How Can I Accept Being Beaten By My Girlfriend At Arm-Wrestling, And Other Advice Column Questions

There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.​

How Can I Adjust To The Humiliation Of Being Beaten By My Girlfriend At Arm-Wrestling?

I'm average, fitness-wise, and work in an office. My girlfriend, who is naturally athletic, has belonged to a gym for a year. Our two fitness paths collided when I was enjoying a coffee with her and her training partner, "Trixi," at her place one day.

Trixi made a muscle. When I complimented her on her impressive arm definition, she responded I should see my girlfriend's. When my girlfriend flexed, her bicep popped up so high my eyes bulged… Trixi felt both our arms and declared mine softer. She then pushed us to arm wrestle. I'm 3 inches taller than my girlfriend, and I'm a man, so I thought I would win.

Anyway, two times on the right and once on the left, I ended up with the back of my hand securely pinned down to the table to their extreme amusement. I felt embarrassed because there was nothing I could do to stop her stronger arms driving me down.

The upshot is, I feel there has been a power shift in our relationship. My girlfriend will now teasingly flex when she wants something. She also enjoys challenging me in public. I have now been defeated in arm wrestling in front of her parents and a group of her cheering girlfriends. How should I adjust?

[UExpress]

Abigail Van Buren, aka Dear Abby, suggests that the letter writer start hitting the gym more. "While you're there, ask a trainer to help you get started with the weights and machines so you can learn proper form and build yourself up rather than tear yourself down," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

Should A Digital Creative Agency Accommodate An Employee Who Wants To Print Everything Out?

I work for a digital creative agency, and we recently hired a contractor, Ann, who says she is unable to read anything on screens. She has to print everything — schedules, deliverable matrices, design outputs, emails — before she can review or give feedback…

Ann has derailed pretty much every review meeting we've had, including with clients, because she has to check the screen against the materials she's printed or because she has not had an opportunity to print the materials to be reviewed. She complains constantly about the fact that we're creating and tracking all of our work digitally (five or six times in every meeting, plus another eight to 10 times throughout the rest of the day). And she has asked if she can schedule multiple trips across the country to work in person with people, because she has trouble doing the work via her laptop…

This is not the only issue with her, but this is one I've never encountered before and am struggling to address. 

[Ask A Manager]

Alison Green of Ask A Manager urges the letter writer to find out if Ann has a medical condition and, if so, get creative about accommodating it. "Be clear about what you can't do (like flying her around the country to meet in person), and what she can't do (like complaining to the client or complaining throughout the day about your office's digital tracking systems)," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.

How Can We Tactfully Reject The Creepy Doll My Mother-In-Law Gave Our Toddler?

My partner's mother has owned a realistic imitation infant doll for more than a decade. She keeps it dressed and placed in a bassinet in her living room to hold when she misses her now-grown children. She has attachment and boundary issues, and while the doll has always creeped me out, it seemed harmless and perhaps helpful to her, so we never said anything about it.

Fast-forward 10 years, and my partner and I have a toddler. Without warning us, Grandma brought her doll on her last visit and gave it to our daughter when we weren't present. It is extremely lifelike, weighs around 8 pounds, and is not going to withstand the activity and whims of our active child…

Our child won't play with it and asks us to put it in a closet before she sleeps; we only bring it out when Grandma visits. How do we return it and reinforce some healthy boundaries with Grandma?

[Slate]

"[T]here's not an ideal outcome available here, and since it's not the standard 'we pull out a tacky gift twice a year when our mother-in-law visits and pretend we enjoy it year round,' I think your refusal to keep this doll makes sense," writes Daniel Mallory Ortberg, aka Dear Prudence. Read the rest of his answer.

How Can I Fire A Maid Of Honor Who Keeps Blatantly Insulting Me?

After a lifetime of shitty boyfriends, I met my fantastic fiancé, who came with a gaggle of fantastic friends, who I deeply love…

But… my maid of honor. When I was in bad relationships, I guess she seemed less bad than it turns out she is, or maybe she's reacting to my engagement (I'm not being self-involved; after my last breakup, she propositioned me, so it wouldn't be the first time that she reacted poorly to one of my relationship changes). But it's gotten out of hand. She calls me fat on a daily basis, complains about the restrictive diet I'm on, only talks to me when she needs something from me, and routinely insults me. I don't feel any love here any more, I know that I have other people in my life who don't make me feel like garbage every time I see them, and I'm pretty tired of her telling me that I won't like the bridal stuff she's planning for me because, as she says, she has "better taste" than I do…

I want to ask her to step down in the wedding party, but I don't want any drama because I honestly don't feel any drama about the situation — I tried to make things better in twenty different ways, it didn't work, and I've processed that. Is there a graceful way to inform her that her services are no longer required (and that I don't even want her at my wedding anymore)?

[A Practical Wedding]

Liz Moorhead encourages the letter writer not to worry too much about being graceful, or about explaining the falling-out to others. "You're allowed to choose who you spend your time with and your energy on," she writes. "This person isn't worth either of those things." Read the rest of her answer.

Why Did It Upset My Daughter-In-Law So Much When I Joined My Grandkids' School's PTA?

My son and his family recently moved back to our area. I feel I've missed so many milestones, though I did make the effort to visit them every month or so.

Once the kids started school, I joined the PTA. I so enjoyed my time as PTA president when my sons were small, and thought I could get to know the parents of my grandchildren's friends. When I announced this, my daughter-in-law started to cry and said, "We never should have moved back." My son gathered up the kids and left, and we haven't spoken since.

I don't understand what happened, though I have always had a frosty relationship with my daughter-in-law. She is not my favorite person. I did not approve of my son marrying her, and found her immature.

Since the kids were born, I tried to let bygones be bygones. She responded with ignoring any advice I've provided and making it as difficult as possible for me to visit. She is cordial but not friendly, and I feel she excludes my husband and me from some events.

What do I do now? I don't trust my daughter-in-law to include me on her own. And I'm sure the school will be upset to lose such a willing volunteer.