be 'You're high and we're still open'
    • T8erT0T, on 12/10/2007, -2/+62Word, 4th Meal is really code for Stoned Meal, but they can't say that on advertising.
    • NecroSexy, on 12/10/2007, -1/+12No, that's Waffle House.
      • Ndiggnation, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1No doubt, I don't think I've ever been to a Waffle House sober..
    • Protoss, on 12/10/2007, -0/+9Thats more akin to Jack In The Box. I've gone to my local one at 4AM and the drive-thru was packed.
      • Naagy, on 12/10/2007, -0/+29And I bet no one from the drive-thru ran over a little girl on a bike.
        • DarkSamus, on 12/10/2007, -0/+14i wonder how many girls those high dudes had to hit before they finally got it right for the commercial
          • qwertydvorak, on 12/10/2007, -0/+9they just used a family of sextuplets, took 6 takes and edited the best together.
        • jeff303, on 12/10/2007, -0/+4I wonder how many little girls were out riding bikes at 4AM
    • thebrawl, on 12/10/2007, -1/+13Taco John's: We put hair in your cold food.
      (Maybe that one's just my experience)
      • gbarberi, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3I think so dude :)
      • aliengoods, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2Buried as inaccurate. The food isn't cold.
      • aduzik, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1But taco burgers and potato oles... so friggin' tasty.
    • DarkSamus, on 12/10/2007, -2/+8you guys don't know *****, stoner meal is white castle!!
      • SoCalMario, on 12/10/2007, -9/+3YOU dont know *****! Stoner meal and drunk meals are ROBERTOS and ASADAS here in San Diego. REAL Fast Mexican food Rules in Southern Cali!!!
      • po43292, on 12/10/2007, -2/+1Or Crystal.
    • MutatedNantuko, on 12/10/2007, -1/+2Oh man, do I have some great stories from working a summer there....
    • petewiz, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2Bill Maher?
    • epuiatti, on 12/10/2007, -1/+12FOX NEWS - We will keep feeding you ***** and pray that you dont notice.
    • Orion682, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2Pfff, White Castle is ALWAYS open and is more crowded at 3AM than it is at lunch time around here in NYC. So yeah, that's be the proper stoner meal :P
  • Leo21k, on 12/10/2007, -28/+73Pop-tarts are not disgusting.
    • digger4, on 12/10/2007, -8/+92maybe you just havent realized that they are
    • dvsbastard, on 12/10/2007, -6/+54I agree, pop tarts are fantastic... unless you decide to eat them...
    • Azio, on 12/10/2007, -2/+11Remember Pop Tart Danishes? Those were ***** awesome. WAY better than regular pop tarts.
    • Dumbledorito, on 12/10/2007, -0/+14Those suckers have 200 calories per serving! An old college roommate I had liked to eat them with butter as well.
      • Urusai, on 12/10/2007, -2/+31So how was the funeral?
        • Dumbledorito, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1The buffet was incredibly unhealthy.
        • DarkSamus, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1"They carved no hopeful verse upon his tombstone; for his dying hour was bloom.”
      • nakani, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1And the serving size is per "tart", not per pack, no less!
    • tehpwnerofn00bs, on 12/10/2007, -9/+12The only people who think that pop tarts are actually good, are people who also think McDonald's is fine dining.
      • aaronm67, on 12/10/2007, -1/+21People, who criticize, what other people eat, just to be jack, asses, are, also people who, apparently have, no idea, how to use, commas.
        • bxblox, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3those comma's hurt my brain
          • captnkurt, on 12/10/2007, -0/+4"those comma's hurt my brain"
            They must have hurt the part of your brain that knows the difference between plural and possessive.
        • po43292, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Really? GTFO.
      • Hoogs, on 12/10/2007, -1/+3Hey, there's no denying that McDonald's food tastes good, I don't care who you are.
        • xtremesniper, on 12/10/2007, -2/+2I'm denying it right here. McDonald's does not taste good. At all.
    • evilpig, on 12/10/2007, -6/+12Poptarts are ***** good. I rarely eat them but I love them
    • OccultVariable, on 12/10/2007, -4/+4Pop-tarts are awesome. Blueberry is the best, but nobody can see that for some reason.
      • DarkSamus, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3he said pop-tarts, not table talks
    • Cloned, on 12/10/2007, -1/+26I'll take Toaster Struedels over Pop Tarts any day.
      • broeks, on 12/10/2007, -0/+6I keep the pop tarts my mom gives me in my locker at school until it gets so full that they all fall out. Then I ask my friend for his Toaster Strudel, but he just laughs at me. Thing is, I just don't have the heart to tell her.
    • qwertydvorak, on 12/10/2007, -3/+1pop-tart a la mode is where it's at. the hot tart melts the ice cream a bit. mmmmmmm....
    • brufleth, on 12/10/2007, -1/+2Eating a pop tart is like consuming processed tire rubber with sugar and margarine on it. I'm not saying I don't eat them on road trips and such but they're probably about as good for you as redbull and twinkies.
      • sekhui, on 12/10/2007, -1/+1redbull and twinkies -- mmm....
      • geodescent, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3wwhat's wwrong wwith rred bbull aand ttwinkiess?!!
    • Hoogs, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1I agree. I just had some cherry ones out of a vending machine this morning and that has been (and probably will be) the highlight of my day.
  • Zarokima, on 12/10/2007, -50/+150"iPod: It’ll break in a year, but by then you’ll want the new one."

    I've had mine for 4 years and it works perfectly.
    • renegadeafk, on 12/10/2007, -17/+47You're a lucky one then.
      • turpenine, on 12/10/2007, -15/+10I am too.
      • justinil, on 12/10/2007, -12/+74 years. must be lucky, too.
      • Syphon8, on 12/10/2007, -13/+7Ironic eh, me too.
      • readerofbooks, on 12/10/2007, -3/+7+1 and mine has been through hell i drop so many times i forget the case get it wet.... and yet it still seems to work just fine glad i didnt get applecare
    • Haz3rd, on 12/10/2007, -9/+273 years and going for me. All you have to do is not drop the damn thing and it'll last for years.
      • craprock, on 12/10/2007, -1/+12Yeah, but what the hell excuse would I use to get a new one then?
      • linzichan, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1My old one has chunks missing out of the corners from all the time I've dropped it on sidewalks, but then again, it's a 4GB mini....
    • CondoleezzaRice, on 12/10/2007, -1/+85Internet: everything you read here is true
      • IEatHamburgers, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1Ah, something I agree with the Secretary of State about!
    • Disease, on 12/10/2007, -0/+7Or until the battery stops charging.

      My 3rd Gen iPod would still be working if it didn't decide to stop being detected on my system. I can still listen to music but I'm stuck with the songs that are on it.
      • designerutah, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1Hook it up to a Macintosh, go through all the appropriate reset procedures that Apple recommends, then use the Disk Utility to low level initialize the hard drive. Then put it back onto Windows iTunes and go through the initialization procedure again. I have done that with several older iPods and got them working again.
        • Disease, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1Problem is I need to use Firewire and for whatever reason no Mac wants to talk to it when using Firewire.
    • over90000, on 12/10/2007, -5/+45Welcome to how people with perfectly stable Windows feel having to put up with bashing from Apple and Linux sections.
      • SLockhart, on 12/10/2007, -9/+6I know!!! I've been working with windows for over 10 years and I still don't know what the BSOD looks like.
      • eridius, on 12/10/2007, -9/+2If you have perfectly stable Windows then you are the exception, not the rule. On the other hand iPods are pretty durable, so lasting for several years is the rule, not the exception. In the first case, the bashing is warranted. In the second, not so much.
    • exgiexpcv, on 12/10/2007, -7/+3I've had my newest one since Feb 2004, and it still works great. Bear in mind I have never dropped it, hit it with a baseball bat, or worn it while watching The "O'Reilly Factor."
    • Tyr7BE, on 12/10/2007, -3/+84 years means you had a 3G ipod - the last good generation. A friend of mine has a 3G that still works. I had a 4G for one year and two weeks. Those two weeks were just for good measure I guess. Hard drive died at that point and that was the end of the ipod. I also had two friends who recommended I buy an ipod because for the first year and a half it was the cat's ass...until they both had theirs break. A year and a half. That's worth $400 alright. A music player for a year.
      • Astaro, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3I bought a gen4 the day it came out in New Zealand,
        Its still working perfectly.
        its almost annoying, because I cant justify buying a new one ;-)
      • jjuustin, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2My G5 ipod died after one year and three weeks, right after the warranty expired. I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but damn.
      • katrayun, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1My 4G ipod is 3 years old and still working beautifully.
      • tyzent, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1second gen and still going strong... it doesn't hold as much battery life, but i think that is my only complaint
    • JoeDiggsIt, on 12/10/2007, -2/+6I've dropped mine quite consistenly, several times being on concrete, and the damn thing (a 60gb video) works great. Never had an iPod crap out on me. I just get the new ones....well...because they're shiny.
    • SoCalMario, on 12/10/2007, -0/+5How about: Ipod, you buy it, some steals it, and you buy it again and someone steals it again!
    • Rudiger81, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1Thats not true, mine lasted just over 18 months, they are designed to be dropped like on the road and foot path aren't they? Oh and the flight of stairs I lost mine down once
    • hollygolitely, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1i'm going to bridge the gap here and say ive had my newest iPod for awhile now, but i've also had one crap out on me after 18 months. but thats really just evocative of the longer a product is produced the better it gets. of course 2nd gen is gonna die. but they eventually fixed that.

      i will say though, haven't you guys had enough with mackid/pcdude? i have. for sure.
    • amishjim, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1my 40 gb has been going for 4 years and is still loving life. Used daily On Set, on my motorcycle everywhere i go0o0o00o0.
    • diggimator, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1After dropping it repeatedly and dents, my mini finally broke after 2.6 years - just after my 2.5 year warranty expired. Would've loved to have had it break while it was still covered by warranty instead!
    • Brad324, on 12/11/2007, -0/+1I'm on my 3rd now, and it's semi-broken.

      iPod #1 (20 gig): marinaded in spilled protein shake inside my gym bag
      iPod #2 (shuffle): it's so light, I didn't realize it was in my pocket as I soaked in the hot tub
      iPod #3 (nano): still working, but it fell out of my pocket at the gym, and guess where I dropped the dumbbell after the exercise? The bottom is now deformed.
  • dvsbastard, on 12/10/2007, -20/+172Apple: Think Different - Just like everyone else...
    • MackenzieArbour, on 12/10/2007, -15/+21Exactly. I think people who buy something just because no one else has it are just as bad as people who buy something just because everyone else has it. Here's a crazy idea; why don't you actually think for yourself, and buy something not to conform or be different but because you like it. But of course you just want to be noticed or fit in. Besides, that would take WAY too much thinking.
      • noahhoward, on 12/10/2007, -8/+20Uhhh not sure who you've been researching, but I bought a Mac because it was the best solution in my opinion, I could care less who else has one or why.
        • MackenzieArbour, on 12/10/2007, -1/+7I have a Mac as well. I'm not specifically targeting Apple on this one. I'm just saying that a lot of people buy products without thinking of their personal needs. You are obviously in the minority.
      • jasmus, on 12/10/2007, -6/+4I thought for myself, and after using OS X for a while I thought it was a better tool for my computing needs. I then thought about the limitations of software, which made me think of what I really used a computer for. This lead me to think about the software that comes with a Mac, and how I thought it was more than enough for what I do. Then I had a thought, I could still use my windows box as well. then... I thought about it. THINK!
        • MackenzieArbour, on 12/10/2007, -1/+3Like I said to noahhoward, I'm not specifically talking about Apple. I'm just talking about people who don't think for themselves.
      • Tyr7BE, on 12/10/2007, -4/+10Don't mind the negative diggs. We all know you're right - it's the apple apologists. They're out in force.
      • quii, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2The 90's called, the non-conformists want thier cool back.
    • ufia, on 12/10/2007, -8/+21Apple: Oh.. my.. gad! Your new computer looks fabulous!
    • thebrawl, on 12/10/2007, -3/+31Apple: Because you like shiny stuff.
    • ZenMojo, on 12/10/2007, -2/+19Apple: It's not really worth it unless you constantly tell everybody else it is.
    • postalblowfish7, on 12/10/2007, -6/+38% market share is everyone?
    • unloud, on 12/10/2007, -2/+3Apple: We did it for the Benjamins.
    • Elranzer, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3Apple: There's actually only two choices. We're the other one. But you're still unique for choosing us.
    • tcpip4lyfe, on 12/10/2007, -3/+9Apple: Our computers are expensive for no reason.
      • eridius, on 12/10/2007, -9/+2The 90's called, they want their Apple bashing back.
        • Arramol, on 12/10/2007, -0/+5Didn't you just bash Windows a few comments back? You don't get to bash one OS and then claim it's lame to bash yours.
        • tcpip4lyfe, on 12/11/2007, -1/+1If you're directing your comment at me, I use ubuntu. I get to bash both though really I have nothing against either.
      • diggimator, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2Brings back memories of the 90's. Before the iMac, Macs were too expensive, and before OS X, Macs didn't support two-button mice.
  • GhostRican, on 12/10/2007, -29/+9Netflix: You'll get your movie, at some point.
    • joltcola, on 12/10/2007, -2/+12i dont know where you live but when i send my movie back i have the new one in 2 days
    • crapmatic, on 12/10/2007, -4/+3Yeah... I've gone through 200 movies over 5 years and never had to wait more than a few days. Then again we don't usually get the latest blockbusters.
      • po43292, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1You have to time it right to get the new releases.
    • hollygolitely, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1thats not netflix, thats your mail people dude. i used to have a huge issue with not getting *****, and then i realized after my mailman consistently put my utility bills in my neighbors box that there was something else amiss!
  • whataboutdave, on 12/10/2007, -12/+108I actually prefer Samsung to Sony these days. Just sayin'.
    • StealthMonkey, on 12/10/2007, -2/+17Yeah... most of those taglines were good. However, the Samsung one is a WTF?
    • Tyrghast, on 12/10/2007, -0/+7Same here, my samsung 17" widescreen monitor is beautiful and has yet to exhibit any problems
      • TeacherOfHeroes, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3Samsung monitors are truely amazing - I've still got a 14 inch CRT from 1994 that works properly.
    • Smwbigboss, on 12/10/2007, -0/+8That tagline would have been true 15 years ago. Now it's just rootkits, and proprietary media.
    • phlebitis, on 12/10/2007, -2/+1Samsung's ultra slim phones are miles ahead of Sony's.
    • Elranzer, on 12/10/2007, -2/+3Sony: Proprietary formats? What proprietary formats?
    • tlink211, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3Thanks for the tip! I'll check out Samsung.
      If my Sony overlords will allow it...
  • noobeffect, on 12/10/2007, -3/+249Gamespot: Get a complimentary 10/10 review with your next purchase of ad space!
    • amdahlj, on 12/10/2007, -0/+32Gamespot: Get a complimentary 6/10 review with your next purchase of ad space but we'll fire the reviewer...
    • DarkSamus, on 12/10/2007, -0/+5ign: our reviewers are so good at this, they don't get fired
  • hgraehl, on 12/10/2007, -3/+25Taco Bell: You're drunk and we're open... I cannot count how many times this has proven true.
    • Urusai, on 12/10/2007, -1/+6Denny's: You're drunk and still have money left over...
  • philman467, on 12/10/2007, -5/+33OPEC: A legal Cartel. We literally own you.
  • danevahey, on 12/10/2007, -6/+160Best Buy: At least were not Circuit City.
    • riah, on 12/10/2007, -3/+53Circuit City: At least we're not Staples.
      • tehpwnerofn00bs, on 12/10/2007, -3/+37Staples: At least we're not...oh *****..we actually do suck worse than everyone else.
      • JHattendorfII, on 12/10/2007, -1/+98Staples: At least we're not ..oh *****, we are Staples.
      • philman467, on 12/10/2007, -12/+1Staples: At least we're not an old banana peel
      • arbulus, on 12/10/2007, -4/+5I ***** hate Circuit City and Best Buy.
        • ezco506th, on 12/10/2007, -6/+0They both suck donkey balls
          I'm sick of this CAPTCHA *****.
      • squled, on 12/10/2007, -6/+1Staples: At least we're not Office Max.
      • SoCalMario, on 12/10/2007, -6/+1OMG OMG OMG!! I almost spit my food out at the one riah!! *****!!!
    • AROZ, on 12/10/2007, -1/+7Staples: At least we're not as bad as that Mafiya refurbished electronics store.
    • disabled4diggin, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1I prefer circuit city to best buy.
  • sleeknerve, on 12/10/2007, -5/+33Home Depot: You can do it.
    • skinrock, on 12/10/2007, -0/+64Home Depot: Do you honestly think you can do it?
    • ThreeDee912, on 12/10/2007, -8/+1We can help?
      • NorthernLights, on 12/10/2007, -4/+0is it a bird? is it a plane? no, that's the point flying by...

        has home depot ever actually helped anyone?
    • gbarberi, on 12/10/2007, -1/+6Home Depot: Do it your damn self.
    • wattersm, on 12/10/2007, -4/+1All night long!
    • AgentDale, on 12/10/2007, -0/+7Home Depot: We'll sell you more once you mess it up.
    • BruceBogtrotter, on 12/10/2007, -3/+2Home Depot: You can do it, we will help.
      Menards: Do it yourself faggot!
  • TuxedoMax, on 12/10/2007, -7/+102Cottonelle: Your asshole will thank you.
    Q-tips: You don't appreciate us until we're gone.
    Polaroid: Supporting your amateur porno desires since 1947.
    • thebrawl, on 12/10/2007, -5/+19Microsoft: Where do you want to crash today?
      AOL: Welcome to the walled garden.
      Google: Taking over the world so you don't have to.
    • Brad324, on 12/11/2007, -0/+1I saw an ad for All-Bran at the bus stop a couple months ago... it said this "We're not sure how, but your colon will thank you"
  • RubberBinder, on 12/10/2007, -10/+22Ikea's furniture isn't that bad.
    • phlebitis, on 12/10/2007, -1/+3It's disposable furniture.
    • hollygolitely, on 12/10/2007, -1/+1it really isnt. i was thinking i was going to get ikea furniture for my next apartment, because i dont have to care about it.
  • Pandemonium1x, on 12/10/2007, -3/+13I like the Southwest one.....and now for my contribution.

    Comcast: Seeding the future!
  • antiorblkflag9, on 12/10/2007, -23/+68Microsoft - We'll keep stealing ideas until someone notices
    • rizzo2008, on 12/10/2007, -4/+7forget that we already have noticed!
    • Syphon8, on 12/10/2007, -16/+80Apple - We'll keep stealing ideas but let our fanboys defend us even after someone notices.
      • eridius, on 12/10/2007, -8/+1Diggers - we'll keep trolling on Apple because we think it makes us cool.

        Honestly, I can only think of a single instance in which you could (somewhat) legitimately accuse Apple of stealing, and even then there's a fairly decent excuse (Dashboard vs. Konfabulator - both are really just modern-day equivalents of the old desktop accessories).
      • enginbeering, on 12/10/2007, -1/+1... and we'll go ahead and admit it.
    • nerdherder, on 12/10/2007, -0/+17Neither Apple nor Microsoft is any better than the other concerning theft of intellectual property. Watch Pirates of Silicon Valley sometime. Its pretty much true of any business.
      • eridius, on 12/10/2007, -5/+1Are you comparing Bill Gates's theft of the GUI with Apple asking Xerox PARC for it? It's not really the same thing at all.
    • Elranzer, on 12/10/2007, -0/+4Apple: It's only stealing ideas when Microsoft does it.
  • SRSco, on 12/10/2007, -34/+13Digg: Where you can go for groupthink circle jerk affirmations to feel validated in your pathetic life enough to prevent you from killing yourself.
    • saifatlast, on 12/10/2007, -3/+15THis was a little harsh, but often proves to be right on.
    • arbulus, on 12/10/2007, -2/+7Hmm, that's an interesting observation. did you happen to notice where you posted it?
      Funny how that works.
    • AROZ, on 12/10/2007, -2/+1We just want to enjoy web 2.0 sites in peace. Is that so damn impossible?
  • crapmatic, on 12/10/2007, -14/+2UPS: They don't call us "The Brown" for nothing.
    • krische, on 12/10/2007, -0/+17FedEx: ***** you, we won't leave your package at the door when you're at work.
    • skinrock, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2They don't call them "The Brown" at all. It's "Brown".
  • SRSco, on 12/10/2007, -10/+16This was very unfunny.
  • philman467, on 12/10/2007, -1/+72Mattel: Because you're only one children's toy away from a slow death

    Benadryl: Don't make any plans.
    • antiorblkflag9, on 12/10/2007, -0/+6...or Nyquil
      • littlebluedevil, on 12/10/2007, -1/+28Big N, little y, BIG ***** Q!! NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you, you giant ***** Q!!
        • DaDiggCode, on 12/10/2007, -2/+1" Big N, little y, BIG ***** Q!! NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you, you giant ***** Q!!"

          OMG DRUG OF CHOICE, just to help me sleep of course

  • FaithclubDotNet, on 12/10/2007, -12/+3Microsoft: We make FOSS look appealing.
    • arbulus, on 12/10/2007, -0/+4That was insulting.
    • bingobongony, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2To whom? If it looked appealing then how come no one cares about it?
  • renegadeafk, on 12/10/2007, -13/+45Microsoft- We just don't give a *****
    • bingobongony, on 12/10/2007, -6/+1renegadeafk's parents: Sorry we didn't abort when we had the chance.

      Sorry that you are too ***** stuipid and worthless to use Windows without having problems. But MILLIONS of people who are clearly much smarter than you are able to do it every day and enver have a problem. And yet somehoe you thikn that is MICROSOFT'S shortcoming?
      • renegadeafk, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1I'm running Vista 64 bit on my new pc now with no problems and have enjoyed XP for years. it was a joke dude.
    • tcpip4lyfe, on 12/10/2007, -2/+5Microsoft: We dont care because we dont have to.
  • seldon452, on 12/10/2007, -30/+1The Federal Government- "We will take all your money and spend it on useless robots that do our laundry! PLEASE DON'T VOTE FOR RON PAUL!"
    • saifatlast, on 12/10/2007, -0/+14How is a robot useless if it does laundry?! Buried.
      • armourer, on 12/10/2007, -0/+11I would be for higher taxes if they were spent primarily on robots
      • DayBringer, on 12/10/2007, -0/+0I want a robot to do my laundry...
  • Jalh, on 12/10/2007, -19/+5for the ipod, i had mine for more than 1 year and still new
    white house : we always says the truth
    • ThreeDee912, on 12/10/2007, -6/+1Jalh: Learn to use the Reply button
      • Jalh, on 12/10/2007, -0/+5i didn't want to reply any comment, so is not necessary
        • DarkSamus, on 12/10/2007, -0/+2comment system: try to say something funny, we'll ***** you over
  • Anub1s, on 12/10/2007, -3/+98From the comments: "Google: Are we a verb yet?"
    Awesome.
    • jeremyduffy, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1And the answer is: yes. They are a verb.
  • rizzo2008, on 12/10/2007, -18/+13Vodka: In Soviet Russia party finds YOU!!!
  • PistolSO, on 12/10/2007, -10/+17The RIAA "We're for copyright laws...unless we're the one's breaking them" or
    "Making Charities pay us since 2007"
    Merck "Putting dangerous drugs on the market and suppressing a plant because we can"
    MADD "We're fascists, stupid"
    • bingobongony, on 12/10/2007, -8/+1What copyright laws are the RIAA breaking.
      And if you think the pot you are smoking was simply picked from the ground and dried out, you really ARE high.
      • mGARANDEUR1, on 12/10/2007, -0/+5um...yeah.... that's what pot is
  • Culero, on 12/10/2007, -3/+8Nyquill: looking forward to getting sick?
  • alphonseragusa, on 12/10/2007, -13/+8Digg: Because you don't have anything better to do.

    The NFL: Where any team can win (unless they're from Miami).
    • Whackly, on 12/10/2007, -9/+4The NFL: Homoeroticism for homophobic homos.
    • pat25fire, on 12/10/2007, -2/+1Or Minnesota, maybe one day...
  • 33PercentGod, on 12/10/2007, -0/+84Viagra - Strong enough for a man,but made for a woman.

  • krische, on 12/10/2007, -2/+38DMV: We enjoy ***** you off.
    • Whackly, on 12/10/2007, -0/+9DMV: Your source for pointless bureacracy since 1935.
  • ohanon, on 12/10/2007, -8/+52HotPockets: You're about to call in sick.
    • philman467, on 12/10/2007, -1/+18stolen from Jim Gaffigan much?
    • AydenV2, on 12/10/2007, -1/+3DeadPockets :/
    • nerdherder, on 12/10/2007, -3/+1Diarrhea Pockets.
    • TomPlansMedia, on 12/10/2007, -2/+11ive never eaten a hot pocket and then afterward been, 'you know, im glad i ate that'
    • JusticeAK, on 12/10/2007, -0/+6It's a hot pocket, hot pocket.
    • SLockhart, on 12/10/2007, -5/+0Not bad but let me polish it.

      Hot Pockets: You were gonna call in sick anyway.
    • bxblox, on 12/10/2007, -4/+1Hot pockets are disguuuuuusting
  • yourmightyruler, on 12/10/2007, -3/+52Facebook: What's privacy?
  • rxbudian, on 12/10/2007, -6/+37Microsoft: We'll probably fix it on the next release or service pack
    Federal Reserve: We'll print more money until it's worthless...
  • NraButtons, on 12/10/2007, -1/+15Hot Pockets: Hooooot Pooockets.
  • Tyrghast, on 12/10/2007, -11/+3buried for dupe. I've been using digg for 4 months and this had been on the front page many times...
  • helmsb, on 12/10/2007, -1/+13Reminds me of the movie Crazy People http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099316/
    Favorite movie quotes:
    "Forget France. Come to Greece - we're nicer."
    "Metamucil. It helps you go to the toilet. If you don't use it you get cancer and die."
    "Porche- Too small to get laid in, but you will get laid as soon as you step out"
  • berzerk, on 12/10/2007, -4/+56digg.com: dude, someone buy us already.

    :X
  • icemounts, on 12/10/2007, -11/+4i'm constantly amazed at the crap that makes the front page.....this isn't even funny.
  • TacticalPenguin, on 12/10/2007, -1/+66Walmart - Helping chinese kids get a pay raise from $0.11 to $0.12 an hour.
  • Whackly, on 12/10/2007, -1/+4Clearwire Wireless: Only two thirds the wires of a wired provider.
  • 1timeuser, on 12/10/2007, -2/+87LEGO - It's spelled in all caps mother *****!
  • ezco506th, on 12/10/2007, -11/+2Comcast: Customer Service? We don't have no customer service, we don't need no stinking customer service!


  • DrummerAndrew, on 12/10/2007, -3/+43Not that it's a corporation, but if we dig deep enough it probably is.... I like this one, left by a commentor:

    Evan said...
    The Republican Party: We care about children. Until they're born.
    1:42 PM
  • thewump, on 12/10/2007, -6/+23Fox News: A fairly unbalanced crock of *****.
    • bingobongony, on 12/10/2007, -6/+1You sure showed them! I bet they are upset despite their ratings which are higher than all the other cable news channels COMBINED, all because you don't like htem.
      • DavidGX, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3Their ratings are high because they're very good at using fancy 3D and flashing lights to amuse the ignorant masses, such as yourself.
      • amishjim, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1there are still *****.. i mean facts do matter right?
    • fantyx, on 12/10/2007, -0/+0"Tonight on FOX, a fair and balanced report on a new threat. Trees that look at you funny. To discuss it, we have Homeless madman vs. the 'scientific' community"
  • l2OI3, on 12/10/2007, -17/+4Nintendo: It'll last forever, so your guaranteed to hate yourself for not waiting for the new [smaller/color/back-lit/sexy] model.
    or
    Nintendo: It'll last longer than you, it's amazing that we can keep getting you to buy new iteration's of the same product.
    • daliminator, on 12/10/2007, -1/+3So true - I don't know how my frickin SNES and controllers still work after all the years and abuse. Good thing it does, though - old school games kick ass.

      Meanwhile: Sony - We're going to keep making more expensive ***** until we convince you it's the best there is, and that it's not worth buying the other brands. Even if that would never happen.
      • krische, on 12/10/2007, -1/+2Fanboys: We turn everything into a flamewar.
    • ttamshadbolt, on 12/10/2007, -0/+1guys, your failing because your writing paragraphs instead of witty one-liners :(
      • Brad324, on 12/11/2007, -0/+1You Guys: failing because you're writing paragraphs instead of witty one liners.
  • .Steven, on 12/10/2007, -0/+3Digg: Because somewhere we need dupes.
  • MasterThief117, on 12/10/2007, -5/+3In my opinion, most of those were fairly dumb.
  • nextyoyoma, on 12/10/2007, -1/+14The Internet: Come be the dickhead you really are!
  • j1337, on 12/10/2007, -6/+3Brand Name: Negative generalization about that brand name.
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