How Can I Get My Husband To Admit He's Addicted To Pokemon Go, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
How Can I Get My Husband To Stop Playing 'Pokemon' Go 8 To 10 Hours A Day?
Ever since "Pokemon Go" came out, my husband has been spending a lot of time playing it. Sometimes he's out for eight to 10 hours per day, including during the night, walking around and attempting to find Pokemon for the game.
"M" is in his early 50s and has been a stay-at-home dad for the past seven years. Our lifestyle is frugal, and having one of us available for the kids' activities has been useful... But I struggle with the fact that for the past 1 1/2 years, he's been spending eight-plus hours each day (including weekends) playing a game. It's a colossal waste of time, and I'm sick of it…
In the beginning, he said that he'd play until he reached some top level and then scale it down… A couple of times, he has said that he knows he is addicted and that he won't play that much anymore. But he still plays, and I don't think he plans to stop. He knows I don't like it when he spends so much time on this game but says that many smart people play, too, and that he wants to spend his time how he likes…
I'm considering separation or divorce. I would appreciate your advice.
[Creators]
Annie Lane observes that the husband appears to have a gaming addiction and doesn't appear ready to get help. "If he's going to quit, it will have to be cold turkey — deleting the app and even deleting his account so he's not able to restore his data," she writes. "I don't think he's ready for that step yet." Read the rest of her answer.
Why On Earth Do My Aunts Think It's Acceptable To Bottle-Feed A 6-Year-Old?
I'm part of a big, very nosy Hispanic family. We all live very close to each other in the same town. My cousins are like my siblings. My eldest cousin is the only one with kids so far, an 18-month-old and a 6-year-old. My aunties — the kiddos' great-aunts — utterly disregard my cousin's wishes with her kids. For example, when left alone with the kids (which is often, both the children's parents work nights), the aunties will give the 6-year-old a baby bottle full of warm milk. The kid is in first grade and already reads. Both my cousin and I have tried to tell them that this is wrong. The child is well past the age where bottle drinking is OK. Every time this gets brought up, it causes a family war. My aunts justify it by saying that this or that cousin had a bottle at an advanced age. Usually they just shut me down by saying that I don't have kids and can't give an opinion, despite the fact that the child's parents agree with me. I seriously worry for the child's welfare and psychological well-being. I have no idea how to approach this anymore, but this is absurd and it needs to end.
[Slate]
Nicole Cliffe, one of Slate's new parenting advice columnists, remarks that the letter writer's influence over this situation is minimal. "It's not your fight. Your cousin will care enough to put her foot down or not," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Honor My Sister's Request To Keep Her Terminal Cancer A Secret From Her Friends And Husband?
My sister was recently diagnosed with cancer, and it sounds like it's pretty bad. She has decided not to tell anyone about her illness because the doctors have told her that there's nothing she can do about it, and she doesn't want to worry her husband or friends. I think this is crazy. Her husband is going to be devastated and angry if he doesn't find out before she dies. I also think he will be angry with me for keeping my sister's secret. Do you think I should tell him? I know this is my sister's life, but I feel like I'm caught in a terrible situation.
[UExpress]
Harriette Cole advises the letter writer to keep her sister's secret. "You do have a heavy burden to bear since she told you, but your duty is to stay true to her," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Make Amends After My Kindergarten-Age Son Ostracized His Friend For Having Dark Skin?
My son goes to a kindergarten where considerable time is devoted to discussing all the glorious varieties of skin tone and how they continue to influence racial discrimination. Recently, he refused to let his best friend join a game of tag because the friend has dark skin. I reached out to the parents to apologize and ask how they would like us to discuss the issue at home and between the kids. Radio silence! We love this family and don't think our son really knows what he did. What can I do to reduce hurt and retain friends?
Philip Galanes advises the letter writer to acknowledge that her son behaved very badly and have him write a note of apology to his friend. "While I applaud your reaching out to these other parents for guidance, they are under no obligation to provide it," he points out. Read the rest of his answer.
Is There Any Way For Me To Use My Experience Planning Sex Parties To Help Me Get A Job?
A few years ago, I hosted a small sex party that was a great success. Attendees recommended other attendees, and the list of invitees grew.
I decided to treat the group like a real organization. I put systems in place to handle the administrative aspects of finding hosts, teaching hosts how to throw a good event, and handling event registration…
The group has been a tremendous success. We have hundreds of members, and I'm very proud of the culture, the extreme respect that members feel for each other, and an atmosphere that everyone praises as being safe, consent-based, and accepting. We now have several hundred members and if this were an activity that could be done above board, I would be trying to turn it into an actual business.
Running and growing this club has given me experience that is directly relevant to a management job, and much of what I have done would be great to talk about, if it weren't a sex club. Is there any way to bring this experience into the mix when talking with prospective employers, or does the subject matter forever relegate it to the NSFW category, no matter how relevant it may be?
Alison Green sadly nixes this idea. "[I]f you're asked for details — or worse, a reference connected to your work there — you're going to quickly get into territory that requires you either to lie or to make your interviewer very uncomfortable," she predicts. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Make My Sister-In-Law Understand That I'm Not Going To Give Her Daughters Free Dance Lessons?
I was a professional dancer for about six years before I was in a car wreck that ended my career. Since then I have married and now work at a nonprofit. I was contacted by a friend who introduced me to several gifted but underprivileged dance students… I have taken a few on as a personal instructor and coach. I do this on my own time and pay for it from my own pocket. When my sister-in-law heard I was teaching, she got it into her head that I should include her 7- and 8-year-old daughters for free because I am family. I told her no over the phone, and then she drove over with the girls in dance gear. I told her no again and refused to let her in the door. She threw a fit and since then has been blasting me over all social media and got the rest of my in-laws on her side…
I always considered myself close to my mother-in-law, but she even asked me why I couldn't set time aside for "the girls" rather than these "strangers." I love my nieces, but they are not serious about dance… My students are passionate about dance; it is their love and lifeblood… What do I do?
[Slate]
Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence, encourages the letter writer to stand her ground. "With your sister-in-law, refuse to engage on the level she's insisting upon. Mute or block her on social media." Read the rest of her answer.