What is Digg?59 Comments
- chris355, on 10/12/2007, -1/+17Wow, I think I used to work at that company. Thank god I quit 5 months ago.
- Ascendant, on 10/12/2007, -0/+13I think the whole reason for this article is that the author was jealous he didn't get to bang Suzy.
- roguescout, on 10/12/2007, -1/+14As a production manager, I was cringing as I read down the list. I expected to see something horrible that I have done.
Luckily, it looks like I'm not a ***** boss.
Well, I did bang that crazy bitch, Suzy.
Whore.
Good tips though. Thanks. I'm bookmarking this Digg to keep myself in check. - mabba18, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Get back to work Rusty!
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -8/+20shut up suit!
- AZSanMan, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Sloppy seconds is not the way to go. Make cute Suzy bring in cute friends for everyone on the team.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+13
"Call the redhead guy on the team Rusty. Everyone will laugh and you are sure to win their hearts."
LOL!! - contentpig, on 10/12/2007, -0/+12Anybody thinks its "just being whiny" should look at what the Fortune 500 companies must do to retain good people, lest they go somewhere else, and then who's whining?:
MICROSOFT
Redmond, Washington
Size: 355 acres
Employees on campus: 28,000
Signature benefit: Paid time off for volunteering
Perks: Foosball, Ping-Pong, Xbox consoles stashed in alcoves, 2,800 original works of art, free beverages, whale-watching excursions, 25 cafeterias, Starbucks stands, private lake, baseball diamond, soccer field, volleyball courts, campus shuttle, office movie day
Sample lunch menu: Roast chicken with olive tapenade marinade, corn and green chile bisque, smoked ham and mozzarella stromboli
Campus news: Company theater troupe (past productions include Return to the Forbidden Planet and The Comedy of Errors)
ELECTRONIC ARTS
Redwood City, California
Size: 30 acres
Employees on campus: 1,700
Signature benefit: Paid week off at Christmas for all employees
Perks: Onsite chiropractor, coupons for free games, sand volleyball court, garden labyrinth, videogame library
Sample lunch menu: Grilled habanero pork chops with apple chutney, cole slaw, and herb-roasted Yukon potatoes
Campus news: Extra dough for workers who burned the midnight oil, should company lose the pending employee class action concerning overtime pay
NIKE
Beaverton, Oregon
Size: 175 acres
Employees on campus: 5,000
Signature benefit: Scholarships for children of employees
Perks: Tennis lessons
Sample lunch menu: Picabo Street PB&J sandwich
Campus news: Deep discounts on Nike gear
MERCK
Rahway, New Jersey
Size: 210 acres
Employees on campus: 4,300
Signature benefit: Cable TV in the cafeteria
Perks: Onsite auto repair, day care, laundry service, and dry-cleaning facilities, full-service company bakery, professional massage
Sample lunch menu: Vegetable tortellini, red hot and blue turkey burger, four-bean chili
Campus news: Free Merck drugs included in health plan
PIXAR
Emeryville, California
Size: 21 acres
Employees on campus: 700
Signature benefit: Pixar University, a series of in-house classes featuring guest speakers like director David Russell, animator Ray Harryhausen, and magicians Penn and Teller.
Perks: Free film screenings, Friday happy hour, soccer team, running trail
Sample lunch menu: Fried prawns with tartar sauce and cole slaw, prime rib with mashed potatoes
Campus news: The Love Lounge, a card room accessed through a utility access panel, and Club 441, another lounge, which employees enter by pushing a Shakespeare bust just like the one in the old Batman TV series. It opens a door disguised as a bookcase.
GOOGLE
Mountain View, California
Size: 22 acres
Employees on campus: 850
Signature benefit: Engineers get salaried time to work on pet projects.
Perks: Free meals, onsite massage, communal bikes, shoreline running trails, grand piano
Sample lunch menu: Grilled petite New York sirloin seasoned with Creole spices and Crescent City steak sauce and served with organic onion rings
Campus news: Restrooms are outfitted with robotic toilets with seat warmers and built-in bidets.
AMGEN
Thousand Oaks, California
Size: 130 acres
Employees on campus: 7,000
Signature benefit: $10K a year tuition reimbursement
Perks: Free snacks, discounts at local amusement parks, two-story fitness facility with hot tub and indoor rock-climbing wall, farmer's market
Sample lunch menu: Halibut with pico de gallo sauce and Southwestern slaw, pasta shells with chicken, mushrooms, and escarole
Campus news: Summer "fermentation seminars" (aka free beer on Fridays) - SundayTrain, on 10/12/2007, -1/+9Move them to the basement and stop the paychecks.
Oh wait that may not work as intended... - nikebud, on 10/12/2007, -2/+10I apologize for the lengthy post, but, drawing on my pizza delivery and management career, which lasted for almost a decade, I decided to try to come up with my own list before I read TFA. I got to 34, but I am sure there are more. Keep in mind, I didn't practice these rules (well, not all of them, anyway) but I've seen them in practice or have been victim to them on occassion.
1. Change their amount of weekly hours. Over or under what they desire.
2. If #1 doesn't work, reverse direction.
3. If #3 doesn't work, repeat number 1 and 2.
4. Give them responsibilities they don't want.
5. Take away responsibilities that they have.
6. Demote them (against their will.)
7. Promote them (against their will.)
8. Be vague and unresponsive when they ask you for feedback.
9. Relocate them.
10. Force them to wear silly and/or ridiculous uniforms.
11. Hint to their workplace enemies that public talking-behind-their back is ok.
12. Hint to their workplace friends that the manager has heard their public talking behind-the manager's-back.
13. Create inside jokes regarding said employee.
14. Post amusing signs, publicly display these inside jokes.
15. Put the employee "on call" and consistently call them in when they least want it.
16. Schedule them to work early in the morning after a requested day off.
17. Schedule them to work late in the evening before a requested day off.
18. Do both, #16 and #17 simultaneously.
19. Ignore their requested days off.
20. Create workplace situations in which they are doomed to fail.
21. Create allies that make great witnesses.
22. Dismiss rational explanations as excuses.
23. Call an employee meeting banning excuses.
24. When outside supervision is expected, and the manager has the day off,
throw a party for the employee in question in his honor. Make him/her
stay up late and imbibe more than normal. This works best after #7,
if the employee is in charge of the business the next day. The manager
can then pretend it was a surprise visit.
25. Pretend all outside supervision visits are "surprise visits."
26. Create internal spies!
27. Create impossible goals for the employee (catch-22 situations.)
28. Isolate the employee from his allies.
29. Fire his allies.
30. Hire new allies for the employee so you can fire them too.
31. Put them on salary at a modest amount, which is slightly over overtime.
Then make them work 60-70 hours a week.
32. Isolate their one skill and put them in charge of training it to new employees,
for no extra pay or status. Promote one of them, fire the ones that he/she likes.
33. Use all of these steps against their allies, but let your allies flagrantly disregard
any and all rules within reason.
34. Make raises conditional on evaluations, give regular evaluations that end up horribly. See #24 - weprin, on 10/12/2007, -0/+8"Give your employees 2nd tier systems to work with but expect top tier results."
Amen. - zigamorph, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9Are you sure because I definilty worked with that guy and quit 2 months ago and I didn't know a chris.
- inactive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+9"1/3 - It's a ***** job. Get over it."
clearly your some kid without one, because if you did you'd know you spend the majority of you life at work so anything that can make that time more enjoyable is a huge deal. - Obsidian743, on 10/12/2007, -0/+6Funny, because it really does describes my company to a TEE. I even Googled the guy to see if he worked for us!
- mabba18, on 10/12/2007, -10/+16...or basically act like a manager.
Interesting list but I have a problem with these two:
Shut off access to Google and Ebay because it's not "required for work".
Google, ok, but eBay required for work?
Never let employees hangout and use the corp. network to play games after hours.
Work computers are not toys. Do you think bus drivers get to race after work? - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -1/+6The point is that the IT workers are a valuable asset. And if you don't give them what they want (Good enough salary, etc) they will leave. People were leaving, hiring new people is expensive and time consuming. Therefore he != good manager.
- kooft, on 10/12/2007, -2/+7Suzy's a pre-op tranny.
- airmann90, on 10/12/2007, -0/+5Suzy's gettin' around.
- yelkereb, on 10/12/2007, -1/+5@pumacub
The point is not that they're entitled to LAN parties at work, but that allowing them improves morale. Work sucks that's why they pay people to show up but throwing the occasional bone, like monthly LAN parties is a good way to keep people on the non-incarcerated side of office distain.
As for the gay, comment that caught me to, but lets face it people act a bit too sensitive. If you think using gay as a negative adjective implies anything more then a touch of insensitivity you may be a bit too sensitive. Lets all try and meet in the middle here, honestly. - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -4/+8only racing buses is dangerous, some quake4 after work is not.
you can easily justify after work gaming as team bonding sessions, only your not paying idiot "corperate retreat" bozo $5000 to host it. - nyconx, on 10/12/2007, -2/+6I always wondered why he called me Rusty.
- Alphabet, on 10/12/2007, -5/+9yea, but what if you have a boss that refuses to sleep with cute Suzy unless she sleeps with the entire team as well?
/everyone's equal
//best boss ever - cakestick, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"Campus news: Extra dough for workers who burned the midnight oil, should company lose the pending employee class action concerning overtime pay"
Ooh ooh, all that crunch time that ruined my relationship with my wife was so worth the recognition of having to sue my employer for a "bonus". Sign me up!!1 - saifatlast, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2Yeah, you're right. Workers are just robots who need to do their jobs because their bosses say they do. They don't have emotions or needs or anything.
- mxmike, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2that is so true! it's called managing people out. If this is happening to you get a recommendation letter and leave!!!!
- hobbers, on 10/12/2007, -1/+3This wasn't a "50 ways managers need to change" list, this was a "50 ways to get employees to quit" list. There's more to managing employees than making sure that they follow the rules. I can guarantee you that if someone manages a group to death, people are more likely to quit. I mean, if the manager really wanted to, he could count the 5 minutes in the bathroom against your time card, he could stand over you and whenever you yawn, pick your nose, or scratch your arse, knock minutes off your time card. Etc. But they don't, and for a reason. I would quit a job the first day if the manager saw me come out of the bathroom and told me to make sure I take those 5 minutes off my time card. And I'm sure there are plenty of other people who would do the same.
- terrab0t, on 10/12/2007, -0/+2"Don't trust written time cards. Make employees email you when they get to the office so you can see a timestamp when they get in."
I've never worked under this specific condition (at least at any respectable office job), but if I did, I would feel quite satisfied after I finished a cron script to do this for me. Honestly, after the strict, by-the-clock jobs I've worked, showing up to a workplace on time isn't a problem at all for me, but I might forget to send the email every now and then. - fjvwing, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1More interesting than this basic gripe list is his list of things he did to get a promotion. I wonder if one of the major factors of getting that promotion was the act itself of putting the list up in his office, because having the list up made the author look 'serious' and 'motivated' to do the job.
I was dismayed about needing to do all that stuff to get ahead, and then I realized I do not want to be Senior VP -- just a more important researcher with more toys and recognition. - hodyoaten, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1If a manager has to resort to doing these things, then he's failed at his job of managing and leading. He's just someone with some delegated authority trying to meet quotas.
- Urusai, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1This is a dupe of the Pointy Haired Boss's Guide to Management Excellence.
- shaun1018, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Sounds like everything in this list came from The Office TV series : )
- nikebud, on 10/12/2007, -2/+3oops, 3 should read: If #2 doesn't work, repeat #1 and #2.
- marson, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Yikes, I've had a few too many of these pulled on me. Perhaps they wanted me to quit...
The one about playing games on the company computers after work doesn't seem to fit with the rest. I can think of a lot of good reasons why companies/managers wouldn't want this going on.
Overall, great list! - cakestick, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1That may be what the majority of managers are this day in age, I'm sooo looking forward to my business degree (sarcasm..)
- myevilmotives, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1"Hire 2nd (or 3rd) tier employees but expect top tier results."
You can have a crap company with good people but you can't have
a good company with crap people. The owners at my work haven't
seemed to figured this one out yet.... Sigh! - cakestick, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1kooft just made my night.
- 50clint, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1I had a manager that tried most of these. I was too stubborn to quit until he thought everything was OK.
- Joopapa, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1BINGO!!!
I managed to tick all those off for my last job.
Do I win a prize? - tazmeister, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1LOL my manager's boss does so many of the things on this list its almost not funny. But I don't think he does it to get people to quit.
- eje211, on 10/12/2007, -0/+1Isn't this the stuff Dilbert is made of?
- Employee, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Who such SUZY eventually??
http://styleway.org/ - MrBrownShoes, on 10/12/2007, -1/+1So many companies are like this, how much time should you be expected to waste trying to find a decent job before you get pissed off?
- yankeeboy, on 10/12/2007, -0/+0Years ago, several of us wanted to play Doom at the office but were unsure how the LAN manager would react. We diffused that problem by inviting him to play with us.
We also used the phones in a conference call so we could more effectively play teams. What a blast we all had! - Vanburene, on 07/19/2008, -0/+02008 Recipients of Amgen Award for Science Teaching Excellence Announced
http://www.sourcerelease.com/corp/4wb?r=ummmmg - inactive, on 10/12/2007, -2/+1This certainly sounds like it's from an employee's perspective, and not management. I'm not defending the guy. Clearly, some of those points are unacceptable. But at the same time, many of these points sound like the complaints of an employee because they don't get their way. "Billy Bob got a raise and I didn't for no reason! OMGHAX!". Sometimes management makes decisions without asking the lower downs what they think. That's their job.
But certainly, no matter what way you spin it, this manager has serious problems. If even a few of these points are real, I pity those workers. - barius, on 10/12/2007, -5/+3This whole article sounds more like a bunch of whiney know-it-alls complaining about nothing. Try pulling that 'we want to play games on the network' crap at IBM and see just how fast you can lose your job.
- pumacub, on 10/12/2007, -22/+19"Never let employees hangout and use the corp. network to play games after hours."
Ummm, does anyone really feel entitled to do this?
"Insist employees come to your wife's gay Barbecue."
51. Insult things by calling them "gay", who could you possibly offend? - haggie, on 10/12/2007, -5/+0@MrBrownShoes
1.) Asking the question puts you in the "too stupid" category
2.) The question itself puts you in the "too lazy" category
Thanks for making my point. - NinjAlt, on 10/12/2007, -8/+3So after the gaming alligations it took a whole week or so and everything is back to having top users run the front page? If this post was anyone else it would never have made it this far.
- tastycheese, on 10/12/2007, -13/+7Man, this PC stuff is just getting out of hand. What if she was having a barbeque for all her homosexual friends? Wouldn't it then be called a gay barbeque???
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