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- ILoveBoobies, on 02/24/2009, -0/+111Still and always the best:
Dear Co-Workers and Managers,
As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."
For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.
I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.
Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.
Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!
And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.
But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:
To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.
To Brenda Ashby whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.
To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart.
Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )
To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone.
You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.
Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit.
I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.
To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.
So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.
Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.
To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.
One! - slapded, on 02/24/2009, -0/+20As much as I would love to ever do this.. the world is just too small of a place. I learned never to burn bridges.. ever. Karma is a bitch
- WibWobble, on 02/24/2009, -2/+21Thanks for posting, good to laugh at (and avoid maths)
Best line IMO: "a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime. Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself." - samanathon, on 02/24/2009, -1/+18Here's the full story: http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la- ...
- pintomp3, on 02/24/2009, -1/+17Going out with a bang should involving sleeping with the receptionist.
- leetninja, on 02/24/2009, -0/+14you should have taken that advice too
- ferreth, on 02/24/2009, -7/+17I am amazed that there are still large companies that allow you to send global emails. It takes 10 seconds to add everyone to your email from your address list in Outhouse (I just checked). But nooo, people seem to think that they are so important that everyone and their dog is going to want to know about them leaving. </rant>
- webyatri, on 02/24/2009, -0/+9dude you haven't seen our receptionist :-(
- FredFredrickson, on 02/24/2009, -0/+8Sure, it's funny any all - but would you risk not being able to put Google on your resume just to get the last word in? I sure as hell wouldn't.
- inactive, on 02/24/2009, -4/+11Dear coworkers:
I am an arrogant attention whore who, despite the fact that I am leaving, wants to inject myself into your affairs today. I am self-centered, self-righteous, and better than you. ***** you all, and worship me for the pretty pretty princess I am.
Sincerely,
A douchetard who doesn't give a ***** about you, because you're not as important as me. - forcedfx, on 02/24/2009, -1/+7I liked "I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium."
- HairyLikeBear, on 02/24/2009, -1/+7Is fareweel like a ferris wheel or something?
- pintomp3, on 02/24/2009, -0/+5You have put way too much thought into this.
- grape, on 02/24/2009, -3/+7How did this worthlesss piece of ***** make it to the front page?
- Amshel, on 02/24/2009, -0/+4This guy seems very confident that he will never need a recommendation from his employers at Google. This letter could come back to bite him in the ass should he ever leave Imeem.
- KISSOLOGY, on 02/24/2009, -1/+5How interesting, please go on.
- mandarin, on 02/24/2009, -0/+4Wow burning bridges already... Lets see how far he goes with IMEEM.
- celotil, on 02/25/2009, -0/+4I'm still trying to figure out why people leave stuff unsaid until they leave.
If you've got a legitimate complaint about someone, say so. If they're above you, complain to someone higher, or, complain to the owner of the company or the shareholders.
I've never held back, and as long as I've worded my comments in a manner still respectful of the fact that the subject of my complaints is a human being, with their own flaws and quirks, it's never come back to bite me in the arse.
The worst result as been a complete lack of interest on the part of my boss.
The best result was that the person I complained about finally came to me and asked what the problem was, and I told them, and they sorted their ***** out, which is all I wanted.
Don't sit there and scheme about what kind of a farewell letter you're going to send, confront people NOW, state your grievances NOW, be prepared to hear their grievances about YOU, clear the air before something goes up in smoke, whether it be metaphorical bridges or something else. - cubicledrone, on 02/24/2009, -2/+6The workplace is a hostile and toxic place because middle management wants it that way. It is not surprising that employees are eager to leave when the only thing keeping them there is the (inadequate) paycheck.
Basically, our workplaces fail to function, and it is the fault of middle management. In fact, if you offered "middle management" as the reason for any failure in our society, you are very likely right.
Cue the authority-worshipping apologists to QQ about Americans not having enough skills. - inactive, on 02/24/2009, -0/+3hmm, why wasn't the full story the one that caught on? It's all in-house for them ...
- hordak, on 02/24/2009, -0/+3Sending a goodbye email has it's values if it's short and concise. They definitely aren't for boasting about yourself, calling people "suckers", and should not be sent to the entire company.
It also serves other important purposes like:
* Squashes the rumor mill. Unless you tell people that you are leaving, people are going to make up stories about what happened to you --- for better or for worse.
* Helps with knowledge transfers; "today is my last day, but moving forward, you can work with John Doe."
* Gives you control to set a positive tone for your exit. You want to leave on good terms (not like that ex-Google employee) because you may come back to the company one day. - inactive, on 02/24/2009, -0/+3Preferably on your boss' desk, followed by a romp on the boardroom table.
- hokie47, on 02/24/2009, -3/+6Don't burn your bridges.
- mcquitty, on 02/24/2009, -0/+3Disgruntled much?
I worked for a great company for nearly 10 years.
At the end, it was the change in the management of the company that sent me on my way. Working with a sales person I had no respect for, a new manager who managed and not lead and the commission structure changed dramatically to my detriment (but to the betterment of my less capable peers).
There are many great companies out there. You just have to find the one that fits you. - CivicTV, on 08/14/2009, -0/+3Just found out i'm being laid off this week. Anyone who wants to help me put together a good farewell email please reply! I'll even submit it on digg and give you credit.
- Meocross, on 02/24/2009, -1/+4Mail: 10+
Google: 5- - FeloniusMonkey, on 02/24/2009, -0/+3***** LA Times and their *****-ass website that triggers 5 Javascript debugging alerts every time you scroll or do pretty much anything on the page. This is throughout their entire site! Seriously... how could you NOT test your website from a browser with JS-debugging enabled!?
- BTime, on 02/25/2009, -0/+2Rules are for suckers
- iljets10, on 02/24/2009, -1/+3Buried for not linking to the full article.
- dorianh49, on 02/24/2009, -2/+4What about just saying something like, "So long and thanks for all the fish!"?
- jeremiah, on 02/25/2009, -0/+2I was laid off two weeks ago and started a new job (in a position that was not posted) this week within the same company. The only reason I even found that job was because I sent out one of these emails just thanking the people I had worked with over the years. Within 2 days I had 3 job offers and since I included my external contact info,in that email I could keep communications going while not being on their network.
If done correctly, that email can be a powerful tool! - mrmulan, on 02/24/2009, -0/+2No, it should involve sleeping the execs wife, or his hot legal daughter.
SOL if said exec is a woman, unless that floats your boat. - Briandt75, on 02/24/2009, -0/+2Are you kidding? Even with joblessness at an all time high, I know plenty of people that have gotten jobs lately. What good do you think keeping good relations with someone that just fired you will do? hahaha... You're obviously a very good Yes Man.
- publiclurker, on 02/24/2009, -0/+2With the office conferencing network turned on and set to record.
- assbeard, on 02/24/2009, -1/+3one guy at my company sent out a mass e-mail telling us that his son was nominated for a Juno award.. in some obscure "no one cares" category. Being in IT, it took all I could muster NOT to disabled his e-mail for the day.
- andreo, on 02/24/2009, -2/+4Sometimes you just have to burn a bridge or two, for your own sanity.
- AstroZombie138, on 02/24/2009, -0/+2The industry is too small to burn bridges. People will typically remember you by their last interaction with you. I've seen a five year track record ruined in someone's last two weeks because they just didn't care anymore. I always make sure to put in extra time/effort in my last two weeks to make sure I don't ruin everything I've built in the past.
With social networks and a smaller industry, its easy to find a friend or co-worker that has worked with a job applicant. Its not worth the satisfaction you would get (though often warranted) by sending out what you really think of the operation. - MrFurious2k, on 02/24/2009, -1/+2Sometimes you discover that you'll be hired back in a new capacity. I've known plenty of instances where a skilled coworker left only to return a year or two later in a better position. Taking a parting shot may feel good initially, but it's a great way to ruin your reputation.
- whiskeythief, on 02/25/2009, -0/+1Wall street? Get a clue. Banks lent money to people to buy houses they couldn't afford. This is Barney Frank and Fannie and Freddy. Wall street is the victim.
- Meocross, on 02/24/2009, -1/+2Yep we have nothing to bitch about "at all" not in the slightest, heck im not even going to bitch about on how a little town like Wall Street brought this freaking disaster, They should rename it Doom valley.
- Kajarago, on 02/24/2009, -0/+1That makes absolutely no sense.
- jshugars, on 02/24/2009, -0/+1If you want to read the actual farewell email and not the media's spin on the farewell email it's here:
http://www.theshugars.com/2008/05/my-goodbye-email ...
True story: It wasn't an "F You" to Google, it was my own personal highlight reel. The Goog was the sh*t and I'll miss it.
Do I get a +1 for douchiness now? Fingers crossed! - inactive, on 02/24/2009, -0/+1*****
I grammar massacred my rant - czeman, on 02/26/2009, -0/+1It's because you don't want to burn bridges. You'd be surprised how many people return to companies they leave. You'd be even more surprised how often someone at one company becomes your boss or the person you have to interview with at another one down the road.
- d3dm, on 02/24/2009, -1/+2I don't think you need to say anything when you leave. You put on your shades, pop up your collar, grab your red stapler and walk out the door, realizing that there's so much more to life than where you pick up a paycheck.
- mcquitty, on 02/24/2009, -0/+1Evidently, you have worked for crappy companies.
- jshugars, on 02/24/2009, -0/+1Scoring: I liked your use of the word "*****" and "douchetard" was especially creative.
+2 for the truthiness.
- 5 points for the overall tone of jealousy and bitterness. - czeman, on 02/26/2009, -0/+1Today is my last day. It was great working with some of you, but to the others...
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..............\.............\... - Kajarago, on 02/24/2009, -0/+1Our receptionist is a man?!?
- EntropyFan, on 02/24/2009, -1/+1A lot of people on Main Street helped Wall Street to bring this disaster.
It takes 2 to tango; 1 to irresponsibly borrow, another to irresponsibly loan. -
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