Why Won't My Fiancé Leave Me Alone About The Reason I'm In Prison, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Why Can't My Fiancé Accept That I Don't Want To Talk About The Reason I'm In Prison?
I'm a woman in prison for embezzlement. I was sentenced a year ago. My problem is my fiance. He's constantly saying that when I am released in 2 1/2 years, we are going to have a serious talk about the reasons why I did the crime. I have told him repeatedly that once I walk out of the prison gates, I won't want to discuss the reasons that put me here. I just want to put this horrible experience behind me.
I know this has been difficult for him, and he wants answers. How can I get him to understand that I will have paid my debt to society and just want to focus on the future when the time comes for my release?
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren comes down on the fiancé's side. "He has proved his love by sticking with you, but if he is going to marry you, he deserves some honest answers," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Reconcile With My Husband, Who Threw Me And Our Baby Out After A DNA Test Came Back Incorrect?
My husband, "Tom," threw me out of the house after the results of a paternity test said he wasn't the biological father of our newborn child. Tom is the only man I've slept with in almost 16 years; I knew the test results were wrong. I was really hurt when he asked for one, since I've never been unfaithful. Tom had an emotional affair around the time our child was conceived, though, and because we weren't having sex that often, he doubted he was the father. I thought a paternity test would put his fears to rest. Before throwing our baby and me out, Tom raged at us. The things he said to me will haunt me for the rest of my life, and when I comforted our sobbing baby, he became truly unhinged. I convinced Tom to get several more paternity tests, and they all confirmed he's the biological father. Tom is repentant and wants me to move back home. I want a divorce. Tom is upset I can't see things from his point of view: He made a horrible mistake, but at the time he had "every reason" to believe I'd cheated on him. I'm exhausted and heartbroken. I will do all I can to ensure Tom and our baby have a relationship. But I don't want to be his wife. Am I making a mistake?
[Slate]
Daniel Mallory Ortberg rules that breaking up seems like the sensible thing to do. "It's possible to understand where someone was coming from, extend maximal compassion and sympathy, and still decide that your romantic relationship is no longer viable," he writes. Read the rest of his answer. (Also, read a question submitted to the subreddit r/AmItheAsshole that very much appears to have been written by the husband in question.)
Can I Ask Out A Job Candidate I Helped Interview Whom My Boss Rejected?
My team has been hiring for a position over the past couple of months. During this time, I have served on the interviewing team. I ask questions to candidates and then give my thoughts regarding whether to move them to the next round.
My manager and I interviewed a guy during first round interviews and really liked him based on his credentials and answers, so we moved him forward. My manager then moved him from the second round to the final round of interviews. During this time, he was one of the final two applicants left. Our team took both final two applicants out for coffee to get to know them better.
At this point, my manager decided to offer the job to the other candidate. Now, I'm wondering if it would be appropriate for me to reach out to the interviewee we did not extend the offer to and ask him out on a date.
I thought he and I connected really well during the coffee portion of the interview, but I don't want for there to be any mixed messages. I also don't want to get in trouble at work.
Alison Green strongly advises against asking out this job candidate. "He was there in a professional context, and he shouldn't have to wonder whether accepting/declining the date could potentially affect his professional chances with your company in the future," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Tell My Friend I Found Out Her Parents Are Super Wealthy?
I go to college in New York City and live with my best friend. She's from here; I'm not. I Googled her parents recently (for fully innocent reasons). I knew they were wealthier than my middle-class family, but I had no idea they were buy-a-record-price-penthouse-and-make-the-headlines rich! I was shocked: My friend is humble and avoids status symbols. Still, she has immense privilege and connections that I don't. I'm also rethinking our decision to split checks and her correcting me on minor facts. (It seems condescending now.) I think I need to raise her family wealth. You?
Philip Galanes discourages the letter writer from confronting their friend. "You call her your 'best friend,' but it sounds as if you're still getting to know each other," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.
How Can I Get My Son's Girlfriend To Stop Calling Him By A Nickname?
My son is dating a girl who calls him by a nickname we have never used. He has always used his given name. He says he doesn't mind this, but I know he does because all throughout his childhood, he would correct people who used that nickname for him. I am not particularly fond of this girl, and I think this is just one of the things she does that is not good, but it is also the simplest to correct. I have made a point of calling him his given name as much as possible in her presence, but she doesn't seem to get the hint, and I know he won't say anything to her about it. My husband says to leave it alone but as his mother, this irks me.
Andrea Bonior urges the letter writer to butt out. "I'd urge you to read your letter again, and pick up on the irony," she writes. "You are worried a girl is steamrolling your son, so your reaction is to try to steamroll her (and your son) in the process." Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Start Kissing My Kid On The Lips?
My question may come off as ridiculous, but I am genuinely concerned that I am doing something wrong. I am a very affectionate individual and will hug and kiss and squeeze family, friends, and their children. I have just never been a kiss-on-the-lips person unless it was a romantic partner. I consistently shower my toddler in kisses and hugs and tickles, and he has become a wonderful cheek kisser. But again, we don't do lips. However, my boy's grandmother kisses him on the lips, and my husband's family kisses on the lips. Are we doing something wrong? Will our son be self-conscious when he sees other mommies and daddies kissing their kids on the lips? Or will he be confused when he gets kisses by grandparents?
[Slate]
"You're fine," replies Nicole Cliffe. "Lots of people don't kiss their kids on the lips." Read the rest of her answer.
