How Can I Cope With Having Lost Both My Testicles, And Other Advice Column Questions
There are too many excellent (and crazy) advice columns to keep up with, so we're committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here's a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions that our favorite columnists addressed in recent days.
How Can I Make Amends With My Neighbor After I Reported Her Dog To Animal Control For No Reason?
I'm wondering how to make amends with a neighbor who's aloof and distant. She moved in four years ago. Soon afterward, there was a misunderstanding about my friend parking in front of her driveway, and she was unnecessarily harsh about it, especially since I was seven months pregnant at the time. It really upset me, and my husband went over to tell her off, but it didn't go well. He ended up reporting her big, vicious dog to a friend in animal control. Animal control reported back that she and the dog were both ex-military and the dog was trained and under control, so no lasting trouble came of it. After that, most of the neighbors took my side and avoided her.
Eventually, it all blew over since she is quiet, keeps her house in good shape and even takes care of the elderly woman next door, mowing the lawn and shoveling snow for her. Also, the dog goes everywhere with her and does seem very well behaved. But somehow we never really started speaking again.
I have invited her to the block parties and the neighborhood Christmas party that I organize, but she never shows up.
Last week, I was working in my garden and saw her come home from what was obviously a funeral, and she looked so sad I wanted to offer my condolences but wasn't sure it would be welcome… We're a close-knit, supportive group on this street, but she's missing out. I want to fix this but don't know how. What can I try that I haven't already done?
Carolyn Hax calls this letter writer out on her apparent lack of remorse for her terrible treatment of her neighbor. "The answer was to drop by four years ago, the moment tempers cooled, to apologize for losing your mind over a driveway spat and to invite her and her nice trained dog over for a pleased-to-meet-you do-over," she writes, after a very satisfying dressing-down. Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Get My Son To Stop Calling Me A Liar After I Walked In On Him Hooking Up With A Male Friend?
My college-aged son and his male friend, "Randall," were staying with us at our vacation home this summer. This was the first time we had met Randall.
Late one night, I went downstairs, assuming they had left the TV on and had gone to bed, and walked in on them in a state of undress during an intimate moment.
Both of them panicked, and Randall decided to leave the next morning. My son was very upset, and told me that nothing was going on. I told him several times that if he's gay (or not sure), that's OK, and he got very angry, said he was not gay, that he liked girls, and that I was "exaggerating" what I saw. He even called me a liar. Needless to say, the rest of our visit together was tense.
I have tried several more times to get my son to talk to me about this and he won't… I am worried about him repressing, or living in denial. My husband thinks I need to let it go, and just pretend it didn't happen, but that feels very unhealthy.
What should I do?
Amy Dickinson points out that it's embarrassing for anyone to be interrupted by a parent in an intimate moment, and suggests that the letter writer back off. "Your intentions are benign, but you don't get to out your son," she asserts, "and you shouldn't force him to explain or acknowledge something he may not yet want to label." Read the rest of her answer.
How Can I Cope With Having Lost Both My Testicles?
I have a problem I don't think you have ever addressed. Both of my testicles have been removed. Fortunately, they were not cancerous. It doesn't bother my wife, which is a blessing. Most support groups are for cancer survivors, and I'm wondering if you know of any groups for men like me. Some days I still can't cope with it because this is part of being a man. Any suggestions?
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren advises the letter writer to ask his doctor for a referral to a support group or therapist who can help him process his feelings. "Although most members of support groups are probably cancer survivors, you still will have much in common, so keep an open mind before dismissing the idea entirely," she counsels. Read the rest of her answer.
Is It OK For Parents To Tell Their Son That His Wife Dresses Too Slutty At Family Dinners?
My nephew recently married a lovely woman. His parents, who are fond of her, are socially conservative. They notice that she often wears low-cut tops, even to family dinners, which makes them uncomfortable. They mentioned this to their son, who, perhaps ill-advisedly, told his wife. Now, hurt feelings abound. How can they be friends again? And how would you have addressed this issue?
Philip Galanes encourages the parents to apologize to their daughter-in-law. "First, if they don't like low-cut blouses, they should not wear them — ever, even if they're marked down 75 percent," he writes with typical élan. "But no need for them to police the wardrobes of other adults." Read the rest of his answer.
Should I Not Have Told My Stepchildren That My Husband Won't Pay For Their Kids' College?
My stepchildren are all married and had children at very young ages — the grandchildren are older than my daughter. My relationship with my stepchildren has mostly been civil and respectable as I came into their lives when they were adults. At a recent family gathering, the topic of the cost of college came up and my stepdaughter (mother of five) blithely said she didn't have to worry because "Daddy would take care of it." My husband paid for all his children's college and a few of their graduate schools but doesn't make nearly as much as he used to. He will be looking at retirement in a few years and most of our income is going to come from me…
There are saving bonds for the grandchildren and that is it, at least on our end. I told my stepdaughter that. Things got ugly — she accused me of stealing and hiding the money. When my husband told her, no, he never had plans to pay for college and never told her he would, everything exploded. Many awful things were said and half were directed at me.
It came out that my stepdaughter and one of her brothers never saved a penny for their children's education and are now panicking. They have said they aren't coming over for the holidays because of it and posted an ugly accusation on Facebook…
Part of me wonders if this is my fault and if it could have been avoided. I told the truth to my stepchildren and it has blown up. Should I do anything? Is there anything I could have done?
[Slate]
Dear Prudence rules that the letter writer's stepchildren are being unreasonable. "It would have been better to let your husband handle the conversation with his children about paying for the grandchildren's college, but aside from that, I don't think there's much responsibility you can take for your stepchildren's outburst," she writes. Read the rest of her answer.
Is My Husband Right To Be Livid That I Posted Some Pictures Of A Family Reunion Online?
I participated in a wonderful family celebration, and we took a ton of photos. I took some on my phone, and as per usual, I posted some of them. My husband hit the roof. He was so angry that I had "violated" our family's privacy. I never thought I was doing that. I am proud of my family and happy to share. I use social media all the time. I don't think other family members had the same opinion, but my husband is livid. How do I handle this in the future?
[UExpress]
Harriette Cole deems the husband's anger to be a potential red flag. "His alarm could be out of proportion to your common practice," she writes. However, she goes on, "It is smart for you to ask before posting pictures, even images of your family and friends." Read the rest of her answer.
