How Can I Get My Neighbor To Stop Doing Yard Work In His Underwear, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
How Can I Get My Neighbor To Stop Wearing Underwear In His Semi-Private Backyard?
Our next-door neighbor, "Stan," is a 50-year-old widower who lives alone…
Stan is a great neighbor — helpful, dependable and respectful.
Lately, Stan has been doing light yard work wearing nothing but his bikini-style briefs. I'm talking underwear, here.
Our neighborhood is semi-private and the only way to see anyone is to be in your own backyard.
When I told my husband about Stan's attire, he shrugged it off.
Well, the other day I went over while Stan was wearing his briefs and asked him why he didn't wear swim trunks instead. He said that his swimsuit is even skimpier than his underwear, and that he wouldn't feel right wearing them in his yard.
He said that when he wears his very skimpy swimsuit at the beach, no one says a word.
I'm wondering if Stan is flirting with a legal issue.
Instead of telling this letter-writer to stop creeping on their neighbor, Amy Dickinson suggests checking their local ordinances regarding indecent exposure. "Perhaps there are neighborhood parents who are concerned about this — if so, they should take it up with the town," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Should I Respond After People At Work Complained About My Curly Hair?
My hair is naturally thick, curly, and voluminous. I do my best to keep it in neat spirals, but every once in awhile it gets a mind of its own and starts to frizz. When this happens, I pull it back into a ponytail (even though that makes it look like I have a bush growing out of my head)…
I am a receptionist at a university in a wealthy and conservative area. On a recent humid day, my hair began to frizz mid-day. Before I got the chance to grab a ponytail holder from my bag, I interacted with a parent who told me my hair looked unprofessional and I later found out complained to my boss about it. My boss told me this wasn't the first time he's gotten a complaint about my hair and asked me to do something to make it look more "normal." I'm stumped on what to do. I don't want to spend a ton of time or money straightening it… Also, in case readers are wondering, my hair texture is not indicative of any ethnicity or culture that might get my boss in hot water for his "normal" hair comment.
I am a pale white girl from the southern US.
Alison Green suggests that the letter writer tell her boss that this is her normal hair. "As long as you're keeping it reasonably well-groomed, a little bit of frizz is not offensive or unprofessional," she writes. "You certainly don't need to straighten it!" Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Forgive My Friend After He Billed Me For Ruining His Sheets?
When I was evacuated from my home due to the wildfires in California, a friend of mine opened up his home to me. I got deathly ill and ruined the sheets I was sleeping in.
I'm still recovering from my illness, and haven't had a chance to go to the department store to replace the sheets. Today I received an itemized list of all the items that need to be replaced and how much I should spend to replace the sheets and other items. I'm totally insulted by his behavior. How do I proceed from here without having any ill will?
[UExpress]
Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, asks whether there's more to the friend's about-face than what the letter-writer mentions. "In any case, you still owe gratitude for the hospitality he did show, as well as an apology and restitution for the damage," they write. Read the rest of their answer.
How Can I Get My Coworker, Whom I Disdain Because Of Her Weight, To Stop Copying My Style?
I have been trying to get healthy for years and recently lost a lot of weight. Every job I have, I work with grossly obese women. At my present job, one of them keeps coming to work dressed like me. It has happened before and I am sick of it. You have no idea how insulting it is to come to work, ready to do my job and find myself in this embarrassing situation. I just started working here and I need the job.
To me, this is a form of harassment, and I don't understand where she's coming from. It's not my problem if she is unhappy with her self-image. I like myself; I mind my own business and do my work. Also, I worked in fashion for years. If she wants my fashion expertise, she should pay me for it. Copying the way I dress is not a compliment. It's identity theft. She is not me. I do not appreciate her imitating me. Please help!
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren suggests lightening up. "Have you never heard the saying, 'Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery'?" she asks. "It's a principle the fashion industry is based upon." Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get My Roommate To Stop Running The Faucet Whenever He Goes To The Bathroom?
My roommate has an annoying habit. Every time he uses the bathroom, he keeps the water running. We live in a drought-ridden area, and I don't want to think about the amount of water he wastes each day. We've lived together successfully for just over a year now, without any real fights. I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but I do want him to get the impact of leaving the faucet on. We have separate bathrooms, so the first time I heard the running water was a few months into living together. I casually asked about it, and he said he's been self-conscious of bathroom noise since he was little. I didn't want to push it too much because it seemed to be a sensitive issue, but I mentioned the drought and how it might be a waste. He agreed but didn't change his actions. He pays the water bill, and I pay the cable, so it's not a matter of money. But I find myself super aware of every time he goes to the bathroom, which is not a habit I want. Annie, I'm not sure how to approach him about this again or how to stop caring so much. Got any advice?
[Creators]
Annie Lane suggests that the roommate buy a fan or a white-noise machine to mask his bathroom noise without wasting water. "But at the end of the day, bathroom habits are highly personal, and you can't control your roommate's," she adds. Read the rest of her answer.
Was It Wrong To Send My Daughter A Valentine's Day Card That I Pretended Was From Her Dog?
My daughter is often annoyed over things I say or do. She never lets go of them until I defer to her, but I'd like to hold my ground this time: I sent her and my son Valentine cards. I signed his, "Love, Mom." But my daughter has a dog that is the love of her life. I thought it would be cute to send the card as if it were from her dog. When she saw her brother's card, a vicious text exchange ensued. Was I wrong?
After reviewing the text chain in question, Philip Galanes recommends an apology. "Say: 'I'm sorry you were insulted by the card. I was trying to be funny,'" he proposes. Read the rest of his answer.
