How Can I Forgive My Mother For Raising Me In A Cult, And Other Advice Column Questions
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There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.

Is It OK To Insist On Splitting The Check Evenly When Our Meal Costs $40 More Than The Other Couple's?

When my husband and I go out to dinner with another couple, he thinks it's petty either to request separate checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is what we do with most friends…

However, we are friends with one other couple who has always declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my husband has always grumbled afterward to me about "Tony's" stinginess.

Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends.

I don't think friends are obligated to subsidize my husband's and my appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when it's $40 worth. Also, I think it's OK to request separate checks.

[UExpress]

Miss Manners comes down on the letter writer's side. "There is nothing unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good idea if you want to have any friends left," she pointedly rules. Read the rest of her answer.

How Can I Forgive My Mother For Bringing Me Up In A Cult?

We were brought up in a very religious, weird family setting. My grandfather was a very loving mentally ill man who nobody questioned. He believed he was a prophet and all blindly followed. We had an "independent" church in the basement of our deep country land.

My mother made our lives worth it with her love and kindness, but to this day I still resent her for putting us through so much pain and confusion. I love her and I know she was a victim too, but where do I draw the line? I see a psychiatrist and therapist just to function. She didn't harm us, but she was an adult and did nothing to protect us. How can I forgive her when she doesn't believe anything went wrong?

[Slate]

Dear Prudence, aka Mallory Ortberg, opines that forgiveness is overrated and urges the letter writer to set boundaries with their mother. "You do not have to forgive your mother, nor do you have to pretend that your childhood was fine just because she does," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

How Can I Convince My Boyfriend To Stop Getting Into Violent Altercations With Other Drivers?

My boyfriend is an extremely courteous guy who helps little old ladies and men across busy streets, but he is out of control when he's behind the wheel of his car. He likes to peel rubber when he accelerates and squeal his breaks when he stops. He also speeds, runs stop signs, and gets violent if someone cuts him off.

In the past three months, he has had three altercations with other drivers. One time my boyfriend and this older guy were fist-fighting beside the road. I've done all I can to get him to slow down, but he won't. I really like this guy, but I detest his driving habits. Every time I'm in the car, he gets angry and flips some other driver off. I want to keep him as a boyfriend. What should I do?

[Creators]

Robert Wallace, who writes the teen advice column "'Tween 12 and 20," tells the letter writer their boyfriend is putting their life in danger. "If you must have him as a boyfriend, then you should do all of the driving, and I do mean ALL of it!" he insists. Read the rest of his answer.

How Can I Deal With A Mean Jerk Who Insults Me On The Commuter Rail?

I take the commuter rail daily. Several months ago, I asked a woman who was talking in the quiet car to lower her voice. Another woman said, "What, I can't cough if I need to?" She then fake-coughed for two stops before getting off, telling the first woman not to ever let anyone tell her to shut up while looking pointedly back at me. I held her gaze and said nothing. A few weeks later, we ran into each other getting off the train. She wrinkled her nose and said, "Eww, don't talk to me" and shoved past me. This morning I sit down in the quiet car, and she is across from me. She said, "Of course, the freak sits next to me" and changed seats. I just want to get to work without a hassle. Any tips? I can't change when I commute.

[The Boston Globe]

Robin Abrahams, also known as Miss Conduct, suggests changing cars and theorizes โ€” implausibly, in our opinion โ€” that the woman feels threatened by the letter writer. "Your railway enemy is overtly unpleasant, but you aren't making any effort to avoid her," she writes. "She might well feel stalked by you!" Read the rest of her answer.

Is My Boss Allowed To Pay Me Via A Payment App That Gives Him $5 When I Sign Up For It?

A few months ago I picked up a little side job, washing dishes at a local cafe. While I was out of town over the holidays, my paycheck bounced. When I got back from out of town, I asked my boss when I could come in to get a new check. Instead of telling me a time, he texted me a link to a money exchanging app and told me to download it.

When I clicked the link, it told me that he would receive five dollars if I downloaded the app with the code he had provided. Is it just me, or is this really off? It almost feels like he is looking to turn a petty buck off of bouncing my paycheck. Can I insist on being paid with a check, or do I have to accept payment in whatever form he offers, including by downloading the app? 

[Ask A Manager]

Alison Green, the manager of Ask a Manager, encourages the letter writer to make sure her boss is taking payroll taxes out of her paycheck. "You need a real paycheck, with a regular check stub, with taxes taken out and the money reported to the IRS," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

Is It Normal To Sit Down On Public Toilets Without Using A Toilet Seat Cover?

I have a somewhat uncomfortable question. Recently, I moved from California to Texas for my job, and I love it here. Though there are a lot of differences between the states, one has stood out to me more than any other: There are no paper toilet seat covers offered in public restrooms. When I first moved, I thought it was simply that I was going to the types of restaurants and businesses that don't offer them. However, I've been asking Texas natives about it, and rarely does anyone here use a toilet seat cover or make one from toilet paper. Some people are hoverers, depending on the state of the toilet, but the majority of people I've polled seem to be fine sitting right on the seat. Is this normal? Are toilet seat covers really a facade? Have I been wasting precious seconds carefully laying down covers and paper all these years?!

[Creators]

Annie Lane, the Annie of Dear Annie, points out that germs are small enough to pass through toilet seat covers and that the average cell phone has more bacteria on it than the average toilet seat. "Unless you have an open cut that would be making contact with the seat, the risk of germ transmission from a toilet is incredibly low," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

<p>L.V. Anderson is Digg's managing editor.</p>

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