How Can I Get My Coworkers To Stop Pranking A Colleague Who's Terrified Of Clowns, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
Should I Tell My Coworker Who's Afraid Of Clowns That Our Colleagues Are Planning To Prank Him With A Clown Costume?
I have a coworker who is terrified of clowns. He is popular in the office, and once in a while one of my other coworkers thinks it's funny to change his wallpaper on his laptop to a scary clown picture or something of that nature. He will react in what the others think is a funny manner by screaming or running out of the building. Well, this month due to Halloween, they have been pranking him daily and have even taken up a collection to buy a clown costume to wear later this month. I want to tell him about it because I think it is juvenile and pathetic, but I worry about repercussions from my boss because she is in on it and a driving force behind it. What should I do? I need help in a hurry.
"Assuming he seems to be genuinely terrified and not in on the fun, you should tell him because it's profoundly crappy to set out to terrify someone," replies Alison Green. She also suggests offering the coworker support if he wants to go to HR. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Keep A Woman From Bringing Her Son To Our Local Playground During 'Girls-Only Time'?
I have a daughter, and some other moms of daughters and I have started getting together at a local playground at a set time each week. Recently a mom of a boy brought her son to the playground at the same time we were there. I asked her (nicely, I thought) if she would mind leaving because we had wanted it to be a girls-only time. She refused and seemed angry at me.
If she comes back, is there a better way I can approach her? This has been such a sweet time for moms and daughters, and having a boy there is naturally going to change things. We live in a world where boys get everything and girls are left with the crumbs, and I would think this mom would realize that, but she seems to think her son is entitled to crash this girls-only time. I know I can't legally keep her from a public park, but can I appeal to her better nature?
Carolyn Hax strongly encourages the letter writer to reevaluate her stance and let the boy play. "That kid is a human being — not with privileged little man feelings, either, but with feelings, period," she writes. "People are not widgets." Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get Past My Friend Telling Me I Should Get Cosmetic Surgery For My Birthday?
I am a reasonably attractive 60-year-old guy. I have a close female friend who is looks obsessed. She had a face-lift and some other cosmetic procedures last year when she was 47. A few months before my birthday, I was unsure how to celebrate it. I was thinking of a party or a trip. She said, "You should get your eyes done." I was shocked! When I told her she'd hurt my feelings, she apologized for making me feel bad. But she never said I didn't need an eyelift. I'm still upset. What should I do?
Philip Galanes urges the letter writer to accept his friend's apology — and the fact that she's hypercritical about looks. "[A] good apology doesn't include a lie," he writes. "It would have been wrong (and fairly implausible) for her to say that she'd changed her mind about your eyes." Read the rest of his answer.
Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend, Who Openly Hates My Adult Daughter And My Grandson?
I'm 51 years old, and have been in a relationship for over three years with a man who hates my grown daughter and her 10-year-old son (my grandson).
My daughter was 16 when she had my grandson. I was a single mom, and the two of them lived with me for a few years. She eventually got into low-income housing.
She doesn't drink, smoke or party. She works hard, and struggles to get by.
I pay for her car insurance and phone bill.
This is why my boyfriend says he hates her. He says this takes away from us.
I own my own house, my car is paid for and I pay my bills. I also have savings.
He pays for the electric and heat at the house. I buy 90 percent of the groceries.
He has moved out three times in the last year, and says it is because of her…
He has three kids and only has a relationship with one of his kids — the others won't speak to him. Do I need to get him out of my life?
After acknowledging that every story has two sides, Amy Dickinson accepts this easy dunk and tells the letter writer to DTMFA. "He doesn't pull his own weight. He bullies you. He is an enemy to your close and meaningful family relationships," she observes. Read the rest of her answer.
Should I Buy A Life Insurance Policy For My Son-In-Law, Who Always Claims To Be Sick?
My daughter has been married for many years to a man who is constantly ill. He is usually sick when the family gets together, which makes me think he may actually have agoraphobia, though I don't think he has ever had a psychiatric evaluation and he may indeed have multiple medical problems.
That said, they have recently given birth to a son after having attempted for nearly 18 years. I casually asked my daughter if they have life insurance, to which she said they have not "gotten around to it" yet. Since they are self-employed and work from home, I fear that his death could completely change my daughter and her son's standard of living. Would I be able to get and pay for an insurance policy for him or would it look like I'm trying to gaslight him? I wish him no harm, but I am concerned that if all these medical maladies that he apparently suffers from are true, he may not live long enough to be able to see his child through college.
[Slate]
Daniel Mallory Ortberg gives the letter writer permission to bring up the subject of life insurance once more before letting it go. "I think this is a good opportunity for you to take a step back and allow your daughter to make her own decisions, even if they're not the same decisions you would make," he writes. Read the rest of his answer.
How Can I Get My Mother-In-Law, Who Works With Me, To Stop Bragging About The Size Of My Engagement Ring?
I have been married for almost a year to an amazing man who surprised me with a stunning, large engagement ring. I'm a modest, humble person and often find myself hiding the ring because — although I love it — I don't like the attention it brings. My proud mother-in-law often brags about the ring to others. She recently started working at the same place I do and has been showing off the ring (on my finger) to my co-workers. It makes me very uncomfortable because I like to stay as professional as possible.
My mother-in-law is so sweet that I don't want to hurt her feelings. I also don't want to stop wearing my ring to work because it is so special to me. What do I do?
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren points out that by now all the letter writer's coworkers have probably seen her ring. "What you should have done when your mother-in-law first drew attention to it was take her aside and ask her privately to stop because you are a humble person and also concerned it might incite jealousy," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
