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How to Show-Off Your New iPhone in a Totally 100% Dignified Manner

hogwild.net — When a stranger asks for the time, be sure to whip out your iPhone, hold it high, and wave it around so everyone can see its impressive “clock” function. Then shout, "Anyone else need to know the time?!!! Because I…HAVE… AN iPHONE!!!"

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  • Ireland, on 10/11/2007, -9/+147"CONVENIENCE STORE OWNER: Thank you, my friend!
    YOU: It's my privilege to serve the community. While waiting for the police to arrive, would you like to listen to some U2?"

    Very good
    • Chompy, on 10/11/2007, -38/+22When I see someone with an iPhone, I think "well look, there's someone stupid enough to blow $600 +sign up with one of the worst providers on the planet for a first generation device with a soldered in battery". Then I check the time on my own paltry conventional phone, and move on with my day.

      Yes, you blew a ***** of money on a device. Nobody cares. It doesn't make you a better person, it doesn't make you cool, it's just *stuff*.
      • totorototoro, on 10/11/2007, -6/+32Why would you even bother to give them a thought? Why would you even give a ***** what other people do with their money? Worry about yourself.
        • naio, on 10/11/2007, -15/+9Because you apple sluts are trying to convince everyone to buy this crap.
          • andburn1, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4Such is the nature of capitalism - Apple is genious in that they are selling more than a product - they are selling superiority, identity, and exclusivity. Apple product owners always think, even if subconciously, that they are smarter or better in some way than non-Apple users. Non-Apple users want in on this, and they buy the product. Because they love it so goddamn much, they want you to be a better person too. Apple's customers do most of their marketing for them. It's genious.
          • rpgmaker, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1@andburn: You know, that makes me sick (specially with the iphone hype, an almost every apple product create a hype atmosphere) but its entirely true.
        • Chompy, on 10/11/2007, -6/+5So you're saying that you never even consider the things that you disdain? How, in fact, does something earn your disdain if you never think about it?

          Also, amazingly, people can hold opinions on other things while also taking care of their own concerns.
        • t0ken, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2Chompy, I believe that all they were saying is that no one forced you to click on the link to this page. No one forced you to comment. While you might think the iPhone is as irritating as purse-dogs, many do not. There is no need to insult those who spent THEIR money on what they wanted to. I would be willing to bet that you, in fact own something others would consider unnecessary or extravagant.

          The point is, who cares? If you have such great disdain for something, why bother wasting your time trying to convince people of their perceived idiocy? You don't actually expect to change someones mind, do you?
        • Chompy, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1T0ken, you must be new to the internet, forums.. and maybe human nature as well. Welcome to Earth. I have an opinion, and I expressed it. I could as easily as you who you felt the need to "waste time" commenting on my comment?
      • gbarger, on 10/11/2007, -7/+6Actually, I don't own an iPhone but I've had several different phone services (starting with Sprint PCS when they entered Kansas City MO about a decade ago) and along the way t-mobile (voicestream), verizon, at&t wireless (when they moved to KC and had unlimited rate plans) and most recently cingular (after they purchased at&t wireless) and now at&t again. Of all the services I've discovered that Sprint sucked at everything (call reliability was horrible and customer service was even worse when going into a Sprint store). T-Mobile is amazing and has the best customer service bar-none but their nationwide coverage isn't wonderful. Verizon has wonderful call coverage but the in store employees locally seemed pretty arrogant (a quality which I hate) and their prices reflected their call coverage, but they were a little high for me to put up with the employees. Finally, I've never had a bad experience with customer service with at&t wireless/Cingular/at&t service in store, and for me personally I really have pretty good call coverage and decent rate plans. For me Cingular is the middle man that isn't best in class at anything, but they're close to the top of the list on everything I care about, and all those things taken together make me a happy customer. That being said, while I was in college I worked in the wireless department (cell phones) in Best Buy in 2000 and we hated dealing with Cingular at that time because they were horrible to work with. Apparently they've changed though because I haven't had any problems in the years I've been with them now. Although I realize you may have a differing opinion...but what's right for you isn't right for everyone Chompy.
    • jman2807, on 10/11/2007, -1/+7Dugg for the fonz at the end. Now sit on it....
    • GeneralSun, on 10/11/2007, -4/+3Oh come on, what a waste of a first post. Surely you can think of something wittier than "very good"?
      • Boondoggle, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2Confucius say: "He who take time to ponder clever first post, find out first post already taken"
  • timusca, on 10/11/2007, -16/+102That's the funniest thing I've read all morning... the best part is, most iPhone owners (myself included if I had one) probably fantasize about scenarios like these all the time.

    Apple should really do something like these for their TV ads... not their style, sure, but it would be funny as hell.
    • inukki, on 10/11/2007, -8/+1yeh they should, and let's wwait until real life stories that are related to that actually do happen and see how they'd get all the attention they would deserve when they happen
  • meshman, on 10/11/2007, -16/+202Oh ***** this. I've had to "log in" to digg 4 times within the last 10 minutes.
    • lysernix, on 10/14/2007, -1/+91Just logged in to digg you up.
    • LogicBomB, on 10/11/2007, -0/+51I thought I was the only one with this problem...
      • eddie72, on 10/11/2007, -2/+10nah I have that problem all the time too, even e-mailed in to report it, seems it isn't a easily fixable issue
    • MaceSoul, on 10/11/2007, -0/+10AMEN. What a PITA.
    • naio, on 10/11/2007, -3/+14The new Linux "specialist" Kevin Rose hired is fcuking with the site.
      • andburn1, on 10/11/2007, -3/+12... Kevin Rose is hardly the only one at Digg with hire/fire power. Stop attributing all of Digg's successes and failures to Kevin Rose. That's like calling the iPhone Steve Jobs' invention. It's ridiculous.
        • natecohen, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2Uh no it's not. Apple is a huge corporation. Of course a lot of people in Apple have a lot of hire/fire power. Digg on the other hand isn't as big and I'm sure Kevin Rose is the main man and makes most decisions about hiring and firing.
        • nayr, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3the iPhone IS jobs's brain-child...
        • sifeliz, on 10/11/2007, -1/+5...rib?
    • colecut, on 10/11/2007, -9/+2are we talking about iPhone glitch? if so, im glad im not the only one..
    • RandoTheKing, on 10/11/2007, -7/+0I've had the same problem ever since I've joined Digg about a year ago, and yes my cookies are enabled. If I close my browser, digg logs me out. It's the only website that does it. Does it at work too. Extremely annoying.
      • andburn1, on 10/11/2007, -4/+1Opera with magic wand to the rescue...
        • silverglade00, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4I don't know who's worse, the Apple fanboys or the Opera ones. Seriously, you don't need to justify your use of non-mainstream technology to the rest of us. We don't care.
          • GliTCH82, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1I agree, and as a former FireFox user and now proud Opera owner, I will wave my magic wand and make him disappear.


            ...keep watching! Hold on, it takes a second...
        • mattprice, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3Or Firefox, or IE, or Safari, or -- wait, doesn't every internet browser out there have some form of username and password storing now?
    • mucnix, on 10/11/2007, -11/+4ASP.NET state management is way better.


      digg down...
      • EruLabs, on 10/11/2007, -4/+5"ASP.NET state management is way better. digg down..."
        Oh _HELL_ no. Get a ***** JOB my friend. Please!
        This is not the time or place to argue with you, but good GOD I cannot let that comment go without punishment. ASP is a horrible, HORRIBLE beast.

        Friends dont let friends code ASP. net. They hit them with FOSS books until they bleed enough to see the light.
        • GliTCH82, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1How about, suck my balls.

          Suckmyballs.aspx?time=now&userId=EruLabs
    • wachter1, on 10/11/2007, -4/+4Hey, Digg has to make money too. Every time you log in you get to look at another ad
    • dbz253, on 10/11/2007, -3/+2while we're on the topic of things ***** up. doesn't anyone else automatically get defaulted to the technology section?
      • jman8888, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1ME ME ME.

        I thought digg wasnt having any non tech storys dugg. No clue why either.
      • iWasHere, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1Working as intended... you can change your default settings
      • pHr34kY, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1Does for me, but I like it. Anything non-tech isn't really news.
    • rinkjustice, on 10/11/2007, -1/+5Yeah, and don't bother with the "remember me" switch... I don't think it works.
    • Pinhedd, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1I had the same problem, fixed it by always allowing Digg to use cookies
  • BLyn, on 10/11/2007, -2/+160round 1: announcements of the iphone
    round 2: hype for the iphone (round 2 was really freaking long)
    round 3: reviews of the iphone
    round 4: satire of the iphone
    • ninja0, on 10/11/2007, -11/+17iphones getting annoying :S... its all about the openmoko(spl?) now!
    • Judicata, on 10/11/2007, -1/+40Except Round 4 started during Round 2.
    • SnuKs, on 10/11/2007, -5/+20round 5: theft of iphones from cocky users
    • JCSaint, on 10/11/2007, -1/+34Round 5: repeat with multi-touch iPod
    • superkendall, on 10/11/2007, -14/+1Round 5 - iPhone wins!
    • DkTyph, on 10/11/2007, -1/+14Round 5 - ???
      Round 6 - PROFIT!
      • Radionesiac, on 10/11/2007, -1/+2***** you ***** ***** ***** i expanded just to say this
    • short_man, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7Round 2 started before round 1
    • rpgmaker, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2We still have the round 2 running in the background.
    • sd2001, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1Round 5: Beat obnoxious iPhone owners with their iPhones and marvel in the sweet sound of the iPhone being destroyed from the force of the blows.
  • redfan, on 10/11/2007, -8/+47"Then you simultaneously call emergency services while accessing Wikipedia instructions on how to perform CPR. To keep the man’s wife from panicking, you calm her down by showing her amusing videos of cats wearing silly hats."

    LOL...
    • jimbo100, on 10/11/2007, -1/+2or just laugh at the doctors futile attempts while YOU watch amusing videos of cats wearing silly hats
  • boxxa, on 10/11/2007, -2/+248" Then you simultaneously call emergency services while accessing Wikipedia instructions on how to perform CPR. "


    But since its EDGE, it takes too long and the man dies.
    • BLyn, on 10/11/2007, -5/+42nono silly, you're forgetting that it's an iPhone. Edge can't bottleneck the awesomeness.
    • mraustin1337, on 10/11/2007, -1/+25The restaurant has a hotspot, duh...
      • phaed, on 10/11/2007, -1/+8hehe. They also have a defibrillator, a trained nurse who knows how to use it, and a stretcher they were inadvertently using to haul vegetables.
    • btnheazy03, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4Not just EDGE, but *AT&T* EDGE, which is like making ***** *****
  • bentuck85, on 10/11/2007, -14/+6buried as inaccurate: " Then you simultaneously call emergency services while accessing Wikipedia instructions on how to perform CPR." as an iphone owner it should be known that data transfer while on a call just doesn't work. cpr fails, man dies. GG.
    • Impact0115, on 10/11/2007, -2/+14You are right! Good call burying an inaccurate SATIRICAL article!
    • MaceSoul, on 10/11/2007, -0/+8You can't email a picture of a robber to the police either, can you?
    • thomasthecat, on 10/11/2007, -0/+16What I like is that he takes issue with transferring data during the call but NOT the secret stun-gun feature.
      • sholt, on 10/11/2007, -0/+11That feature is there, but needs to be enabled by firmware.
    • Vanadium, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1Perhaps this convenience store has WIFI! IF that were the case then you could access wikipedia while making a call.
  • judbeasley, on 10/11/2007, -16/+6Although I despise Apple and the iPhone. That was damn funny!
    • naio, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6Welcome to the club. Just don't forget to despise the fanboys as well!
  • joopdorresteijn, on 10/11/2007, -8/+20Is it me or is Hogwild's hilarious articles the dumbest humor ever?
    • xike, on 10/11/2007, -4/+6Yeah, I don't think it's even remotely funny. But I guess any iPhone article that's not critical of it will automatically receive 1000 diggs.
    • GeneralFailure0, on 10/11/2007, -2/+5I thought it was really funny, but I'm not really familiar with Hogwild's stuff. I think the main reason it was funny to me was because I really did expect a list of ways to discreetly show off an iPhone.
    • tony4moroney, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1Same this is the second time ive read a ***** article and his semi-literate asinine humor sucks.
      I guess digg really has been run over by 14 year old nerdy kids, because i dont understand how they would otherwise find this funny.
  • cplex, on 10/11/2007, -4/+21How to get jumped 101.
    • nodonoug, on 10/11/2007, -2/+17didn't you read the article? the iPhone has a hidden stun gun feature!
    • jawbreaker4fs, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1Seriously. I never take mine out of my pocket in public if I can avoid it.
  • Smoopty, on 10/11/2007, -6/+3iPhone Bitch! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHO8l-Bd1O4&NR
  • ausfahrt, on 10/11/2007, -2/+6definitely semi hilarious
  • misterhat, on 10/11/2007, -6/+4The fact I laughed at these "jokes" really goes to show how I've had far too much of the iPhone hype
  • argeaux, on 10/11/2007, -12/+8Feel free to show it off. We understand you spent a small fortune to impress everybody by having it first, because you're very, very insecure.
    • ajb2015, on 10/11/2007, -1/+4the number of negative diggs your comment receives is inversely proportional to how true it is.
  • axisofphilippe, on 10/11/2007, -14/+8buried for being ***** lame.
  • alexkriegsmann, on 10/11/2007, -8/+28now all we need is a tutorial on how to shut the ***** up about the iphone. satire or not.
  • yingjai, on 10/11/2007, -11/+14Although I own a 1st gen iPod Nano, some Apple fanboys are out of control. I don't see how the iPhone is any more special than other phones with similar functions other than that they are not from Apple. It's exactly like that parody ad I saw a while ago. Anything Apple comes up with, fanboys/girls will buy it. Digg me down, but I still think the iPhone craze is ridiculous.
  • plutpwnium, on 10/11/2007, -4/+29Dugg because of the iPhones wallpaper in the article.
    • GrayvDigger, on 10/11/2007, -0/+0Exactly! Now who can tell me who that woman is? Thanks! :)
  • chronichyjinx, on 10/11/2007, -18/+6I just digged this with my iPhone!
    • sengo, on 10/11/2007, -1/+16Dugg this. You dugg this.
    • dukeochutney, on 10/11/2007, -1/+6/hands you a cookie
    • MaceSoul, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3Chronichyjinx holds up iPhone to the world "I would like you all to know that I hath Dugged your musing of my people on my wonderous iPhone device!"

      /I don't think he really gets it.
    • chronichyjinx, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1Sorry, I DUGG this with my iPhone. BTW I really don't have one I just figured it would be a "good way to Show-Off Your New iPhone in a Totally 100% Dignified Manner"
  • thickdrummer, on 10/11/2007, -17/+11Title should read:

    "How to get on Digg front page in one easy lesson"

    Buried as inaccurate
    • templest, on 10/11/2007, -4/+5Hm? It's a joke/article that was amusing and of general interest,
      isn't that what Digg's for?

      Your comment should read, "How to be sarcastic without the humour".
      Dugg down for being lame.
      • thickdrummer, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1The comment was a joke that was amusing and of general interest.

        Isn't that what Digg's for?

        Dugg down for being lame.
  • archer823, on 10/11/2007, -7/+2LOL. I went to high school with that kid.
  • elclipo, on 10/11/2007, -14/+9Buried as stupid and a waste of my time
    • templest, on 10/11/2007, -3/+5Your comment is hence buried for the same reason;
      this is funny, buy a sense of humour, jack-ass.
  • dukeochutney, on 10/11/2007, -4/+21and then you get the bill from AT&T and end up having to cancel your plan, realize you have to pay for that, and in desperation sell your iPhone on ebay to pay for the cancellation fee
  • VagrantAsylum, on 10/11/2007, -11/+6The iPhone is not only dramatically overpriced for what it is, the biggest downfall? Say goodbye to text messaging, because it can’t. Mobile email, yes, that’s a plus, but many other phones can do that, and I’m sure a vast majority of them can txt.
    • sholt, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3b..bu....but the stun gun feature! wha??! WAAAAAAAGH!
    • iamjohnellis, on 10/11/2007, -0/+7I thought iPhone could do text messages...? The huge promo video on display at my local Cingular Store made a big show of threaded text messaging. Picture messages? No. Instant Messaging? No. Text messages? I'm pretty sure yes. http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=305710
    • hellotyler, on 10/11/2007, -0/+3Text messaging works fine dumbass. You can't do MMS. (multimedia messaging service) Not text messaging. Instant messaging also works now with a 3rd party application.
  • jenp, on 10/11/2007, -2/+1i put the peekamo webpage as my front. kinda like having an open browser so i can use it easily.
  • PhonicUK, on 10/11/2007, -2/+8Has anyone done a "Smash my iPhone" ?
  • Caleb83, on 10/11/2007, -5/+1" Then you simultaneously call emergency services while accessing Wikipedia instructions on how to perform CPR"
    That quote has been posted 3 times already. Without further ado, I wouldn't suggest that unless you want to spend a few night in jail. Performing CPR without being CPR qualified is a serious offense. You are liable if the person dies. A CPR certified person might not save the victim but they don't have to worry about being negligent.

    Dugg for bad advice.
    • Rajjai, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1Defined CPR qualified.. We Had a preemie baby and we were shown a 10 min video about how to perform CPR on babies. I guess the expectation was that we should be able to perform CPR in an emergency. A10 min video makes us CPR qualified?
      • Dantetheinferno, on 10/11/2007, -1/+3Buried you both for taking a joke as a literal thing.

        Get off the internet because all you do is attempt to correct people to seem smarter.
    • ejm508, on 10/11/2007, -0/+1Err....wouldn't good semaritan laws protect you?
  • keebler21, on 10/11/2007, -4/+3Did anyone notice the hot chick on the iPhone? We should be talking more about that! Wa Wa We Wa - Me likey
  • GetTheGirl, on 10/11/2007, -6/+0there are some apps worth checking out on the iPhone
    http://seeqpod.com/iphone must be viewed with an iPhone of course and with wifi
  • domomike, on 10/11/2007, -1/+4This would have made a great YouTube video! haha
  • jakesonaplane, on 10/11/2007, -4/+2Ha! Just yesterday I was at the movies with my friend who has an iPhone. The movie theatre was full, as we were seeing Harry Potter... so I asked if I could play with it until the previews started. So I kept it on my lap, somewhat hidden... then the guy behind me shouts, "HE'S GOT AN IPHONE!" and I swear to god, at least 30 people were surrounding us, with more clamoring to see. It was crazy. I can't believe that many people wanted to see it so badly.
    • mrminty, on 10/11/2007, -0/+8Well, it's a well known and accepted fact that people are morons.
      • superkendall, on 10/11/2007, -3/+1Say, you're a person, aren't you?

        Ah, the dangers of generalization.
    • ronintetsuro, on 10/11/2007, -0/+2People who are okay with spending $9 to see a 2 hour long advertisement were excited about a brazen fashionplate owning the next big thing and gracing them with his presence???

      I assure you, I am SHOCKED.
    • holyshift, on 10/11/2007, -0/+0I did the same thing to some guy at the mall.....that prick thought he was soooo cool. Considering the area I live in he nearly got jumped.
  • gweedo767, on 10/11/2007, -2/+4" YOU: Coming through! I’ll take care of it! I’m an iPhone owner!

    Then you simultaneously call emergency services while accessing Wikipedia instructions on how to perform CPR. To keep the man’s wife from panicking, you calm her down by showing her amusing videos of cats wearing silly hats."

    Better have some WiFi at that food joint since you can't talk and use EDGE at the same time.
  • mrminty, on 10/11/2007, -3/+8Excellent.
    "3 – Use your iPhone as it was meant to be used... as fashion"
    How true.
  • reyfin, on 10/11/2007, -6/+1test
  • reyfin, on 10/11/2007, -6/+2Thanks alot digg.. last night I had a dream about getting and iphone!! and i thought it was the coolest thing ever even though i dont even want one in real life... Guess thats what i get for refreshing digg 50x a day the past week. anyone else ever dream about the iphone yet?
  • f4nt0m4s, on 10/11/2007, -6/+20why not just withdraw 600 dollars in 10s from bank and light them on fire in front of everyone laughing manically while Steve Jobs rapes you up the ass. While this is all happening everyone else will be taking pictures/videos of it on their 2 year old cell phones and messaging it to their friends...because they can.
  • tetsura, on 10/11/2007, -1/+4hahaha so good, bout time there was a decent submission about iphones.
  • octowussy, on 10/11/2007, -5/+8serious question: you do guys find this crap legitimately funny or do you just digg everything relating to the iphone?
    • kirab, on 10/11/2007, -4/+1I find it funny.
      Do you dig down everything on the iPhone?
    • jman8888, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1i found it amazingly funny.
  • ExecRecruiter, on 10/11/2007, -1/+1The iphone is basically a sign that says "look how much cash I have to burn". Even if it weren't so insanely expensive, AT&T sucks around here.
  • caponumen, on 10/11/2007, -2/+30I keep my watch strapped around my giant penis and wave it around in a similar manner when asked fore the time.
    • Zaetha, on 10/11/2007, -0/+4I thought I was the only one who did that.
  • q427skh, on 10/11/2007, -2/+3XD This was hilarious
  • nospaces, on 10/11/2007, -7/+2Hold on guys, trying to figure out how to digg this ON MY IPHONE.
  • aduzik, on 10/11/2007, -6/+1You know, I kinda don't like showing off my iPhone. By now it has all my personal information in it, so it's kind of like saying, "here, play around with it. While you do that, I'm going to go get my paystub, checkbook and diary so you can play with those, too." Maybe I'm just phobic about that sort of thing.
    I say this mainly because I was showing it to a coworker yesterday and when I opened up Safari, it was still on a somewhat embarassing page (nerdy embarassing, not the other kind)
  • mrhaines, on 10/11/2007, -1/+5Well, we can look on the bright side...maybe it will replace the automobile as the status symbol of the western world. That can only be good for the environment.
  • techmaster7b, on 10/11/2007, -1/+3This only furthers proves its uses, which is very little.
  • mindXuf, on 10/11/2007, -0/+5http://www.benheck.com/podcasts/photos/iPhones.jpg
  • peppino, on 06/03/2008, -0/+5I knew the iphone hype was getting out of control when my grandmother was disappointed that I wasn't getting one.
  • Confusinator, on 10/11/2007, -1/+3My favorite part: "It's my privilege to serve the community. While waiting for the police to arrive, would you like to listen to some U2?"
  • JohnnyRad, on 10/11/2007, -2/+4best thing to do with your iphone: go to digg and bury this story
    • dackerman, on 10/11/2007, -2/+2instead of burying this relatively good story, just bury this jackass' useless comment!
  • huskerdude, on 10/11/2007, -0/+0Let's make sure to take this very seriously, guys.
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