Should I Quit My Job After Wetting My Pants At Work, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Should I Quit My Job After Wetting My Pants At Work?
I am writing to you in a state of extreme mortification. I, a full-fledged adult, wet my pants at work. What makes this worse is that this is a brand new job that I absolutely love, but now I'm thinking about just quitting and never showing my face there ever again.
For context: I am a woman who had several medical procedures last year that left me with some minor bathroom issues. I'm working on these things with my doctor, and I've never had a problem, until today.
I work at the front desk in a pretty small office. I was super busy and rushing around all day and I didn't have much time to myself. Towards the end of my shift, I finally got to sit down, started responding to some emails, and well, without much warning, the floodgates opened, so to speak. I sat in shock for a few seconds. All I could even think to do was quickly pack up, hold my backpack and jacket awkwardly over my backside, shove my chair under my desk, and book it out of there.Since it was the end of my shift anyway, I just went home to change and cry.
I don't think anyone actually noticed (they were all in their offices and very busy), but I can't stop thinking what if someone actually did see? How do I show my face at work tomorrow? How do I explain to someone why I'm scrubbing down my office chair? Blame it on spilled coffee? Just never go to work again?
Alison Green tries to reassure the letter writer that it's highly unlikely that anyone noticed. "People spill things at work all the time!" she notes. "Wiping down a chair is not going to be connected in most people's minds with bladder accidents, I promise." Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Continue To Hook Up With A Guy Who Insists On Wearing A Ski Mask Whenever We See Each Other?
I've been hooking up with a guy for awhile now who will only meet up with me if he can wear a ski mask. We live in a rural area with very few options for sexual partners so I begrudgingly went along with this at first. I have asked him so many times for him not to wear the mask but he refuses to as he wants to be discreet and ultimately being horny I usually give in and meet up with him. Once when he was in a vulnerable position I pulled his mask off but he immediately bolted out the door before I could see his face. A month later he messages me asking if I'm "over that." I replied NO and told him I wouldn't be meeting up with him anymore if he's going to continue wearing a mask. After eight months of persistence requests to meet back up with him, I decided I would do it…
I knew his name all along but I wasn't able to match up his name during a search through social media that would show a picture of his face. Until recently. Finally there he was on Instagram showing his cute face to the world while hunting, fishing, and doing lots of boating. He looks like a great friend to have. I thought, great, I'll meet up with him and show him I found his Instagram account and he will surely see how ridiculous he's being and take his mask off. Nope! He didn't care that I knew what he looked like and he wanted to keep wearing his face mask and keep meeting up with me on the regular while pretending I didn't actually know what he looked like! I can't seem to break him of this habit no matter what I do or say and it drives me nuts and I struggle to understand it.
I can't find anything online that addresses this topic but I do like mask boy a lot even though I strangely have never seen his face in person so I am hoping you have some suggestions to get him to ditch the mask and be more open with me and perhaps even be friends.
Dan Savage points out that the ski mask is probably a kink and that the guy in question has made it very clear that he doesn't want to stop wearing it. "So if the mask bothers you and/or isn't something you find sexy and/or makes you feel like someone/something he's ashamed of and you don't like feeling that way, then you'll have stop hooking up with him," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.
Can I Charge My Mom Money To Use A Car That She Helped Me Pay For?
I'm 24 and live on my own. I have generous, loving parents. They paid for college, still pay my car insurance and phone bill, and every so often will buy me groceries. My folks are not rich, but they would rather see my brothers and me benefit from the money they have, than spend it on themselves.
Last September, my car was totaled when someone slammed into it while it was parked on the street. I bought a new car, which cost $14,000. I used $8,000 of my own money, $4,000 from a bank account that my parents started for me after I was born (birthday money, baptism money, etc.), and $2,000 out of their pocket as a gift.
This summer, I'm planning to move to New York City. I won't need my car, and my mom will soon be in need of a new car. She loves my car. I was thinking of "leasing" it to her for $100/month, or asking them to contribute to my metro card balance while she drives my car.
Is this selfish, considering they've been so generous to me my whole life?
Should I sell her my car at a discount? Should I just give it to her?
I'm trying to be morally and financially responsible.
Amy Dickinson urges the letter writer not to lease the car to their mom, for practical as well as ethical reasons. "You should either give your mother the car outright, or sell it to her at a steep discount," she suggests. Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Give In To My Girlfriend's Family's Demand That I Replace The Computer And TV They Got For Free And Then Destroyed?
I have been with my girlfriend for five months. After I got a big raise at work, I decided to splurge and upgrade my TV and computer. I knew my girlfriend was raised by a single mom, "DeeDee," and that money was tight with the two younger brothers. I offered them my 4-year-old computer and TV. At first, my girlfriend's mom was overjoyed. We drove down and set everything up for the kids. A week later, DeeDee texted me that her boys had destroyed both the TV and the computer and that it was my job to replace them. I told her no. She left a profanity-filled voice message. When I went to talk to my girlfriend, she came down on her mom's side. It was an "accident," and it wasn't like I couldn't afford to replace them. We fought. My girlfriend started to cry and I apologized to make her stop, but I am still pissed. I am questioning my relationship with her now. I do love her, but this entire situation has put things in a different light. We are each other's first serious relationship. What do I need to do?
[Slate]
Daniel Mallory Ortberg encourages the letter writer to reopen the conversation with their girlfriend. "Make it clear that while you're not going to go out of your way to antagonize her mother, you stand by your decision not to replace the items her younger brothers destroyed," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.
Can I Tell My Coworkers That I'm In Unrequited Love With One Of Our Colleagues?
I work a student job on my campus where I set my own hours. I have been "in love" with one of my co-workers for, like, a year now, and he knows it. (Because I told him. While he still had a girlfriend.) He's single now, but no moves have been made, and the outlook isn't good for the moment. A few other people know about the situation, but not everyone. If he's not telling anyone what's been going on, what proportion of the office is it appropriate for me to blab to? Luckily I graduate soon, so this whole mess will be over in a few months.
Katy Lederer advises the letter writer not to talk to anyone in the office about their crush. "I gather from your letter that you have stopped short of stalking this person, which is good," she writes. "So toe that line and feel your half-ecstatic/half-torturous feelings." Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Base My Charitable Giving On Whether An Organization Sends A Thank-You Note?
This past Christmas, I made all of the charitable donations to local organizations. The checks ranged from $100 to $300. I was surprised when I received only one thank-you note from an organization.
I think these are all good organizations, and I will still give to them. However, next year, I will recognize the organization that took the time to send the thank-you with a larger donation.
[Creators]
Annie Lane suggests that this might not be the most helpful way to approach charitable giving. "The money they don't spend on postage for thank-you notes is money for working toward their goals, goals you believe in and set out to support in the first place," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.