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Dickonomics: How 5 Everyday Businesses Trick You

cracked.com — The economy is in the proverbial pooper and many are trying to cut back. Unfortunately, there's a reason you came back with a new hi-def TV and 10-gallons of discount mayonnaise last time you went to buy bread. The retailers have gotten very good at what they do.

Who dugg this? Made popular Jan 5, 2009

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  • sgiffy, on 01/05/2009, -9/+295Maybe its just me, but I grocery shop at the nicely laid out quiet store, eat at the comfortable and non-annoying restaurants, refuse to go to bars where I cannot carry on a conversation and haven't really gone to a mall since I discovered the internet.

    Plus I tend to stop gambling when I am up or when I lose my initial and small stake.
  • Scrappy1850, on 01/05/2009, -7/+253well, aren't you just mr. ***** perfect? i'll bet your kids aren't hooked on heroin either...
  • NeoCortex, on 01/05/2009, -3/+167Everyone else gets ripped off. I can beat the system. I just know it.
  • inactive, on 01/05/2009, -7/+153Lol who the hell goes to a casino. you deserve to be ripped off.
  • ElGubrush, on 01/05/2009, -3/+126This actually pisses me off, I can't believe my friend the bartender is ***** me!
    And here I thought I had established a rapport....
  • deadmoo, on 01/05/2009, -7/+110I don't know. Maybe you are not an American.
  • publiclurker, on 01/05/2009, -0/+97I thought it was so ugly people could get lucky also.
  • NathanielJ, on 01/05/2009, -0/+77How about Future Shop, where I pick up an HDTV, the salesman asks me what it's for, I reply "PS3", and he brings over a $130 HDMI cable as if it's needed for it to work and without mentioning the price?

    I pity technophobes who go into stores like that.
  • vertigo32, on 01/05/2009, -3/+80I haven't been in a while, but I don't think there is anything wrong with going to a casino. Treat it like going to the ballpark, the movies, etc.

    Decide ahead of time how much you want to spend to be entertained, and only spend that. If you aren't stupid, you can make $50 or $100 last all night at a casino and still pay for dinner and drinks.

    Some people have trouble controlling themselves and should definitely avoid casinos. Some people have problems at casinos, bars, electronic stores, etc...and should avoid those places.
  • woodrail, on 01/05/2009, -1/+63Does Verizon count? How about the electric company? IRS? I feel like I'm in constant battle with a veritible DICKTAPUS.
  • oboshoe, on 01/05/2009, -4/+59I was getting into this article till I read the following:
    "Casinos pump up the oxygen levels"

    BULLCRAP. First off that would be insanely expensive.

    Second it would make casinos a ridiculous firetrap. There is a reason that hospitals have warning signs that say "no open flame, oxygen in use"

    Alot of the the other stuff was good though.
  • cawpin, on 01/05/2009, -9/+62I've never been to a bar that stiffs people on the drinks. Where are you people drinking?

    Also..."Heart skip a beat when the bill arrived? Could be they were charging for those obligatory breadsticks, or pouring you bottled water instead of tap. They may have automatically included a 12 - 15% tip "for your convenience" which often leads to accidental double-tipping. Though it may be worth it if it prevents the waiter from putting his dick in your milkshake next time."

    Again I ask...Where the ***** are you eating? If a restaurant pulls the "included gratuity" thing with me I simply give them a simple choice. Either take off the charge, because that's what it is, or I'm not paying and never coming back. If they call it a gratuity they have no argument in court as a gratuity is added by the customer, not the restaurant. I am a very generous tipper and don't need anybody's help in that area.
  • billbugger, on 01/05/2009, -0/+44Nerd Fight!
  • crazzy88ss, on 01/05/2009, -5/+46As a waiter, I never stick my dick in milkshakes... it's too cold. However, when I'm asked "iceless" drinks...
  • kenlaw, on 01/05/2009, -0/+39Want to freak out. A Best Buy employee remembered me buying a surround system 2 years ago. I mentioned that the sub woofer was acting up and he told me that it has a 3 year warranty so bring it next time I drop by and they will probably send me a new one. Of course the system was very expensive (not your average home theater in a box), but he f**cking remembered and it was really a Best Buy and not my local Best Buy but one that I only visit less than once a month.

    The MORAL: it is not the store; it is the employees and management that makes a good store.
  • SpongeBad, on 01/05/2009, -0/+38I suspect you are a hot chick. That's the only way that story makes any sense.
  • TheCure, on 01/05/2009, -6/+42Uhh... bars are dimly lit because alcohol dilates your pupils which makes bright lights uncomfortable
  • GovernmentsGun, on 01/05/2009, -6/+42If you think your bartender is screwing you, you should see what your politician is doing.
  • prunch, on 01/05/2009, -1/+37Printer ink
    http://tinyurl.com/a3nq3f
  • kingmanic, on 01/05/2009, -1/+37I think the only time it should be mandatory is in large groups where servicing everybody adequately is a huge task. For 10 or more.
  • GovernmentsGun, on 01/05/2009, -0/+35Something I've noticed fast food places do is use option bias when upgrading. At every combo meal, they ask you if you want medium or large; when both will cost you more money. We tend to think that one or the other is default (and therefore no extra charge). Nobody wants "small" items either, even though they're just as big as the medium was ten years ago. Just to squeeze the extra 50 cents out of you, or whatever the hell it is.
  • krets, on 01/05/2009, -4/+38Probably owns a Mac.
  • RedHeadedFreak, on 01/05/2009, -0/+34I'm sure there's someone out there profiting from that very mentality. Do you shop at Hot Topic or something?
  • netneutrality, on 01/05/2009, -1/+34Hugest con of all: Lotteries.
  • zantos420, on 01/05/2009, -2/+35Nice Guy Eddie: C'mon, throw in a buck!
    Mr. Pink: Uh-uh, I don't tip.
    Nice Guy Eddie: You don't tip?
    Mr. Pink: Nah, I don't believe in it.
    Nice Guy Eddie: You don't believe in tipping?
    Mr. Blue: You know what these chicks make? They make *****.
    Mr. Pink: Don't give me that. She don't make enough money that she can quit.
    Nice Guy Eddie: I don't even know a ***** Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me get this straight: you don't ever tip?
    Mr. Pink: I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job.
    Mr. Blue: Hey, our girl was nice.
    Mr. Pink: She was okay. She wasn't anything special.
    Mr. Blue: What's special? Take you in the back and suck your dick?
    Nice Guy Eddie: I'd go over twelve percent for that.
  • thethunderbird, on 01/06/2009, -0/+32Yes you can! This could be your lucky day! Have another drink!

    Regards,
    The System
  • CedEx, on 01/05/2009, -2/+33One more hand... I can win it all back! I swear!
  • inactive, on 01/05/2009, -5/+35Cracked tricked us into reading that piece. It's way below their usual standards.
  • pintomp3, on 01/05/2009, -1/+30http://www.snopes.com/luck/casino.asp

    One recurring casino myth is that casinos pipe pure oxygen onto the casino floor, ostensibly to give gamblers an "oxygen high" that lowers their inhibitions. There is no evidence that this has ever taken place, and if it did, the casino owners would face criminal charges.
    http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/casino4.htm
  • asgardshill, on 01/05/2009, -0/+27Just the mere fantasy of winning more money than I could reasonably spend in three lifetimes, no matter how poor the odds are of actually doing so, is enough for me to blow my weekly $5 on tickets. Yes the lottery is a tax on the mathematically-challenged, but its hella cheap entertainment and the ***** odds are still light-years better than if I didn't buy any tickets..
  • Rikkochet, on 01/05/2009, -0/+26I bought an HD PVR from them last month and the sales guy was trying desperately to get me to buy an HDMI cable. I kept telling him I had one at home (well, I had monoprice open on my browser so it was kind of true) until he dropped it...
    Get the sucker home, unbox, lo and behold, THERE'S ALREADY A ***** HDMI CABLE IN THE BOX!
    Can't stand commissioned salespeople, but it's fun to ***** with them.
  • headzoo, on 01/05/2009, -1/+27Just agreeing with the other diggers that many restaurants will automatically add a 15% gratuity for larger parties. We had it printed right at the bottom of our menu: "A 15% gratuity will be automatically added for parties of 8 or more."

    The reason is large groups like that will have the wait staff running around like crazy, and working their butts off. They can't afford to get stiffed when they put in so much work.

    "If they call it a gratuity they have no argument in court as a gratuity is added by the customer"

    When it's clearly printed on the menu, then it's really no longer a gratuity, but more of a service fee. I don't think you'd stand a chance in court.
  • WhiskeyLemur, on 06/30/2009, -0/+24They do it because it WORKS - the Economist had an article about this last month, so this is neither new nor fabricated
    http://www.economist.com/science/PrinterFriendly.c ...

    I also read about a study (unfortunately this was several years ago, so I don't have the source handy) in which supermarkets rearranged their inventory in such a way as to place staples like milk and bread right by the entrance, while things like cereal and candy were relegated to the back of the store. The result was that sales dropped by something like 10%, which is a HUGE amount of revenue. No matter how well your store is doing, you'd be a fool to voluntarily forgo a tenth of your sales.
  • crazzy88ss, on 01/05/2009, -7/+30I'll go ahead and assume you're smarter than the average American. Which is why that BS doesn't work on you.
  • bcook2, on 01/05/2009, -0/+23I feel uncomfortable talking to people I CAN see clearly :(
  • prossi10, on 01/05/2009, -3/+26Above consumerism maybe, above pretentiousness? Not so much. May the smug be with you.
  • AndrewMoyer, on 01/05/2009, -4/+26#6: Cracked will have you believe there is a 1024 character limit on the content of a web page so you have to hit their web server again for Page 2 to read any story completely, thus serving you double the junk link impressions in the margins.

    I'm assuming they have ads that I have blocked, or they are trying to inflate their hit count to eventually sell ads that I will block.
  • NathanielJ, on 01/05/2009, -1/+23No... that would account for moderately-lit. I don't recall a time that I've been so drunk I needed the room to be so dark I could barely make out people's faces.
  • kingmanic, on 01/05/2009, -1/+22Cawpin - Bnl771 - headzoo:
    A situation where mandatory tips were made for -
    I helped out at my inlaws restaurant over the holidays and had a large group of 18 come in for lunch. My Mother-inlaw informed me that these people never tip and to just drop some water off and mostly ignore them. But I tried my best, kept their drinks filled, got the order on time to the right person with a smile and got 0$ for my efforts. They took much more effort to serve than 5 tables of 4 but the person who paid didn't think that extra effort was worth anything. Subsequently I'll remember him and do as my mother-inlaw tells me.

    I could see the majority of the table was openly embarrassed at how their patriarch was behaving and a few left a dollar coin under their napkins. I appreciate that and I think it's why many places charge a service fee for large groups. Large groups are much more difficult to give good service to.
  • dosher199, on 01/06/2009, -2/+23No you can't

    Regards,
    The System
  • inactive, on 01/05/2009, -0/+21They serve free or cheap drinks instead. Nothing loosens up a wallet like booze.
  • Sylocat, on 01/05/2009, -3/+23It's doubly strange, since these businesses don't even need to do these things to keep getting Americans to buy more and more ***** they don't need. Anyone remember this? http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2008/11/28/200 ...

    Why on Earth do these places even think they NEED to resort to subliminal brainwashing techniques, and yet they keep doing it.
  • chesterjosiah, on 01/05/2009, -1/+21At casinos, you don't have to play against the house. You can always play games like Poker where you're up against other gamblers. The dealer takes a rake obviously, but at least you're not up against the "The house always wins" rule.
  • vertigo32, on 01/05/2009, -0/+20And you represent a steady source of income to them. It's just a different mindset than people who serve watered down drinks to suckers.

    Some businesses go for the short term gain, some go for the long term investment...either way, you are still a customer and a dollar sign.

    Here's one that might be an eye-opener. See how many beers the barmaid buys you when you hang out there a few days in a row without money. Once or twice? You might get hooked up or get a pity beer. If you are with friends that are spending money on you, you are still income. Keep it up though, and you won't be nearly so welcome.
  • kingmanic, on 01/05/2009, -0/+19I really hate restaurants that have loud annoying music. Dance Clubs I can accept having loud music but I go to restaurants to eat not listen to top40 at 110db. I even dislike it in bars. I go to a bar to drink and converse not to hear metallica's latest dynamic range challenged single. I actively avoid loud restaurants and bars. I have also noticed that it seem to correlate with quality. The ***** the food the louder the music.

    I also agree with the electronic store comment. I haven't found a single person at best buy, Apple Store, future shop, EB, circuit city, etc. . . who knew much about what they were selling. Often they'd just read you the specs off the packaging and try to upsell to the most personally profitable item. I find most small white box computer store and small electronics stores to be much better, pity they are becoming rarer.
  • rushiku, on 01/05/2009, -0/+19Ding ding ding, you, sir, have just submitted the correct answer to the question "how can I make my vacation seem more like work?"

    Gamble your ass off to cover the cost of your travel, room and board, if you will, I'll be at a beach watching the pretty girls while sucking my foofoo drinks down.
  • publiclurker, on 01/05/2009, -0/+19I'm not telling, my wife reads this blog too!
  • EntropyFan, on 01/05/2009, -1/+18Not paying is a bad idea. They can (and I have seen) folks arrested for attempting to skip out on bills.
    It just isn't worth it. Pay the bill and never go back.

    And yes, unless you only drink pre-bottled stuff, I'm quite sure you have been stiffed on drinks at some point. I have never seen it to the degree they talk about, however.
  • dbldn, on 01/05/2009, -3/+19Are you saying that I should return my kick-ass new TV or the gallon of mayo? I think I might just keep the Mayo and make a sculpture.
  • gordonf238, on 01/05/2009, -2/+17Cmon, this is ridiculous, even the first one: Bars. They're dim because nobody (with a job) drinks during daytime. We go to bars when the sun sets, and the last thing we want with our glass of Scotch is fluorescent lights lighting up the joint like a Wal-Mart. That's why they're dim. Walk into any bar in NYC during happy hour and believe me, the dimness nor the uber-loud music are keeping anyone from talking to.. anyone. Hell, the chatter eclipses whatever ***** music they have playing.

    And pouring weak, watered down drinks? Another bull. Bars love to get customers drunk. Drunks drink more, period. Take random 10 bars across the country and measure how much alcohol is in a glass of whiskey, served neat. I guarantee you it's sure as hell more than 1.5 fluid ounces!

    And bartenders charging whatever they want for drinks? No way. They have computer cash registers, where a class of 12 yr. old whiskey shows up as $12 one way or another. Everything is automated.

    Sorry, but considering how foolish the first paragraph was, I'm not even tempted to read the rest of this crack o' rama.
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